Barbie World (Baby Doll Series) (10 page)

I keep my hand out. “Take it.” Barbie glances at Katie, who I am sure is seething, but I keep my eyes on her. “Barbie if you let me, I will make it up to you. I will try my hardest to take away any hurt that I caused. That anyone has ever caused you. I will try with every breath in my body to do nothing except make you smile.” She looks up and I can tell she wants to take my hand. She takes a step back. A step away from me.

“I am sorry. I don’t think we can be friends anymore,” she whispers. She turns and runs back to the car. She is like trying to capture an angel, wild and unpredictable, but heartbreakingly beautiful inside and out. I drop to my knees; the pain too heavy to bear. I fear I have lost her for good this time.

###

The house is dark; everyone is in bed. I cannot sleep so I pace the house until I come to a stop in front of Barbie’s door and rest my forehead against the cool wood. I don’t know what to say to her, but I need to say something. I cannot let things continue the way they are. Maybe it was seeing her with that guy today that triggered it, or maybe it is that I miss her so badly, however I cannot take it anymore. I need to tell her how I feel about her, that I still have feelings for her. That walking around here, acting like I don’t, is not working for me anymore. I need to get her back, but I am scared that today I might have lost her for good.

I take a deep breath to center myself. I don’t know how she is going to react to me telling her this. She was pretty upset with how I acted today. I tap lightly on her door. There is no movement. She might be asleep. The right thing for me to do would be to come back when she is a wake, but I cannot wait. I turn the door knob, cracking it slightly. Her room is black with a sliver stream of moonlight pouring in from the picture frame window. Once again, she is gone.

Chapter 10.
Barbie

The club is dark, purple and green lights splash across the packed bodies as they gyrate to the music. I sway back and forth to the music that pulsates from large speakers in the corner of the room. The air is heavy with the smell of perspiration and cigarettes. A mixture of the cigarette smoke and fog from a smoke machine curl around the bodies that are dancing.

Kai is relaxed on stage with the guitar strapped to his shoulder as he goes into the next song with the band that brings the audiences life from the first note. Being on stage comes naturally to him. If he is nervous, he is a master at showing no fear. It is like he is playing with the band in the garage and not in front of a hundred or so people in a packed club. His eyes linger on me as he strums the first note of a song, signaling the beginning of a new set to be played. Kai tosses his dark hair out of his eyes and brings the microphone to his lips. A deep, raspy sound escapes from him as he sings a song about a new found love. I close my eyes and let the beat take me to another place. A place where Dylan and I can be together. A place less complicated…

You came to me when I was not looking for love.

But you found me any way

And I knew

That you

Would be

My one and only true love.

My last love,

I want you more than anyone.

I want you.

I want you…

The song ends and the audience erupts into applause. I open my eyes to see Kai looking down at me. He mouths something I am unsure of, so I give him a flirty smile and wink. He smiles and leads the band into the next song.

Chapter 11.
Dylan

We drive up and down Main Street looking for a parking spot, eventually finding one down by the river.

“Shit it is packed here. Are you sure you want to come down here?” I complain.

“Yes, Kiki’s favorite band is playing down here and I promised we would come.” Katie slips her hand in mine and we start our long journey up the hill to downtown Phenix City. It is the historical part of town filled with old buildings, which means that, like all things old and historical in the south, it’s littered with civil war monuments.

“What is this place called?”

She shuts one eye, thinking. “I think it is called The Black Hole.”
Great
!

I sigh through my nose, not wanting to spend another evening with Katie’s annoying friends in a place that sounds like we will all contract a disease. “And which one is Kiki?” I kick can out of my way.

“Dylan!” She pushes me playfully. She honestly thinks I am kidding, so I leave it alone.

I have been in a bad mood since trying to talk to Barbie. I have a feeling I know she snuck out to see that tool. If she can go out, well then, so can I.

I am not going to just sit around at home and pout over her.
No, I will go out and pout about her in public
. You know what they say, misery loves company.

After forking over forty bucks to get in a place that looks like it should be condemned. We walk into a pitch black room with loud rock music coming from shirtless sweaty guys on stage. The only lights in the place come from the ones that are spinning off the ceiling. The tempo of the music changes from screaming to one that doesn’t make me want to beat my head against a door. One of the guys from the band sings into the microphone; he’s not that bad, not the kind of music I usually listen to but at least it isn’t that pop crap Katie likes to listens to or head banger music.
Actually they sound like something Barbie would listen to. After a few minutes I offer to go get Katie a drink. I bop my head to the beat as I go to get Katie and her friend Diet Cokes from the bar. The song has lyrics I wish I could say to Barbie.

“
You came to me when I was not looking for love
…”

I hand Katie and her friend Kiki their drinks.

“Do you like them?” Kiki shouts over the music. I do know Kiki, he used to sit at the loser table with us when we were in middle school, then he went by a different name, Chris. He stayed at our table for a few months until he realized he didn’t care what others thought of him, came out to the whole school, and quickly became noticeable to the popular kids.

“Yeah, they’re not that bad,” I holler back. “Let’s try to get closer.” I motion towards the stage. We are blocked by a wall of bodies, most of them are girls so I don’t mind squeezing between them, but Katie has other plans.

“Look, we can get a better view up there.” She points to a set of stairs that only has a few people standing on them.

“Okay.” I follow her and Kiki to the back of the club and scan the horde of people.

“
And I knew…”
the singer screams into the mic.

This is the first time I have ever been to a club. I thought I would be uncomfortable, but after last year, the shock value has worn off on me. There is small moshpit that has formed in the middle of the dance floor by the few guys that stand in the audience and for some reason I think that Third would enjoy himself in that mess.

“
That you. Would be
…”

I bob my head to the music.

I wish now I had invited him, despite Katie not being fond of him. She thinks he is immature and I think he grosses her out a little. As I watch the crowd, I see group of girls that cannot be older than fourteen who are performing a very uncomfortable strip tease. I find myself less shocked by the odd things that go against the norm. I think Barbie would like this place. “
My one and only true love
…”A girl jumps on stage, grabbing a hold of the lead singer who seems unfazed as his eyes are locked on… Barbie.

She sways to the music. “
My last love
.” He sings to her, to my girl. “
I want you more than anyone.”
I now realize that the lead singer is the guy she was with the other day. “
I want you. I want you
…” God, he sucks. I can’t believe that I actually thought he sounded good. I can now hear the pitchy-ness to his voice. Anger rises inside of me ready to explode at any moment. The D-bag finishes his crapy song, and reaches a hand to her. She backs away from the stage, and I keep my eyes protectively on her. she begins to swim through the sea of tightly packed bodies. A guy from the mosh-pit slams into her. I take a step forward, ready to fly through the crowd and pummel the shit out of the guy, but she shoves the guy back and continues her journey.
That is my girl
. I follow the glow that radiates off her, the glow that separates her from the other girls in this place. She ducks her head under a guy who reaches out for her and vanishes down a hallway. I race down the stairs, ignoring Katie’s protests. I need to find her. I race down the dirty hall, she is gone. I push past people desperately to find her. My heart feels like it is going to pound out of my chest, and the walls close in on me, and then I see a glimpse of her bleach blonde hair, with the pink strip that hangs down her face. Everything seems right again, it is only her and me could be anywhere, it doesn’t matter as long as I am with her.

She steps out of the bathroom and I grab her from behind. “What the-” She bawls up her fist and is about to hit me. When she sees it is me, her hands drop to her side. She doesn’t say anything and neither do I as I back her up against the dirty, graffiti covered wall. She is stunning in a white tank top and a pair of shorts with white lace pockets that stick out of the bottom of them. She wears her notorious black combat boots that I find incredibly sexy.

I trail my hand down her arm and she shivers leaning in against me. “Katie is probably looking for you,” she says.

“Probably,” I say, stepping in closer to her. I want to be as close to her as physically possible.

“You should go and find her.” She doesn’t mean it because her voice has huskiness to it that was not there before. I brush my hand down her arm, and her eyes flutter shut. I continue to trail a slow path up and down her arms, making small, invisible designs that I tattoo on her with my fingers. I lean in to her neck smelling the sweet perfume that is only her.

“I should.” I say into her hair. I have no plan on moving what so ever. “We shouldn’t,” she whispers. She most probably has a million reasons why we shouldn’t be together like this that are running through her head right now. I know I do, but not a single one lands and takes root. Those thoughts suck anyway.

I decide to go with my gut intuition with her and act. I cannot let things linger too long between us or else, she might bolt. I just want to feel her lips on mine. It is selfish of me but I want to conquer her, to keep her rooted to the floor and here with me. My body craves everything about her. I push stray pieces of hair off her sweaty forehead. She looks freaking hot.

“I am going to kiss you,” I say before I lean in to her. She makes no attempt to move, her body relaxing more into me.

I take my time, slowly and deliberately, taking in the feeling of her soft lips on mine. How did a guy like me get a girl like her to want to kiss me? If it has anything to do with these fireworks that are going off inside my chest, I hope they never stop. She pushes up on her toes, wrapping her arms around my neck and I pull her closer. She kisses me fast and equally as desperate. I want to hold onto this moment forever. Just her and me.

She pulls away and kisses me on my lips once more before disappearing into the dark without a word.

I stay leaned up against the wall, a little zone of safety. An impenetrable bubble. I can still smell her sweet skin on my shirt. I pull my shirt up to my nose and inhale deeply.

“There you are, I have been looking everywhere for you. Why did you run off like that?” Katie question.

I look up at her, my throat burning. Oh, holy shit, I need to get a handle on myself because I feel like I am losing my dang mind. Did that just really happen or did I imagine the whole scenario?

Chapter 12.
Barbie

I make my way back to the stage. My legs are shaking so bad I can barely walk. Kai is unplugging himself from the speakers; he sets down his guitar and jumps down off the stage when he sees me coming. A group of girls stop, intercepting him before he can reach me. They surround him, making a fence of hot girls. He smiles politely at them, nodding to their swoons over him. He signs a few things and even poses for a couple of pictures. I like watching him in his element. Is this what it would be like to be with him? Band rehearsals, watching him play at nights in local clubs. Making out with boys be
hind his back while he plays.
I shake my head, ridding the thought from my mind. And how does Everett fit in? Kai hasn’t even met him yet.

He poses one last time before excusing himself and heading towards me. One of the girls shoots me a dirty look and I resist the urge to wiggle my fingers in a wave at her. Instead, I just smile at Kai.

“You sounded amazing.” I say as he sits down next to me on a bar stool and leans it towards me. “Yeah, well, you look amazing. I have a new muse.” He says as he takes me in. I feel the lingering flush on my skin, heat. Not from him. “Come dance with me.” He holds out his long fingers and I carefully slip my hand into his long cool fingers.

We sway together in unison and I try to forget about Dylan. I lean my head on Kai’s shoulder trying to squeezing Dylan from my thoughts. Why did he have to kiss me? Why did I let him? Dylan unwinds me leaving me open. Feeling desperate to feel eve
rything the world has to offer.
Stop.
I can’t think like that, thoughts like that are dangerous He almost makes me forget about the storm brewing inside me. Dylan consists of all the elements that go into creating the perfect storm. I am desperate to forget him.

“I have a better idea. Let’s get out of here, just me and you.” I reach up and finger a lock of his black hair.

“I think it is about time you gave me a tour of that back room.” I give him a knowing smile.

Before I can make a another peep he grabs my hand and leads me off the dance floor to a back room that says “Band” spray painted on the door in red graffiti letters.

“Out,” he commands Aiden, who is sprawled out on a ripped leather couch. He is still shirtless and he’s playing his drum sticks on his knee.

“But…” he protests.

“Now.” Kai shows him the door.

“Fine, but that is really uncool, man.” Aiden slinks by me pouting. “There is a code you know, bro’s before…” I cock my brow waiting for that last word. “Girls,” He says. Kai slams the door shut in his face.

The door has only just shut before I rocket myself into Kai’s arms, pushing him backwards. We slam hard into the wall, but don’t lose a moment in the desperation. I grip at his long-sleeved, grey shirt, pulling it over his head. He yanks at the bottom of my tank top and I help him pull it off. I should take a moment to relish in the beauty that Kai is, because the boy is beautiful in a dark, tortured way. Maybe that is what attracts me to him; we both have the F-you attitude towards the world around us. I don’t know why Kai is tortured. I don’t know a freaking thing about him and I don’t care at this moment. I only need him to do this one thing for me, to be the calm amongst the storm and erase the pictures of Dylan from my mind. I run my hand up and the back down the ripple of his hard stomach He captures my mouth in his, pushing my lips apart his tongue slips deep into my mouth. His hands roam freely over my black lace bra sending tiny sparks of pleasure trough my core. Somewhere in the back of my mind the night in the truck resurfaces. I push my mouth harder against Kai’s until our teeth clatter together. Desperate to erase Dylan.

Kai has kissed me before, mostly just small stolen kisses. This time it is different for him. There is a heat and passion behind his kisses, a need and a void that he is hoping I will fill for him; however I know that I won’t. He picks me up wrapping my legs around his hips, he moves us to the couch and he flops down and his hands once again begin their exploration. We are both messed up in the head, this is a perfect combination. This time I am relieved there are no fireworks going off inside me. That familiar numb feeling I had lost, starts to surface. God, yes. This is what I need; to feel nothing at all. Just to be lost in the motions of the actions, not the feelings. For a moment, everyone I hurt for leaves my mind. And the one I want to forget becomes just a blur.

Kai flips me so I lie next to him. He starts to unzip my shorts and I lift up letting them slide down my legs. I know if I do this it will take me to the point of complete numbness. He rubs small circles on the top of my panties.
Wait
… my head clouds over with the pure bliss of numbness as his hand slips under my panties and finds the wet between my legs.

Wait.

Bliss.

Numb.

Wait.

Bliss.

Numb.

Dylan.

Wait.

Dylan.

Oh my god
. The weight of Kai crushes down on me, and I can feel how bad he wants this between my legs. He pushes against me, only the thin fabric of my panties and his jeans separating us.
This is what I wanted him to do for me. I can do this.
I squeeze my eyes shut. The tingle of numbness grows between my legs. I always thought this is how it would happen, some guy I barely know in the back of a seedy bar…but that was before Dylan, before I knew what being exposed really felt like. He begins to remove them slowly down my thighs. Dylan’s face breaks through the haze in my mind, and I feel like I am going to be sick.

“Wait,” I think I say out loud this time. “Wait,” I say again with more conviction. Kai stills, looking down at me. “I am a virgin,” I blurt.

His brows furrow. “But… I.” He sits up.

“I am sorry,” I apologize as I pull my shorts back up. Why am I sorry? Because I am a virgin? Or because I am using him? Or because I am only willing to give that gift to one person? “I’m not ready, yet.”

He takes a deep, centering breath. “That’s cool. I just thought… that…” he stutters.

“That I sleep around?” I ask, not mad at all because that is what most people think of me.

“No. Yes. No. I just didn’t take you for a virgin; you are so… aggressive.”

I laugh. “Aggressive?” I have been called a lot of names-slut, whore, easy, but aggressive? That is a first.

“Not in a bad way. I like it. I’m sorry,” he apologizes again. “I’m just surprised. I’ll take you home.” He hands me my shorts fro off the floor. I have never done a walk of shame, but I feel an unfamiliar burn on my cheeks as I leave the room with Kai. I get an evil look from a girl who is lurking by the band door, she mumbles “slut” as we pass. she is right. I am no better than the words that I am called.

“Don’t listen to her. She has been prowling around the band since we started. She is just mad because I wouldn’t sleep with her when she tried,” Kai says. A twinge of jealousy flairs inside me, but I have no right. I really don’t want to be with him. Didn’t I just confirm that? I just want to use him. He can sleep with anyone he wants to.

###

The next morning my head pounds from last night’s music and smoke… And what almost happened. I pour myself a glass of orange juice. The house is quiet; Mr. and Mrs. Knight are at work and Evie and Emmy went to Grandpa Knights for the day. I tried calling Roxie, but Third and she are going to “talk” so I am alone to my own devices. Maybe I will eat that tube of chocolate chip cookies that I have been eyeballing. Chocolate has a way of erasing the memories of bad decisions. Hell, I might not even change my clothes or brush my hair or teeth. What would those boys think of me then? they sure wouldn’t want to kiss me anymore. I smile, feeling a little better in my full rebellion mode.

I pull the tube out of the fridge and begin the task of preparing the cookies feeling like I am some sort of Martha Stuart. I smile to myself as I scoop out spoonfuls of cookie dough. Each one loosening the knot in my stomach. One for the pan, one for me. One for the pan, two for me. I soon find a rhythm, even doing a little dance while I scoop. Scoop, scoop, shake, shake-

“What are you doing?”

I let out a squeal, dropping the tube. Spinning around, I see Dylan standing behind me in a pair of black sweat pants with no shirt, of course. The boy has developed a shirt phobia lately. He is so doing that on purpose, but I am immune to his shirtless chest or the deep lines that travel across the planes of his stomach. A map I want to explore. No, I don’t want to go down that road again. They do not affect me the slightest bit. I don’t have to curl my toes in until I get a cramp because they make heat spread down my legs to my toes and I am not trying to keep that feeling for as long as possible. No.

His pale, well-defined abs shine against the afternoon sun that sneaks into the kitchen. His brows are raised and he wears a stupid crooked grin on his face. I have the urge to punch him. Or kiss him. No! No, I want to slap him. Yeah, he will not be smiling if I smack it off his face.

“Humph. Making cookies.” I turn back to my attempt at baking and finish scooping them out.

“It looks like you are doing more eating than baking.” He steps in behind me so closely that his chest is pressed against my back, making me suck in a deep breath. The heat from his closeness dances off the back of my legs. He lingers. He must know that he is driving me crazy. He then takes his finger, sticking it in the tube I hold and scoops out some. “Tasty,” he breathes into my ear, sending chills down my spine. My heart aches. I want to turn around and fling myself in his arms. God. He is making me so insane one moment that I hate him, the next, I want to jump his bones and suck his face off. I need to get a grip on things. If he wants to play, I will play, two can play this game, and I am a master at it.