becoming us (2 page)

“Do you want... lemme get you a Band-Aid, dude. Toilet paper’s not going to last long.” Zac looked Bryce over, the way his expression was tense and his shoulders were all tight, and frowned. “Maybe some of that stuff Kaede’s mom sends, too, the antibiotic cream with the painkillers in it.”

“I’m fine, okay?” Bryce gave Zac a pitiful look. “Just go have fun. Please? That’ll make me feel better. I’ll raid Kaede’s first aid kit when this stops bleeding enough for me to...” There was a thunderous hammering on the door.

“Hey! Other people have to piss, too,” someone outside bellowed.

Bryce grabbed the hand towel since Zac wasn’t giving him anything. “Use the bushes,” he yelled back, but Zac could tell his heart wasn’t really in it. “Go back to the party. I’ll go upstairs,” he said to Zac. “I should just... study or something.”

Becoming Us - 7

“Sure.” It was weeks until they had anything worth studying for. Zac handed over the roll of toilet paper and opened up the bathroom door to get Bryce his shoes. He gave Bryce another long look, and said, “Come find me if you want to talk or something, okay? Or hang out and play video games or whatever.”

Bryce didn’t get a chance to answer before some guy from the crew team shouldered past Zac, unzipped, and started taking a piss. “Christ,” the guy said. “Don’t you guys have your own bedrooms if you want to get into it?”

Bryce snarled, straightened, popped the guy in the back of the head, and then slid past Zac, leaving a single trail of wet, slightly bloody footprints on his way to the stairs.

Zac sighed. He wasn’t really in the mood to party anymore, so he just followed Bryce up the stairs and stopped in the doorway when Bryce went into his room. “Hey, Bryce...” He rubbed his toes against the back of his other leg, and then shifted nervously. He hadn’t meant to piss Bryce off, saying what he had about Perry.

Bryce grabbed the towel from the back of his chair, threw it on his bed, and then collapsed onto the bed with his foot on the towel. “Look, I’m sorry,” he said, tucking one arm under his head and staring at the ceiling before looking at Zac. “Just. Better mood tomorrow. New day and all that shit, okay, man? Back to the old Bryce.”

“Sure.” Zac rubbed the back of his leg with his toes again, then shrugged a little and turned away. Maybe whatever it was would be better tomorrow. He closed Bryce’s door behind him and headed back to his own bedroom.

He felt like shit. It was going to be a crappy senior year if this was any indication. Stripping, he threw his clothes into a corner, pulled on pajama pants that smelled reasonably clean, and then collapsed into bed. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. After all these years, it was supposed to be easy between them.

***

The last of the partiers had passed out or been kicked out and Bryce was lying in the dark, staring at the ceiling, feeling his foot throb. The foot wasn’t what bothered him, though. He’d been a total jerk. That was just wrong. He was mad at Zac, too, though. How could you be mad at someone and still miss them? How could you miss them when they were right there, next door?

He got up to piss and brush his teeth, and then showered because he was feeling skanky. The shower didn’t make him less drunk, but he felt better. On his way back to his room, towel around his waist, clothes in hand, he stopped to tap lightly on Zac’s door. He waited a heartbeat, and then nudged the door open enough to lean in. Maybe he could say he was sorry. There was no way he could sleep after being crappy to Zac.

“You asleep?” He tried to be quiet enough that if Zac was sleeping, Bryce wouldn’t wake him.

Becoming Us - 8

Zac rolled over in bed to face the door. “Nah,” he mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face and shaved head. “‘S up?”

“Can’t sleep.” Bryce shut the door behind him, and then limped over to Zac’s bed. After a moment’s hesitation, he sat down, his clothes in his lap. “Sorry I was an asshole tonight,” he said quietly. He felt stupid, and that in turn made him miserable.

“S’okay, man.” Zac yawned, and nudged Bryce’s thigh with the back of his hand. “Wasn’t exactly Mr. Congeniality myself. You okay?”

Bryce sighed and slumped down with his head at Zac’s feet. “I just don’t want to talk about it, okay? I’m trying to be Happy Bryce. Honest.”

“C’mere.” Zac smacked Bryce’s leg and then held his hand out, wriggling his fingers. “C’mon.

Head goes at the head of the bed.”

Bryce sighed and took Zac’s hand, turning to lie down beside him. They’d slept in the same bed before. Somehow, it felt like everything would be okay if they just were close to each other for a while. He missed Zac so much.

Promising himself he wouldn’t fall asleep, just stay long enough to hang out a little, Bryce made sure his towel was on properly and kept a grip on the clothes he’d been wearing. It wasn’t like they weren’t used to being naked around each other, but Bryce was grateful that Zac was wearing pajamas. He sighed heavily, trying to relax and resisting the urge to snuggle up to Zac for comfort.

Zac slung an arm over Bryce’s chest and yawned. “Good. Sleep now.” So much for not snuggling. He could stay until Zac fell asleep. Maybe Zac missed having someone to be close to.

Bryce closed his eyes obediently and, soothed by being forgiven, he fell asleep in spite of his best intentions.

***

When Zac woke, the angle of light through his window suggested it was probably late in the morning, if it was still morning at all. He’d expected that, after the late night he’d had, with Bryce and the party and all. Bryce was still there, still sound asleep. Zac
hadn’t
expected that.

Nor had he expected Bryce to be wrapped around him like he was a teddy bear. He hadn’t quite realized, last night, that Bryce was naked except for the towel. The towel was long gone, now.

Zac wasn’t used to waking up with a naked Bryce in his bed, pressed up against him, even if they had shared a room in the dorms and on the road. If it hadn’t been wretchedly uncomfortable, especially with last night’s blow-up, Zac would have been pretty pleased. Bryce didn’t snore, never had, surprisingly enough. He was more relaxed right now than he had been since they’d gotten back to school, his breath slow and hot against Zac’s neck. His sigh sounded happy as he cuddled up, getting his powerful body as close to Zac as possible.

Becoming Us - 9

Zac tried to stay still and quiet. Bryce must have needed the sleep, or Zac figured he’d’ve gotten up and slipped out, so Zac didn’t want to wake him. It felt good to be close to Bryce, too, but Zac made himself not think about that. Not thinking about that at all. Eventually, Zac couldn’t hold back the little yawn or the stretch that came with it.

Bryce woke slowly, with all kinds of snuggling and happy mumbles. Zac was just starting to enjoy having his neck nuzzled when Bryce sat bolt upright with an explosive, “
Fuck
.” Then he was scrabbling for something on the floor and apologizing.

“Shit. Dude. I’m sorry. I just. I mean. Tired. I didn’t mean. Fuck. Zac.”

“Shut up,” Zac managed, mid-yawn. He grabbed at Bryce’s arm, flailing behind himself to get hold of it, then rolled over so he could see Bryce. “Jesus. It’s too damn early for you to be apologizing so damn much.” He yawned again and rubbed his face with his free hand.

“Seriously, dude. As long as you weren’t actually dreaming that I was a stuffed animal, we’re cool.”

Bryce’s hair had dried in a wild halo of curls and his dark eyes were wide, his cheeks flaming.

He looked simultaneously angelic and horrified. “I just. No. Dude. No. Not dreaming anything.” That seemed to just add to his misery. “I should...” He managed to grab his shorts from the floor with his free hand.

“Are we cool?” Zac’s brow furrowed and he frowned, bit his lip. “Bryce. I mean. You don’t have to... I wouldn’t, like... I mean, I’m the same guy I was before, you know? I wouldn’t try anything.” God, it would suck if Bryce really had
issues
because Zac was queer.

Bryce got one foot into his shorts before he sat up again, looking at Zac. “Zac. Dude. Yeah.” His face clouded with worry and he reached out to touch Zac’s cheek in a spontaneous, tender gesture. “I know. It’s okay, man. It’s not you. Seriously. I never even thought... no.” He prodded the furrow in Zac’s brow with his fingertips to make it go away, his own expression sad; God, he just got sweeter with time. “It’s all cool.”

“Then why are we freaking out?” Zac was still worried; he just wasn’t sure about
what
.

“I just. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...” Bryce just gestured vaguely. “Look, you won’t tell Perry about last night, right? I was drunk and stupid.” He leaned over and pulled his shorts on, trying to slither back into them, suddenly shy.

“Bryce...” Zac sat up and wrapped himself around Bryce from behind so he couldn't escape. “I’m not going to say anything to Perry. And you shouldn’t freak out about it, either, whatever’s going on. I mean. If you... Fucking
dead men
would want a piece of that, okay?” Perry was a living, breathing replica of Michelangelo’s
David
, from the curls to the hot body, only Perry was pure gold instead of marble. “It doesn’t have to mean... It wouldn’t be a big deal if you do, okay? It wouldn’t have to mean anything. If you do.”

Becoming Us - 10

“I don’t. That’s... I mean, he’s like my big bro. Or he was. I just... don’t. Okay? Not him.” Surprisingly, Bryce leaned into Zac’s embrace and let Zac hold him, closing his eyes and giving up instead of pushing Zac away and making it worse.

“Okay.” Zac held on, bringing one hand up to stroke through Bryce’s hair. “Okay. Just...

whatever’s going on, whether you want to tell me about it or not... I’m here, okay?”

“I kinda miss you, you know?” Bryce didn’t move as Zac touched him. He sounded lonely, like he had last night.

“I’m sorry, man. I’ve been kinda...” Zac ducked his head down onto Bryce’s shoulder.

“Distracted. Self-absorbed.” After Perry had come out, Zac had felt simultaneously skittish and relieved, caught up in dealing with his own sexuality. He’d let his friendship with Perry overshadow a lot of other things in his life, because it had been such a relief to be able to be
open
about that part of his life with someone.

“It’s okay. I mean, you gotta be with people you can talk to, right?” Bryce reached up to stroke Zac’s smooth scalp. He was breathing like something hurt somewhere, deliberately slow.

“It... Yeah. It helped. Made it easier to get ready to tell other people.” Zac scritched Bryce’s hair, at that. He’d always
wanted
to tell Bryce that some of those one-night stands he’d had weren’t women, but he’d also always been terrified of saying it, like somehow the whole world would come tumbling down around his head if he admitted to being bisexual.

“I know. It’s cool.” Bryce was relaxed now, leaning into Zac’s arms.

Zac wrapped himself around Bryce a little more snugly. He had some ideas about what was going on in Bryce’s head, but he wasn’t sure, not nearly sure enough to actually say anything else, do anything else. He just relaxed against Bryce and held onto him. It felt so good. Bryce was all smooth, bronze warmth and he smelled sweetly masculine. Bryce let himself be cuddled a little while longer, wrapping his arms over Zac’s and holding on in return.

“I better make sure I’m not gonna bleed on the floor,” he said, after a bit. “This stupid cut still hurts like fuck.” He pulled away and did up the button on his shorts, then bent to grab the rest of his stuff.

“Yeah, okay.” Zac let him go and sat there, legs crossed, watching Bryce get his stuff together.

“Get some of that shit Kaede’s mom sent him, okay? The antibiotic whatever that you put on under Band-Aids. Coach’ll kill us all if you bleed all over the pool,” he teased.

“I’m a big boy. I just wish we had some Little Mermaid bandages or something,” Bryce teased back. He got up and limped to the door. “See you later, man.” He managed a decent smile for Zac before he slipped out of the room.

When Bryce was gone, Zac flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
Well. What the
hell?
Maybe things would be better now; they seemed okay together, at least. Less awkward.

Becoming Us - 11

Naked snuggles were definitely less awkward. Zac wanted Bryce to come back, but he told himself that it was just that he’d gone too long without someone to snuggle... or more. Maybe he’d meet somebody new and change all that.

Becoming Us - 12

Chapter Two

Nothing really changed after that, except what had already changed. Bryce dropped the idea of socializing with anyone except the girls he managed to pick up at the gym or the library. It was insane, like suddenly he was giving off some vibe that drew women in, and he just didn’t bother saying no. His phone rang all the time; he played the field and played it hard, and the players came back for more.

No question about whether or not he liked girls -- and they liked him back, a lot. Everything would have been easier if only it made him happy. It didn’t.

The house was empty a lot. Bryce missed Perry and felt awkward around Zac. It
sucked
. Stupidly enough, he was still hurt because it had taken Zac so long to come out to him. It wasn’t any of Bryce’s damn business, so why did he care? Besides. Bryce had better things to do, like getting good grades, getting laid, and getting the fuck out of here. He’d just thought that senior year was going to be more fun than this.

He was sprawled in the living room, watching the sports channel, stuffed with pizza, trying to pretend he didn’t mind hanging out alone, when the phone rang with the Imperial March from
Star Wars
.

His dad was calling, like he usually did, like clockwork. It wasn’t as though they were close; Dad just wanted to keep tabs on Bryce. If he looked away too long, Bryce might go getting his own ideas about things.

Bryce sighed and got up, limping up the stairs as he answered it. He hid away in his room for the conversation, which was worse than usual.

Of course. That damned magazine article. Dad read
Game On
. Bryce hadn’t even thought about it, but of course his father liked to keep track of the college sports news, especially the swimming. It was a big deal that Bryce had made the team; sports were the only damn things he was good at. Josh and Jake and Ethan had all been straight-A students, but none of them had gotten far in sports. Why couldn’t Perry and Zac have kept their mouths shut, kept it private?