becoming us (6 page)

Bryce wondered if the pair he was watching had any idea what they were doing; neither was that good-looking, but when you put them together and they took their clothes off, there was definitely some appeal. As the thought crossed his mind, one tripped and knocked the other over into a couple sucking face on the makeshift dance floor. Squeals rose above the music. That answered his question:
not a clue
.

The instinct to help untangle the mess was stifled by the realization that adding another body to the mix would make things worse. Too bad he hadn’t thought about that before kissing Zac.

Bryce stubbed out the last of his cigarette in the ashtray on the end table and lit another.

He was trying not to think about things with Zac. Last year had been almost as bad as being home, with an undercurrent of tension and secrecy that had made Bryce feel like he was the odd man out in his one safe place. It had hurt worse than he could ever let on to Zac. Now, he really needed to talk to someone about how he’d gotten off with his best friend and how much he loved sleeping in the same bed and... He had to stop thinking before he freaked out.

Calm down
. On some level, Bryce realized that he’d always known that there was something going on between Zac and Perry. He was jealous, yeah, but not for the reasons they’d think, which was why he couldn’t say anything to Zac about it, not then and not now. He was happy for his friends, that they got to be themselves and be together. It just hurt to know they were going somewhere he couldn’t follow.

Or, he’d thought he couldn’t. Now he didn’t know where he was or how to get back or if he wanted to get back or...

“Hey, sugarbear.” Someone leaned over the back of the chair to kiss the top of his head. “Trade you beer for a cigarette.”

Bryce looked up to see his ex -- the only ex he was ever happy to see -- grinning down at him.

“Rach!” He offered up the cigarette. “Trade?”

“Yep!” Rachel whisked around and took the cigarette at the same time as she plunked herself in his lap. She must have been a few drinks in because she only smoked when she’d been drinking.

She never drank beer, either. Somewhere in this house, someone was making Long Island Iced Tea. “Here.” She made her cute little icky-face and handed over the bottle.

Becoming Us - 29

Bryce put the empty under the chair where it wouldn’t get broken and took the fresh one, still dripping ice from the cooler. Yummy beer. Yummy Rachel, too. She was dressed in a faded rugby shirt he was sure had been his at some point, but he wasn’t going to argue about it since they’d broken up more than a year and a half ago, a short skirt, and striped socks that came up over her knees. Somehow -- and he was not going to think about the reasoning -- her sneakers had high heels. Girls would put heels on anything. She flicked him in the face with her ponytail and then snuggled up to his chest with her head on his shoulder.

It was probably the beer, or the fact that he’d been thinking about Zac, but Bryce was slow on the uptake. It was Rachel’s second dramatically mournful sigh that made him remember that she was his ex-girlfriend because she’d dumped him for a guy in the year ahead of them and had been with the guy ever since. Matt. Bryce and Rach had stayed friends, but not like this. Good friends still did not sit in his lap and wiggle their asses. Well, unless they were
really
good friends. Now he wasn’t sure if Zac had ever...
stop it, Bryce
.

Rachel. He could talk to Rachel. Maybe. Getting snuggled by a leggy blonde like Rachel wasn’t cheering him up. Christ, maybe he had broken his brain or whatever it was that made someone want people. Girls. Rachel sighed again, this time with smoke going straight up into Bryce’s face. Or he could just distract himself with whatever was eating Rach.

“What’s up, kittenface?” They’d started calling each other stupid names long before they’d been dating. Sarah, the girl Bryce had dated before Rachel, had been unbearable about calling him pet names. That had ultimately been the deathknell for that relationship, but it had given Bryce and Rachel something to bond over.

“Matt. He’s having second thoughts.” Rachel leaned back against the arm of the chair so she could see him. He could hear her better this way, over the music.

“Second... why?” They’d seemed like they were made for each other. Two people going in the same direction by different routes, but it had seemed to work for them. Matt was a stolid, serious kind of guy, kind of on the churchy side, and Rach was anything but, but he seemed good for her and she seemed good for him. Seemed. Showed how much Bryce knew about people. He couldn’t even figure himself out. Worrying about Rachel was a good idea.

“He says he wants me to experience life or something like that.” Rachel took a drag from the cigarette and tilted her head back to blow smoke at the ceiling. “Says he thinks I need to live more and get stuff out of my system before I settle down. I’m obviously not ready yet.”

“Since when does that mean second thoughts?” Bryce couldn’t imagine that. “Isn’t living more something you should do together? Being together isn’t ‘settling down.’”

“That’s what I said. You know how he went on that home-building trip to Guatemala this summer?” Rachel’s big blue eyes got teary, and she blinked until droplets clung to her painted lashes. “He hardly wrote me all summer. I wish I’d gone, even though there was all that mud and bugs. And then he came back and called and...” She shrugged.

Becoming Us - 30

“And?”

“He says he doesn’t want to be going out with me anymore,” Rachel said, all in a rush. “That he had a lot of time to think while he was away and he saw things and he realized that I’m just not mature enough for him and he doesn’t think that being with him is helping me grow up.”

“He strung you along all summer and then he dumped you?” Bryce always had wanted to punch the guy in his all-American, church-going face. The thumping dance music and flashing lights that turned the big room into a night club put him on edge, made him feel like fighting when his mood swung.

“Maybe he thought I wouldn’t notice. I mean, I’m kind of an airhead and I should be more serious, right?” She looked at the cigarette she was waving around and leaned over to put it out in the ashtray. Tears were trickling down her cheeks now, but she pushed Bryce’s hand away when he went to brush them off. “What’s a whole fucking summer of waiting to someone too dumb to tell time? I thought he loved me.”

“Aww, muffinhead.” Bryce batted her hand away at last and wiped ineffectually at her tears.

“Sometimes people aren’t who we thought they were. Or maybe we aren’t who they thought we were.”

“I just... I wasted all this time,” she sniffled. “I thought he was the one.”

“You didn’t think I was the one?” Bryce snuggled her up, laughing a little at her. He could smell her sweet perfume this close, instead of the air that was heavy with sweat and smoke in spite of the open windows.

“God, no.” Rachel slapped at his chest, laughing through her tears. “You’re a nice guy, Bryce, but you’re a player.”

“I was always faithful,” Bryce protested.

“Reluctantly.” Rachel sighed and let her head fall on his shoulder.

“Never.” Maybe a little, but that had been nearly two years ago. “I’m sorry, bunnymuffin.”

“I just feel... I feel like I don’t know how to do this anymore. I only came to this party because you’re here.”

“You came to see me?” Bryce was genuinely surprised at that.

“You always make me feel better.” Rachel’s fingers drifted down the side of his neck and she leaned up to press a kiss under his jaw. “Always, lambcake.”
Becoming Us - 31

Oh.
Bryce put his beer down beside the ashtray and wrapped both arms around her. Rachel felt good against him, curvy and soft and feminine. She wriggled in his lap again and, this time, Bryce felt the rush of
want
that made him want to growl.

“I’m sorry about Matt,” he made himself say instead. He didn’t want to jump into something just because he wanted to prove to himself that he still liked women, that the thing with Zac was a one-time thing. What happened to not thinking about Zac, already?

“I don’t want to be sorry about Matt.” Rachel shifted and wiggled until she was kneeling over his lap, facing at him. Her skirt rode up her thighs so high that when Bryce glanced down, he could see a flash of lace. In the flaring lights from the party set-up, she looked like an oil painting, dark shadows and glossy highlights. “I don’t want to talk about him. I want to talk about you.” Biting her lower lip, she looked at him from under her lashes.

“What do you want to know?” She’d moved and his hands were on her hips now; when she wriggled a little closer, they slipped down to brush bare skin.

Rachel leaned in so he could hear her and he could see the heat in her eyes. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“No.” The word jumped out almost too fast. No. Not seeing anyone. Not at all. Definitely not Zac. Whatever it was, it had been once, and it had been good, and Bryce was really lucky Zac was his friend, but it couldn’t happen again. “Just... a friend here and there,” he added, because honesty wouldn’t let him say otherwise. Zac aside, he hadn't exactly been a hermit lately. “You know how it is.”

“We’re friends.” Bryce felt the words on his lips more than he heard them, right before her lips brushed his. “Right, snugglebear?”

“Yeah.” Bryce had no idea what his hands thought they were doing, but his fingers were brushing lace and soft skin. Rachel’s hands slid into his hair and then she kissed him for real this time, a kiss that went right down his spine to his dick and made him groan.

It was weird, how her kisses were so aggressive and Zac’s had been so gentle and patient, waiting for Bryce to ask for more. At least at first, and...
Not going there.
Not that Bryce didn’t love aggressive. He let his head fall back on the cushion behind him and Rachel followed him without hesitation. Her hands were tight in his hair, tilting his head back as she kissed him like she was trying to drive him into doing it right there.

Bryce gave into her, giving her all the kisses she wanted, one hand on her ass and the other up her shirt and under her bra before he had time to remind himself it wasn’t appropriate to do this here, even if there was a couple practically fucking over on the couch. Appropriate somewhere else, yes.
She needs it
, he told himself. They were still good friends. What else were friends for?

“C’mon.” Rachel bit his lip with a little moan, then pulled back. “Suzie said I could use her room.”

Becoming Us - 32

“You asked...” Bryce blinked through the testosterone haze to try and parse that.

Busted. Rachel gave him a wide-eyed look. “I just... I knew...”

“I’m that easy?” Okay, so maybe he was. Christ, he and Zac... and why did he keep thinking of Zac when he had one hand full of a really, really nice breast and the other full of a very pretty ass? Hell, he even knew how hot both bits were in person.

“That you wouldn’t say no to a friend in need.” Rachel grabbed his collar and pulled him in for another kiss.

That sounded better. Not thinking about Zac. “Did you...” Bryce had really not counted on getting laid tonight, not...
laid
. Maybe making out, hands, mouths... not fucking. He was without any kind of necessary protection. He hadn’t been planning on anything serious while he was still trying to work things out about...
no, no, no
.

“I’m growing up,” Rachel said loftily. “I got some stuff from Becky when I saw you were here.

Come on, Bry.” She slipped out of his grasp. “Remind me why I’m sorry we broke up.” She smoothed her skirt down as she waltzed away, but not before he caught a glimpse of the twin, pearly curves of her asscheeks. God, she and -- not thinking of him -- couldn’t have been more different.

Bryce got to the landing before Rachel turned and leapt into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and kissing him again. Yes, still liking girls. Bryce got one arm around her hips and used the other to steady himself on the wall as he made it up the last six steps. This would put everything right, he promised himself.

Afterward, Bryce stared into the pink-tinted shadows thrown by Suzie’s lava lamp, wondering if he should get up and dress now, or wait until Rachel got back from the bathroom and see if she wanted anything else. He felt strange. Detached. Fucking was something he only did with a handful of people; Rach was one of them. It wasn’t any different now than last time he’d been with her, except that according to her he was even better than before, which was kind of nice, because he did try. He just tried to get it right.

“Hey, lollipop.” Rachel slipped back into the room; this time she
was
wearing his shirt, the one he’d shown up wearing. “Mm. Lollipop.” She crawled up over him and he had to laugh at her.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah.” She flopped down in his arms and nuzzled his chest. “I just... being dumped fucking sucks.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Bryce said dryly. He’d been miserable after she dumped him. Zac had been there for him, though, alternately comforting him and kicking his ass. The memory made him smile.

Becoming Us - 33

“Shut up.” Rachel bit him vindictively for that; her sharp white teeth clamped on one of his nipples and made him yelp.

“Hey!” As soon as her teeth were off him, Bryce slapped her ass. “I was trying to be nice to you.”

“I know.” She snuggled him again. “And, yes, I feel better.”

“Good. You’re gonna be okay, sugarcube.” Bryce kissed her damp hair. The ponytail was long gone and her blonde hair was hanging in straggly elf-locks.

“I know. Do you think...” Rachel wiggled around until she was lying on her back, her head on his shoulder. “I really like him, Bryce. I mean, a lot. Do you think it’s dumb for me to try and get him back?”

Bryce sighed. Damn it, it wasn’t like he had any clue. He was still working on what body parts he liked. At least now he had proof that the world hadn’t ended and nothing bad had happened after what he and Zac had done. “It’s not
dumb
, honey.”