Being There (7 page)

“Even if he did, which he doesn’t, what would it matter? I’m with you, asshole.”

“Why are you with me? I mean, you won’t
be
with me, so what are we doing? I feel like a fuckin’ place holder, something to fill the void until you and Drew are ready!” When he looked at me, the loathing on his face was apparent.

“Nothing, Rhen.” I said as I headed to toward his door. “We are obviously doing nothing. Ever.” I slammed the door behind me and headed to the living room, only to see Drew walking through the front door alone, unhappy. He said hi to a few people before turning around to go back outside. I knew the chances of me being stuck at Rhen’s were high unless I begged Drew to take me home. I stepped onto the patio to see Drew sitting alone in the middle of the swing that hung from the ceiling. He barely looked up when I walked over to him. “Hey,” I said plainly, “scoot.”

He numbly moved over, giving me space on the other side of the swing but still didn’t say a word.

“Everything okay?” I asked looking at him with curiosity. I knew something was up, and I also knew that I’m the one who stirred the hornet’s nest. I felt like a complete asshole. I was no better than Kara.

“Yea, it’s fine,” he answered still not giving more away.

“Jeez Drew, you look like shit and you never keep anything from me, so what’s going on?”

He shifted his position on the swing, giving himself even more space, clearly sending me a message that he didn’t want me around. But he knew better, I wasn’t going anywhere, so I made myself comfortable, leaning against the seat of the swing.

“Nothing, okay?” He stunned me with the anger in his tone. “Look, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to yell at you; I’m just having a shitty night.”

“That makes two of us,” I said as leaned over and put my head on his shoulder. That time, he didn’t move away. “Where’d Sage go?”

“We had a fight and she dumped me.” He stated curtly, not wanting to go into the details of the fight.

I just nodded, “Guess it’s a full moon or something. Rhen was being an ass and hugging up on Kara and I got pissed. I’m not even mad at her, it’s not like she knows the shit he’s been saying to me lately.” I knew I said too much because I felt his entire body stiffen at the mention of Rhen being a dick. I quickly jumped to diffuse the situation because my
hero
would try to save me from something he had no clue about if I didn’t stop him.

“It’s okay Drew, I’ve taken care of it,” I said in a calm tone, trying to cool him down. It wasn’t like he could do anything to Rhen anyway because I’d never tolerate it.

“Taken care of what, exactly?” He asked as he turned to face me for the first time since I came out.

I exhaled a breath and rolled my eyes because I knew the only way to get him to back off would be to tell him everything. “It’s no big deal, he’s just been pressuring me a lot lately.” He just raised his eyebrows silently asking for clarification, “Yeah, sex. I’m just not there with him yet and I’ve been up front with him from the beginning. Anyway, he’s gotten really impatient and I’m just getting pissed off. Then when I walked in earlier, he was hugging on and flirting with Kara. Then the asshole tried to take me to his bedroom just before giving me shit about my relationship with you.” I turned to face him again before continuing, “Drew?” I paused for a second, “am I a tease?”

“Why would you ask that?” he asked concerned.

“It’s just that, Rhen says everyone thinks I act one way in public, but it is nothing like how I am when it’s just the two of us.” I don’t usually care what people think, but the way he said it, implied that it’s been the topic of discussion amongst many people.

“Cass, ‘Who gives a fuck what people think about you,’ isn’t that what you remind me when you hear the shit people say about me?” he asked, using my words against me. “You are not a tease. I mean, not that I would know, but what I do know is that you never pretend to be anything you’re not, and you don’t do anything you don’t want to do. He wants a piece of ass and you need to figure out what it is that
you
want, and go from there.” There was nothing I could say, because he made sense. There was going to be nothing between Rhen and me, because I left that relationship behind when I shut the door behind me.

“You know,” I said, sounding conspiratorial, “we should give them something to be pissed about.” I said with a laugh, but the way that Drew looked at me was something I hadn’t seen since the night of the Gala almost two years ago. I knew then that there might have been a grain of truth to what Rhen said in his room. I needed to lighten the mood so I did my usual.

“I love you, Drew. You’re the best,” I said dramatically before throwing my arms around his neck to hug him; only this time, he held me a little longer and a little closer that he normally would.

After my lunch with Nev, I spent the remainder of my workday trying to catch up on the stuff I neglected yesterday, and trying to get ahead for the weekend. I knew that she would give me hell if I even thought of bringing a manuscript with me, so I was making damn sure I got everything finished, or as close to finished as possible. Three hours later, I think I have a better handle on everything and maybe if I work on the rest at home tonight, I’ll be all set for a relaxing weekend.

“Have a nice weekend,” My boss says as he passes my office.

“Mr. Marx, can I speak with you for a second?”

“Can this wait? My wife is expecting me to actually attend my son’s game tonight,” he responds as he reluctantly takes a seat.

“I’m sorry, I’ll make it fast,” I assure him. I don’t want to drag it out anyway. “As you know I’m leaving tomorrow for a vacation, and then I’ll be back to work on Tuesday. But, I’m going to be taking some sick days because things are not well.”

He looks concerned as he sits up, “Is everything okay?” Just asking the question has tears forming, again.

I
really
need to get a handle on the emotions that don’t want to stay contained within me.

“I just found out that I have breast cancer and I start treatments next week,” I sob before telling him what my doctor shared. When I’m done, he looks to be at a loss for words, and that’s just fine because there isn’t anything he could say to make it any better or worse anyway.

Scratch that.
His next question leaves me in a puddle of my own tears.
“Is someone going to be taking you to your appointments?”

As much as I know my parent’s want to be there for me, they are much too emotional, but there’s no way I would keep them away. The brief conversation leaves me with so many things to think about, but I just push it away and pretend it doesn’t exist…at least for this weekend.

When I finally arrive back to the safe confines of my condo, I head to my room to pack everything for tomorrow when my phone chimes. I look and see that I have a text, but I have no idea who it is until I open to read the message.

Drew: So I guess u didn’t change ur mind?

Me: Who is this?

Drew: D

Me: How did u get my number?

Drew: I have my ways

A
strange chill runs down my spine. Regardless of everything that’s happened between us, I’ve never been afraid of Drew, but something about that text had me alarmed.

Drew: You have it listed on FB. Didn’t u know that?

Me: Clearly I need to fix some things

Drew: When do u head out for ur trip?

Me: Why r u txting me?

Drew: Can’t a friend check on another friend?

Me: We haven’t been that in a long time

Drew: Sorry 2 hear that. I do miss you. I hope you have a good trip

Me: Thanks

I remain seated, staring at my phone and the messages we have exchanged. I feel bad, maybe I should have said more; so I do.

Me: I miss you sometimes too

The next morning Nevaeh shows up at my place at eight o’clock in her brand new silver MDX to pick me up. The SUV was a gift to herself for taking on the new position at the ad firm she works at. This was her dream car, and I have to admit, it suits her well.

“You have everything you need?” she asks as we put the last of my bags in the back.

“Yep, I’m all set. What time can we check in?” I close the back and round the passenger side to have a sit on the tan leather seats.

As she closes the door she gives me that look that says
relax
, but she knows I need an answer. “We can get in as soon as we get there. I have the code to get the key, so we’re good to go.”

“Not completely, I need coffee. Now,” I demand with a smile.

Once I got my coffee, everything looked better and the ride to Canyon Lake started out quiet enough. I didn't sleep too well last night after my brief texting session with Drew, which then had me calling my mom and talking to her for an hour about him, my appointment and the trip. When we got off the phone, I was desperate to keep my mind off of anything having to do with next week’s appointment, so I pulled the box of pictures back out and started going through the rest that I hadn’t looked at. I gave myself a mission to find pictures of Nev and myself with friends I suspected would be there this weekend, and of course that meant that Drew was in most of the pictures as well. I was the glue that held our odd grouping together, as evidence in the pictures, but somehow it worked.

Ever since he messaged me the other night, I can't seem to stop thinking about him. In the five years since I’ve seen him, I haven’t felt the need to reach out to him, but I have missed his presence in my life and his friendship so much; it had been such a huge part of my life. I sometimes feel bad for the way it ended, but there was no way it could have ended, and I just have to live with that. The pictures under my bed are there for a reason; I don’t want to think about him, yet, he bursts back in like the last five years didn’t exist and that pisses me off more than anything.

Nev has never been one to sit in silence, so I can't help but notice how long she has kept quiet, which means
something
, must be up. I start to look at her out of the corner of my eye and her body stiffens.
Oh yeah, something is most definitely up
.

"So, are you going to tell me?" I position my body to look at her dead on. She tries to plaster an innocent face, which just makes her look guiltier. "What?"

“You can’t fool me, we’ve been friends for too long, so don't even try. Spill it. Now,” I demand in a stern tone.

“There's nothing to spill,” she counters unconvincingly.

“Puh-lease!” I start as I introduce a list of things that justify why I know something is up. “You haven't said anything since you picked me up and we both know how you love to talk! You’ve been acting weird since the other night and I just know there is something you aren’t telling me."

She just shrugs, as if that's her answer, but there’s no way I am letting this go. Not with how evasive she’s being. I guess I’ll have to try another tactic.

“Fine, then tell me about Luke.” The moment I mention his name, her eyes grow a bit wider for a moment, but she covers quickly and gets a gushy smile on her face.

What the hell is it?

“Cass, he is awesome. I really like this guy,” she says with a distracted look on her face.

“That’s interesting, especially because my best friend is so fickle about guys. Too tall, too short, too good looking, too perfect, whatever other ‘too’ you can think of. So what kind of ‘too’ is he?” If she can categorize him, she will and Nevaeh actually animated over a guy is something different altogether. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so hung up on a guy, and it’s only been a month.

“He’s just ‘too,’” she swoons with a ridiculous smile on her face.

“So tell me about him. How did you meet?” I press, wanting to know what it is about this guy that has my relationship-shy bestie so giddy.

“It's a pretty stupid story. I was meeting Jaqi after work to have a few drinks and I saw him sitting at the bar,” she smiles coyly. “I had seen him sitting there and tried to get his attention a few times, but nothing worked. I was about to give up when I saw him look up at the entrance. There was a beautiful girl, only he looked pissed or annoyed, I'm not sure which.” I smile because I know what came next. It was something that Nev was well versed in, the art of the pick-up.

“I watched as this girl approached and sat next to him, but he just looked like he couldn’t be bothered; he barely even acknowledged her. So I started walking toward him and when I reached him, his eye caught mine and I just went with it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, ‘Need some help?’ and he nodded before wrapping his arms around my waist. The chick got pissed and the rest is history.”

She somehow always manages to let the guy think he picked her up, when in reality, she sees her prey long before they ever spot her. All she ever needed was to get into his line of sight and it was game over. Poor fool never stood a chance. Watching her perfect this art form over the years has been so much fun to witness.

She may have the occasional eccentric hair color and tattoos that are hidden well by day under her work attire, but beneath it all she is still very much the girl next door. At just less than five feet eight inches tall, her curvy figure and long hair isn’t the first thing a guy notices. No, that would be her legs. I’ve always been jealous because she has great legs and she flaunts the hell out them.

“Wow Nev, and does he realize how it is that you caught him?” I tease.

“Hell no, you know how fragile men’s egos are!” We both laugh hard, and it feels good. I
need
to laugh. I need to take my mind off of the things that will not stay out of my head.

“Ok,” she points at me, “what's up? You are not acting like yourself.”

Now it's my turn to be evasive, so I plaster my brightest smile and assume innocence. I just need to keep it up for the weekend, and then I will tell her everything. "I'm totally acting like myself," I say with a little too much exaggeration.

“No, there has been something off since I talked to you the other day. First you said you
wanted
to go on this trip, which we both know you normally fight like crazy and then you are just being, well…
cheerful
.” She shudders as if it made her physically react.

I frown at her, “I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was supposed to be
un
-cheerful? Is that even a word?”

“See! That, right there! You are serious, like all the time. This, whatever
this
is,” she waves her hand over my very existence, “is not you! You’re acting weird and I don’t like it.”

I am totally confused, is she saying I'm boring?

“What in the hell are you talking about? What is it that I am supposed to be,
exactly
,” I’m getting pretty annoyed with this conversation.

“Honest. How about you are just honest with me?” Before I have time to react she whips the car to the shoulder, throwing debris behind us as she comes to a stop. She throws the car into park and turns to face me with a serious look, prompting me to answer her.

“What?” I ask, in total exasperation.

“’Fess up,” she demands. “What are you not telling me?”

I know my body language gives me away when I sink into my seat. Keeping a secret from Nevaeh is pointless, because she won’t give up until she gets what she wants. If I don't give her something, she will watch me like a hawk all weekend waiting for some indication of what I’m hiding and we cannot have that. She raises her eyebrows expectantly and I’m forced to say something.

“Fiiiiine!” That’s not what I wanted to say, but it’s what comes out, so I take a moment to compose myself.
Just
breathe, Cass
, I think to myself.

This weekend is not about crying or anything else, it's about having fun and enjoying my friends. If she knows
everything
, it will put a damper on the getaway, and that’s the last thing that I want. So I have to tell her parts of what’s happening without giving it all away.

“When you called the other day, I had just finished at the doctor. He wants to run tests because I had found a lump, so I’m having it checked when we get back." I say it all in almost one breath because I’m trying to make light of it. I can’t tell her that I have already had a second opinion. I can’t tell her that I have cancer, because it will make it that much more real for me. Despite how bad I feel for not telling her everything, I’m just not ready to deal with all that comes with revealing it now, and I hope this tidbit will be enough to hold her for a while.

Her eyes are so worried, and I know she's trying to sift through the bits I just shared. “So do they think it’s cancer?”

“They don't want to speculate anything, so we’ll get more tests when I get back and go from there,” I say nonchalantly, even though I just had my breakdown last night because I
do
know the results.

She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. I just nod, because I know what she's asking, and I give her what she needs. "I'm fine, I promise. I'm not going to worry about it right now. I am on a road trip, with my best friend. What more could a gal ask for?" And it's the truth, because I already know
what waits when I get back, and until then, there isn’t anything I can do anyway.

She nods in agreement and reaches over to pull me into a big hug.
Well, as big of a hug as you can receive over an SUV console. Nev takes a deep breath as she sits back in her seat. Slowly easing back on to the road, she drives toward our destination, but she looks lost and I want to snap her out of it. “Penny for your thoughts?” I ask warily. A smile appears. A smiling Nev is what I want to see right now.