Being There (11 page)

I wrinkled my nose, dismissing his
fabulous
idea. “Nah, besides, I don’t think you’d like what I pick for you,” I said while waving my finger at him in warning. “You know, The King makes an excellent permanent mark. You would never forget me then, either.”

“First off, no Elvis tattoos for me. Second, I’m telling you right now, there is no way in a million years that I will ever forget you. And third,” he cocked his head and thought for a moment, “fine, Graceland, it is.” He conceded, and I knew he was only doing it for me. He hated my Elvis obsession.

I started jumping up and down like I won the lottery because that was someplace I always wanted to go. The gaudy décor and seeing where Elvis once lived fascinated me.

“Nevaeh is gonna shit! She’s been dying to go too!”

“Happy to make your lame-ass dreams come true,” he said monotone while searching for hotels. I knelt on the bed and hugged him tight from behind to thank him for the trip.

“It’s no big deal,” he said with a shrug.

“It is, but that’s not what I’m thanking you for,” he raised his eyes to look at me as I continued, “I really needed you here, with me. I know you have a test, but you’re here and I love you for coming out and hanging with me. So thank you for being the most awesome best friend a girl could have.” He reached for my hand and quirked the side of his lips, “You know, there is no place I would rather be.”

I believed it, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. But I had to remind myself that it was only because we were friends. But then, he held my gaze a little too long and ideas swarmed in my drowsy head. But when I saw him look at my lips, I knew he was thinking the same thing as me. A small smile crossed my lips, because there was nothing else I could think of at that moment than kissing him. Of course I wanted to kiss him. I had only been thinking about it since Rhen’s party.

My stomach was in knots, hoping that I wasn’t imagining this moment until he started to move his lips to mine. I could feel his breath inches from my lips and I knew it was real. His lips briefly brushed mine before he deepened the kiss. I felt that kiss over my entire body and I started to move my hands around his neck, but just as it started to become something more, our moment was interrupted.

“Cass? Do you have a boy in your room?” Nev slurred, trying to sound sexy. I heard her bump into the kitchen table and snort as she laughed at herself. “Where’s fucker at?” she yelled as the closed the door behind her.

“In here, Fubar” he yelled back, before he leaned his forehead against mine and let out a soft sigh. “Later,” he whispered, as he kissed my head when he stood up to leave the room.

“Yeah, later.” I muttered to myself when he exited. The moment I’d been waiting for came and went, and I knew there wouldn’t be a
later
. I exhaled loudly and fell back onto my bed, even more frustrated and determined to kill Nev.

Part of me is happy to see Drew, and the other part is mad as hell because I’m the last to know about this. It’s obvious that the three of them have talked, but Nev has never mentioned that she’s seen or talked to him, and in fact, lied earlier when she said she hadn’t met Luke’s friend. All three of them are staring at me, waiting for a reaction when I finally decide to get out of the hot tub. I wish I had been blessed with grace, but no, because as I step out, I start to lose my balance and Drew rushes to my side to help me out. I have no choice but to hold onto his shoulders, otherwise, I’m likely to bust my ass while trying to storm off.

I realize that I’m standing in my bikini, in front of my once-crush and his best friend, and I feel a little too exposed. I yank my towel off the ledge and wrap it around my body; thankful I remembered to bring it out in the first place. At least I feel a little more at ease, despite my
surprise
. “Hey,” I finally say with a fleeting smile.

“Hey yourself,” he says, attempting to hug me. “Should’ve changed your mind,” he grins.

“What are you talking about?”

“When we were messaging the other night, I had just found out about Nev and Luke. That’s why I asked if you wanted to meet,” he explains.

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure what to do with this right now,” I remove myself from his grasp. “I’m just gonna change and take a walk. I’ll catch up with y’all later,” I say the last part over my shoulder as I head to my room, but I hear Nev excuse herself to follow me.

“Wait up. We need to talk,” she calls out from behind me.

“No,” I argue as I walk into my room. She shuts the door behind her and I turn to tell her exactly what I think. “Talking is what you should have done the day you told me that Luke was coming with a
‘friend.’
What were you thinking?”

“Look, I know you’re pissed, but you were just saying on the ride over that you missed him,” she tries using my words to defend herself.

My yank my t-shirt over my head and spin around pointing a finger at her. “Don’t do that, Nevaeh. Do
not
turn my words around to mean something we both know they didn’t. That was a shitty move on your part and I’m too mad to talk right now,” I yell, not even trying to contain myself.  “I’m going to take a walk and cool down. I’ll see you in a little.” I zip my shorts and throw my shoes on before heading to the door.

“I’ll come with you,” she offers quickly, following me before I turn around to stop her.

“I’m sorry, but right now, you are the
last
person I want to be around. Well, except maybe Drew. I’ll be back in an hour,” I turn back to the door and secure my sunglasses on my face. “I have my phone if you need to get a hold me.”

I leave her behind with her jaw dropped open because being so demanding has never been my thing. But then again, she’s never so blatantly deceived me either. My blood pressure is rising the more I think of how this whole thing went down. Why would she think it’s okay to blindside me with having the one person around that hurt me the most? There’s a reason I haven’t talked to him in five years, and she knows it as well as I do; yet she thinks it’s okay to screw me over, just so that her new boyfriend can come on the trip too. No wonder she never told me more about him, I wonder when the two of them figured it all out. I was looking forward to nice weekend to have fun before my appointment next week, but that went out the window the moment I saw him standing there.

But hell if he isn’t fucking gorgeous! Why do guys always get better looking with age? Assholes should not be afforded that luxury because it only plays to their favor. His six-foot height was the first thing I had noticed about him when we first started hanging out, but he was somewhat skinny. The twenty-five year old version has filled out quite nicely. He isn’t bulky, but his toned arms look to be earned from hard work, and not gym visits. His dark brown hair is slightly longer than it was in college, and a little messier too, which only adds to the appeal. In that stupid moment when I fell into his arms our eyes locked and I remembered well how I once believed those beautiful brown eyes were meant for me. If he really had to show up today, why couldn’t he have been unattractive and not the sexy athletic man that he apparently is?

As if on cue, my phone rings in my pocket, but I ignore it, opting to stay well into my current angry state.
What the hell was she thinking not telling me that he was going to be here?

My phone alerts to a voicemail, but I don’t care to hear Nev tell me how sorry she is, but when I go to delete it, I see that it’s not Nev, which leaves me to assume it’s Drew. I delete it anyway, before putting the phone back in my pocket.

I continue walking for a bit longer, trying to figure what angered me the most. The fact that he was here, that my best friend kept me in the dark or that I was actually happy to see him.

I hear my phone chime in my back pocket again, so I pull it out to face whoever is on the other end.

Drew: Why did u leave so fast?

Me: You know why.

Drew: It’s been 5 yrs. Can we put it behind us?

Me: I’m sure it was much easier for you.

Drew: Easy? No. But what choice did I have?

Me: Txting me about this. Really?

Drew: Is it really that bad seeing me?

Me: It’s no picnic.

Drew: I don’t want u feeling weird. I’ll leave 2nite

Is that what I want, for Drew to leave? Five years is a long time and so much has happened since the last time I saw him, that maybe I’m just holding on to the anger for no reason. We were basically kids who had fucked up ways of dealing with things. Is it fair for me to hold any of it against him? If he stays, maybe we’ll get a chance to talk and catch up because, regardless of what happened between us, he was my friend first and I loved him dearly for that reason alone. But if he decides to leave, I’m pretty sure that I will never get the chance to speak to him again and with everything I have on my plate right now, I need all the support I can get.

Me: Don’t leave. I’ll be back soon

I shove my phone back into my pocket and give myself a few more minutes of solitude before facing him again. Somehow I’ll make it through this visit, I just have to keep reminding myself of this.

When I finally make my way back up the gravel driveway, Nev is sitting on the top step of the patio with her elbows on her knees deep in thought. She has a nervous habit of playing with her ponytail, so I know she’s worried I’m going to ruin everything this weekend. Her knee is bouncing at a rapid pace when she lifts her head and spots me. She runs over to me with her arms out to hug me, but drops them, unsure if I would let her that close. “I’m so sorry, Cass. I don’t know what I was thinking, it really did seem like a good idea at the time.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll behave,” I assure her marking a cross over my heart with my finger. “He sent me a text and offered to leave, but I told him it would be fine. I mean, we were friends, once. Right?”

She puts her arm over my shoulder as we walk back to the house, “You two were more than friends, hon. I think that was the problem. You never saw what was going on until it was too late.”

“It just wasn’t meant to be for us. We were very good at being friends who flirted from time to time, but you add in actual feelings, and it was a mess. We weren’t good for each other.”

“I knew from the first time I met him that he had a thing for you, and you, well, being you, were too stubborn to admit that you liked him just as much.”

“That’s not true. I really didn’t see us as anything other than friends. Jeez, I dated other people, he dated other people, how much more obvious could it be?”

“What about Graceland?” Her eyes widen as though she’s made her point.

“What about it?” I ask, taken aback that she would bring up that trip.

“He didn’t go there because that’s where he wanted to go. He knew it would make
you
happy, so he planned to take us, even though I had no desire to go. Did you know he came to me before y’all went on that trip?”

I recall the conversation she and I had when it came up, “I remember, that’s when you told him that your parents had made plans for a family vacation.”

She shakes her head with a mischievous smile, “That’s what I told
you
. He came to me and told me about what happened in your room,
the kiss
.” She pauses to make sure I know what she’s talking about. “He said he needed to know if you felt something for him, but I told him I wasn’t going to speak for you because I didn’t know where your head was. But I did bail out to give you two time alone, hoping you would finally get your shit together.”

“Lie number two,
best friend
,” I say holding my fingers in the air, “anything else you need to tell me that you’ve been holding out on?”

“Look, I don’t know what happened between that trip and when you guys stopped talking, but I do know that whatever it was had to do with ego.”

“That trip started out great, but I had no idea that it was the beginning of the end of my friendship with Drew. Had I known then what I do now, I would have done everything different, just to have one of my best friends still in my life.”

Spring break couldn’t come quick enough my freshman year. I had busted my ass studying. The trip was a much-needed vacation that Drew was taking Nev and I on, and I could not contain my excitement. Graceland had been on the top of my list for places to visit, so was Hollywood and Central park, but Graceland was a place I had wanted to visit since I was little kid. My grandmother would turn on old Elvis movies for me to watch and I was mesmerized. As I got older, I would search the Internet for old interviews, just to watch the magic that was The King. He was such a polarizing figure, how could you
not
want to go?

The night he suggested that we do something for spring break, I was beyond excited, especially since he said I could pick the location. I said the first place that came to mind, only to realize that Nev was not a fan, but I knew she would go anyway. I needed her as a safeguard between Drew and me because all of the back and forth was making my head spin.
Will we or won’t we?
The question kept echoing in my head every time he and I were alone together. I had even gone so far as to turn down a few dates because I didn’t know what we were, if anything, besides friends. At least the week we spent driving to Memphis would go smooth with Nevaeh around.

Wrong
.

Nev walked into the apartment and started huffing and muttering something under her breath that I couldn’t make out. It was comical to see her so flustered, so I couldn’t help but relish the rare moment, “What has your panties in a twist, peaches?”

She faced me and rolled her eyes before returning to her mission to locate something, “Nothing, everything is just fine.”

“Do you need to talk about it?”

“Talk about what? How my mom and dad know how to work me over?”

“What are you talking about, your parents love you,” I said as I walked to the couch to sit down.

“Of course they do, it’s just…you know how they get when they want me to do something.” She grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and handed me one as she sat down next to me.

“So what do they want you to do?”

“They want me to go to Aspen with them,” she said, waiting for my reaction.

“You’re kidding me! Fuck, Nev, they are such assholes!” I mocked.

“Ha! You joke, but when I tell you all about it, you’re gonna be singing a different tune,” she warned as she eyed me.

“You’ve been dying to go to Aspen, so what’s the problem?”

She didn’t look me in the eye, and eventually turned away from me before taking a deep breath. I knew then and there, what she was going to tell me. “Don’t hate me,” she whined, “but they surprised me with tickets to go to skiing.” She chanced a look at me and winced when she finished, “I have to back out of Graceland.”

“You can’t do this to me!” I protested, slamming my hand on my lap. “I can’t be alone with him. Things have been so weird since last year, better yet, since graduation night. I’m not ready to deal with any of that
, yet.”

She turned to face me once again and attempted to calm
my fears, “You
can
deal with it. Look, I tried to talk my parents into changing the dates, but they are set on spring break. I told them I already had plans, but they started in on how they don’t see me and that they have the whole family going. And of course to really drive it home, they said my grandmother is going and that this might be the last time I see her out and about.”

“I get it, you have to go,” I stated, not even trying to hide my disappointment.

“I’m sorry, I wish I could go. Well… not really, but I do wish I could be there for you.”

“I
need
you there for me. You were going to be my buffer, keeping everything neutral in the friend zone.” It was the truth, having her there would keep things as they had always been and I desperately needed that. 

“It’s going to be fine, you just need to decide before you leave if you’re going to talk about it, or just move off the subject and stay friends.”

“We kissed, Nev. Not once, but twice, and both times, we’ve walked away and never discussed it.
Does it mean anything?
I don’t know. All I do know is that things get more and more complicated and I am afraid I will lose my best friend in the process.”

“You’re not losing me,” she answered quickly as I tilted my head showing my irritation. “I’m kidding. Look, you’re making too big a deal out of this. Talk to him, or make a move, just stop bitching about it.”

“That’s easier said than done. If I do something and he doesn’t feel the same way, things will never be the same. And if I don’t do anything, the fucking elephant will still be in the room. I’m sick and tired of the not knowing.”

She put her arm around my shoulder and hugged me, “Apparently you already know what you need to do. You’re over thinking this and you might be surprised to find he still feels the same way he did a year ago. You have to remember that you turned him down before. Guys are protective of their ego when rejected, trust me, those feelings are still there somewhere. You just need to figure out if you’re ready to face them. It can either be your biggest regret or the best thing to ever happen to you, but you won’t know anything if you don’t take a chance.”

I knew she was right, and I hoped more than anything that our friendship would survive our feelings for each other, whatever they were. If I were to see it happening to someone else, I knew I’d have the answers, but it was Drew and me, and there was never anything easy between us. Every decision, idea, and exasperating personality trait was an argument waiting to be hashed out. There was no way a relationship would work for us.

The Monday of spring break, Drew showed up at my place to pick me up for the nine-hour drive. I made a trip to the gym, hoping that I would be able to get a solid hour in and release some pent up energy before I had to be home. We had decided that there was no need to spend an entire week in Memphis, so we would stop by random places along the way when we headed home. As it was, I had already packed everything I needed the night before so Drew wouldn’t have to wait too long when he picked me up.

I walked in to find he and Nevaeh in a debate over some story they were watching on the news when he got up to give me a hug and told me that he had already put my bags in his truck. “What time do we need to leave?” I asked him, wondering if I had time to clean up.

He looked at his watch, “It’s three o’clock now, if we leave by four, we can probably make it to the hotel by midnight. Either that, or we just leave in the morning, it’s up to you.”

I felt a surge of panic consume me because there was no way I could have him in my bed. As it was, we were sharing a hotel room that we had, fortunately, requested have double beds when we figured Nev was going with us. An entire week of unanswered questions and lingering moments was going to be too much as it was. “Let’s go ahead and leave tonight, I want to see Graceland first thing in the morning,” I said.

“Alright then, you have an hour, do what ya gotta do,” he said as he turned back to the TV and his debate with Nevaeh. 

I was showered and dressed, making sure that I looked my best. I walked out to let him know I was ready. I still didn’t know when or
if
I was going to say anything, but I needed to be prepared. Nev walked us out telling us to have a good time, but when she hugged me, she gave me small piece of advice, “Follow your gut. You’ll know what to do.” I really wasn’t sure I would, so I decided I’d sit back and enjoy the ride. He seemed to be unfazed by the fact that Nevaeh had backed out, which I took for indifference.

As usual, Drew and I fought over the music selection I brought with me, but I knew he’d have his music too. Occasionally, we slapped away each other’s hands with a laugh, when one of us attempted to change the song. For the most part, we compromised, each would take turns choosing a song, which seemed fair, until he started playing too many old songs that I just couldn’t get into.

“Veto,” I said, changing the station, “new rule, it has to be something from the nineties on.”

“You just limited everything that’s awesome,” he protested. “How about, for every one song I pick, I’ll let you choose two. But, it can’t be sappy crying girl shit.”

“That’s not what I listen to, I just happen to like songs that have some sort of meaning to them, not just screaming,” I rolled my eyes when I said it. “It hurts my ears.”

Nine hours is a long time for two people who to spend in a vehicle when you may or may not have incredibly strong feelings for the other while you argue about every little topic that comes up. We had at least three more hours to go, and I was getting increasingly sleepy. We had almost run out of things to talk about, until he brought up Sage. I hadn’t heard her name since graduation night and apparently, she had decided to go to UT. She had looked him up when she got there. Just the mention of her name had me seething, but I kept my demeanor neutral, listening to my
best friend
, talk about his
ex
-girlfriend and the efforts that she had gone to in order to find him.

“I don’t know if you knew that she had a problem with you and me, I mean, our friendship,” he corrected quickly.

“Not really,” I started, “she may have mentioned something once.” I admitted with a shrug.

“What? She said something?”

“Yeah, I can’t remember what it was about, but I mean, she was pretty obvious when she would crawl all over you when I was around. I’m sure you loved that.” I tried half-heartedly to smile and make light of the conversation.

“Actually, that’s the reason we broke up. I was tired of her shit. She was so insecure and shallow. Just the mention of your name and her mood would change, no matter how much I insisted we were
just
friends.” Those words hurt, just friends. Not that there was anything wrong with it, but hearing them come from him, sounding like he still felt that way put a damper on my need to bare my soul.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea I was such an issue for you,” I bit out somewhat angrily. I didn’t want to sound hurt, but I know I did.

“You’re my best friend, Cass, if she, or anyone, has a problem with that, then I have no use for them,” he stated plainly as he reached for my hand to give me a quick squeeze.

It was definitely not the time to tell him how I felt.

The next day, we paid our entrance to enter Graceland and I was in gold
lamé
heaven! We took the bus that was full of people dressed in Elvis memorabilia, some of which were crying as we crossed through the iconic iron gates. Drew stifled his laughter when I elbowed him for being a jackass, although I was having a hard time keeping a straight face myself. Fellow passengers were sporting the huge gold Elvis sunglasses, while others wore t-shirts donning the various versions of The King. My favorite had to be the older man, who was easily in his seventies, dressed head to toe as Elvis. He was a poor imitation, but I had to respect the dedication he had to stay in character. As we rounded the drive there was a strange excitement that took over seeing the old mansion and I understood what the fuss was all about.
It’s Graceland for Pete’s sake!

“Drew,” I said as I dragged him along by his arm, “this is amazing! I can’t believe we’re actually here.”

“You’re so weird,” he scoffed, “I still can’t believe
this
is where you wanted to go.”

“And why not? Just wait until we get inside.” I had heard of the gaudy décor and tacky furnishings but I was getting to see it firsthand. We entered the front doors and the first thing I noticed was that the mansion wasn’t as big as I had imagined, although I’m sure it was big for the 1930s when it was built.

“Damn, Cass, this place is insane,” he started pointing at various things around the room. “What the hell! Is that shag carpet on the ceiling?”

“Do you know nothing of The King,” I teased. “Everything he did was over the top and lavish.”

“Between the planes out there,” he pointed to where we had embarked on the tour, “the jungle room and this crap, I don’t know what to think.”

“Shh,” I noised at him.

“What was that for?” he asked in genuine confusion.

“You’re gonna piss someone off.
Show some respect for the King
, these people are die-hards, so be nice,” I warned him through clenched teeth as I continued walking.

He threw his arms up conceding defeat, but I knew it would be short lived. I just wanted him to behave long enough that I could see the trophy room; I just had to see the hall of gold and his costumes.

The tour had been everything I expected and more and I was so grateful that Drew did that, just for me. When we departed the legendary grounds I linked my arm through his and kissed his cheek. “Thank you so much for this, it was awesome.”

“I’m glad you had fun,” he said sweetly.

“Seriously, Drew, how can you not love Elvis?” I gave him a look that I hoped conveyed my amusement. He just shook his head and smiled, never telling me that deep down he absolutely loved it.