Being There (9 page)

I was a willing partner and as he wrapped his hands around my waist as I placed my head against his chest while James Morrison’s,
Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore
, played. I loved that song, so painful and beautiful at the same time, and I was content being in his arms. Then again, maybe it was just the alcohol, but at that moment, I just I had no desire to move away.

He caught me off guard when he lifted my chin so that my eyes met his, and with no regard for the people who could have seen us, he kissed me. My thoughts went from
what the hell
to
holy hell
in a flash. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel something that I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge up until that very moment. My hand left his neck and trailed down his arm as I reached for his hand. I kissed him back with feeling; not knowing this is why I was mad. When separated, he looked into my eyes, silently begging me to hear him, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I responded in the same way I said every time we spoke those words. Platonically. But I knew it was more.

He shook his head and repeated the words, spelling out exactly what he meant, “Cass, I am in love with you.”

Once outside, the fresh evening air quickly diffused the smell of sweat and alcohol and was replaced by the scent of Drew as he pushed me against the siding, his hand grazing my arm. He started kissing me again and I was absolutely into it until clarity hit me and I pushed him away. I tried to compose my thoughts, but in my drunken state, nothing was forming, so rather than wait for my words to come, he led me to the patio. Despite my desire to sit on the swing, he insisted on sitting on the steps because alcohol and a moving object would only spell disaster, or vomit, at the very least.

“Careful, I don't want you to get sick,” he said helping me down.

I tried to get some much-needed distance by leaning on the railing, but it was hard and uncomfortable, so I leaned my head on Drew’s shoulder.

“Drew,” I slurred, very unsexy. “You suck.”

“Why,” he asked me in a whisper.

“Because, we can’t do this. I’m not right for you,” I whined.

“How do you figure?”

“Because I don’t fit the same mold as you and we both know this. You’re outgoing and popular while I’m self-conscious and neurotic. You need someone who’s a better fit for you.”

He moved me off of his shoulder and lifted my chin to look at him again. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not big on molds or anything resembling perfection.”

I raised an eyebrow, not believing him outright, “Yes, you are.”

“Fine, believe whatever you want,” he finished impatiently.

“You've always been so concerned with what everyone thinks. I mean, why did you even bring me here?”

“Jeez Cass, you just don't get it do you? You are my best friend! I wanted my best friend to go with me to the last party of the year. And for whatever reason, you think I'm embarrassed of you. I never have been and never will be! And this self-pitying thing you have going on is a very unappealing side of you.”

Where did that come from? Drew never yelled at me, at least not when he was actually mad and he didn't stop there. He was on a roll, “You are so self-absorbed sometimes. You think I'm the one concerned with what people think? You didn't even want to come tonight because you said people think you're a ‘bitch.’ Well, you're acting like one now.”

Tears started to well in my eyes and in a shaky voice I spoke, “Well, don't hold back Drew! What else do you have to say?”

“No! Don't start that. You have been treating me like shit all night and when I get up the nerve to say something, you look at me like I’m the biggest jackass. You want to know what people around here think of you? They do think you are a stuck-up bitch. You turn your nose to everyone and make it impossible for anyone to get to know you.” He lowered his voice, trying to calm himself, “What they don't know is that it's just your defense. I know
you,
Cass. You are scared to let anyone in, but once you finally do, you are the most amazing person, and I’m so glad you allowed me in. You are smart and beautiful and my best friend and I'm going to miss you like hell in the fall.”

“Where is all of this coming from?” I asked through my tears.

He touched my cheek and I knew what was coming, “I’m going to say it again; I love you, Cass. I'm
in
love with you, but you've never noticed.”

“What? Are you serious? Why now? You can’t do this now,” I ranted incoherently, trying to find the answer.

“When Cass? When should I do this? Tomorrow? Or how about in three months when we leave for college? Or how about six months ago, when I first knew it? When would be a convenient time for you to hear that I am fucking in love with you?”

“Not now. Not when we’ve been arguing and had way too much to drink,” I calmed down slightly. “Can we just talk about all of this tomorrow?”

“No.” It was all he said before pulling me to his lap and crushing his lips to mine once more. I hated him and I loved him for doing it, because I never allowed myself to think of us in that way, but being in his arms felt right. I held his face in my hands, returning his kiss with equal passion, not wanting to break the connection we had fought for so long.

“Well, I didn’t see that coming,” I said when we finally separated. He laughed, leaning his forehead to mine. It was the drunkest, sloppiest kiss I’d ever experienced and it was perfect.

“I didn’t either,” a voice said sarcastically behind us. We looked over to see Sage with an all-knowing smirk on her face.

“Maybe we should talk later,” I said to Drew pulling myself off of his lap, even though he was tugging at me to stay. I needed space and if it came in the form of Sage, that was fine with me.

“Forget it. I didn't say anything,” he said, sounding hurt.

“Don't do like that,” I said leaning to kiss him again. “That's not what I'm saying and you know it.”

“I know,” he sighed before giving me a squeeze and heading back inside with me. “Tomorrow.”

I wake to the sound of Nevaeh calling my name as she shakes my arm. After she turned the radio down, I tried to get some sleep, but my thoughts were all over the place. I guess I was able to get some rest because I’m in her car that is parked in front of the most amazing house I have ever seen. We usually stay at a campsite, but because of a great deal, we get to vacation at this house which is far superior to anything we’ve stayed at before.

“If you don’t get up soon, everyone else is going to get here and take the best rooms!” She informs me, patting me swiftly on the leg, and that’s enough to get me moving. She’s a little too giddy, no doubt because Luke should be here soon.

“I’m up,” I say as I stretch in my seat before stepping out. “What time are you expecting everyone?”

“Well, Alana and Chris will be here later tonight. Tabitha and James had something to take care of, so they’ll be here first thing in the morning. And I haven’t heard from Virgie yet.”

I groaned out loud because without Virgie, I’d be the only single one here. “She better not bail on me,” I said with mocked ire.

“She said she’d be here, besides, we’ll have even numbers tonight, no fifth wheels here.”

“And Luke? When is your man getting here?” I ask grabbing my purse and phone.

“I’m not sure, I think they left a little later than they intended but I’ll call in a little to check.”

We unload the back of her SUV and drag our luggage to the large wrap around patio then Nev parks it in the gravel to the side of the house to give the others space to unload when they arrive. We make our way inside to check things out and it’s clear the pictures of this place online don’t do this place justice. Between the stucco façade, southwestern accents and the hill country landscaping that surrounds the house, I’m amazed. The place is at least three thousand square feet, more than enough for the ten people who will be crowding the place for the weekend. It’s so peaceful outside, but I want to get inside to pick my room.

She punches in the code to the padlock on the door to retrieve the key from the box. When she unlocks and opens the heavy mahogany double doors and we just stand in place amazed at the décor in front of us. The warm rust, beige and brown tones, are muted by the set of Spanish tile stairs that are accented with colorful smaller inlaid tiles. The entire home has a rustic southwestern motif and I’m a little concerned that we are in the wrong home. If this were my place, there is no way I would rent it out for people to possibly ruin. Clearly the owner hasn’t updated their images in a while because, aside from the furniture, nothing looks like it did online.

At the top of the landing we take in the breathtaking view afforded by the back wall of windows that stretch the entire length of the room from floor to ceiling. It looks as though we are in a secluded spot because I can’t see another house around through the dense trees and brush, and I couldn’t care less.

The kitchen that is just off to the side of the living room boasts expansive dark brown granite countertops with an elaborate backsplash designed from small accent pieces and has the same amazing view of windows and patio. I may not be much of a cook, but I can appreciate a modern design when I see one. The island alone can accommodate a Thanksgiving feast, not that anyone will catch me attempting to be domestic anytime soon.

“The master bedroom is that way,” Nev breaks the silence as she points down the hall on the left. I knew exactly which room I wanted and, in fact, I told her it was mine when she emailed me the link. I chose it because it’s away from everyone else and I like my seclusion. I said that she and Luke would have to find another place to shack up, not that she minded. I grab my bags and take them to my temporary room and gasp at the enormity. I think the entire downstairs area of my condo could fit in this room. A king sized bed with a stark white duvet and enough pillows for everyone staying here awaits me on the far wall and I know in an instant that this room is perfect for me. I have just started to unpack my things when I am caught red handed by Nevaeh as she comes to check on me.

“I knew you couldn’t wait to unpack,” she teases.

“What? I just wanted to be able to relax. As soon as I’m done, I can chill out and enjoy the hell out of this place.” She rolls her eyes at my craziness, but if I were to see her room, I would notice that her bags are also unpacked, but her clothes are strewn about the room and she has probably already lost something. If it hasn’t happened yet, it will b
y the end of the trip.

“You are so uptight sometimes,” she scolds me and I just glare at her in irritation.

“And this is why you love me!” I say over my shoulder continuing my project.

“Whatever,” she says, waving me dismissively, “I’m getting some wine. Red or white?”

“Red,” I call back to her. I wait until she’s gone before pulling out my phone to check it. I know I have missed a call from my mom but there is one number I don’t recognize so I listen to the first of the messages and remind myself to call my mom and dad to let them know we made it. I may be an adult, but they still worry, so I try to give them whatever peace of mind I can.

When I move to the next voicemail message my mood dampens.

“Prudence, this is Dr. Stone’s nurse calling to schedule your appointment for next week. You are scheduled for Thursday, but we had a cancellation and now have an opening for Wednesday at ten a.m. Please call to let us know if that time works for you.”

I call the nurse to confirm the change before returning my mom’s call and I hate that she sounds so worried. “Hi honey, you make it to the house okay?”

“Yeah, we’re here, we actually just got in. This place is amazing,” I figure I’ll start with something positive first.

“Good,” I hear a smile on her face, “I’m glad you made it safe.” She sounds relieved and I hate that I am about to sour her mood.

“It was a nice drive, but I’m glad to be out of the car.”

“So you girls have any plans tonight?” She sounds so cute when she’s being nosy.

“Not that I know of. Hey mom,” I pause, wishing there was nothing more to say, “I just talked to one of the nurses, my appointment changed,” I notify her in defeat, “I’m going in on Wednesday. Can you still go with me?”

“Of course I can,” she says soothing my nerves. “Are you doing okay?”

“Actually, I am. I had even forgotten about it until she called.”

I hear something going on in the house, and use it as my excuse to get off the phone, “Hey mom, I gotta go, Nev is calling me. Kiss daddy, tell him I love him.”

“Will do honey. I love you.” She says sweetly, and it brings a smile to my face.

“I love you too mom,” I say with the same sappy tone.

I hang up the phone and sit thinking about how just two weeks ago, things seemed simple and I was seemingly healthy. That old adage that ignorance is bliss feels quite true right now, but I don't want to allow myself to feel anger or anything else. I just want to pretend, if only for a few days, that everything is fine and I am blissfully happy.

Fake it ‘til you make it
. I remind myself.

I start to get up and head out of the room to check on Nevaeh when I hear her shout from across the house,
“Hey Cassi, put your suit on, let’s sit in the hot tub!” This cheers me right up and I am so thankful for that girl because if there is anyone who can change a mood, it has to be my best friend.

“Sounds good to me!”

A surge of excitement reaches me and I rush to get out of the t-shirt and shorts that feel stuck to me already from the nasty humidity. I brought a bikini and a one-piece suit with me, but since it’s just us girls, I opt for the black bikini because my pale skin could use a little color. I look at my figure in the mirror, somewhat happy with my appearance. I’ve lost a few pounds, not that I need to lose any, probably from the lack of sleep and no appetite. Luckily, I had been able to layout a couple of days before coming out here, which has helped me look a smidge better. I pull my hair into a high ponytail and grab us some towels on the way to the patio.

Nevaeh must have turned the jets on because I can hear the motor humming from inside and the doors are wide open, allowing an occasional breeze into the house. I step on to the patio and take some time to admire the view we have for the next few days and it is just beautiful. The house is nestled on a bluff among and dense tree population. I am so high above that I can actually see the tops of some of the tree as I look out to the lake in the distance. I close my eyes at allow the sun’s warmth to sink in and listen closely to the sounds around me. Despite seeing a few speedboats in the water with skiers behind them, it’s quiet. It’s unbelievably peaceful and the only sounds are the rustling trees and the hot tub, both of which are soothing.

"I'm getting in," I call out to Nev. "Bring the wine on your way out." I climb into the tub, taking a seat to face the picturesque landscape and put my sunglasses on so I can lay my head on the cushion. Taking a deep breath, I fully relax, closing my eyes and listening to the sounds around me. I’m so relaxed, that I don't bother opening my eyes when I hear Nevaeh’s footsteps as she comes outside because it would take too much effort. She hands me a glass over my shoulder and I happily take it.

“Thank you doll, you are much too good to me,” I replied in my best southern belle accent.

“You know it, hon,” she says as she climbs in across from me. She takes a similar position as she makes herself comfortable leaning against the back wall of the hot tub.

“So, any word on Luke?” I ask her, in all honesty, not interested at this point because I could fall asleep right here for the entire weekend and care about nothing else. Then again, I’d probably drown, so that’s not a good idea.

“Actually, I did hear from him,” she says and I look at her for more information. “They should be here anytime now,” she finishes with a smile.

I resume my relaxed position and close my eyes once more determined to get some answers about the man who has transformed my best friend into a boy-crazy teen. “Tell me about this Luke of yours,” I ask. “Where is he from?”

I jump at the sound of a low voice with a thick drawl answering from behind me, “Well, I’m from Austin, originally, but now I live in Houston.” Cautiously, I raise my head to look at my best friend who has a beaming smile on her face staring over my shoulder. But what catches me off guard isn’t the look on her face, it’s that voice.
I know that voice
. But I’m almost too nervous to confirm it.

Nev looks at me and makes a formal introduction, “Cassi, this is my boyfriend, Luke.”

When I turn around, I am faced with seeing Drew’s roommate from college standing behind me. I can’t contain my smile because I spent countless times hanging out with him when I would visit Austin. He was always good for a laugh and an overall nice guy. I haven’t seen him in forever, but before I find my voice to greet him I see someone else moving in the living room behind Luke just before Nev continues, “and I believe you remember Drew.”

“Drew?” I feel my eyes tear from the shock of hearing his name and I’m suddenly lightheaded.

What the hell is going on?
He walks to the door and stands next to Luke looking as handsome as ever, and my face flames red. I’m more than a little irritated that I seem to be the butt of some inside joke among the three people with me.

“Pia?” He says timidly. The use of his nickname takes me back to another time when things were coming together for us, but that was a long time ago and no one uses that name anymore.

“Don’t call me that,” I state, a little more venomous than I intend. A flood of emotions washes over me, as do the feelings and memories that I shared with him once. But not all of them are good. He looks so unsure, and I realize he is waiting for me to say something.

“What are you doing here?” I ask in confusion.

“I came to see you.”