Being There (10 page)

Two week
s before the fall semester started, my parents drove me up to College Station to get me settled into my new place with Nev. Since the university had a shortage of dorms, freshmen were allowed to find housing off campus and avoid dorm life altogether. We were excited to get out there and feel like real adults, it looked so fabulous on TV. Problem was, we had searched everywhere for the perfect place, and when we couldn’t find
perfection
, we settled for what was affordable.

We found the seediest apartment and somehow managed to make the place look pretty decent. Between Nevaeh's style and my clean-freak nature, it had become ours and we couldn't have been happier. Well, one thing would have made me happier, having Drew with me.

After the party, when he told me how he felt about me, things were a little strange for a week or so. I guess we kind of avoided each other a little, gaining some space. Him because he had bared his soul and I pretty much blew him off. And me because, well, I hadn’t thought about us in that way before. Although I loved making out with him, I was always too afraid of anything else for fear it would ruin the friendship that we had. I just kept thinking that a relationship that started in high school would end in college, and while I could survive that, I could not survive losing my best friend. So opted to take the chicken-shit route, and avoided the subject altogether.

We spent almost everyday of the summer together just hanging out and getting our things together for our separate schools. Somewhere along the way, I started to see him in a romantic way; the way he had wanted me too. But I was too afraid to acknowledge it for fear of rejection because our time had passed, so I never pushed it. I chose instead to spend as much time with him, as my friend, as possible.

He had promised to come see Nev and me once school had started and before the semester started getting busy. We still talked all the time, and he was the best part of my day. I knew he was meeting new people and probably even dating, but he always made time for me, and I loved that. I missed him so much that it hurt.

One day I called him, completely frustrated with the way my classes had gone. Drew was my sounding board for anything having to do with school, but mostly, he just backed me up. The times that he didn’t, they annoyed the shit out of me.

“Uhhh!” I groaned when he finally answered the phone. Not exactly a greeting, I'll admit, but I was beyond irritated, so it fit, but he just laughed.

“Busy? Wanna call me back,” he teased. He was not sympathetic, at least when it came to school.

“Shut up,” I whined, “I'm so pissed!”

“Why?” he whined back mocking me.

“My English lit prof just gave us an extra assignment that wasn't on the syllabus. As if we don’t have enough already, we now have to write a ten-page paper on the differences between the Bronte sisters.”

He was quiet before he answered with mocked annoyance, “What an asshole!” He got a little more serious to put me in my place, “You know, you are an English major, perhaps you should change, that is, if you don't
want
to write.”

“Don’t be a smart ass, you would be pissed too!”

“I am a smart ass, because I just aced my first bio test.”

“I hate you,” I replied shortly.

“You love me and you know it, so stop bitching.”

“Stop bragging, or I'll hang up.”

“So is this all you called for, to whine?”

“That and to see when you are coming to visit. Nev and I need to do something fun, so get your ass out here and take us out.” I ordered, knowing he couldn’t pass up the chance to party.

He seemed to be distracted, before he finally answered, “I won't be coming out as soon as I had hoped.”

I was immediately disappointed he was bailing again. It seemed so long since we'd gotten to hang out and every time we made plans, something came up. I missed him more than I would have thought, but I knew it couldn't be helped. I just didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

I guess he didn’t like the silence either, or disappointing me because he conceded. “Look, how 'bout this, I'll come out this weekend, but I'm going to have to do a little bit of studying while I'm there. I mean it, Cass. I have to pass this test.” He warned.

“Really! You're coming out?” I was doing a happy dance right then, even though he couldn’t see it.

“I’ll see you Friday, but Cass,” his tone turned serious, “we’re studying.”

That Friday when he showed up at my door, I thought I was going to explode. As soon as I opened it, I jumped into his arms and gave him the biggest damn hug ever. He returned mine with an equally tight, almost crush-my-ribs, hug.

“Can't. Breathe.” I said tapping at his back.

“Oh,” he smiled sheepishly, “sorry. I didn't mean to squeeze so hard, I guess I missed you.”

“It's okay, I'm just so happy to see you.” I realized we were still standing in the doorway, so I showed him in and brought him into the living room. He stopped and looked around, “Where's Nev?”

“Class,” I said with a wave of my hand. “She’ll be here later, she’s tending bar tonight but she’s excited to see you, too.”

There was an uncomfortable silence before I realized he had never seen our apartment before, but luckily, my manners kicked in. I'm sure my descriptions did
not
do the place justice. It was a true piece of crap, despite everything we had done to make it livable. I could lie to myself all day long that we worked wonders, but a step outside, and you knew it was hell. I linked my arm into his and gave him the grand tour, all one thousand square feet of it. I stopped at my door and waved him in.

“And, this is your room.” He was stating the obvious as he walked in and checked it out. He'd never seen my room when I lived at home, so I felt a little exposed. He walked over and jumped backward onto my bed with a loud grunt. "What the hell! Do you sleep on bricks, or what?" He said hitting the mattress to add emphasis. I couldn’t help but laugh, because it wasn’t the most comfortable bed by any stretch, but I did like it.

“It's not so bad, you'll get used to it,” I said casually.

His eye widened in surprise at my statement. “Get used to it? What do you mean?”

“Don't be a jackass, where did you think you were going to sleep?”

“The couch?” He furrows his brows and looked puzzled.

“Oh good grief, Drew! Don't be stupid, it's not a big deal.” I reprimanded him playfully.

However it was a big deal. I knew nothing was going to happen, but we had never shared any space. Ever. And after everything this summer, I knew what I wanted, but I also knew that it was not in the cards for us. I did a bang up job making sure that he knew how I felt. So the sleeping arrangement was safe. Perfectly
safe
.

“Ok. Ok,” he said throwing his hands up in surrender, “I was just checking. Wouldn’t want you get any ideas.”

“You wish.” It was all I could say back. But yeah, I had ideas and it was
me
that was wishing.

True to his word, we spent that night in so that he could study and I decided to use the opportunity to get started on my paper. The amount of reading that had been required was beyond reasonable, so I guess it was good Drew came out to visit because I got quite a bit done. Who would have thought
he
would be a good influence on
me
? He was finally growing up, and that just made me want him even more.
Damn it.

He was looking intently at his notes and that’s when I noticed he was wearing glasses. “When did you get those?”

“Get what?” he asked me, confused by my lack of clarity before I point to the glasses. He looked a little embarrassed when he took them off to inspect them. “A few months ago.” He puts them back on and striking a pose, “whatcha think?”

Damn!
- That’s what I think. “Looks good,” I tried saying nonchalantly as I turned my eyes back to my book hoping to get my thoughts off of my hot best friend.

We stayed up until two in the morning studying and at some point, there was no way the material we were studying was actually sticking. I must have read the same paragraph half a dozen times and I realized delirium set in. It started with me laughing at myself over nothing. It must have been contagious because Drew looked over at me and started chuckling before it turned to full out laughter. It became apparent we had the giggles over nothing in particular, which made the laughter all the more ridiculous.

“What the hell is wrong with us?” He was trying to catch his breath.

“I’m just laughing,” I said between snorts.
Very ladylike
.

“Well then,” he started as he lunged at me.

“No!” I yelled, attempting to run away, but I was laughing too hard, and he quickly caught me when he grabbed my ankle. I tripped and fell to the floor still laughing as tears were streaming down my face. I tried to catch my breath because my stomach was aching from the hilarity when he fell next to me. We were laying on our backs attempting to control the insanity when I rolled to my side and looked down at him.

“I really miss you, you know?” I admitted between laughs.

“I know,” he sighed as he relaxed still laughing lightly, “I miss you too.”

We stared for a moment too long. It was one of those will-they-or-won't-they moments and I had no idea what was coming next. Rather than wait, I laid my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me.

“Why did you have to go to TU?” I muttered under my breath.

“UT,” he corrected, before giving me a tight squeeze.

“Whatever. Why did you have to go
there
? I mean, seriously, what in the hell were you thinking? Thanksgiving is going to cause all sorts of issues when we play against each other, and then of course you’re going to be all upset when we beat the hell outta…well, you.”

“Do you even watch football, Cass?
Tradition
shows y’all lose to use more than you win. Just sayin’. Besides, y’all don’t even have cheerleaders,” he teased knowing that he was going to get me worked up.

“They’re Yell Leaders, ass, and you don’t even know anything about tradition, ‘From the outside-”

“So help me, if you finish that… don’t say that damn quote. You know how much I hate it.”

“’Cause you’re jealous. Besides, you could have been here with Nev and me having a great time. Now we're just going to grow further and further apart until we don't even talk anymore. Then years down the road, we'll pass each other somewhere and won't even recognize each other." I know I sounded like a whiney brat, but apparently being delirious is almost like being drunk, I couldn’t control the things coming out of my mouth.

“Nah, that'll never happen. I'll be there on your wedding day, watching the son of a bitch that gets to marry you. Hell, I may even have to give you away. I'm sure your dad won't mind.” He smirked because he knew that my dad would be a blubbering fool. I stayed quiet because I knew my scenario was closer to reality and that only made me sad.

He abruptly got off the floor and turned up my speaker because James Morrison’s
You Make it Real
was playing on my iPod. He walked back over to me and held a hand out for me.

“What?” I asked looking at his hand like it was going to bite me.

“C’mon, let’s dance,” he said with a shrug.

“Are you serious?”

“Get your ass up and dance with me.”

I got up, but not without more protesting, “This is so stupid.”

“Shut up,” he said as he hugged me into his arms. “Dance.”

It was nice being there against him; I felt safe. I tried not to read into the words of the song we swayed to because I couldn’t let myself go there. I had my chance, so I was just going to enjoy being here with my best friend dancing to a song that would always make me think of him. When the song ended, he looked down at me and looked like he was thinking about something.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” I asked wiping at one cheek and then the other. I knew it was fine, but I had to make a joke, anything to lighten the mood.

“I have an idea,” he straightened up and walked to my bed. “Do you have plans for spring break?

“Nope, I was just going to go home for the week.”

“Not anymore,” he said as he grabbed my laptop that was sitting next to him. “
We
are gonna take a road trip. Where do you want to go?”

I thought about it and threw the first thing that came to mind.

“Graceland!” I said to his back.

He slowly turned to face me. “Only you,” he said, shaking his head.

“What’s wrong with Graceland?”

He pretended to think before making a suggestion, “How about we get tattoos? It’s less painful!”

I mimicked his look before answering, “Nah, I don’t do needles.”

“C'mon,” he teased, “it won't be so bad. I'll pick yours and you pick mine. That way I know you’ll never forget me. I nice rendering of my sexy mug on your arm will make sure you always remember. See, it’s a win-win.”