Between Now and Goodbye (20 page)

When he notices me he smiles, stands up and walks over to me. It seems like he's coming over to kiss me, but stops himself and keeps a little distance between us.

'Hey, sorry, did I wake you?' He asks, clearly noting that I'm still in my pyjamas.

'Yeah.' I nod and sit on the edge of the couch.

'Sorry, I was heading back from the hospital and thought I'd pop in.'

'Oh, right you were at the hospital with your sister last night, was everything ok?' I ask. I suppose I should have called him last night to check in, but I'd got so caught up at Carly's that I didn't think of it.

'Fine,' he nods, 'well, Georgia broke her arm, but she's fine.'

'Poor thing.' I reply, 'I remember when I broke my arm, it's nasty.'

'Yeah, she's being really brave though. She's being pampered by Katie and Libby right now. They're doing a sort of spa day thing at Libby's house, while Matt took the boys out to mini golf, since Matt had the day off work.'

'Sounds fun,' I reply. I'm starting to wonder what he's here for. Did he just come to pass on a general update? 'So, uh... was that everything?'

'No, actually, I, uh... actually I wanted to see if you wanted to come to the fair tonight. We always do opening night, the three of us, and so I wanted to check if you were still coming, what with all the...with things being different now.'

'I'd totally forgotten that the fair opened tonight.' I think about it for a minute, 'I suppose I'll be there, it's tradition right and it's just as friends. Last year we all went as friends, because you and I weren't even together, so it's not any different, right?'

'Well, yeah I just didn't want you to feel awkward.'

'Do you not want me to go?' I fold my arms over my chest.

'No, that's not what I meant.' He responds quickly, his eyes softening, 'I really want you to come with us.'

'Well, ok then.' I lean back slightly. 'Who's watching your brothers and sisters?'

'Oh, they're coming with us.'

'Are you serious? You're bringing along your five brothers and sisters?'

'Katie's getting a lift with us, but she's meeting her friends there. So it'll just be the four younger ones.'

'Fun.' I roll my eyes, already regretting the decision to go. 'Ok, so can you pick me up?'

'Oh uh...yeah I'll just get Libs to drive some of the kids over, because the minivan only has enough space for seven, and Libs was coming with us, but I'm sure she'll be ok with driving herself.'

'You know what, never mind. I'll just meet you all there.' I shrug. Sitting in the car with his siblings isn't really want I want to be doing anyway.

'Are you sure?'

'I'm sure,' I nod, 'you and Libby are coming from the same place, so it makes sense for you to ride together.'

'If you're sure.'

'I already said that I am.' I reply. 'So was that everything?' I want to have a shower, and head out to do some shopping. Maybe get something new to wear tonight.

'Actually, there was something else.' He seems nervous, which is actually sort of sweet. 'I know that I wasn't the best boyfriend, at least not since my mom got sick, and I know that things were not the way they used to be, and that isn't fair on you.' I also totally respect your decision to break up. If that's what's going to make you happy, then of course I respect it. I just need you to know, that I am still very much in love with you, and I'm not ready to give up on is yet. So I will fight for what we had, I'll fight to get it back, because I love you.'

'Charles, you know how I feel.' I shrug my shoulders. Why does he have to make this so hard? 'I don't want to hurt you, and I know how you feel about me, but we're over.'

'I just wanted you to know where I stand.' He's oddly calm, and I wonder how many times he's gone over what he'd say. I wonder if he discussed it with Libby. He probably did.

'Well, now I know.' I reply, 'I should go, I have things to do.'

'Sure.' He nods and smiles, 'I'll see you tonight Julie.'

Normally shopping is a cure for anything that's been distracting me. It doesn't matter what it is, I get into a store and all of my other stresses, or preoccupations float away as if they were never there.

Today, this isn't working. I spent three hours shopping in all my favorite stores. I spend a huge amount of money, fill my car with bags upon bags of clothes, candles, make-up, things for my room, and shoes. Yet still, as I'm unpacking and trying on everything in my room, even though I tried all the clothes on in the store. I can’t help thinking about Libby's outburst last night.

I haven't ever seen anyone react like that to receiving a gift before, and even though she apologized and said she was just having a funny five minutes. I'm not convinced she was telling the truth. Actually, I'm entirely convinced that there's more to it than she's letting on, because if there wasn't, then she's got some serious issues.

The way she spoke during her outburst made it seem like she'd had someone try to buy her off in the past. Perhaps some people at her old school, one of the many she's attended in all her travelling around. Or, and this is the thought that keeps coming back to me, maybe it has something to do with her mysterious dad.

Perhaps he was an absent parent who tried to make up for never being around by buying her gifts. Perhaps he walked out on them, and the only contact she had was money or gifts. Whatever it is, I know it's a sore subject for her.

Charles doesn't like talking about his dad now that he's walked out. He gets angry and upset when people mention him. So it makes sense that if her dad walked out on her, she may not ever want to mention him. It just seems weird to me that she won't say anything. I don't even know his name, that's how secretive she is about him.

I get that she's probably mad at him for walking out, but to act as though he doesn't even exist. That seems strange to me.

I'm her best friend, shouldn't I have the right to know stuff about her? She knows my parents, and she knows all about my other family members. I don't see why she had to be so stubbornly silent.

I push aside the bag of clothes I'd been sorting through. Hop up onto my bed and pull open my laptop.

If Libby won't tell me anything about her dad. I'll just have to do a little digging until I can find out who he is, and why he's not in her life.

Twenty Five – Libby

I don't dress up often, but the first day of the fair is always something I make an effort for. When I moved her two years ago, the fair was the first event I'd really ever attended. Before that I hadn't ever been to school dances, or sports events. I'd never been to a gig or a show, a fair or anything like it. I'd never stayed in one place long enough to have people to invite me.

The fairs big opening was three weeks after I moved here with mom, Pippa and Matt. I'd already met Charles, because he came over and offered to help us unload boxes when he saw the moving van pull up. I'd also met Julie, because Charles had introduced me about a week after I'd moved.

I already had friends, and they already had a yearly tradition of going to the fair together. That year, they invited me and I was so excited to actually have friends, and be included in their traditions, that I vowed I would always make it one of the occasions that I dressed up.

This year, dressing up includes wearing a knee length white chiffon skirt which has clusters of pale yellow, blue and coral flowers over it, and flares out a little so that it swishes when I move. I've got that on with a pale yellow sleeveless button up blouse which is tucked into the skirt, and then some white sandals.

I leave my hair down, wavy and just a little windswept. I put on a small amount of mascara and light pink eye shadow and then a clear lip gloss.

Now fully dressed, I check out my appearance in the full length mirror hanging on the back of my bedroom door.

'Are you sure you don't want to come?' I ask Pippa, while I scrunch up my hair a little to give it a little more volume.

'I'm sure.' She replies, 'Fairs are noisy and crowded, and the smell of all that food makes me feel like throwing up.'

'Fair enough.' I reply turning from my reflection to her.

'Besides, you don't want me tagging along.'

'Pip, Char is bringing all of his siblings along. I don't think there's any possible way that you could be tagging along.' I laugh.

'Is Julie going?'

'Yeah,' I nod, 'she's meeting up with us there.' I say. I was so pleased when Charles told me she'd agreed to come with us. I was worried that the breakup would have changed a lot. She agreed, though, so phase two can safely start taking place.

'Is Charles hoping she'll take him back?' Pippa asks, getting up and rifling through her jewelry box.

'Yeah, he is.' I nod, 'He loves her.'

'I really don't see what he sees in her.' Pippa replies, 'I don't see what you see in her as a friend either. She's so...high maintenance, and that's choosing the kindest phrase I could come up with.'

'It's true that Julie can be a little high maintenance. She's used to having her own way on pretty much everything, and that can sometimes make her seem a little self-obsessed. The thing is though, she's also got this incredible ability to make you feel so special, like you really belong to something.' I shrug, 'When we moved here, you know how ad a place I was in, and then I met Charles and Julie, and they both made me feel like I was home. Charles because he was so sweet and generous with his time, and he had this natural ability to make people feel safe.' I smile, 'With Julie, she just had this presence about her, it's like she makes you feel like you're a part of something epic.'

'I just think Charles could do better.' Pippa shrugs. She pulls a long silver chain out of her jewelry box. On the end of the chain, there's a circle glass pendant with a pressed daisy inside. 'Here you should wear this.'

'Thanks,' I smile, 'as far as Char is concerned,' I sigh, 'he love
s her and that's what matters. He deserves to be happy.'

'But,' she looks at me, 'do you think that she's right for him?'

'I...Doesn't matter.' Do I think she's right for him? I hadn't given it a lot of thought beyond thinking about how much he loves her.

'Why not? You're his best friend.'

'Yeah, but I'm hers too, so if I started saying that he was too good for her,' I sigh, 'I don't think it's the best option for me to say if I think Charles could do better.'

'Do you think Julie could do better?'

'No.' It slips out before I can filter my comment.

'Huh.' She raises an eyebrow and a smile tugs at her lips.

'That's not what...I only meant that...I don't know what I meant.' I sigh.

'The problem with Julie is that she thinks everyone and everything is hers to play with. Then she gets bored and sets it aside. I wouldn't be surprised if in a few weeks she gets bored of being single, and decides to pick Charles up off the shelf again.'

'Is that where Char is then? On the shelf?'

'It is if he just sits around waiting for her to take him back. He's better than that, better than her.' Pippa shrugs, 'I know Julie's your best friend as well, and I don't want to upset you or anything, but I just don't like her.'

'You're entitled to your own opinion.' I shrug, 'I'll admit, there are times when she drives me absolutely crazy. Other times, though she's just so fun to be around.'

'You know I read this article once about relationships, and it said that one of the most important things in a relationship is balance. Do you agree with that?'

'Yeah, I mean I guess I do.' I nod.

'Exactly.' Pippa bursts out.

'You're going to have to give me a bit more than that.' I laugh.

'There's no balance in their relationship, because she thinks she's the most important person in the world, and everyone must revolve around her. Charles is so nice, and so eager to keep her happy, that he sacrifices who he is, in order to fit into what she wants.'

'I don't know if that's necessarily fair.' I say. Is it though? Does Charles get to be an equal in their relationship?

'It's absolutely fair.' Pippa says passionately, 'Charles is this great guy, and yet Julie acts as though she's doing him a favor by being with him.'

'No, she,' I shake my head, 'she loves him, or loved him. They've been best friends their whole lives, and then they fell for each other and...'

'Maybe that's the problem. He's known her so long, that now he's blind to her spoilt ways. You on the other hand, can see things a little more clearly, because even though she's your friend and you can overlook them, you haven't known her as long, so you can see that sometimes she's not very...nice.'

'Well, whether she's good enough for him or not, he loves her and wants her back. There's no ignoring that.'

'No, I suppose not.' She sighs, 'I guess you don't get to choose who you fall in love with.'

'No.' I fan myself with the back of my hand, 'I guess you don't.'

'What do you think it's like?' Pippa asks, lying back on her bed and staring up at the window.