Between Now and Goodbye (23 page)

'You know I never turn down a trip to the mall.' I laugh. The research will have to wait, because I did bring her home to spend more time with me, so I should go. Plus, spending the day with her, I may end up learning a few things that I can add to the file anyway. 'Shall I pick you up in like half an hour?'

'Sure.' Libby replied, 'I'll see you soon.

Carly was still asleep when I left the house and so after leaving a note, I drove over to Libby's house. She's outside already, possibly because I'm twenty minutes late. She also isn't alone. She's leaning against the low fence which separates her yard from Charles' yard, and she's talking to Charles and a guy I kind of recognize.

He goes to their school, and I know that I've met him in the past. I just can't figure out what his name is.

I think about just honking the horn and waiting for Libby to come over, but I don't want anyone to think I'm finding it difficult being around Charles, because if they think that, then they might think I'm thinking that I made a mistake. Which I'm not, because I didn't.

So instead of pressing the horn, I slide my sunglasses up onto my head, check my hair is neatly up and then slide out of the car.

'Morning all.' I call brightly. Charles, of course, is the first to look over, and the smile on his face lets me know that he's not angry with me, even though I never did meet up with him again last night. It also tells me that he's still very much in love with me.

'Morning.' Charles says, the first one to greet me and then the other two follow quickly.

'You remember Colin right?' Libby says, indicating the dark haired boy standing next to Charles.

'Of course.' I lie and decide to go with what I hope is a reasonable enough guess, 'Charles used to play basketball with you right?'

'Yeah, that's right.' Colin nods, looking both amused and surprised, which annoys me. Did he expect that I wouldn't remember him? I mean, I know technically I didn't remember him, even though I must have met him on more than one occasion, but he didn't know that.

'Colin and I are taking the boys out fishing today.' Charles says, his eyes searching for mine, but I won't give in and look directly at him.

'What about the girls?' I have a sudden spark of dread go through me. What if Libby has offered to watch them, and she's planning on bringing them to the mall? It's the kind of thing she would do.

'My mom's home now, she got discharged early this morning, so she's home with them and Katie's staying in to help out.' Charles replies, 'We were going to take the boys camping for the weekend, but with my mom just out of the hospital, we thought it'd be best if I didn't leave for the whole weekend.'

'Oh sure, makes sense.' I nod, though I'm only part listening. The rest of me is silently cheering that I won't have to deal with taking the girls to the mall with us.

'Yeah,' Colin draws out the word, again an amused smile on his face, 'it's great news that Charles' mom is home, isn't it?' He says just a little too slowly for it to be a normal question. He's trying to make a point.

'Of course it is.' I smile, 'Charles, I'm really pleased she's home, you must be glad.'

'Yeah, it's great having her back.' Charles nods and shoots Colin a look which I'm sure is supposed to mean 'back off' and I'm grateful for that. I don't want to stand here and be made to feel like I'm a terrible person, just because I didn't rush to say how great it is she's home. Honestly, how great is it? She's got cancer, it would be better if she were in the hospital, that way Charles wouldn't have to play nursemaid all the time.

'How is your mom doing Charles?' Colin asks. Ok, I guess I was supposed to ask that.

'You already know, you spent the night here and you came with me to collect her. You spent the past hour chatting to her.' Charles replies, the same flash of a warning on his face.

'Yes,' Colin nods and glances at me, 'and Libby,' his features soften and he smiles, 'knows how she is, but not everyone here in the group knows.' Again his gaze lands on me, and none of the smiling softness remains.

'Sorry where is my head today?' I laugh, even to my own ear it sounds false. Forced out of me to try and save face. 'How is she doing?'

'She's happier now that she's home, but she's still not responding to the chemotherapy. It's about the same as before, good days and bad days.'

'The important thing is that you and your mom have a really good support system. That helps. It's always good when people don't walk away when things get tough.' Colin says.

'Ok, so we should get going.' Libby says suddenly. I wonder if she noticed the tension that had started to fill the space between me and Colin. It would be hard not to notice it, since he's looking at me like I'm a piece of trash on the ground.

'Have fun.' Colin smiles at her, holding her gaze until she looks away, and then a look crosses his face. Something close to disappointment. Interesting.

Twenty Eight – Libby

'You do know that he likes you, right?' Julie says, turning to look at me and keeping her eyes on me a little longer than I'm comfortable with, considering she's the one driving the car.

'Who? Char?' I ask, a buzzing starting in my head and running through my arms and into my fingers. She can't mean that he likes me, because he's totally in love with her.  'Could you watch the road?' I add.

'The road is empty, we're fine.' She rolls her eyes, 'and no, I don't mean Charles. As if.' She laughs. Of course she didn't mean Charles, that would have been crazy, but what exactly does she mean by 'as if'?

'Right, of course.' I nod.

'I meant Colin likes you.'

'Ok, firstly it's not fine because there are other hazards on the road, not just cars.' I reply, 'And no he doesn't like me.'

'Oh yes, he does.' She looks back to the road. 'Didn't you see the way he was smiling at you?'

'A lot of people smile at me Julie, but Colin and I are just friends.' I reply.

'For now maybe, but just friends can easily become more than friends. Look at Charles and me.'

'A shining example of a happy couple.' I slouch down in my chair and shake my head.

'Just because we didn't work out, doesn't mean that we didn't go from being friends to being more than friends. It happens sometimes, you don't always see it coming, though with Charles and me, I guess I always knew that I would date him. We'd been so close for so long, and he was always so sweet.'

'So what changed?' I ask. She groans and then lets out a really low sigh, 'No, really Julie, I've never been in a relationship before. I don't get how this works. What changed between you starting to date him eight months ago and now?'

'His mom got cancer.' She snaps. 'She got ill and he wasn't around as much as before, and maybe that sounds selfish. I don't really care though, because I went into that relationship with one idea of what I would get back out. His mom gets sick and suddenly I'm the one who's suffering. He couldn't take me out all the time. He wouldn't come with me to all the parties, and suddenly our dates involved going to his house to have dinner with his family.'

'I know it's a tough situation, Julie, it's hard on everyone involved, but things won't be like that forever.'

'I know he won't be caring for his mom forever, but once she dies, he'll be caring for his siblings.'

'Whoa,' I feel stunned that she can so casually mention his mom dying like that, 'Julie, his mom is fighting, we don't know that she's going to die. Please promise me you won't say anything like that around Char or his family.'

'I'm just trying to be realistic. She's not getting any better.' Julie huffs, 'I cannot believe that once again I'm spending the day with you, and once again you're bringing up all this Charles stuff. I thought I was your friend as well, but it seems a lot like you're taking his side in everything.' She's starting to get upset.

Have I been taking Charles' side? I don't mean to if I am. I'm only helping him try to get her back, because I think she really does love him. She's just feeling overwhelmed because things did change rapidly after his mom got sick. Now, though, is not the right time to bring up my reasoning's. She's already upset with me, and it's probably going to take a lot of my energy to get her to forgive me.

'Julie I'm sorry. I'm not taking sides and you are my friend.' I say calmly, 'Forgive me?'

She doesn't say anything. She keeps sulkily staring ahead at the road as she drives, and the car falls into silence.

When we get to the mall she's still sulking. She sulks as she pulls into a space in the parking lot. Sulks while we walk towards the building. Sulks as I run my errands for my mom, and then sulks as I wait in line for a coffee.

'Julie you can't stay mad at me all day. What can I do to make you forgive me?' I plead with her, because when Julie wants to freeze you out, she can do it expertly until you beg and plead with her to stop. 'Come on, I'll do anything.'

'Anything?' She says. It's the first thing she's said to me since she accused me of taking sides.

'Anything legal.' I nod as I reach for my coffee.

'There is one thing I want.' A slow grin takes over her face, and a slow creeping dread overcomes me. I don't like the way she's talking.

'What?' I ask hesitantly.

'Let me give you a makeover.' She bounces excitedly. In a similar way to how Georgia did at the fair last night, when I told her that I'd take her on the carousel again.

'Julie.' I groan as I take a seat in the small seating area that the coffee stall has set up in the mall. 'What's wrong with the way I look?' I ask. I'd thought I looked pretty nice today. My hair is up in a ponytail, I skipped make-up, but my skin isn't covered in spots, there are just a few freckles dotted about. I'm wearing some coral colored shorts and a white camisole with my favorite white sandals.

'Nothing,' she says quickly, 'but sometimes it's nice to try out new things.'

'Julie I don't want to dress up and pretend to be something I'm not.' I think back to my freak out with Charles last night. Him, dressing up differently, in stuff that made him uncomfortable and wasn't true to who he was. That brought up a whole bunch of emotions that boiled over until I almost told him everything. If Julie hadn't come along at that moment, then yesterday evening would have gone a lot differently.

It's the first time I've ever wanted to talk about it, explain it all. I just knew in that moment that Charles would listen, uninterrupted, and maybe it would have helped to talk.

The moment passed though, and it's probably good that it did. I made a promise that I wouldn't ever discuss it. So that's what I need to stick with.

'It wouldn't be pretending to be someone else. How do you know that you won't end up loving how I style you, and instead of it being like pretending, it's actually more like you're finding who you really are. Look at me, at the moment I have my Marie Antoinette look as you call it, and yet just six months ago I was really into a much more tailored preppy style. It's ok to have more than one side of your style.' She looks at me with wide, pleading eyes, 'Please let me do this, and I won't be mad at you anymore. I promise.'

'Ok,' I say reluctantly, 'fine, yes, but if I don't like it...'

'Then you can go back to what you want.' She laughs giddily. 'Ok, first stop is the hair salon.'

'What?' I almost choke on my coffee, 'Julie I don't want to cut my hair.'

'Fine,' she sighs, 'just a trim then, and I promise I won't have them do anything that you can't reverse easily tomorrow. Deal?'

'Deal.' I nod.

When we come out of the salon, it's after I've spent well over an hour having it washed, trimmed, blow dried and straightened, so that it's sleek and shiny and there isn't one flyaway hair to be seen anywhere on my head. It's so different from my normal beachy waves, that I'm already having second thoughts about all of this. I know that I can just wash my hair and the waves will come back, and it's taking everything I have, not to rush to the bathrooms and hold my head under the faucet.

'Next stop,' Julie smiles, 'have you ever had a manicure?'

'No.' I shake my head.

'Well today you are.' She pulls me towards a nail and tanning place, 'And then we'll get you a spray tan.'

'Oh no.' I shake my head, 'Nothing irreversible.'

'Spray tans fade.' Julie pouts, 'Please, I promise we won't go super dark.'

'Do I really have to do this?'

'Libby I'm not torturing you, I'm styling you. Trust me, you'll look fabulous.' She pulls me inside, and I can't argue with her without sending her into another sulk.

I get a tan, much lighter than Julie's almost orange look, but a good couple shades darker than my natural sun kissed skin. It's also a shade darker than I agreed to, because Julie told them to change it when I was in the booth, saying I'd accidentally told them the wrong shade.

I get a manicure and pedicure while Julie gets hers redone. I didn't get to pick out the color that got put on my nails. Julie chose a pale pink that has a little shimmer in it.

We leave there and Julie pulls me towards a make-up store. She hurries around it like a whirlwind. Talking to the sales assistant, while holding pots and tubes towards my face to test the color against my new skin tone. It makes me feel like I'm being talked about and not included in whatever this is.