Between Now and Goodbye (8 page)

My body feels heavy as I make my way downstairs, out into the kitchen and to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

I don't head straight back upstairs because I know that Libby will have things under control, and I also trust that she won't try and move my mom on her own. So I sit down at the kitchen table and rest my elbows down, head in my hands as I force deep breaths to keep from crying.

Ten minutes later Libby's calm voice floats down the stairs and I spring to my feet, pick up the water and sprint up the steps to meet them.

My mom is now dressed in a loose fitting lilac shirt, and a pair of black pajama bottoms. Her hair has been properly washed, combed and braided and she's looking quite a bit brighter, even though her skin is still so pale it's practically translucent.

'Libby has kindly offered to show off what she's been learning at camp, and cook us dinner tonight.' Mom smiles up at me warmly, and I smile at Libby. I know better than to tell her that she doesn't need to do that. I know she will anyway, and I also know that even though she can't really afford it, she'll buy all the ingredients to make something.

Her family isn't wealthy by any means, they used to have the same income roughly as my parents did, but now with my dad gone and my mom out of work, we're relying on benefits, and my mom's job paying her extended sick leave. We now have slightly less than her family, but in her house there are just two kids and in ours there are six.

We've had to be creative about where everyone sleeps in our house. Lewis and I are in the attic room. What would have been the dining room has to become Katie, Georgia and April's room. Sean has his own room, which used to be a small laundry room and my mom has the main bedroom. The only bedroom which is on the second floor. It's a tight squeeze, but we make it work.

'I want to try out this Asian stir fry I invented. On our first day we were all given free reign of the pantry, and told to come up with something outside of our comfort zones, so I went for a vegetarian stir fry, because as you know I'm usually working with seafood. Anyway, your mom and I were talking about it, and we think that the light, fresh flavours will be perfect for a hot summer night.' Libby says. She's sitting on the edge of the bathtub, her hand on my mom's arm and an easy relaxed smile on her face.

'So I'll need to get some rest before I come down for dinner. I thought we might eat out in the yard, get some of that nice summer air. Libby's parents and sister will join us. Feel free to invite Julie as well.' Mom smiles up at me. 'Would you help me back to my room?'

'Of course.' I move towards her, passing her the bottle of water. She takes her pills and then I slip my arm around her waist and get her to her feet. 'Libs I'll just be a few minutes, if you want to wait for me up on the roof.'

'Sure.' She nods, smiles at my mom and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek, and then heads towards the steps up to the attic room.

'She's a sweet girl.' Mom says, leaning her weight against me.

'Yeah, she is.'

Libby is lying on her back with one arm stretched over her stomach, and the other over her eyes keeping out the sun. I sit next to her and she shifts herself into a sitting position. Pulling the hem of her white skirt over her knees.

'Char, is it really bad?' She asks, voice low and worried.

'The doctor said that the MRI showed no change in the size of the tumor. She's just finished another round of chemo, at the moment she's one week on, one week off. It's hard to tell if the sickness and tiredness are from that or from the tumor itself. She's had a couple more seizures while you've been away, but the effects don't last as long as they used to.' I shrug. 'She has good days and bad days, but recently the bad have been...really bad.'

'Is there anything you need?'

'Distraction.' I reply, 'So how about you tell me why you're home several weeks before you should be.'

'Julie.' She says it quickly, looking away from me as she does. She looks towards the water, and I can tell that she isn't entirely happy about coming home.

'Libs, I told you that you didn't need to come back home for her, we were working on getting her to come out of her room.'

'I know. I didn't come home because you called me and told me what was going on,' she replies, 'she finally answered one of my calls and she told me...I don't know if I should tell you what she said. She's your girlfriend and I'm annoyed at her, but I also love her and you love her so...'

'Libs you don't have to hide things from me about Julie, you can tell me the truth.' I have a sinking feeling that this isn't going to be something good. It's going to highlight a part of Julie's character, that I mostly try and forget is there.

'She told me that if I didn't come home, she wouldn't start eating again.'

'Oh boy.' I sigh.

'And I believed her.'

'Well, yeah that's because she was most likely telling the truth.' I drop my head down into my hands. 'I'm really sorry Libs.'

'It's not up to you to apologize for her.'

'She's my girlfriend.'

'And my best friend so you don't need to apologize. I don't like the way she did it, but I do kind of understand it. She's really upset and angry and she needs her friends around her. Maybe she was scared of leaving without seeing me much, I don't know.' She shrugs her shoulders, 'I think she just needs to be taken care of sometimes, and although she doesn't always ask for help in the best of ways, I think part of her just doesn't know a better way to do it.'

'She should come up with one.' I say, rubbing a hand across my forehead. 'I can't believe she did that to you. What about camp?'

'I spoke with them. I told them that I was needed back home and I wouldn't be able to stay on. Thankfully, they understood and refunded my payment, and since they were only a week into the camp, they called up the next person on the list and they were able to join the camp.'

'I'm really sorry Libs.'

'It's ok.' She shrugs and I know that it isn't really ok, 'my friends are more important than a culinary camp, no matter how hard it was to get into. Besides in the time I've known Julie, I've figured out that it's hard to say no to her. On the positive side, it means I have a lot of spare cash this summer, which means I should really head to the grocery store and pick up some ingredients for tonight.'

'Need a ride?' I ask.

'I've got my car.' She shakes her head and then a loud crash sounds from inside, followed by Lewis yelling at Sean. 'Besides, it seems like you have your hands full.'

'You could say that.' I laugh as we head back inside.

'I'll be back in about an hour or so to start cooking. Oh, and my mom wanted to let you know that she has a long weekend off from work this weekend.'

'Ok.' I draw the word out, hoping that will portray my confusion. I don't usually get a run down of her mom's work schedule.

'She wanted you to know because she said she'd be happy, more than happy in fact, to help out at your place with the kids, if you wanted to take Lewis and his friend on that camping trip.'

'You asked her to do that?'

'I did, but she doesn't mind. She's happy to help out.'

'Did you come home to fix all the problems?' I ask, smiling at her.

'I do what I can.' She grins. 'I will see you in an hour, oh and I'm taking Katie with me to the store, because she needs to get the stuff on your grocery list.'

'You convinced her to do the grocery shopping?'

'I have skills you will never understand.' She grins at me again, 'Call Julie, tell her I'm home and cooking tonight so she better get herself over here. Tell her I've already cleared it with her parents, and they're happy to lift her grounding, so long as she eats and stops fighting them on the boarding school thing.'

'You've been home for less than an hour.'

'Yeah, so?' She asks.

'You have super powers.' I say, shaking my head, slightly in awe of how easily she's taken control of things. She smiles at me, then heads down to collect Katie before leaving the house.

Twelve – Julie

Being able to go out tonight feels so good, even if it is just to Charles house, and even if he did yell at me for a solid ten minutes before inviting me over. Apparently he doesn't like that I got Libby to come home the way I did. He said I was being manipulative, and childish, and that when I get like this he can't see why he ever asked me out. Then, after I started crying because I need him to be on my side, he said he was sorry and that he shouldn't have said it. Still, I know he isn't happy with me.

How else was I supposed to bring her home though? I could already tell that my tactic wasn't going to work on my parents the way it did a few years ago, so I had to think of something else. The more I thought about it though, the more I started thinking that maybe going to a boarding school wouldn't be such a bad idea. Not that I'm going to let anyone know that I'm coming around to the idea.

So really, once I figured out that I'm going to go to boarding school, I had to bring her home, because I don't want to leave without spending time with my best friend. Also, if I want my parents to stay relaxed on my grounding, lifting it even. I need to have Libby around as a stabilizing influence, and Charles as my boyfriend.

It would be easier to follow my plan if I wasn't so over my relationship with Charles. He's sweet and everything, but he's got different priorities now. He's always busy with his mom, or his brothers and sisters, and I'm always left searching for other plans. He's never any fun, he hardly ever goes to parties, and when he does I can tell that he'd rather be sitting at my house or his, having a quiet dinner and watching a movie, or just talking.

I guess the nicest way to put it is that we're growing in different directions, and I think we have been for a really long time. He's all serious and has his attention divided in so many different directions, and I want my boyfriend to treat me like I'm his main priority. The simple fact, however bad it sounds, is that I'm bored of him being my boyfriend.

It was nice at first, I guess. He's always been more attached than I have. He was the first one to say 'I love you' and I kind of just said it back because I liked the idea of him loving me, and I've seen enough TV shows and movies to know that sometimes guys can get weird and end things if you don't say it back, and I didn't want to be single.

I don't think I ever loved him, in fact, I'm certain that I didn't. Not as more than a friend anyway, but he was convenient. I wanted a boyfriend who would take me places, love me, adore me, and he did. I was happy though. I was happy having a boyfriend, and it was a bonus that he was liked, ok loved, by my parents. That, though, my parents, is now the only reason that I'm not going to break up with him. Not yet at least.

Tonight is just dinner at Charles', but his whole family will be there, and so will Libby's so I feel like it's acceptable to dress up a little more. I search through my closet and pick out something wonderful. Then wriggle into a gold sequinned dress that hugs my curves. I pair it with some gold heels, and a black lace cardigan which falls about three inches below the hem of my dress, which stops at my knees.

I apply a generous helping of mascara and eyeliner. Put on some light pink lipstick and then cover it in gloss. Line my arms with a selection of gold and pearl bracelets, and then pull my hair, which I've curled into large ringlets, into an up do and add a pearl headband. It's sparkly and just a little extravagant and I love it.

I arrive late. Just half an hour, but the gathering is already under way as I walk around to the back of the house. The first thing I see is Charles' mom, half sitting, half lying on a deck chair, with a glass on lemonade in her frail looking hand. I turn away quickly, and the next thing I see is Libby. She's laughing loudly as she attempts to climb over the fence between her yard and Charles', carrying a bottle of vinegar with her.

Charles is watching her as well, a smile on his face as he calls out that she's going to fall if she's not careful. She tosses the bottle to him, which he catches easily, and then she perches on the fence. Her legs swinging against the wood panels.

She's dressed incredibly differently to me. It looks like she hasn't even made an effort. She has no make-up on, and her barely tanned skin is flushed. Her light blonde hair is falling in messy waves down to her waist. She's wearing a baggy white gypsy style blouse, and over the top she has on some pale denim dungaree shorts, with a floral pattern on them, and to top it all off, she's barefoot.

I wonder, and not for the first time, if she'd let me give her a makeover. I know exactly what I'd do as well. I'd cut her hair into a cute short style, maybe just above her shoulders, and definitely make it a darker blonde, more of a golden blonde than her very light almost white blonde. I'd give her a good few sessions in a tanning booth to give her a bit more color, because sun kissed isn't a great look in my opinion. I'd introduce her to concealer and foundation, because she never wears much make-up. She thinks that putting on a little tinted lip balm and a bit of mascara is enough.