Between Now and Goodbye (42 page)

'Perhaps not, but you weren't all bad.' She replies, 'He loved you.'

'I just didn't deserve him to love me. Really the two of you would have made the better couple.'

'No,' she says, her grip tightening on the wheel, 'no we're just friends, he wouldn't...never mind.'

'Libby?'

'Can we just not talk for a bit? I have a headache.' She turns the radio on and doesn't say another word, and because I'm trying to be a better friend, I respect her need for silence. We travel the rest of the way without saying another word to each other.

I didn't know what to expect when I got to the cabin. I'd had a few different ideas floating around in my head, ranging from a falling down shack in the woods, to a plantation style house right on the water's edge. I was leaning towards thinking it would be more of a shack than a plantation.

It's neither. It's a large wooden house, with a wraparound porch and green shutters at each of the windows. There's a swing on the porch, a picnic bench between the house and the lake, and a jetty with a small boat. It's actually a lot nicer than I thought it would be.

As far as the response from the people, that isn't what I expected. I haven't even seen Charles or his mom yet, because apparently they've gone out into town with Georgia and Lewis, while Katie watches the others. I had hoped he'd be here, instead I get a wonderful greeting from Katie.

'I'm not giving up my bed for her.' Katie says as soon as she sees me walking into the house. Her arms fold across her chest, and she narrows her eyes. Hostility radiating off of her.

'You won't have to.' Libby replies, 'I'm going to be sleeping on the couch.'

'Charles is already sleeping on the couch.' Katie points out.

'There are two couches in the lounge.' Libby replies. 'I'll take one and he'll take the other. Unless,' she says to Katie, 'you want to take the couch.'

'No thanks, that thing is uncomfortable.' Katie shoots me a look which tells me she'd quite happily let me sleep outside. In the lake. 'She could take it.'

'I could.' I say quickly, even though I really don't want to be sleeping on a couch all month.

'No, it's fine, Charles and I already sorted it all out.' Libby replies, and I take that to mean that Charles doesn't want to share the lounge with me.

'Well, if you want to switch at any point, just let me know.' I say, hoping this will make Katie ease up on me. She just glares and storms out of the room, almost knocking into Charles as he comes in. He stops on the spot when he comes in, and I think it's because he's seen me, but his eyes are trained on Libby. He snaps out of whatever it is that just happened, and finally sees me.

'Was your flight ok?' He asks and it feels more like we're old acquaintances than best friends.

'It was fine.' I reply. 'How are you?'

'Fine.' He answers.

'And your mom?'

'She's out on the porch, if you want to go and say hello.'

'Oh, oh yeah, I guess I'll go out now.' I say quickly, because I can tell that he's not sure if he wants me around right now. I start heading for the door out to the hall, beginning to head outside, but I stop when I hear Charles talking in a low voice to Libby.

'Listen, I wanted to talk about last night.' He says it so quietly that I have to strain to hear what he's saying.

'No need.' She replies quickly.

'There's every need Libs.' He says more urgently this time. 'I'm kind of being a jerk.'

'You're not.' She replies.

'After yesterday morning at the jetty, I shouldn't have been so...off with you.'

'You weren't off, you were busy.'

'I was avoiding you.' He replies. Why would he be avoiding her? What happened at the jetty? Did they get into a fight? If they did does that mean that one or both of them will be more willing to accept my apology?

'You're allowed to avoid me if you want. I was sort of avoiding you as well.'

'Well, yeah I figured, but after you got back from the gig with Katie, I went out of my way to ignore you and I'm the one who messed up.'

'You didn't mess up.' A small laugh from Libby, so I guess she's not that mad at him, and he doesn't sound mad. More regretful.

'Either way, I shouldn't be avoiding you. That's not what I want, I want for us to be as we were before.'

'I want that too.' Libby replies, and then she sighs. 'Looks Char, as far as I'm concerned, nothing has to change, not if we don't want it to, and... we don't want it to, right?'

'Right.' His response is slow, unsure.

'Then we're good.' Libby replies. 'No need for avoidance or apologies. Got it?'

'Got it.' He answers right away, he's silent for a second and I'm about to move off again, when he says something else. 'So how was the drive with Julie?'

'I don't know. Quiet, mostly, I think she's really willing to make an effort. She cares about you.'

'How about you though?' He asks. 'How are you doing with her being here?'

'I'm stronger than I look.' She replies.

'I know you're strong.' He answers, his voice slightly lower, 'That doesn't mean that I don't want to look out for you, to protect you.'

'I appreciate it, but you have enough people to care for and protect, you don't need to add me into the mix.'

'Too late.' He says. I risk looking around the door and into the room. They're standing really close together. Not close enough that they're touching, but closer than I've ever seen them stand. Something isn't quite right about the situation. There's something different between them.

'Well, you don't have to worry about me on the Julie front, like I said, I think she's really willing to make an effort.'

'Ok then.' He smiles down at her, brushing a strand of hair from her face, and her eyes spring up to his. 'Sorry. That's probably crossing the line.' He pulls his hand back.

'I'm not so sure there is a line anymore, or if there is...it's blurred and I...' Libby stops talking as a loud crash sounds from outside. I jump back out of sight before I'm seen, and quickly hurry to say hello to his mom.

Fifty Two – Libby

I think I like Charles, and not just in a he's my best friend kind of way like I've always liked him. I mean in a completely different way. I like him in a way where he makes my head spin, my pulse race, and gives me a feeling of electricity when his fingers brush mine. It's new and different and it's been creeping up on me without my noticing it.

It all started so simply, with just a few touches that were a little bit different. Softer, lighter and more intimate somehow. His fingers brushing mine no longer felt like an accidental brushing, or a nothing action that happens all the time. It now feels like something important. There are also moments of eye contact which leave me feeling off balance.

Then he kissed me. Charles Parsons. My best friend in the entire world kissed me, and I was lost, and now there is no sometimes in any of it. It's not sometimes he looks at me and I feel a spark, it's not sometimes his hand touches mine and my heart skips, it's not sometimes I think about him as more than a friend. It's always. It's every time I see him. It's each time he says my name and a shiver goes through me.

I've never noticed before how nice my name sounds when he says it, but I'm noticing now. I don't know how it happened, one moment we're friends and the next he's practically the only thing I can think about.

I'm trying my best to hide it, especially now that Julie is here, because me liking her ex-boyfriend is way beyond awkward. I'm not so sure I can keep it up though. Not when every time I see him I smile, and every time I think about him, I lose time.

How did this even happen? One kiss and I'm gone, is that how it works? Was his kiss so good that it jump started my feelings for him. Or were they always there and it took him kissing me for me to realize it?

All I know for certain is that he was happy to pretend like it never happened, and he doesn't want to change our friendship. Still, sometimes I think he likes me too. Sometimes he looks at me and it's like he wants to kiss me again, and each time I want him to so badly, but we can't go there. Not now.

His mom is dying. He has so many things to think about and people to care for, he doesn't need to be starting up a new relationship now. Even if he wants to, which I'm not convinced he does, because in all honesty, he's running a little hot and cold.

For instance, when Julie arrived a couple of days ago, he was spending a fair bit of time with me, and we had moments, I know we did. Moments when I thought he was going to kiss me again, but didn't.

Today, he's barely spoken two words to me all day, and he's been hanging out with Julie a lot more, and it's like he's putting up a wall between me and him.

I just need to stop stressing over him, because even if he does like me as more than a friend, which he's said he doesn't, now is not a good time.

I mean Julie's here, and they only broke up like nine weeks ago. She only tried to get him back a little while ago, and she's my friend and his friend, and it would be weird if Charles and I started dating.

Still, I can't help but think about what it would be like to be his girlfriend. To be able to hold his hand, kiss him whenever I felt like it. To have him walk around town with his arm around my waist, or hand in hand, to have...no I need to stop.

I shake my thoughts out of my head and pay attention to the room I'm in. I'm in the lounge since it's raining tonight and so there's no going outside, even though it is still hot. The sun is just setting, and it's peeking through the clouds.

I'm in here with Mrs Parsons, Katie, Julie, Georgia and April. The boys all went out earlier and we're still waiting for them to get back.

'Do you know what we haven't done in a while.' Mrs Parsons suddenly says. I look over to her, putting aside the book which I haven't been reading, since I've been entirely too distracted thinking about Charles.

'What?' Katie asks.

'A silly dance party.' Mrs Parsons replies. Katie and Georgia grin, Julie looks mildly horrified.

'Silly dance party?' I ask.

'It's something we used to do a few years ago,' Katie supplied, 'we basically put on the happiest music we can find and dance around the room, singing at the top of our lungs.'

'It's a kids game.' Julie adds.

'You're never too old for a silly dance party.' Mrs Parsons replies. 'I refuse to die without having at least one more.' She gets up and makes her way over to her laptop, opening it up and scrolling through her music collection. She finds a playlist and clicks on it.
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
starts playing and Katie and Georgia jump to their feet. I get to mine as well, grinning from ear to ear, because Mrs Parsons looks so happy. Julie stays sat down through the first three songs, and then finally Mrs Parsons gets her to dance during the fourth. She quickly stops dancing though, and goes back to her seat. I keep dancing. Jumping up and down, spinning around. Singing and laughing, and having a great time.

Mrs Parsons grabs me around the waist, spinning me around as she laughs loudly, and then she spots something, grins widely and lets go of me quickly. I spin fast and start toppling, and then, I land against Charles.

I hadn't even noticed him arrive home, but from the looks of things, he's been watching us all dance around like lunatics to
Walking on Sunshine
, and now he's in front of me, and I'm pressed up against his chest and he's looking at me like he did right before he kissed me. I hold my breath, my eyes holding his gaze and I feel myself losing grip on myself.

I think he's about to kiss me, and I want him to so badly. I lean ever so slightly closer to him, and then instead of kissing me, he loops an arm around my waist and starts dancing with me.

It's not a kiss, but with his hand on my waist and the smile that he's giving me, it's just as good as if he had kissed me.

We dance for three more songs, most of the time I'm dancing with Charles, but on the third song Georgia pulls him away and I dance with Sean, and then Lewis, and then Katie and then Mrs Parsons. We all keep swapping partners, even Julie finally gets up and joins us again.

'I need...air.' I pant desperately, as Charles pulls me to him again. He grins at me and spins me towards the door out into the hall. Then he takes my hand in his and we run. We run outside, both of us laughing. We run into the rain and down towards the lake. We go into the trees which line the sections of the lake between the houses.

The canopy of leaves provides a little shelter from the rain, and from here we can see the water, but not the house on either side of the cluster of trees.

We stop moving and he stands close to me. My back, pressing against a tree, his eyes on mine, both of us breathing hard.

Raindrops drip down through the trees and land onto us. He puts one hand on the tree just above my right shoulder, and his eyes flick from my eyes to my lips and then back again.