Bindings and Books (6 page)

Over the top of her head, he nodded toward Brody. “Tell me.”

“He’s been unconscious since we arrived. Jess told the doctors that you’re his partner, so they wanted to wait for you. I’ll let them know you’re here, and they can tell us what’s going on.”

D
AY
O
NE

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Amidst cords, tubes, and monitors, Ash lay pale and motionless. For James, the monotonous sound of the heart monitor was a welcome affirmation of life. On a chair next to the hospital bed, he shifted forward and clutched Ash’s hand. “So, the doctors think your chest wound is going to be fine. Your head injury is the tricky one. The sooner you wake up the better. Okay?”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Rachael’s coming to visit you later. She’s going to help at the shop for a few days, so I can stay here with you. Jess sends her love.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“The coffee’s pretty bad here.” His breath hitched. “Wake up soon, Ash.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

D
AY
T
HREE

“Brody’s coming in to visit you later.” James picked up Ash’s cold hand and warmed it between his own. “I might go and get something to eat while he’s here with you. I know he’s your friend, but I don’t really want to have to put up with his attitude today.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Jess is coming tomorrow. At least we’ll both enjoy that visit.”

Careful to avoid the tubes and bandages, he ran his hand over Ash’s hair. “Come on, Ash, you can do it! Wake up! Please….”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

D
AY
F
IVE

James draped an arm across Ash’s stomach and laid his head on Ash’s chest. The heart beat steadily beneath his cheek, but it wouldn’t mean a thing if Ash didn’t wake up. The heart monitor marked the passing seconds. Each and every pulse brought the risk of permanent brain damage closer, or worse. He tightened his hold on Ash. “Please… wake up, Ash,” he whispered. “Please….”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

D
AY
S
EVEN

He rested his arms and head on the bed next to Ash. He would close his eyes for a few minutes. A short nap couldn’t hurt. So long as he could hear the heart monitor….

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Jerking upright, his eyes locked on Ash’s face. No, nothing. A sigh escaped as he slumped back against the bed. Tiredness washed over him in waves, making him nauseated, but he couldn’t leave the hospital. He couldn’t leave Ash alone. If he went home to sleep—Ash could die. If he went for coffee—Ash could die. Rationally, he knew that was crazy, but if Ash died when he had left him alone well… he would never forgive himself.

So he stayed.

He brushed his mouth across Ash’s cold lips. “You have to wake up. I need you, Ash. Don’t leave me—not like this.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Ash… please….”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

D
AMN
IT
!
Why had he left Ash alone with Brody again?
He should have been there when Ash regained consciousness. James drew himself up to his full height and narrowed his stare at Brody. “I can’t believe you’re trying to stop me from seeing him! If you don’t get out of my way, I’m going to pummel you into oblivion!”

“James! Calm down. I’m just saying, maybe you should talk to the doctor first. To be honest, from Ash’s nonreaction to me, I am not sure he’ll remember you. It might not be a good idea to go in there and declare yourself as his gay lover or anything like that. See what the doctor says first.”

The breath drained from his lungs, and he ran his fingers through his hair. “Right. Okay. It’s… I thought I was going to lose him, and now, miraculously I have him back. I just want to hold him in my arms.”

Brody shoved his hands in his pockets. “It’s not about you. We have to do what’s best for Ash.”

A short while later the doctor echoed Brody’s sentiments. “Mr. Connell, tell him you’re his friend, something that establishes a link between you but nothing too detailed. Memories cannot be forced, and it’s best if we leave them to return without pressuring him.”

“So, he
will
get his memory back?”

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you any assurances. Nothing about head injuries is ever certain, and there is something else I need to warn you about.” He paused, as if considering his words carefully. “Sometimes, this type of brain injury can result in behavioral and personality changes. A person who was once easy going can become anxious or develop OCD. They can develop a dislike for something they previously enjoyed. In some patients, it’s temporary, but in others it can be permanent—even after the return of their memories.”

His breathing became shallow. “So even if his memory returns…. Do you think his feelings about our relationship—about me—could be different?”

“It is possible, but hopefully, the inherent feelings from a deep emotional connection will be remembered. It’s a lot to take in, and I’m afraid only time will tell.”

He stared at the door of Ash’s hospital room.

Was their emotional connection deep enough to remember? On the radar of Ash’s life, their relationship was just a tiny blip.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

His eyes searched the sparse white hallway for something to count.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

He took a step toward the door.

He would take the doctor’s advice. He would
not
rush in and confuse Ash with kisses or too much information.
Damn but it would be difficult!
He wanted to scoop Ash up and take him away from this place.

On the threshold, he paused and drew in a deep breath. Right. He had to think of Ash. He needed to take it slow.

He pushed the door open.

A
SH
TURNED
to the man who entered his room. He was… beautiful—like a movie star!
Wait! What?
Where had that thought come from?

The man perched on the chair by the bed. “Hi, Ash.”

The stranger reached out toward Ash’s hand until their fingers almost touched.

His breath caught. “Hi.”

The man quickly pulled his hand away and returned it to his lap. “Do you know who I am?”

Frowning, he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I….”

“It’s okay. I’m James. I’m your…. We are… close friends. You’ve been living with…
staying
at my place for a while now. Sort of unofficial roommates.”

“James.” He tested out the name to see if it triggered any memories. No, nothing. His eyes ran over James, noting the slightly ruffled dark hair, concerned eyes, broad shoulders, and chest.

His heart rate increased.

Despite the man’s hesitancy, there was something compelling…. His gaze slid away. He was so big, so beautiful. His heart thundered.
Why am I thinking such crazy things?

James leaned closer. “The doctor said you should be able to come home soon where I can look after you.”

The blood pounded through Ash’s head. “You will? Umm. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you… or anything.” Did he want this stranger taking care of him?
But he’s not a stranger. He said we were close.
Audibly exhaling, he closed his eyes.

James placed a hand on Ash’s upper arm. “I’ll let you get some rest. I’m so glad you’re all right, Ash.”

The contact of James’s lingering hand sent warmth radiating through his arm. With his heartbeat slowing, the tightness in his chest eased. The hand and the warmth were good. It was… right. Opening his eyes, he stared at James.

James opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. Giving his arm a gentle squeeze, James smiled. “I’ll see you later.”

And then he was gone.

Staring at the closed door, Ash shifted restlessly in the bed. An emptiness filled his chest. He wanted James to come back. Better to feel confused by his presence than this… aching hollowness.

L
IKE
A
comforting warm blanket, the elusive scent wrapped around Ash. The forest? A certain type of wood? Yes, but also something else, something familiar. What was it? A gentle brush against his cheek. A whisper of air. A fleeting warm pressure against his lips.

Ash clutched the sheets. He wanted more. He needed to feel the heat of James’s skin against his own.

James!
On a guilty gasp, his eyes shot open.

In a large bed, in an unfamiliar room, a dark green quilt cocooned him. James sat on the edge of the bed, leaning over him. His heart hammered in his chest. Had James just kissed him? Drawing in a deep breath, he pushed away the crazy thought. No, calm down. Of course not. It was merely a crazy dream.

James leaned back a little. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Would you like something to eat and then take a shower?”

With his heartbeat easing a little, he struggled to sit up. Arms encircled and supported his back, as James bodily lifted him into a sitting position. His head swam as that same delicious, intoxicating aroma surrounded him. He wanted to bury his face in James’s neck and inhale.

Oh God!
James was a friend. A male friend. He had to get a grip before he embarrassed himself and James.

He drew in a deep breath, then released it slowly. “Thanks, food sounds good.”

After eating a bowl of pumpkin soup, he contemplated how to get to the shower.
Being weak sucked!
Ash had just swung his shaky legs over the side of the bed when James returned to help him.

With James supporting him, he slowly made his way into the adjacent bathroom.

Once there, James produced a white package from the cupboard. “These waterproof dressings cover your wounds so you can take a shower.”

James grasped the hem of Ash’s T-shirt and carefully removed it. Fingers brushed Ash’s bare chest, sending a rush of blood southward. His breath stuttered. The bathroom was too small. James was so big. With his gaze on the floor, he inhaled and exhaled in slow constant breaths.

The small stool near the shower squeaked in protest as he settled onto it. James placed the waterproof covering over the shaved section at the back of his head and began to flatten the edges down. Like a mild electric current, the gentle stroking of James’s fingers against his scalp sent a shiver through his body.

James placed a hand on his bare shoulder. “Sorry. Are you cold? I’ll be as quick as I can.” Kneeling down on the floor in front of him, James placed one of the larger coverings over the existing bandage on his right pectoral. Fingers methodically smoothed the edges of the bandage onto his skin. His cock stirred. The grazing of his nipple sent his stomach muscles into spasms.
Shit!
He had to keep his body under control.

James stood. “Right, all done.”

A strong hand curled around his biceps to help him to his feet.

Standing face to face, his world narrowed to the tiny bathroom and James. The room echoed with his ragged breaths, and goose bumps raised across his bare chest and arms.

James’s hand hovered at the waistband of his shorts, threatening to brush against his stomach.

He swallowed.
What was James doing?

“Sorry.” James dropped his hand. “You can probably manage from here. I’ll leave the door ajar. Call me if you feel weak or need help.” Pausing at the doorway, James became stern. “I mean it, Ash! Don’t be all stoic and self-sufficient. Call me
before
you end up in a heap on the floor.”

“Yes, sir!” Closing his eyes, he cringed.
Sir?

When his eyes opened, James was gone.

The hot water ran over his hair and skin, washing his tension away. It made him feel more himself. He paused. Stupid really. He had no idea what his “normal self” was like. Had he always had these confusing reactions to James? He couldn’t seem to stop them. What was wrong with him? More importantly, had James noticed? Oh God, how embarrassing.

With the water beating down on his head, his mind cleared. Okay, maybe his reactions to James were not so unusual. They were in an unusual situation. Maybe everyone with amnesia latched on to his or her care person. There were a number of explanations for his feelings.

Number one, he was physically reliant upon James. Number two, he had no family, and James was his best friend. Number three, with his memory loss came feelings of uncertainty about his life and his future. Therefore, it seemed perfectly reasonable to conclude that he was emotionally clinging to James with a desperate need to belong—to feel safe.

He nodded slowly. Yes, it was all very logical really.

He turned off the water as his legs began to shake. They would both be embarrassed if James found him wet and naked on the floor. He cringed at the thought of the awkward and ungainly maneuvering that would follow. Best to cover himself with a towel and call James immediately.

As he reached for the towel, his left leg began to tremble as if an earthquake shook the ground beneath him. The world tilted. For a few seconds, he blindly groped for the towel rail before his knee buckled. “Shit!”

His body jolted as strong arms caught him and drew him upright. Those arms pressed him against a large, secure, solid wall of muscle, and for a few seconds he savored the feeling of safety.

That luscious foresty scent wrapped around him. James’s cheek pressed against his cheek, and warm breath whispered across his ear. Strong arms pressed across his bare, wet back, holding him tightly against a warm, hard chest. He sighed as James’s hips brushed, then pressed against his erection. He pressed back, savoring the—

Erection!
Shit!

As he jerked his hips away, heat flooded his cheeks. A giant fissure in the earth, opening up to swallow him whole would be welcome right about….
Now!