Bindings and Books (8 page)

His heart stuttered.

He loved him.

Oh God. He loved Ash.

One, two, three muscled half-naked young men. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine—Oh give it up! He’d be counting all night.

“Well, that was an experience.” A breathless Ash placed the drinks on the table and sat down. “I’ve just had some interesting propositions, most of which were variations of me ‘ditching the old guy’ and having some real… well, I’m sure you get the idea.” The corner of Ash’s mouth twitched.

With his brow furrowed, James sat in silence for a while. It was real. He loved Ash.

He looked up and caught Ash suppressing a smile
.
Probably thought he was moping with a dented ego. If only it were something that simple and unimportant.

Ash placed a hand on James’s thigh. “Of course, I politely refused their offers. I mean, why would I be interested in one of those sweaty, half-naked, muscle-bound, hot young men when I have you?”

James relaxed a little. It was time to wipe that hint of a smile off Ash’s beautiful but cheeky mouth. What would be most enjoyable? Some clever banter or kissing him senseless.

He chose the latter.

Ash’s hair slid through his fingers. Clasping Ash’s head in both hands, he drew him closer until their lips were a mere whisper apart. “You’re mine.”
Damn it!
Did he say that to convince Ash or himself?

With a groan, he claimed Ash’s mouth in a devouring kiss. After a few blissful moments, he pulled back. “So, any of those hot young men appeal to you?” A vise gripped his chest, threatening to crack a few ribs. He ignored it.

Ash appeared a little dazed. “Wha…? What young men?” Ash rested his nose against James’s cheek before inhaling a long, deep breath through his nose. “God, you smell good.”

A frisson of electricity raced up James’s spine. He surged to his feet and towed a bemused and smiling Ash toward the exit.

C
OFFEE
SPLASHED
across the table as Brody slammed the cup onto the table. “You’re his prisoner!”

Ash laughed. “That’s crazy.”

“He won’t
allow
you to do certain things, you have to check in with him before you go anywhere, and he doesn’t like me visiting you.”

“You’re here now.”

“Yeah, but if he knew I was here, he’d be racing home from his bookstore to get rid of me. I’m telling you, he’s kind of controlling.”

Ash shook his head. “No, he’s worried about me. I do have amnesia you know.”

“Well, I think your relationship is messed up. He’s too old for you, and I’m not really convinced he cares for you in a committed kind of way.”

Ash shifted in his chair. “What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t act like he is. He never even touches you in public.”

A slow smile curled his mouth upward. “He did more than touch me the other night.”

“What? Where were you?”

“I took him to this gay bar—”

Brody scoffed. “A gay bar is hardly a public place.”

He stared into his coffee cup. Brody had a point. The patrons of the bar were, to put it mildly, sexually extroverted. The kiss and touches they had shared were tame in comparison to some of the antics going on around them. Had the atmosphere influenced James’s behavior? The conversation with Rachael from a few days ago came to mind.

She had reluctantly revealed James’s fear of becoming like his father and his deep-seated aversion to relationships with younger men. The plan she and her co-conspirators had enacted to help him seduce James had shocked him, and it was concerning to hear how desperately James had fought his attraction. Not to mention James’s fear of judgment. He would never have guessed. James was always so caring and attentive—in private.

If there had been no conspiracy, would James be with him? If there had been no accident, would James have stayed with him? Did James feel trapped?

And what about his own feelings? It was all so new. Maybe he didn’t have strong feelings for James.
Well… what about those kisses the other night? And why do you keep inhaling him? And leaning on him! And why pretend to be asleep on his lap while he ran his fingers through your hair? And the shower incident! Maybe….

Brody squeezed Ash’s upper arm. “Why don’t you come stay with me for a while?”

“What? No, I can’t.”

“Why not? We have seven years of history and memories. Maybe spending more time together will help bring your memory back.”

Would it help his memory? Should he go? Perhaps James needed some space. With time apart, James could determine if he was with him because he cared or merely due to circumstances, or worse—a sense of responsibility.

Brody’s hand landed on his shoulder. “Look at it this way— You’ve tried to get your memory back by being here with him, and it hasn’t worked. Maybe it’s time to try something different. We’ll hang out at the apartment with Jess, and visit some old haunts. Just for a few days.”

Ash sighed. “Okay. I guess we could give it a try.”

A
SH
SLOWLY
awoke to the feel of a soft caress across his chest. A strip of light slipped from behind the partially opened door but did little to illuminate the room. His gaze searched the darkness, but found only the shadowy form of his lover.

The shadow’s caress drifted tormentingly lower, toward his stomach.

A harsh groan escaped his lips. “James.”

The movement stopped.

The rough sheets filled his clenching fists. “Please.”

The caress began again. It moved closer toward his stirring arousal, sliding, pressing, and enticing, sending heat through his lower body.

His short breaths quickened. His hands blindly searched for and found shoulders to clasp, drawing them upward. “Kiss me.”

Lips pressed against his neck, teeth grazed his ear.

He moaned and turned his head, pressing his lips against warm skin. He inhaled a long, deep breath… and froze.
Not James!

Frantically, he pushed and kicked, and his body twisted. Desperate to escape, he fell from the bed and scrambled across the room to claw at the light switch.

The harsh light illuminated the figure on the bed like a spotlight.

He inhaled sharply. “Brody! What the hell are you doing?”

Text To:
J
ames

From: Ash

Maybe we should take this time

to re-evaluate our relationship.

Maybe age gap is too much. Ash

____

Text To: Ash

From: James

Ash, what do you mean? J

____

Text To: Ash

From: James

Ash, please answer your phone. J

____

James paced around the bookstore muttering beneath his breath.
I hate texts! They don’t explain. They can’t show intonation or emotion! They are the stupidest things ever invented!
Did Ash want some space? Did he want to move out? Break up? Find a younger man? The text was driving him crazy.

One, two, three, four, five steps across the bookstore. Six, seven, eight—

It usually helped.
Why the hell isn’t it working?

He looked around the store. A frowning Stephanie watched from behind the counter. Probably wondering if she should call someone about the crazy man. From the travel section, an elderly woman eyed him nervously, ready to bolt if he turned his craziness toward her.

All eyes turned to the door as the shop’s bell tinkled, heralding a new arrival. Seeing her chance to escape, the elderly lady moved with surprising speed to exit the shop before the maniac had a chance to focus on her.

“Rachael!” He grabbed his sister in a bone-crushing hug.

“Hey! What’s wrong?”

“He’s gone, and I don’t know what to do.”

She frowned and pulled away. “Who? Ash? You said he was going away for a few days to stay with Brody. I thought you were okay with it?”

He jerked unsteady fingers through his hair. “I was until I got the text. Now I think he’s going to leave me.” He began pacing again. “I don’t know what I should do. I’ve texted and tried calling him. He won’t answer.”

“Okay, calm down and tell me about the text.”

T
HE
SILENCE
stretched.

James cleared his throat again. “Ash, what happened at Brody’s?”

Ash shifted slightly on the couch and released an audible breath. “Brody still has feelings for me.”

“What? I didn’t even know he was gay. Wait! What do you mean by
still
?”

“Yeah, it turns out we used to be in a relationship. Evidently we broke up about four months before I met you.”

“Well, I guess that explains a lot. Brody has acted like he hates me from the day we met.” James shifted restlessly on the couch and drew in a long breath. “And how do you feel about Brody?”

Ash’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, God. No! That’s never going to happen.”

“Okay.” The breath left his lungs with a whoosh. “And what about the text?”

“What? What text?”

“The one about reevaluating our relationship.”

Ash stared blankly at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

James pulled his phone from the pocket of his jeans and scrolled through his texts before handing Ash the phone.

“Shit!” Ash jumped to his feet and retrieved his phone from the kitchen bench. He scrolled through his sent messages. “Shit!” Returning to the living room, he stood looking out the window before turning back to face him. “I couldn’t find my phone for two days. Brody said he found it before I left today.”

He stared blankly at Ash.
What?
How does this explain why he wants to leave me?

“I didn’t send you this message, James. Brody did. He was obviously trying to mess with you. I don’t want to reevaluate anything.”

His heart thudded within his rib cage as if trying to break out. “So, you don’t want to leave me?”

“No!” Ash took a step forward then pushed his hands into his pockets. “What about you? Do you still think I’m too young for you? If I didn’t have amnesia… I mean… I don’t want you to feel responsible for me. Are you only staying with me because you’re too decent to leave me while I’m like this?”

He flew across the room and pushed Ash back against the wall. How did they both get things so wrong? He would show Ash exactly how much he meant to him.

A ragged groan escaped his lips as he ground his hips against Ash. His hands clasped Ash’s head and his lips dove in to stake their claim. Moaning, he lost himself in Ash’s hot kisses and roaming hands. Ash’s cock hardening against his leg sent flutters through his stomach.

The firm globes of Ash’s ass filled his hands. A gasp against his lips and hips jerking forward nearly brought him to his knees.
Oh, yes!
He could hardly think straight. Fire raged through him. He needed to—

“James! Stop!”

His stomach lurched as Ash pushed him away.

“Please, I need you to answer. If I didn’t have amnesia—”

“Damn it, Ash!” He pulled Ash back to him. “How could you even think…? Of course I want you. Nearly losing you in the accident….” He placed a gentle kiss against Ash’s brow. “Everything became so clear. Then, seeing all those young men lusting after you at the club and knowing you could choose one of them instead of me—”

“James! I don’t want them. I want you!”

“But what if you don’t know what you want? What if you only want me because I’ve
told you
that you do? I don’t want you to be with me because you haven’t even realized you have other options.”

Ash shook his head. “I want you, James. I admit, that night at the bar, it was a bit of a boost to the ego, but I felt nothing for any of them. To be honest, I don’t even look at other men. It’s just you—only you.”

His heart raced as he buried his face in Ash’s neck. “Oh God, I love you, Ash. I love you so much.”

Ash gripped his hair and pulled his head back. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before moving in for a tender kiss.

As their lips parted Ash whispered, “I love you too.”

He gently bit at Ash’s lower lip. Catching Ash’s moan in his mouth, he pressed closer. Their mouths meshed in a dance as complex as their feelings. One minute gentle and caring, the next hard and seeking submission.

With a gasp, James broke away, grabbed Ash’s hand, and headed to the bedroom.

Once there, he divested Ash of his clothing with rough urgent hands. Grabbing the towel from the hook behind the door, he spread it across the bed before ripping his own clothes off.

Embracing Ash again, he backed him toward the bed. “Are you sure, Ash? We don’t have to rush this.”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

They fell across the bed in a tangle of limbs. With a nudge, he urged Ash to lie facedown. They both groaned as his weight pressed Ash into the bed. His breath quickened. Skin upon skin, chest to back, groin to ass. The tender skin of Ash’s neck beckoned. He was desperate to taste his lover. It was time to stop treating Ash as if he would break. He bit down.

Ash drew in a strangled breath. “Uhh! God, yes!”

Tremors raced through his stomach as Ash bucked his ass upward against James’s aching cock. He was about to ignite. The rough passion, the intensity, and each hard, possessive touch declared his fierce need to claim Ash.

After retrieving vital supplies from the bedside drawer, he rearranged Ash’s body, guiding and rolling him to the side, knees pulled toward his chest. With a lubricated finger, he pressed firmly against Ash’s entrance, then waited, allowing the tension to build.

Ash’s ragged breaths emphasized the passing seconds. Ash groaned. “Please.”

In one fluid motion, he pressed his slickened finger into Ash’s body.