Bittersweet Deceit (15 page)

“Okay, that’s good to hear. I’m going to head back to the bar. It’s good to see you and thanks again for the drinks.” Amazingly I meant it. He seemed like a better man and I would hold out hope th
at he would take care of Jacqs’s heart this time around.

He took hold of my upper arm and said, “Thank
you for being there for her and for taking on Sam. I never did thank you for that.”

“
No problem. Be good to her.”

“You got it.”

Back at the bar, I reached for my phone.

Stay touched my back. “You want another drink? Frank came by and asked.”

“Uh, no, that’s okay.” I felt uncomfortable drinking around Stay now that I knew he abstained.

As if he
read my energy or expression, he said, “I don’t care if you drink, Lainie. I know a lot of alcoholics who live with the constant craving. I’m not the same person I was when I was drinking and I don’t miss it. It’s not an issue for me. If I thought you had a drinking problem, then it would be.”

“Okay then, I’ll have another. I’ll be right back.”
I swallowed the last of my cocktail and then turned to leave.

“Where you going,
chica
?” Jacqs asked.

“Got to pee. I’ll be right back.” I strolled
to the bathroom and got in line behind the other women. My phone vibrated in my hand and I clicked on the screen. “Shit.”

The wo
man in front of me turned and glared, then did a one-eighty. Apparently I had offended her.

I stepped forward
, looking down at my phone and seeing that Mason had texted me.

MM:
I’m sorry about my abrupt departure. I didn’t really want to leave you and yet I felt like I had to. We’ve never argued before and I was at a loss. It was

MM:
entirely my fault. I know our situation isn’t fair for you. I’m not blind. Even if you won’t tell me, I know you love me. I see it in your eyes every time

MM:
we’re together. It kills me to know I can’t give you want you need. Meeting Stay just made it clear to me what I’m taking away from you and I became defensive

MM:
and as I already stated, scared of losing you. I’m sure you’re upset with me. You have every right to be. I’m sorry, baby. Although I know I should, I don’t

MM:
think I could ever let you go.

MM:
Are you there?

MM:
Please give me another chance.

MM:
Text back, please. Want us to make plans for next week. I don’t have much time before I have to turn off my phone.

“
Fuck, shit, fuck,” I muttered.

The woman in front of me turned around again.

“What?” I said, throwing up my hands.

Two stalls became available at once and I quickly slipped in
to the middle one. There were no covers so I lay out toilet paper to cover the seat. After peeing, I washed my hands. I tried to quickly pass the bar where Jacqs and Stay sat.

Stay caught my arm and said, “Where are you going?”

“I have to make a call. I’ll be right back.” I raced out the front of the club and texted Mason, hoping it wasn’t too late.

Me:
Are you still there? I’m sorry I haven’t responded sooner. I was in a loud club and I didn’t hear my phone. Please still be there.

I tromped back and forth in front of the door to CroBar, waiting. I should have stayed home. Now I couldn’t be sure when I’d hear from him again.
He probably thinks I don’t want him anymore
. Panic and fear washed over me and I wanted to run. To where, I had no idea. Away from the club maybe or away from myself and the feelings that threatened to do me under.

“Come on, call me.
Please call.” So intent on watching the screen on my phone, I almost walked into someone who had opened the door to club.

I paced away from the
entrance and when I circled back it opened again. Stay came out.

I
lurched my head back, breathed out heavily, and faltered over to him.

He held out his hands as
if to ward off an assault. “Jacqs sent me to check on you.” His compassionate eyes scanned my expression. “What is it?”

“You don’t want to know.” I could feel the corners of my mouth turning down. When he looked at me like that, it was if all the barriers around my heart fell away and I stood there in front of him unprotected. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Whatever it is that you’re doing to me
, and stop looking at me like that.” I felt young and vulnerable standing in front of him.

“Like what?”

“Like you want to hold me in your arms and make me better.”

He stepped closer and said,
“Just let me be your friend, Lainie. That’s all I’m asking.”

“No, it’s not. I thought you
didn’t lie. Just tell Jacqs I’m fine and I’ll be in, in a minute.”

He didn’t listen to me. Not at all. He wrapped his strong arms around me and I gave
in.

“I’m not going to cry,” I said.

“Shh,” he whispered. He held me against him and stroked my hair.

Resting my head against his chest, I asked,
“Why can’t you stop being so nice to me?”

“I don’
t know,” he said, tightening his hold on me.

“I’m just going to break your heart.”

He rocked us and said, “I know.”

That caused me
to cry, and I wasn’t sure who I was crying for. Myself? Mason? Stay? How could my heart be breaking for a man I had never loved? Something was really wrong with me. I used to think the one thing that would truly make me happy in life was a relationship with a man, but now look at me. I’m a fucked up mess. Maybe I’m better off abstaining from love like Stay abstained from alcohol.

My phone chirped and I looked up into Stay’s deep
-blue eyes. “I need to take this.”

“I’ll see you in side,” he said, but he didn’t let go of me right away.

“I really need—”

“Okay.” When he walked away my heart wrenched but I still hurriedly checked my messages.

MM:
He’s there, isn’t he?

I texted back:

Me:
I came out as a favor to Jacqs.

MM
:
I’ll take that as a yes.

Me
:
Please Mason, don’t do that.

MM
:
I’m going out of town and leaving Sunday
night. If you still want to see me, I’m coming in Tuesday around midnight and I’m not expected home until the evening. Can you make time for me?

Me
:
Of course I want to see you. I miss you already. I hate how today went and I wish we could do it over.

MM
:
Let’s just try to move forward from here. I have to go in a minute. Victoria thinks I’m on a work call.

He wrote
try
, as if there might be some doubt.

Me:
Will I hear from you before Tuesday?

MM
:
I’ll stay in touch. Lainie?

Me
:
What?

MM
:
Don’t do anything with the boy. I don’t think I could get past that.

Me
:
I won’t.

MM
:
Love you, baby.

Me
:
Bye, Mason.

“Holy fucking piss shit goddamn hell,” I mumbled. Apparently I’d come down with Tourette syndrome on top of everything else. I circled around a couple of times and finally pulled the door open and headed back to my seat.

The
new tequila sunrise sat on the bar sweating and calling my name. Stay who sat next to Jacqs shifted off my stool onto his. I took a long drink before acknowledging either of them.

The music lowered and Bond’s voice came over the
microphone. “This next song,
Feel So Close
by Calvin Harris is by request for my good man, Stayman. Bring me a beer dude!” And then he laughed and so did everyone else in the bar.

“Go dance,”
Jacqs said. “I’ll take care of his drink.”

“Come on
, OCDC, we need to boogie off some of the stress.”

I let
Stay lead me out on the dance floor and said, “Why this song?”

“You know why.”

“You’re going to keep wooing me even though I don’t want you to?”

“Yes. Just shut up and dance.”

“Excuse me?” I yelped but then he swept me up in his arms, and led me around the dance floor, making me forget my indignation.

When the song finally ended,
I said, “You’re in denial, you know.”

“How do you mean?”
he said, taking my hand in his.

“The lyrics to the song.”
I tried to pull my hand free, but he wouldn’t let me. I didn’t try very hard.

“I told you
, OC, I have a loyalty problem.”

“And I told you, I have a Mason problem. Well, not a problem but my heart is wrapped up elsewhere.”

“That’s just a matter of untangling and it’s already begun.”

I pushed against him and said,
“It seems to me that you are fascinated with your bittersweet deceit.”

“And who am I deceiving?”

“Yourself.”

He caught me in his arms and then took me completely by surprise. His mouth descended on mine and instead of ravishing my
lips, he lightly kissed them.

And I let him.
I cleared my throat when he pulled away.
What the hell is wrong with me?

“Don’t do that
OC. I can see that look. It’s not wrong.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. Our friendship is already hurting my relationship. We had our first fight
ever over you.” Then I really shoved him. “Get that self-satisfied look off your face!”

“
Whoa, Lane, settle down,” he said, waving his hands in a downward motion. His cheeky smile gave him away.

When we walked back to the bar, we found
Jacqs’s chair empty.

Most of the ice
in my drink had already melted, but I didn’t care. I took the last swallow of the cocktail. When Stay sat next to me I said, “I’m going to see Mason again.”

“I’
m sure you are,” he said. There was no smile left on his lips or in his eyes.

“
I feel like I’m using you and I don’t like it. I don’t like how it makes me feel. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone.” I held up my hand and Frank held up one finger in question. I looked at Jacqs empty glass and gave him the peace sign. Frank nodded.

Stay squeezed the lime into his club soda and then looked at me.
“Let me worry about me. Trust me; I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m getting myself into and I’m willing to take the risk.”

“And if it all turns to hell? Then what? It’s awkward each time we cross paths
?” I lay my head in my hand and continued, “I don’t think I have ever understood Jacqs better than I do right at this moment.”

His big warm hand touched my back and
I flinched. He kept it there and said, “Let me in. Give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking.”

“Do you know how much that is? It’s too much. I
can’t. I’m in love.” I glanced up and saw sadness in his eyes. “God, Stay, stop making me hurt you. I can’t stand it.”

He stood up behind me and gathered my hair onto my back. His strong hands began kneading my shoulders.
“The only thing that will hurt me is if you don’t give us a chance,” he said close to my ear. His breath tickled my neck and when my body responded, I silently cursed myself.

He continued,
“There’s something intense and powerful between us. I know you know it. I know you feel it. I won’t dismiss it.” He circled my stool toward him and stood over me. His hands cupped my face and tilted my head up. The ferocity in his blue eyes stole my breath.

“Stay I...” My pussy throbbed and my breathing deepened. I wanted to look away, I couldn’t look away. Then I didn’t want to. “Please,” I pleaded, only I didn’t know what I was asking for.

That time when he lowered his lips to mine, all the sexual tension that had been building between us exploded in the most infernal kiss of my life. At first he leaned over me but then he lifted me too him and I let him. Our bodies melded together perfectly, his hands cupping my ass and pulling me tightly against his aroused body.

When we briefly broke for air
, I mumbled, “Oh.”

He said nothing at first, but his face spoke volumes. He looked high and crazed, his eyes bouncing
around, scanning my face. “Oh, OC, I can’t stop.” And he didn’t.