Bittersweet Deceit (34 page)

He shifted me up a bit higher and said,
“Not like with us. As I’ve mentioned, I know when people are lying, even if they are just lying to themselves. But how we are together—that’s new.”

“Karen?” I asked.

“Not at all,” he said, holding me close.

“Good. Did you mean at the restaurant you didn’t want me going without a bra unless we are together?”

“You caught that, did you? I’d rather not add to the docket of men I need to compete with.”

“There’s not much competition,” I said, sitting up.

“Until you get the closure you need, there always will be.”

“Let’s not bring him into it.” I stood and said, “I’m hungry. Shall we eat the shrimp?”

“And the Godiva chocolate cheesecake.”

“Oh, let’s start with that!”

“We can eat on the balcony. I have an extra robe.”

“I’d love that.”

Stay held out a long, blue, terrycloth robe and I stepped into it. “Thank you,” I said, touching his hand, which rested on my shoulder.

He threw on boxers and a T-shirt and gathered the
cheesecake and two forks.

On
ce on the balcony, I said, “This is ridiculously yummy and rich. I can feel my thighs expanding with each bite.”

“We’ll work it
off together.”

I laughed and said, “What do you have in mind?”

“I’ve always wanted to have sex out here. I couldn’t talk Karen into it. She thought I was a pervert.”

“Well you are
, but fortunately I find it an endearing quality.”

“Hey you,” he said, yanking me into his lap.

“You brought it up, not me!” I said, still laughing.

He stood me up and removed my robe, laying it over the chair. Off went his boxers and T-shirt
, and then he sat back on top of the robe. He positioned me on his legs, facing away from him.

The night chill had my nipples
rock-hard and Stay’s love bites along my neck and shoulder didn’t help. Bright lights, buildings, and the waterway sparkled around us. When he bit down on my shoulder I wiggled in his lap.

He abruptly stood me up and said, “I’ll be right back.”

My gut told me the simple fuck on the balcony was gone.

“What are you up to?” I asked as he came back out with a towel and oil.

“I’m taking you again. Your ass took so well to my cock last time...” He placed the folded towel down in front of me and ordered, “Kneel on the towel and bend over, your butt facing me.”

My pulse raced as I did as told.

He massaged my buttocks and lower back before he drizzled oil down the crack of my ass. His fingers stroked and coaxed over my anal opening and when his finger penetrated me, I began to pant. “You’ll have control this time,” he said.

I didn’t know what he meant but felt sure I would find out soon enough.

He pulled and stretched my anus, causing my clit to bulge with heat. “Come sit on my lap facing out.” With his hand, he held his oiled cock up for me to slide down on.

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Try. If you don’t enjoy it, we’ll do something else.”

“Okay,” I said,
feeling turned on, and incredibly slutty, I held onto Stay’s thighs as I lowered my ass down onto his erection. My hips gyrated, allowing the head of his cock to pop in. “Oh my god. Oh ... oh ... oh.” The intense feeling stole my breath. I tried to settle my breathing before I descended farther.

“You’
re doing great,” Stay said, his deep voice dripping with lust. He held onto my hips to steady me.

Slowly and incrementally, I rose and fell until I became fully seated on his cock.

He spread my legs father apart, his between mine. One hand roamed my neck, shoulders, breast, and stomach while the other found my clit.

I used his knees as leverage to grind my ass against him.

“Jesus, woman that feels incredible.” He moved his hips under me as we continued to thrash our bodies together.

I then l
ay my head back on his shoulder and we shared a smoldering kiss as he caressed my clit and held me tightly against him. I moved my hands to his hips and propelled myself up and down. My clit throbbed dangerously close to the tipoff. “Stay ... I’m close.”

“
Come for me, OC. I want to feel your ass tighten around my cock.” He continued to massage my clit as I fucked him. He squeezed my nipple as I felt my release explode around his shaft. He held me as I drifted in the high of my climax. “Are you ready? I’m almost there myself. Close your legs.”

Now my legs were sandwiched between his. He wrapped one arm around my chest and the other around my stomach. I no longer had control of the fuck.
“Damn, Lane, I can’t stop,” he grunted in a whisper. He pumped me up and down on his lap.

I felt dizzy with desire as he owned and used me in a new way.

“Lainie,” he groaned into my ear as he shot his hot come into my ass.

My back rested on Stay, both of us struggling to come back to earth and the balcony where we sat.

“Do you think it will lessen?” I asked after a few minutes passed.

“What?”

“The intense chemistry we feel for one another?”

“Not if I can help it.” He scooped up a piece of
cheesecake and said, “You deserve another bite after that workout. How does your ass feel?”

“Like it still has a semi
-hard cock in it.”

We both cracked up and then I ate the cake held out to me.

“Would you like to move over to your seat?” he asked, still holding onto me.

“No.”

“Good.”

T
he following morning after snuggling in bed, Stay followed me downstairs to move his car and say goodbye. As we embraced, I gave myself over to the safety I felt in his arms. It was far easier to focus on the explosive alchemy between us than my growing feelings. I could hear the three words coming from him even though he never once uttered them. They wrapped around me like a warm blanket, and instilled panic that I wouldn’t be able to get out if I wanted to. I had just recently said I love you to Mason and regretted it every moment of everyday when Stay wasn’t busy distracting me with his love and sex.

“I’ll see you later,” he said as we broke apart.

“Not if I see you first,” I said, skipping away laughing. He caught up to me, flipped me against the front of my car and spanked me with force. “Hey!” I yelled playfully.

He let me up
, but he looked upset.

“What is it?” I asked, feeling acute concern
that I had somehow hurt him.

“Nothing
, Lane. I’m sorry.”

“It turned me on but I’m very concerned I upset you. I was just kidding around.”

“I know. It’s something my father used to say to me. He thought it was hysterical, only I knew he meant it. Karen managed to find my weak spot often. I’m sorry for over reacting. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”

He looked so young standing in front of me. My sexy, confident lover had a vulnerability
that I hoped I never again stepped on.

“Come here,” I said, holding my arms out to him. As soon as he
moved into my embrace, I held his head in my hands. I nuzzled his neck and then kissed his eyes before I found his mouth. He melted into me just before our inferno of lust took over.

“I really have to go,” I said against his throat.

He lifted my chin and said, “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” I said and then gave him a quick kiss goodbye.

On my way home, my carefree attitude toward Stay morphed back into regret and concern. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him, the one man who had been there for me like no other male in my life other than my father.

I found Jacqs wa
iting for me on the bottom step of the stairs. “Hey, girl,” I said.

“Are you okay?” she asked as she followed me into my apartment.

“I’m a huge mix of emotions.”

“I know exactly what that feels like,” she said, sitting on one
of the stools next to the island.

“I bought cinnamon buns on the way here.
There’s some fresh fruit and other stuff in the fridge. I’ll start a pot of coffee.”

“Sounds good,” she said and yawned. “I’m too tired to cook.”

“Was last night a threesome night?”

Jacqs sighed and smiled, “Bond got home late and woke us up. Neither Red nor I complained. I love sleeping between them both at night.”

“Sleeping, uh-huh. Spare me the details.” I measured out the coffee and added the necessary water.

“Don’t spare a word on my account. How are things going with Stay?”

“That all depends,” I said, getting two plates from the cabinet.

“On?”

“Whether or not you’re going to feed everything I say to Red. Some of it is too personal.” From the fridge I got the leftover sliced fruit and set it down between us.

“If you tell me not to, I won’t. You know that.”

“Okay,” I said, handing her a plate and a fork. “Things with Stay have been going great. He’s an amazing man. The sex is off the charts, mind-blowing really. Not that there was anything wrong or lacking with Mason at all, but with Stay it’s like we’re explosive together. It’s hard for us to be together without ... you know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do.”
She opened the box of cinnamon rolls, took one out for herself, and placed one on my plate. “So what’s the problem? Mason? Have you heard from him?”

“Sort of Mason, sort of not. I haven’
t heard from him since the day after the fiasco. It’s been about a week. I still miss him. Not when I’m with Stay, but when I’m alone. I think that Stay thinks if he’s always with me I won’t have the chance to miss Mason. Do you want some coffee?”

“Yes, keep going.”

I poured each of us a mug of coffee, and placed the cream in front of Jacqs. “I keep thinking about how he looked Sunday night. I was so devastated, I didn’t care that he was hurting. His expression, his tears, I can’t get them out of my mind.”

She added cream and said, “He cried?”

“Yes.”

“And Stay?”

I mixed the cream into my coffee with a spoon and said, “I found out we have so much in common and we have a lot of fun together. For the most part he is incredibly easy going. Now don’t share this with anyone, Jacqs.”

“That he’s great?”

“No, what I’m about to say.”

“Okay.”

After taking a sip of coffee, I explained what happened earlier with Stay.

“I sometimes forget that he had such a sh
itty childhood,” Jacqs said. “Were you scared?”

I could feel myself blush. “No, it turned me on.”

She giggled and said, “I see.
That
kind of sex. Good for you. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I didn’t either, honestly.” I peeled off a piece of the cinnamon bun
, ate it, and chased it down with some coffee. “I had stopped giving myself a hard time over our friendship because he seemed to really understand that I’m limited in what I’m capable right now.”

“But?”

“He told me he doesn’t deal with rejection well, and I believe him now.” I massaged my head, feeling a headache coming on.

“Maybe after you get over Mason you can love Stayman.”

“I don’t know.” I spooned some fruit on my plate and picked at it. “Enough about me. I’m bored with myself and my drama. How’s it going with you and the boys?”

“Very well actually. I do get
the feeling sometimes that Aidan is ready for Bond to move on, but you know him, he has patience of steel.”

“Are you ready to let Bond go? Is
he ready to let you go?” I asked and then tossed a grape into my mouth.

“Those are tricky questions.” She paused and ate some of her breakfast. “If you had asked me if I could be happy with Aidan alone, that would be easy to answer
: yes. Are Bond and I ready to let go? No, not yet.”

“Jacqs, you must realize that if you wait long enough
, Bond will find someone else to be serious about.”

“Yes, that’s what I’m hoping for,” she said, looking completely serious.

“What the fuck are you talking about? You just flipped out when you found out he was seeing someone regularly.”

“I didn’t say it would be easy for me. I’m sure it will fuck me up, but I’ll get over it. I have Aidan
, and I love him more than I could imagine loving anyone. Here’s the thing—and mind you, I’m not ready— if I end it, it will be bad for all of us. If Bond ends it, it will only be bad for me. That’s the way I want it.”

“Jesus
, Jacqs. That’s some fucked up shit, but even crazier—I understand.”

“I knew you would,” she said, smiling at me. “I love you
, girl. I’m so glad we have each other.”

“Me too. Which reminds me, my mother’s shindig is Saturday evening. Please say you are still coming.”

“Why not take Stay?” she asked casually.

I shot her a look.

“Okay, okay! Just promise me we won’t have to stay late.”

“We
’ll slip out as soon as possible.”

“It’ll be nice to see your dad,” she said, her elbow on the counter, her chin resting in her hand. “How’s Samantha doing?”

“She’s incredible—so reliable and always available when I need her. She’s been doing an amazing job on the window displays. She’s neat, organized, and fantastic with the customers.”

“I’m happy for you both.
Sam loves the job and says working for you is a breeze. She mentioned the time you both were singing so loudly when the store was empty that you didn’t notice a customer coming until they walked up. She said you both nearly died laughing and that you managed to get it together to greet the customer but she had to run into the back.”

I wiped my mouth on a napkin.
“She’s really easy to work with. Did she tell you she’s pushing for lingerie in the shop?”

“Nope,
sounds like it’s time for me to drop by Bella.” Jacqs ate more of her bun. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Stay’s coming over.” I filled my coffee cup and topped off Jacqs
’s.

“Are you changing your mind?”

“I don’t know, Jacqs. I feel like I’m moving forward in a relationship I’m not ready for. I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is. I mean I like him. I really like him. I enjoy his company, but where I’m using him to survive my breakup, I think he is falling more in love with me.”

“You’re using him? Fuck
, Lainie,” she said, pointing right at me.

“Don’t get mad at me. He told me to use him. He said that it’s too early for us to be thinking about the future and if I could be involved with Mason knowing there was no future, I could certainly do so with him.”

“So you’re being honest.” Her shoulders relaxed.

“Completely.”

Her eyes went wide with genuine concern. “He’s being a complete moron.”

“I’ll tell him you think so. You’re forbidden to share any of this. I don’t want Bond getting involved.”

“Can I talk to Stay?” she asked.

“I’d really rather you not.
I’ll tell him what we talked about and let him decide.” I stood and circled around the island to Jacqs.

“Okay. Let me help you straighten up and I’ll head out.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I walked her to the door and said, “Please send my love to Red and Bond.”

We hugged
tightly and then she said, “Please tell Stay I’m here if he needs to talk.”

“I will. Love you
, girl.”

“Love you too.”

I locked the door behind her and cleaned up the kitchen.

Out on the balcony
, I had a smoke and journaled.

I’m so glad Jacqs is in my life. It’s nice to have a friend that gets my certain kind of insanity.

Should I or shouldn’t I? That’s the real question. I shouldn’t have said Stay could come over ahead of time. Ahhh! I feel like I need space
, and yet I don’t really want any. I wish Monday was here already and I could be busy at work.

I need to stop making
this complicated and just be honest.

In my bedroom, perched on the end of the bed, I called Stay.

“Hey
, gorgeous. How was brunch?” he asked.

“Hi
, Stay. It’s always great to catch up with Jacqs,” I said as I lay back onto the mattress.

“What is it?”

“Jacqs said, and I quote, ‘You are being a moron.’ She wants you to know she’s available to talk.” I twirled my hair around my finger and tapped my foot, still not comfortable with being that blatantly honest.

“It sounds like you two had a fairly intense conversation, care to fill me in?” he asked.

“Well I mentioned that you gave me permission to use you and—”

“Oh, I see. Yes
, well, she doesn’t know what it’s like between us. Do you still want to see me today?”

I didn’t care for his tone of voice. “You’re angry.”

“No, Lane, I’m not. I just can feel a brush off when it’s coming. If you need space, I completely understand, but if this is you trying to decide for me—”

“
No, I want you to come,” I said and I meant it.

“
See you soon.”

I greeted Stay at the door in my robe. “I thought we could shower together.”

“Perfect
, and then I have other plans for you.”

“Oh? Another surprise for me?” In his embrace, I couldn’t fathom that I might have chosen to spend the day alone without him.

“Yes, a good one. Let’s shower first.”

I had never showered with man before
, and after basking under the flow of water I found out that Stay had very specific ideas about it.

“Turn around and
angle your head back.” He washed my hair and massaged my scalp. Under the water, he rinsed my hair too.

The highly sensual experience had my nipples standing at attention. His cock was equally engaged.
However, when I tried to kneel down in front of him, he said, “Later.” He washed my whole body, slowly and erotically, and then quickly washed himself.

“If your intention was to leave me hot and bothered, you did a great job,” I said as we dried off.