Bittersweet Fate (7 page)

Knowing colt he will be happy. But I’m just not ready to tell him. It’s not the right time…I bet everyone thinks that when you have to tell someone that they’re pregnant that it’s not the right time, it never is though is it? After calling my mom up and telling her what happened she was upset at first but I know she’s happy I mean I’m not a little girl anymore?

She asked me to come home but I said I would let her know this week. I’ve thought about it… but running away from your problems isn’t the answer its being strong and going against your demons and fate and whatever else is in your way and facing the fact of what’s real and what has to be done and right now on my list of things to face is telling colt, he has a right to know about this. About my baby. I’m going to tell him right now and I’ll leave the rest is up to him, I grab my keys and head out.

***

COLT

What are you meant to do when the person you care about avoids you? Does she know? Because I am going off my head here thinking about lily. I noticed her being strange around me for a couple of days like she found out something… and she doesn’t want me to know about it. But I’ve had enough of this so that’s why I’m driving over to her apartment right now to find out what the hell is going on. Looks like I caught her just in time as she’s walking out of her apartment I park my car and jump out. ‘’’lily? … Can we talk?’’ I ask quickly. ‘’colt… I was just going to your place to do the same thing’’ I move closer to her ‘’well I’m here and you’re here so let’s talk’’ she’s being fidgety and nervous it’s not like her, now I think something’s serious is up with her ‘’um sure well come on in than’’ I follow in behind her and take a seat on the couch she takes a seat next to me she still has a glint of nervousness in her eyes. I pull her in closer to me holding her as she starts to cry. Is it weird that I as a guy wants to cry because the person I love is crying … yes love, I love her. ‘’hey hey hey it’s okay’’ I whisper to her.  She sits back and wipes her tears away putting on a brave face when I know it’s anything but brave but she’s trying. Now she’s looking me in the eye ‘’colt… I have to tell you something’’ she says. A lot of things run threw my head she’s leaving me or she found out my secret. There the only two things that stand out in my head. I get up to leave as I already know what she’s going to say it’s either of those two things, but what I wasn’t expecting is those two words ‘’I’m pregnant’’ she says ever so quietly that I barely hear her. I stop in my tracks to the door what the hell… ‘’pregnant?’’ I ask in a shaky tone. You have no idea how that felt, it makes sense so much now this is why she has been avoiding me I walk over to her and pick her up in my arms not knowing what else to do ‘’you’re are going to have a baby?’’ she lets out a laugh ‘’yes I am, aren’t you mad?’’ ‘’how could I be mad lily, this baby might not be mine but I will be there for you both’’ she than locks her lips to mine ‘’ I love you colt’’ her words take me out of this bubble and back to earth love.. ‘’god lily… I love you too so much it hurts I love you both’’ I say as I touch her little belly carrying a baby that’s not mine. I look up at her and smile a sad smile it breaks my heart but I can’t leave her now even if I want to just like I can’t tell her the secret that will shake her world.

Lilly

“We’ve gone to hell and back, we survived, we conquered, and now we’re stronger. Everything disappears as I look into the eyes of our 1 year old little girl named Lottie Blue.

Her big blue eyes just stare back at me she is the most beautiful little girl I ever saw she looks so much like her daddy it kills me. I pick her up and walk into the kitchen to see Colt ‘’hello uncle colt’’ I say as we enter looking at colt when he sees us he breaks out into a smile and walks toward us ‘’ how are my beautiful girls?’’ he asks taking Lottie from my arms. His love for her is like no other she is his world, well we both are. He kisses me on my lips softly ‘’you want to give mommy a brake and stay with me for a little while?  He says in a baby voice witch makes me laugh every time he does it, She giggles and moves her legs in response. I go to our room and lay down in bed… being a young mom has been hard it had its ups and downs but in the end it all worked out and I couldn’t be happier. My mom and dad have been over here a couple of times even Nina came over to visit my little family I didn’t realized how much I missed her until I saw her face I mean we kept in touch via Skype and social media but it wasn’t the same and I’m not going to lie to you and say we didn’t fall apart because we did , we win some and we lose some, but after keeping in contact more we are back to normal I guess that’s why I didn’t write about her often because what could I say really? I lost her but now I have her back. I have two best friends and it’s the best thing ever cammy is the best and has been there for me through thick and thin and I love her for that… maybe that’s why me and Nina aren’t as close because I have a new best friend and so does she. I think that the real reason why I didn’t write about her was because I was scared, terrified even because I friendship became so… dead I guess but she was my lifelong friend and I am happy to have her back.

As for colt and I we are perfect I’m lucky to have him after everything I’ve been though and he stuck by me through it all I will forever owe my life to him. And for my first love Cody, forever will he live in my heart and mind I think of him every single day still and Lottie knows all about him I show her pictures and tell her ‘’ this is your daddy Lottie’’ she would smile a little toothless grin at me . I guess some things never change no matter how much time has passed when you fall in love it lasts forever really doesn’t it? I believe it does, and can you fall in love twice? I believe you can also well I did I have my second chance at love and some more. ‘’je Suis a toi’’ I say to myself. And fall asleep dreaming dreams of Cody. I wake up in a cold sweat and in shock I check the time 6:00pm I’ve slept for 2 hours I lay back down I try to remember my dream I get flash backs of images of Cody but there’s something weird about them… he’s not dead. Weird I know, he’s gone I saw him when he crashed that car I mean I held him. But he didn’t die in my arms the ambulance took him away and he was announced dead at the hospital. There was no funeral as he wanted his ashes scattered over the city, our spot. Fuckkkkkkkk I scream. As it all makes sense things falling into place, clues he left but I never looked into them, Lottie always laughing when she’s awake in her room in the morning, he was in my home and I didn’t even notice, her first word was dada, why I always felt he was near but yet so far away, why I never did let go and think still think about him every day.
Cody is alive
. And I need to find him. I will risk everything if I have to, no matter what it takes.

THE END.

How far would you go to find your first love?

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