Blasphemous (33 page)

“He could do that? Is he a judge?” I flagged a waiter down for a few more drinks to be brought to our table.

“No. My grandfather is an eighty-one-year-old man who secretly likes to watch romantic movies. All I have to do is explain that it was a momentary lapse in judgment and that I got carried away with amazing sex. He’ll understand.”

If I had married Emma and she wanted a divorce, she would have to chase me all over the world because I sure as hell wouldn’t give her one. It really was crazy, this thing I had for her… there were just not enough words to describe it.

“I hope it all works out for the best. You never know, Lindsey might change her mind and come after you.”

“She went straight to another man’s bed a week after she got back.
Why would I want a woman like that?
” he spat out, disgusted.

Hell. “How’d you know?”

“Because I went to go see her that following weekend. Even if I was only there for a few hours, I just wanted to see her. So I left and never looked back,” the Greek said in a tone packed with obvious distaste for his estranged wife.

I didn’t know Lindsey that well, but from what I observed, she was a smart woman who was sweet, but had a vicious streak in her. I don’t know, but I somehow didn’t see her cheating.

But then again, people could surprise you when you least expected it.

~B~

When we got outside her room, I offered to open the door for her. Even though I appeared calm, jealousy was eating me raw, rotting its way into my heart.

It festered there, mocking me as the images of Jacques and Emma walking out of the exhibition for twenty minutes before coming back inside, doing God knows what.

Even the thought of kissing her cheek was too much at the moment. “Have a goodnight, Emma. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She paused, her gorgeous eyes saddened at my announcement. “Oh, you’re not coming in? I thought we could chat for a while.”

It was hard, but I had to decline her. I needed space and maybe to drown in a bottle for the night. I shouldn’t even be jealous because Emma was single. She could do as she pleased, date as she pleased and fuck who she pleased. “Maybe another night. I’m exhausted and all I want to do right now is rest.”

“How about you sleep here tonight?” she blurted out.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Emma.”

Emma suddenly looked defeated as if she really wanted to spend time with me. “Okay… I’ll just see you tomorrow then. Goodnight.”

Her disappointed look tugged at my heart. Damn. “Give me half an hour, I’ll be right back.”

“Are you sure?” She handed me her keycard. “I have an extra inside. You can keep this one so you don’t have to knock.”

Nodding, I immediately left and went straight to my own suite. Taking my time to shower and cool my heated head for a little bit.

Thirty minutes later, I was in her room and we readied for bed. Even her silk chemise that used to get me excited didn’t do much tonight. I really was that affected by her time with that Frenchman.

We were now in bed, but I was rotting in my own misery. Except for my ‘hello’ earlier, I hadn’t said another word to her. I was on my side, faced away from her as I recalled the events again, obsessing about it when she spoke behind me.

“Did I do something wrong? Are you mad about Jacques? I did tell you that the date was already agreed upon before we made this arrangement.”

She did. This violent feeling should be mine to handle, but I was barely managing to contain it. “I’m jealous that he had his hands all over you while I got to watch it all happen. I didn’t like feeling like that.”

Noting my anger, she fired back, “Don’t you think that’s odd that you would be this way, when it was only a few days ago you were with Nikki in Berlin?”

“I already explained this to you. I was surprised when she showed up.  I didn’t invite her there, Emma. She invited herself.” I retorted back with the same intensity as earlier.

“It didn’t look it to me, but whatever.”

Was she insinuating that I was lying? “You know, Emma, if you have something to say, then say it.”

She became silent, but when she spoke, I was in the hot seat. “How often did you wake up with her?”

A different feeling was now sprouting out of me. Fear.

Carefully, I spoke, “A few times a week. She would always come by past midnight when she couldn’t sleep.” I paused, having a hard time uttering the next words. “But I only had sex with her a few times.”

At the rate my heart was going, I was quite sure I was a breath away from a heart attack. Even if she wasn’t saying anything, I knew the words pierced her. However, I always aimed for honesty with Emma and I wasn’t going to start lying now.

Her next question proved how she thought my relationship was with Nikki. “
Were you guys happy?
Did you guys have fun?” Her voice was so little, it didn’t fail to make me feel like a heel.

“We had our times, yeah, I guess.” Nikki was always asking me to go places. Since I was mostly depressed with thoughts of Emma, Nikki’s fun-loving presence was welcomed. Now, it seemed that Emma was having a hard time digesting all the new information. If she had the same answers for me, I would feel exactly as she did, but I was a coward when it came to the truth as the subject pertained to Emma. I’d rather stay in the dark than open the Pandora of doubt and jealousy because, at the moment, I was already having a hard time dealing with the men who were after her here. Knowledge about men getting intimate with her would push me to commit murder.

Yeah, it was irrational to think of such violent thoughts, but it was how I felt. I was entitled to it, too, damn it. Emma, I learned months ago, was vital and dangerous to my very existence. Having gone through the process of losing her, though, I’d rather be ignorant and be with her than know and lose my mind over it.

“Emma… will you say something? You’re getting me worried here.”

“Are you in love with her, Bass?”

That tiny, broken whisper really worried me, but her question was untoward. How could she ask me such a thing, after what we’d gone through? “If I did, do you think I’d be here?”

She didn’t respond to that.
Was she serious?
“I’m not in love with her, Emma!”

“Okay, Bass.”

She didn’t sound okay. In fact, she sounded like she was crying. So I moved closer, my arm cradling her head as my lips spoke, inches away from her ear. “Emma… I was never in love with Nikki. I know you heard it earlier, but you’re having a hard time understanding since your imagination is running a marathon of scenarios made out of lies. She meant nothing to me.”

She sniffed before giving me a shaky response. “I just need time to process… that you had a relationship with someone. I just… that’s all. Go to sleep, Bass. I know you’re very tired. Have a goodnight.”

I felt helpless, but what was I to do? Things happened with Nikki and if I could take it back, I would gladly do it. I was too hell-bent on moving on and getting over Emma that I never stopped to realize that it was never going to happen.

I just hoped that it wasn’t too late to fix my broken relationship with Emma though.

Pulling her close to my chest, I held her as she silently cried in my arms. “I’m sorry for all the pain, my love. It was always you that I loved and no one else.”

She barely nodded, crying until sleep finally caught up with her. I stayed up a few more hours, holding her as tightly as I could as I listened to her breath softly. Hoping she wouldn’t push me away and say goodbye.

“I love you,” I whispered against her neck, smelling her until sleep called on me.

~B~

I slept next to her for the next week, but it seemed we didn’t have any progress when it came to communication. Each time I tried to talk to her, she would give me that fake smile and pretend everything was fine.

We were on the last leg of the tour in London. We shared a room, still unbeknownst to everyone, even to
Dimitris.

Emma was in the bathroom getting ready for the premier tonight when my phone rang.

Nikki.

Releasing an exasperated sigh, I answered the call. “Nikki.”

“I’ve missed you, Bass. I’m having a hard time with this break-up. I feel like you’re just so confused at the moment since you’re around her, but it’ll go away again once it’s over. Why don’t you think this over carefully before ending us?” she rushed out, almost breathless.

Nikki was becoming a problem. I made it perfectly clear before we got involved. She knew what she got herself into. “Nikki—”

“I’m in love with you, Bass! So in love, I can’t think straight because I’m always thinking about you.” Nikki paused, giving out a shaky laugh. “
Does she love you?
I know you told me that you’re still in love with her,
but does she love you?
”

What the fuck did I know anymore? “I honestly… don’t know.”

“What will you do once she tells you she doesn’t?” The Russian pressed on, planting more crap in my doubtful head.

“I don’t know, Nikki. I honestly haven’t thought past that.”

“Think about it. If she really loved you, she wouldn’t have kept so much from you. If she really loved you, she’d be yours by now. You know where I am when that day happens, Bass.” After a whisper of goodbye, she hung up and left me with a string of new doubts.

If she really loved you, she’d be yours by now.
I hated how Nikki had just nailed those words in my head and it taunted me until I heard Emma.

“Bass?”

I was grinding my jaws before I spun around and pretended everything was gravy. “Yes, Emma?”

Her beautiful, golden hair was piled atop her head. She quickly spun around and exposed the bare expanse of her back. “I need help with those tiny buttons. Do you think you could fasten me up?”

I lowered my lustful gaze and nodded, striding towards the woman who held my future. My hands were slightly shaking as my fingers and thumbs buttoned her up, it sat right above the slit of her butt cheeks and it ended two inches above it. I was a button away when she cocked her head sideways, the quick move made me aware of her scented skin. “Who were you talking to on the phone?”

She was eavesdropping? “Nikki.”

Emma immediately stiffened when I said the name. I didn’t blame her at all because I reacted the same when I heard Carter’s. “What did she want?”

“Me.”

She made a sharp gasp and stayed silent. Once I was done, she slowly spun around to face me. Her beauty simply took my breath away. She was even more beautiful to me because I loved her more than anything. “We only have four more days to go.”

I know. I’d been counting down the days.
“Do you have an answer for me, Emma?” I sounded so steady, but I was rather nervous inside.

“No, I don’t, Bass.” She looked away for a second before reaching for my gaze again. “Does Nikki know you’re with me? Sharing a bed and spending time together?”

“She does. I told her that the first time she called after we had an agreement, but she persists.” I watched as her breasts heaved and I tried to stray from them, but my eyes simply couldn’t resist.

“Funny… how I see myself in Nikki. I acted like
that, too, when you broke it off with me, remember? What happens when you have me again? Will you change your mind again and go back to her? What do I do then, Bass?”

She compared herself to Nikki. Did she not know how much she meant to me? “You forget how we broke up to begin with, Emma. I won’t change my mind because, for months now, my heart only ever knew one woman. That woman is you. Even if I don’t trust you, I’m here standing before you, asking for another chance… for you to let me love you again.”

Her blue eyes sparked in anger before she hissed at me. “You tell me then… because I can’t grasp how you can have sex with another woman if you were so in love with me?
How the fuck did you screw her brains out if you only ever wanted me, Bass?
Because I don’t fucking get it!” she spat out, blue eyes igniting before me, looking more beautiful than she already did. She stared at me with her chest heaving and her bottom lip trembling. “Do you know… how many times I’ve been tempted to sleep with Carter?”

That
made me stop breathing.

“Do you know… how many times Carter touched me… naked, had my legs wide open and a plunge away from taking me and I was so close, a breath away to saying yes to him?
Do you know?
” She was spitting fire now.

Her words devastatingly sent me to hell.

Carter on her… touching her…

“I’ve never had sex after you. I wanted to,” Emma whispered, “but it would be wrong to take another just to punish you because that’s what it would have been. Even when I knew you were with her… it took all of me to halt Carter when he was about—”

I blew a fuse. The images she dumped on my head were lethal. “That’s enough!
I don’t want to hear you say his name!
I fucking hate his name!”

“Bass—”

I shushed her. No more for tonight. “I’m sorry, but I can’t be around you after the premier. I will be sleeping in my room for tonight. I hope you understand the demons I’m fighting from the words you left me with, Emma.”