Boarded by Love (60 page)

I’m about to look away but then a fucking shooting star shoots through the air. One would take that as a sign. Me? I flip it the middle finger.

“J
ude?”

I look over my shoulder to find my mom standing behind me. “Hey, Mom, you ready?”

“Yeah, can you drive me home? I think Jayden wants to ride with Lucy and Jace to help with Angie.”

Lie.

“Or you want to talk to me alone and told them they had to ride together?” I ask and she smiles.

“Just hush and drive me home,” she says before turning and heading to Jayden’s car.

I shake my head and follow after her. When we reach the car, she hands me the keys and I get in, starting it up as she buckles her seat belt.

“Seat belt, Jude Marshall.”

I roll my eyes but do as she asks and off we go. She doesn’t say anything like I expect her to. She just rides quietly, her hands laced together in her lap. Every time she takes in a deep breath or clears her throat, I know it’s coming, but still nothing. I don’t get it. I thought she wanted to talk to me?

Glancing over at her, I say, “Good game tonight?”

She shrugs. “Eh, kind of. Your head wasn’t in the game.”

“Yeah, it’s been a rough couple days.”

“Yeah,” she agrees with a nod, and I wait. But nothing. That was the perfect opening! I basically gave it to her on a silver platter. I mean, I don’t want to talk about Claire, or maybe I don’t want to be the one to bring it up. It would be nice to ask what she thinks I should do, but I need some help here. I need her to pull it from me.

“I talked to Claire.”

Okay, maybe I don’t need it pulled from me.

“I saw,” she says with a nod. I glance over at her, waiting for her to ask what happened, but she just sits there. What the hell?

Clearing my throat, I readjust in my seat and then say, “She apologized.”

“That’s good.”

“And she says she still loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I didn’t say anything, though. I just looked at her, and Mom, I swear it took everything not to lose it. I miss her.”

“I know, sweetheart,” she says, taking my hand in hers, clasping her other hand over it.

I suck in a deep breath. “I just don’t know what to do. I mean, how do I trust her? You know, like, how do I know she won’t ever lie to me again?”

“Do you think she will?” she asks as I pull onto our driveway. I take it slow and shrug my shoulders.

“I don’t know. I mean, if you would have seen the way she looked at me, I don’t think she would, but still it scares me. I don’t want to become the way you were with Dad.”

Her hand squeezes mine, and I know I shouldn’t have said that. It is still very raw, the pain she’s going through, but I have to be honest.

“Claire is not your dad, Jude. She didn’t tell you about a job that she had. She wasn’t sleeping with God and everyone,” she says as I pull up in front of the house. “I think that she made a mistake. Maybe she was embarrassed by what she was doing and didn’t think you’d stick around.”

“I don’t think she was embarrassed. I think she liked the money, but loved me and didn’t want to lose me.”

I look over at her, and she shrugs her shoulders. “You are the one in control here, honey. You can go back to her and make it work, or you can let her go. It’s going to hurt either way. I made both of those choices, and I honestly can’t tell you which one was easier. You have to decide what is best for you.”

I sit for a long time, my thumb stroking her hand as I think. Lucy even pulls up with the rest of my family, but none of them looks at us, they just head inside. I’m glad since I’m not done talking to my mom. I nod, my heart thudding against my chest. Meeting her gaze, I ask, “What would you do?”

“I have no clue,” she answers softly. “But I’ve been scorned too many times, and I’m bitter. I believe a relationship needs trust – it won’t survive without it – but I also believe people make mistakes, and everyone deserves a second chance to make it better.”

Biting the inside of my cheek, I look at the steering wheel, and I still have no clue what to do. While I agree that everyone deserves a second chance, I also agree that a relationship needs trust, and honestly, I don’t know if I can trust her.

But I also don’t know if I can let her go.

To say I’ve been miserable is the understatement of the year.

For the last four days, I’ve done nothing but play hockey and try to catch up on my work. Thank God for Jayden and Lucy, or I’d probably fail this semester. They not only helped me with school, but they tried to distract me. Jace, on the other hand, just yells at me and tells me to go find Claire and tell her that I forgive her. While I want to do that because I do miss her, I still can’t come to terms with the fact she lied to me. Say I’m hardheaded or stubborn as hell, like my mom says, but I just don’t know if I can do it.

If I can trust her.

But obviously, I’m willing to try.

When I pull into Ms. Prissy’s, jealousy eats at my heart knowing that men have come in those doors to see my girlfriend move her body for them. Squeezing the steering wheel with my fingers, I park and then get out, slamming the door behind me. I’m a tad bit late, but I wanted it that way. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I don’t know who is going to be here, but I’m hoping to get in and out unseen. As my heart hammers against my chest, I open the door to the club and walk in.

I’m not entirely sure why I came. I’m not sure if it was to forgive her and live happily ever after or to feed my curiosity. I want to know what she has been doing in this club. I want to know why she lied, and maybe the answers are here. Or maybe I’m a glutton for punishment and just want to break my heart some more before I walk away for good. I don’t know. All I know is I’m here, and a part of me wants to support her. Actually, a lot more than a part of me does. I want her to succeed, I want her to get all her hopes and dreams, and I just hope that I am a part of them. I need to figure this out. I need to decide what I want. It’s been almost two weeks; I have to decide tonight. No more fucking around.

Walking to the desk since the doors are being guarded by two very large men, I pull out my wallet to pay as the girl goes, “Sorry, buddy, it’s closed tonight.”

“For a showcase, right? By Claire Anderson?”

“There is a showcase, but it’s by Diamond.”

Diamond? I assume that’s her stage name, so I nod. “Yes, for that.”

“Well, it’s already started.”

“Yeah, I know,” I say, getting a little impatient with this girl. She’s snotty and not making this any easier.

“Okay, are you like, on the list?”

I shrug. “Have no clue. My name is Jude Sinclair.”

She looks up from the paper and nods. “You’re number one on the list, and I’m supposed to take you to the VIP area. I’m sorry for being so short with you, follow me.”

Before I can decline that, she is coming out from behind the desk and walking through the doors the men were blocking. Once I’m inside, my eyes widen at what I see. A girl is using two ropes on the stage, dressed in minimal clothing, but her main parts are clothed as she moves and grinds her body against the wall, acting as if the ropes are holding her. It’s very sexy and kinda hot, but it does nothing for me. I stop mid-step, taking in the risquéness of the club. Everything is white with gold accents, giving it a very classic, old-school feel. I totally expect men to be sitting around with cigars hanging from their lips as they throw dollars at the girls and make dirty drug deals, but to my surprise, all I see are men in suits, very intently paying attention to the girls.

When the hostess turns, she gives me a look that says come on, but I shake my head, dropping myself in the very back table that’s in the shadows.

She comes back to me and says, “Hey, I need to take you up to the front.”

“I’m good,” I say, leaning back in the seat. She looks annoyed, but thankfully she walks away, leaving me to watch the show. A girl comes by and offers me a beer, which I gladly take. Probably gonna need it. Looking around the room, I like how it’s so different from the Rock Room. Over there it’s dark and kinda gives off a grungy feel, but here it’s bright and almost feels like a cabana club from that dancing movie Claire made me watch. There is a massive gold chandelier that glitters hanging from the ceiling above the large stage. It’s nice here and not like the Rock Room. Over there, people are drunk and throwing money at the girls like they’re nothing but meat, but here, as I watch, I kinda feel like the guys are getting off but in a classy way.

If that even makes sense.

Do I like that Claire dances for them? Still fuck-to-the-hell no, but if she has to do it, thank God it’s here. If it was over in the Rock Room, I’d probably get up and leave, to be honest. But it’s not, so I’m going to sit back and see what happens. See how I feel once it’s over and go from there. I’ve always trusted my gut when it comes to Claire, and I’m going to continue that.

When the girl leaves the stage, the maybe twenty people in here clap loudly, and I see a few guys lay some money on the bar, giving the girl a thumbs-up. I look at the people, trying to see if Reese and Phillip are here, but I don’t see them. I think I may see Reese sitting beside some guy in a black suit, but I can’t tell if it is her since I’m directly behind her. When the next song starts, within seconds, girls are everywhere, all wearing the same black lace outfit. My eyes go to each one, looking for Claire, but I don’t see her. Then I remember that she’s probably in disguise. But I know my girl, and I don’t see her.

I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad about that, but I know I’m not interested in anything on that stage. Leaning back, I chug my beer and then ask for another before pulling out my phone. Signing in to Jayden’s Facebook account since he’s still friends with Claire, I go to her page – like I’ve done all day and every day since I deleted her – to see if she’s updated her status. When I see that she updated about an hour ago, I click on it to read it.

Claire Anderson: My life is going to change tonight, I feel it in my gut. It may be the start of something new and exciting but it could possibly be the end of something else. While I want to be excited for my future, I can’t when I don’t have him beside me. #broken #IMissHim #HopeHeShowsUp #IDontWantToLiveWithoutHIm

Chewing on the inside of my lip, I open the comments and read as all her friends say that if it is meant to be, it will work out, and all that stupid stuff that girls say to make the other girl feel better, when really they are just happy she’s miserable like them. Taking in a deep breath, I read her status again, and I don’t know how I feel. I miss her. So much. I love her, even though she lied to me. I know that, and I really don’t want her to start something new without me. I want to be there with her. I want to be supportive and cheer on her endeavors. I just have to figure out if I can let it go. Since being on Facebook won’t do that, I tuck my phone in my pocket and look out at the stage.

This time a girl is dancing solo with a chair. When I’m sure it is not Claire, I reach for my beer just as someone says, “I didn’t think you were going to come.”

I look over my shoulder to find Phillip standing behind me. I nod slowly and say, “Didn’t think I was going to either.”

“Is this seat taken?” he asks, pulling out a chair, and before I can answer, he lowers himself into it, leaving his forearms on the table and looking at me. “I’m glad you came. It will mean the world to her.”

I shrug. “Yeah, don’t tell her ’cause I’m not sure how I feel about this yet.”

Phillip nods his head slowly, his eyes on his hands, and I’m not sure why he’s here. “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Why?” I ask, my brows coming together. “Shouldn’t you be glad that we broke up? That there is a chance I’m no longer going to steal Claire away? I’m no longer a threat, so what is there to talk about?”

He glares and then says, “A lot actually. While I don’t want you with her, and I don’t want you to take her away from me, I know she loves you. And because she loves you, I have to give you the benefit of the doubt and trust that she’s right about you.”