BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (154 page)

His head went back to where it had been laying.

Shawn turned to his father, mouthing softly the words, "He needs some sleep."

Bart nodded and sighed, he would try again for the forth time, "Son - Derrick, family is here son. All around her - you really do need - to get yourself some sleep."

Derrick didn't move, making no attempt to reply.

Shawn's eyes filled with tears, "Derrick... I'm here man, Sylvia's here. She - she went to check on Sasha, and then, she'll be right up Derrick. The kids are on the way back here, mom, Shanna; come on Derrick, just - just a couple of hours, just to - refresh a bit Derrick." Shawn tried.

Nothing - not a word, just an occasional sniff. They stood silent once more, no one moving. Twenty minutes later, Sylvia quietly entered the room carrying a big bunch of flowers, a teddy bear, balloons, a card from Crystal, Mundo, Angela, her and Shawn. She'd gotten them to sign them when she was visiting Sasha briefly, delivering flowers and balloons to her as well. She'd had help from the gift shop to carry it all up, as well into Meribel's room, where the nurse placed her things on one of the side tables. When the nurse made a quiet exit, Sylvia made her way slowly to where Shawn stood beside Meribel's bed. With her eyes, she gave a silent greeting to Bart & Royce; next gazing at the top of Derrick's head, also hearing him sniff softly. Her eyes then went to Meribel, laying in the bed, unrecognizable from the bruising and swelling. As her eyes traveled the length of her, they grew wider, especially at the rods protruding from the sides of her body. Tears rushed to her eyes as she struggled not to vocalize her horror; but emotions were taking over. She kept seeing her as they'd been together on their mini adventure, laughing, talking, bonding, enjoying one another, having that time they each had needed, while putting their husbands through hell.

"You gonna be okay?" Shawn whispered, worried by the look on her face.

First, she nodded yes, and then, no - not wanting to upset Derrick further, she turned and rushed from the room, making as little noise as possible. Along the corridor, hand to the wall for support, she made her way to the waiting room, there, she sat and burst into tears, rocking back and forth. A moment later, she felt her husband beside her, taking her into his arms, rubbing her back, "I'm sorry - I didn't want to - to upset Derrick, but - oh God, Shawn! Look at her! Oh my God!"

"I know, but, we have to keep faith in that, she made it this far - the doctor said, the first 48 hours are the most crucial."

"It hasn't been 48 hours yet, Shawn." She sobbed.

"I know, I know ... she's gonna be okay, I just know it. Because I can't imagine, this family, my brother's life, without her, so - that's it, she's gonna pull through this, I refuse to believe or see it any other way. And, it doesn't hurt, for us to say a little prayer."

Sylvia nodded her head, she knew that he was right. He reached over snatching a few Kleenexes from a box nearby, passing them to her. She blew her nose, working to pull herself together. "You gonna be okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, just - give me a minute - go back, I'll be there in a bit."

Shawn kissed her forehead, rose and went back to the room.

Sylvia sat, taking several deep breaths, bowed her head and said a long silent prayer. That done, she rose and headed back to the room. This time, she was okay. Knowing what to expect, she could face Meribel's condition again without falling to pieces. They were mostly quiet, wishing to be there as a support to Derrick, saying whatever they would, soft and low. Even Sylvia tried to get Derrick to say something, to leave to get some rest, but still he wouldn't move. She'd been there for half an hour before he was forced up to use the bathroom in her room. Seeing his ravaged face, his almost dead, lifeless eyes, nearly sent Sylvia from the room again. He needed a shave badly, he needed sleep even more. Bart once again tried getting one of the nurses to bring him something to relax him, to calm him, maybe he would sleep then, because Shawn was ready to take him to their hotel room, which was right down from the hospital, a short walking distance. The nurse contacted one of the physicians about it, and upon returning to the room with it, Derrick was out of the bathroom, slipping back into his chair, refusing to hear of it with a very strong, guttural, "No! .... not - leaving my Meri... no."

Everyone went quiet, the nurse laid the mild sedative on the table for them, just in case he changed his mind.

Sylvia was fighting back tears again, to see a man like him, strong, masculine, robust and incredible of character as she knew him to be, the last person on earth deserving to go through such a thing, hurting so badly, it was hard to stand by and watch. He'd been silent again, and then, "My wife ..... said .... it. She - tried to - kill - my Meri." They were all holding their breath, waiting for him to say something more, but then, he started shaking, his back, his shoulders in a slight pumping motion as if trying to force something from him, and then, what was happening became clear to her, he was sobbing, so hard, so soul destroying the sound of it filled the room. Sylvia turned unable to bear it, rushing from the room, crying once more - she ran into Gert, and some other people on the way; too upset to stop, she kept going.

The other people were Meribel's family, they'd just arrived. And of course, seeing Sylvia leave the room as she had, they thought the worst and rushed into the room to witness Derrick's loss of control. They began to freak out, until Shawn and Royce broke through the moment of hysteria to convince them, that she was still alive. Bart had been standing next to his son when they walked in, he was still there, trying to calm him as best he could. Gert made her way to him, for which Bart was relieved, he wasn't good at that kind of thing.

Shawn moved out of the way so that Meribel's mother, Letté could get next to her, and her older sister, Esperanza, along side her, her brother Carmine next, and her younger brother Luis, last. There was also her uncle, who she'd lived with at first when coming to Wisconsin, her cousin, Lucy and her cousin Wilfrado. They surrounded the bed, everyone moved back so that they could get close to Meribel. After viewing her as she was, her brother Carmine moved back. Her mother couldn't believe her eyes, shaking her head at the sight of her daughter. She looked up from her daughter to Derrick. She'd always loved Derrick, thought that he was the best thing that ever happened in her daughter's life. She went to him. Gert moved back so that she could. "Miho, look at me Miho."

Derrick couldn't, having them there made it worse for him. To know that his wife lay in that condition because he refused to listen, because he was intent on being right, law abiding, upholding and correct in all that he did; because of that, his wife now lay fighting for her life. Her family, now present, was a witness to his failure and it was eating him alive. His thumb and fingers dug into his eyes with his head down, trying to reel in his escaping emotions. He was trying not to cry again, he didn't want to in front of her family, he felt weak, useless and inadequate enough. His father had raised them to be fighters, protectors of their homes. His father had hammered it into Shawn first and foremost, then into him, and even Jake - while he had escaped much of his father's rough years, even he knew, understood and grasped that a man who lets anyone endanger his family, his women, was not a man. Right then, Derrick felt less than a man.

"Miho, you have to stay strong, not let it eat you up inside, my Meri needs you to be strong for her, she will pull through this, you'll see - she is strong Miho." Letté assured him.

But all that Derrick could hear was his wife crying out at him, when they were back at the hotel, visiting Dj...

"Derrick please! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Don't go - please don't go! I can't help the way I feel! You don't understand - I don't think you ever will! Not really! No one hates you simply because of the way you speak, because of where you come from, because of the color of your skin! You think I want this happening to us? My family, my children, you ... you mean the world to me! I love you more than you will ever understand! How am I to act, Derrick? She hates me! Do you understand that? It's me! Not just because of you, but because of what and who I am! I am nothing more than a roach to her! And if she could crush me beneath her heel, she would crush me! You can't even begin to imagine what it is like to be me, to be Hispanic, or black! She hates my entire existence and race! That to me spells danger Derrick! She is sick! She wants you - and if she cannot have you - she will not be able to live with me having you either! I don't know, maybe - you will take this more seriously when I'm dead and gone and you have our children to raise alone. But hey, there is always-..." She could hardly speak past the sobbing that racked her body, "You're gonna let her - kill me - I can feel it - go! Go!"

Derrick felt sick to his stomach from his misery, his head, the room, the voices, everything around him was spinning. He locked himself in place not to give into the madness he was feeling. He wanted everyone in the room to go away, just leave him alone with his wife. Tears continued to seep from his eyes, he bit the insides of his mouth to remain still, not to move, not to speak, not to shout, explode and go into a frenzy of madness - anything to block the pain that would not leave him.
'Lock down Derrick, lock down - lock down until the sensation passes. Lock down, lock down.'
It was the instruction of his counselor when he'd sought help for himself. When he discovered that within him, was the ability to harm someone to the extent of actually killing them. The key was to let the sensation pass, to lock his body down and not let it move in any way, shape, form or slightness, any tiny bit could be the outlet that would make him lose
all
control.
Lock down - lock down - lock down - lock down -
he chanted inside his mind, blocking everyone else out, refusing to lose just a tiny bit of his control, to lose a little might mean losing a lot.

But then breaking into his chant, was the sound of Meribel's brother's speaking in a heated frenzy. He knew what was going on, she had called him, told him, asked him to chill until she waited to see what the police would do, what the school would do. He could hear that Carmine was angry, furious and finally, what he knew would come out, did - "Man where were you? You knew the chick was loco, yet you left my sister for this to happen? You were supposed to be taking care of her, keeping her safe? How could you let this happen to her!" Too angry to wait for Derrick to answer, Carmine burst from the room, his sister following him to calm him down. Due to things getting a bit hectic, a nurse came into the room, "I think I'm going to have to ask some of you to leave the room, there's too many in here. This is intensive care, and things are starting to get a bit riled. Please, I'm going to have to keep you to no more than three at a time."

Feeling that she needed to calm her son down, because of the way that he was, Letté and her family were close behind him. Bart, Royce and Gert, all left the room next feeling chafed and sensitive by Carmine's words directed at their son. That was what Shawn dreaded happening and he wasn't about to budge, he could read his brother well and knew he was on the verge of losing it, especially after Carmine's words. Shawn grabbed the chair his father had vacated and pulled it up beside his brother, sitting as close to him as he could. Trying to think of what to say to him. While Shawn was the oldest, and could pretty much handle himself in any given situation of one on one; against Derrick, he wasn't so sure. While he had always been strong, due to what his father put him physically through in his younger years and then, off in L.A. Jesse James put him through even more, forcing him to build himself up from the inside out, and not the kind of strength that was all surface and cosmetic, but true core strength, he feared that it still wasn't enough to deal with Derrick if he went completely off.

Derrick's strength, his inner core power had always been. His strength had come from nature, from birth. That strange kind of thing that takes place in certain men from time to time, that makes them above average strong, that makes them stronger than the most healthiest, athletic or physical males. He'd always been that way as far back as Shawn could remember. It could be the reason his nature was so tender, kind and mild, because he was so brute strong. Maybe God knew, when one came along built up powerful from his very blood cells, he needed to be gentle and Derrick was that, as if, a gentle giant. Standing 6'4, with a stocky build, powerful frame, and a tough hide, and high tolerance to pain; someone like that needed to be of his nature.

Shawn sat next to him, remembering in the past, when his father was going overboard with him, Derrick never hesitated to step in, forcing Bart to redirect the punishment to him and off of Shawn. On one of those occasions, Derrick had gripped the strap that had been in Bart's hand, and wound it around his own and around his wrist and further, glaring at his father with heated eyes, as he reeled him in, shocking Bart. Shocking him because, he'd been trying to take the strap back, but couldn't take it from Derrick, in fact, he'd reeled him in so, that he'd almost brought Bart to his knees, where they'd been kneeling, taking it on the backside. Derrick was 13, Shawn 15. If Bart hadn't let go, Derrick would have brought him down - shock, that he had been strong enough to do so, showed in his father's eyes; in Shawn's as well. They both stared astonished, thinking that Derrick must have gone somewhere else in his mind and suddenly came back to realize what was happening to him, to them. For just a moment, he showed a flash of anger, a slipping of control, directed at their father - and if he'd had a mind to turn on him, Shawn imagined, that he might have put a hurting on him he would never forget. There had been other incidents through the years growing up, that showed that Derrick, had that special something that made him one, no one wanted to get into a tussle with, that included his older brother - sitting next to him then.