Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship (2 page)

Back at the table I waited and fidgeted in my seat. I worried about whether 1 should prop my feet up on a chair. Would it make me look more relaxed? No, it's too casual. How about one foot? No, that looks like I'm wounded. I finally decided to leave both feet on the floor.

Nervous energy washed over me every time I thought about the conversation I was about to have. I couldn't believe that I was doing this-that in only a few minutes she would be sitting across from me.

Shannon Hendrickson and I had been friends for about a year. We worked in the same office. She was a secretary and I was an intern. The first thing I noticed about Shannon was her eyes-they were a bluish, greenish, gray color, and they sparkled when she smiled. The second thing was how tiny she was. Exactly five feet tall, Shannon defines the word
petite.
I liked that. At only five feet six inches myself, a girl who actually looked up into my eyes was a rare find.

I caught my first glimpse of her on the Sunday she got up in church and shared the story of how she'd become a Christian. Two and a half years earlier she'd had no interest in God. At the time she'd just returned to Maryland from college in New Hampshire, where she'd lived the typical party life. It was an empty life lived for herself-a life ruled by sin. Back home, she threw all her energy into her dream of becoming a professional singer. Soon a move to Nashville seemed the next sensible step up the ladder of stardom. That's just the kind of person she was. Her parents had gotten divorced when she was nine, and her dad had raised her to be self-reliant. She would set her sights on a goal, and then do whatever was needed to get there.

Before heading to Nashville, she wanted to take a few guitar

After a few weeks of lessons, Brian told Shannon how Jesus had changed his life. She listened politely but said she could never live like he did. "I respect you, but that's not for me."

"Do you think you're going to heaven?" Brian asked gently.

"I think I'm basically a good person," she responded.

But her confident rejection was an act. She couldn't get Brian's questions out of her head. What if there was a God? If He existed, would she be willing to live for Him?

Shannon secretly began to study Christianity She read the book of Romans, which described her not as a "good person," but as a sinner in need of a savior. She visited a Christian bookstore and asked for something that would help a person explore the claims of Christianity. "It's for a friend," she explained. She left with Josh McDowell's
More Than a Carpenter,
which gave historical proof for Christ's life, death, and resurrection.

God was drawing Shannon. He was whittling away at her pride and independence and awakening within her a longing for Himself. One night, alone in her room, she repented for her sinful and self-centered life and believed on the Savior she now knew had died for her.

Something Better

Growing up, I always hoped that when I saw the girl I was going to marry, it would be love at first sight. As it turned out, my chance for a "love at first sight moment" went right over my head.

God had set me up.

As I sat there next to the mother of
my
plan for my future, God was parading
His
plan for my future right in front of my eyes. He had mapped a course for me that was more wonderful than anything I could come up with on my own, and He was making sure that in the days to come I would never question that this good plan had originated in His mind.

Three months later Shannon and 1 wound up working together at the church office. We hit it off right away, but I wasn't thinking about anything beyond friendship. When someone asked me if I was interested in her, I thought the question was silly. Shannon was a terrific girl, 1 said, but not the kind of person I envisioned marrying. Besides, our backgrounds were too different. She was a new Christian from a broken home. I'd probably marry someone who had been homeschooled and raised in the church like I had-someone like Rachel.

But over the next six months my plans for a future with Rachel began to unravel like a cheap sweater. 1 remember the afternoon I found out that she liked another guy. Rachel and I had only been friends, and she hadn't led me on, but it still hurt. 1 needed to talk to God. I shut my office door; but that didn't seem private enough, so I squeezed myself into my small office closet and pulled the door shut.

There in the darkness I started to cry. I wasn't mad at Rachel; 1 wasn't bitter. I cried because I knew God was behind it all. He was the one who had closed the door on a relationship with Rachel, and He'd done it for my good. I was over

Still crying, I began to thank Him. "I don't understand, but I thank You," I said. "I don't understand, but I know You are good. I don't understand, but I know You're taking this away because You have something better."

That day was a turning point. I stopped trusting in my own carefully laid plans and asked God to show me His.

Change of Heart

Around that time I began to see Shannon in a new light. Her kindness to others and me caught my attention. She had a passion for God and a maturity that belied her short time as a believer. How can I explain it? She just began to pop up in my thoughts and prayers. I looked forward to the chance to see her and talk. What I learned about her through our interaction and from what I heard from others impressed me. I saw that all the reasons I had for why I wouldn't be interested in her were shallow. God was changing my heart.

All this had made the months leading up to my phone call torturous. I went through the "I shouldn't be distracted by this" phase. Then the "I
am
distracted by this" phase. And finally, the "I'm going to fight this" phase, in which I swore to stop journalng about her and mapped a new course around the office so that I wouldn't walk past her desk ten times every hour- something I found myself doing "unintentionally."

I was living with my pastor, C. I. Mahaney at the time. Since my mom and dad lived far away in Oregon, C. I. and his wife, Carolyn, had become like a second set of parents to me. I

It wasn't easy. I would swing between the conviction that I needed to conceal my feelings and the urge to send her signals just to find out if there was any mutual interest. I could trust God better if I knew she liked me, I argued. But deep down I knew this wasn't true. 1 needed to be a man-a noncommittal testing of the waters wouldn't be fair to her.

I started seeking the advice of the most trusted people in my life-my parents, my pastor, and people from our church who knew Shannon and me well. Was I prepared spiritually and emotionally for marriage? Could 1 provide for a wife and family? Was this God's time for me to pursue a relationship? My prayers kicked into high gear.

Instead of subsiding, my feelings grew. My circle of counselors gave me nothing but encouragement to pursue a relationship. I didn't know if Shannon and I were supposed to be married, but I felt that God was directing me to take the next step.

The corner table at Einstein's was it. The countless prayers and conversations had led to this moment. After months of keeping my feelings hidden from Shannon, I was about to make them known.

Shannon walked through the door right on time. She seemed calm. I walked to the front to greet her, and then we got in line to order something. I looked up at the menu on the wall and acted like I was studying it, but food was the furthest thing from my mind.

"Are you hungry?" I asked her.

"No, not really."

"Sure."

We both ordered Sprites and sat down.

Now there was no delaying the inevitable. I needed to say what 1 had come to say.

"You may have already figured this out," I began. "But that guy I wanted to talk to you about-you know, the one who's interested in you? Well... it's me."

A New Season

A bagel shop isn't the most romantic spot to tell a girl you like her. But that night romance wasn't the priority. Our time there wasn't intended to be mushy. I didn't propose marriage or say I was madly in love with her, and she didn't swoon.

What I did tell her was that through our friendship I'd grown to respect her. I couldn't know at that point if we were right for each other, but I wanted to find out. I asked her to take a step with me into courtship, a new season of friendship. The purpose of this time would be to deepen our relationship so that we could prayerfully and purposefully explore the possibility of marriage.

Actually, I didn't say it that well. I stammered, laughed nervously, and was anything but eloquent. In fact, I forgot to use the term
courtship.
She had to ask me if that's what I meant.

Ultimately, it wasn't the term that mattered. What did matter, I told her, is that our relationship have a clearly defined direction. I didn't want to play games with her. Although I wanted us to start going on dates, I wasn't interested in dating for the sake of dating. I wanted more than anything else to please God and find out if marriage was His plan for us. And I wanted this process to be one we could look back on with

"You don't have to give me an answer tonight," I told her. "You can take as long as you need to think about it." Then I shut up.

Shannon didn't say anything for a moment. She looked down at her Sprite and played with her straw.

"Well," she finally said, "I could torture you by dragging it out and leaving you hanging. You know, being 'mysterious.' But I can tell you now that I'm willing to give it a try. I don't want you to get the impression that I'm taking this lightly or think that I don't need to pray about it..." She paused. "It's just that I
have
been praying about this."

She'd been praying about me? She'd been
thinking
about me? I wanted to jump up and tear around the restaurant screaming. Instead I just nodded my head and said, "That's wonderful."

Beginning of an Adventure

This book is much more than the story of what I learned about love, romance, and God in my courtship with Shannon Hendrickson. It's a book for people who know that there's something wrong with our culture's way of doing things but aren't quite sure what to put in its place. It's a book filled with stories about ordinary single people who are striving to honor God in their relationships. It's a book about simple biblical principles that have transformed lives.

Here's what you'll find in the book's three sections.

Part One
shows that what matters most in a Christian relationship isn't whether we use the term
dating
or
courtship,
but that we live for God's glory. We'll see how when we allow wis-

Part Two
jumps into the practical issues of what I call the "season of courtship." We'll learn how to grow closer, but still guard our hearts in important areas like friendship, communication, fellowship, and romance. We'll get specific about our roles as men and women. We'll look at the importance of community during this time. Then we'll talk honestly about sexual purity and how we can prepare for a great sex life in marriage.

Part Three
helps couples who are getting more serious to move toward marriage in a God-honoring way. We'll see how God's grace can help us face sin from our past. We'll ask some tough questions before engagement, including the all-important one, "Should we go forward together into marriage, or should we call our courtship off?" Finally, we'll be reminded that God's grace is our ultimate source of confidence for joining our hearts and lives in the vows of marriage.

As you can see, the aim of Boy
Meets Girl
is to help you place God squarely in the middle of your love life-to show that the journey from friendship to matrimony, from "How do you do?" to "I do," should be viewed as an opportunity to revel in the joys of love as well as to enjoy, honor, and glorify the
Creator
of love.

Four years ago as a single man, I wrote
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
to challenge the world's approach to romance. Today as a newly married man, I write
Boy Meets Girl
to celebrate God's way in romance. I've seen just how good it is. Now I want to encourage you to entrust your dreams of finding true love to His care.