Breaking Down Sydney (Sydney West #2) (14 page)

“You know, treating me right,” I took a step closer to him, running my fingers down his chest, “making me feel all sorts of things.” I grabbed his shaft and released it, getting the response I desired out of him.

“Sydney…” he growled, but Jason looked at me wide-eyed. A sinister smile took his lips, telling me he liked it.

There was a knock at the door.

“They’re here!” I said.

Jason threw on his jeans and shirt. I went to my dresser and took out a folded light blue dress. I stepped into it and beckoned Jason. “Can you zip me?”

The door opened as Jason helped me. Amelia gave us a long look. “You couldn’t wait until we came and went?”

“It’s not what it looks like,” Jason said.

Hunter chuckled. “Dude, chillax.”

“How you doing, girlie?” Amelia came to me and pulled me toward the bed.

We sat down. I looked down at my hands. “I’m fine.”

“Say that to my face.”

I licked my lips and made myself meet her eyes. “I’m fine, really I am.”

She looked over to Jason. “Is she telling the truth?”

My heart dropped into my belly. “You don’t believe me? Jason can’t answer for me!”

Jason shrugged. “She’s hurt, but Syd is strong. She’ll recover.”

I huffed and said, “Excuse me, why don’t we include Syd back into this conversion?”

Amelia took my hand in hers. “I was worried about you. You didn’t finish the funeral and—”

I took a few strands of my dirty blonde hair and focused on braiding it to avoid everyone’s eyes. “I made my peace with it. Why drag it out? Who wants to be depressed all damn day?”

Her eyes bore into me. I knew she wasn’t buying it. “You can’t write off your father’s death like it was some hit and run report on the news.”

“There’s no need for a suicide watch. People die, I get that. There’s no need to dwell on the past.”

“Denial. That’s the stage she’s in,” Hunter stated. He was leaning against the wall. I glared at him.

He didn’t respond, keeping his distance. Amelia took my sloppy braid and undid it. She then grabbed three pieces of hair and braided it for me. “I want my best friend to be okay. I need you to know I’m here for you,” she said, gently pulling on my hair.

I fingered the hem of my dress. “Don’t worry about me. I know how to take care of myself,” I said halfheartedly.

Amelia dropped her hands, leaving the strand of hair halfway braided. It hung in my face awkwardly. “Your father might have been a pain, but with him gone you—”

I pushed the braid behind my shoulder. “I appreciate your kindness, all of you, but I’m okay. My father is dead. To me he’s been dead since I was ten. It’s like his body finally caught up with him.”

I wished they’d believe me so then I could go back to buying my own lies again.

“I’m going to stay here with you. I feel bad for not being around like a roommate should,” she said, looking at me with her sad puppy eyes.

“You don’t need to. I have Jason here if I want any physical touch,” I said, locking eyes with him across the room.

Amelia’s mouth became a perfect O before turning into a coy smile. “I see, can’t help you in that department.”

Hunter smirked and punched Jason in the shoulder. Jason gave his friend a dirty look and punched him back.

I shook my head. “You guys are sickos. I meant a hug or someone to be close to. All of you need to get your mind out of the gutter.”

Hunter shrugged and said, “His hand being on your zipper when we entered didn’t help.”

I shot him a death look. “Jason was zipping me
up
.”

He drummed his fingers on his chin, acting thoughtful. “So the dress was being put on, meaning it was already off. Hmm. Interesting.”

I stood and tried to make my way to Hunter. He needed a good smack upside the head. Jason stopped me, entrapping me in his arms.

“Down, Syd. He wants to push your buttons.”

“Okay, I’m calm,” I said.

Jason let me go.

Amelia gave me a hug. “I don’t care what you say. I’m staying here with you. The boys can go back to their apartment. We need a girls’ night.”

I looked over at Jason. “But—”

“It’s okay, Syd. I need to shower and change my clothes anyway. I’ll come over tomorrow, okay? And you can call or text me if you need me.”

“Okay,” I said, giving in.

Hunter and Amelia kissed. They held each other the way couples did on the cover of romance novels.

Jason closed the distance between us and gave me a kiss on the lips and a slap on the ass before taking off. I closed the door and leaned against it.

Amelia slid her arm around me “Wanna watch a movie?”

My cell phone beeped. “Sure, pick one. I’m going to grab my phone.”

She nodded, turning on her laptop. I found my cell phone on my bed. I had a new text.

Mom: How are u, sweetie?

I debated texting her back or calling. She was slow at texting, and it would annoy me to try to watch something and get a text from her every ten minutes. Calling her was better.

She answered after three rings. “Sydney, you okay?”

I wished people would stop asking me that. Was that all I was now, a girl who’d lost her father?

“I’m doing great. How are you?”

Amelia watched me over her laptop, knowing the truth.

Mom sighed. “Tired, but other than that, good.”

I turned my back on Amelia and said, “Sorry I skipped the rest of the funeral—”

“Don’t say another word about it. I know you never wanted to attend one. It’s okay. Your father understands.”

I was more concerned about the living than the dead, but whatever.

Mom let out a breath and asked, “Is Jason there?”

“He was a few minutes ago. He had to go to his place to shower and change his clothes. Amelia is with me, though.” I looked at my best friend, who was sitting crossed-legged on her bed with a laptop in front of her. She gave me a smile before going back to what she was doing.

“Good, I’m glad you’re not alone.” Mom paused for a moment. “I like Jason. Never thought I’d say that about your first real boyfriend, but I do. He’s someone to let in. I can tell he cares about you, sweetie. Please don’t shut him out.”

I laid down on my bed and stared up at my ceiling. “Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?”

“Sydney, I know you’re anti-love, and I don’t know why, but Jason seems to be a guy who cares. He loves you and shows it. Not all men do that. I should know.”

Yeah, my father did a number on my poor mom, but she didn’t know that Jason had breached my heart and made me see love was real.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. It was never easy talking about relationships with her. “I get it, Mom.”

“Okay. I only want the best for you.”

Why did it seem like I lived in a realm where people kept repeating what others said?

“Thanks, Mom. I gotta go, I love you.”

“Okay, baby. I love you too. Call me if you need me.”

“I will, bye.”

“Bye.”

I dropped my cell phone next to me and rubbed my forehead, trying to ease the pounding behind my eyes.

“Ready for that movie?” Amelia asked, giving me a friendly smile.

“Sure,” I said, walking to her side of the room. “What are we watching?” I grabbed a pillow to prop against the headboard and lean back on.

“With everything going on, I figure we should go with horror. Just be scared and forget the real world for a while.”

I nudged her with my shoulder. “Sounds good to me.”

A beat passed. The movie was starting, but I needed to get something off my chest. “You and Hunter seem to be more in love than ever,” I said lamely.

She sighed a lovey-dovey sigh. It annoyed me back in California, but now I understood how she felt. Being in love made a person feel warm and cared for. “Yes, he’s the one. I’m sure of it. We’ll be Amter forever.”

“That’s wonderful. What do you think about me and Jason?”

Her hazel eyes took me in. She looked like she was wondering where the Syd who refused to talk about love went. “Hmm, I see a bright future for Sydson, as long as someone remembers love is a two-way street.”

I frowned, wanting more opinions on the subject of Jason and me than that. Some part of me wanted to know if someone could see how long Jason and I would last. In college you think love will last forever, and after the heartbreak I’ve seen happen to my mom, cousin, and grandmother, I knew love wasn’t everlasting like the fairytales claimed. Part of me wanted to be prepared when the last shoe dropped and I lost Jason. I was worried about the fallout, if I’d survive such heartache. I needed an outside opinion, one that wasn’t torn to pieces by the voices in my head. But Amelia was love-struck. Could she see the truth?

Amelia paused the movie and looked me square in the eye. “Syd, it was fate we met Hunter and Jason. They are keepers, and you’re crazy if you let Jason go. Now let’s watch this movie and scare the shit out of ourselves,” she said, determined to watch this movie as if we were going to war.

“Okay,” I said, settling into the bed.

She hit play and rested her head on my shoulder.

Why was I so blind? Maybe my fear of love and perhaps even happiness was taking a toll on me after all this time. All I could do was pray that when Jason finally broke me completely down, he wouldn’t leave me with all my scars exposed.

Amelia and I watched two horror films together. At times, we clung onto each other as if we were living inside the film and about to die at any moment. It was fun to have my best friend around. I could deal with just about anything with Amelia at my side.

Chapter Twenty-One

My favorite part about working in a bookstore was the smell. The scent of fresh pages made the world brighter. They were crisp and perfect. The only negative was being on my feet for hours. Other than that, I didn’t mind helping people find treasures and running the register. During my break I’d pick up a new book and flip through its pages, inhaling its heavenly perfume as I did.

School, on the other hand, wasn’t as relaxing. Because I was a psychology major, I had essays and tests thrown at me nearly every week. I needed a break. Where was summer when I needed it?

It was hard to focus when I was around Jason. His body was yummy, and my hands couldn’t help themselves. He loved the attention, making matters worse when I needed to study for an exam.

I locked myself up in the library’s quiet zone. My legs cramped from sitting for five hours straight trying to cram for a test on human behavior. I already had a stack of flashcards holding about one hundred terms. With those memorized, for the time being, it was time to move on to the parts of the brain and what they controlled.

While looking at a colorful map of the human brain, someone took a seat across from me. Out of habit, I reached for my stuff, making room for them.

The person cleared their throat, drawing my attention. For a split second, I thought it was Jason, fooling around and trying to ask me out for a short break. To my surprise, it wasn’t him. It was Angelo, my ex-friend from high school. I guess he’d thought we were dating, but to me we were simply messing around.

“Hey stranger,” he whispered.

My eyebrows met in confusion. The last time I saw him was at his farewell party before he moved to Virginia. He promised to stay in touch. That lasted for two letters. Three months passed with no answer. I knew he was gone. We weren’t anything special. I never had sex with him, though we almost did on a day my mom happened to come home early. We did make out a lot in his car, though, and once, after a football game, I let him squeeze my boobs.

Angelo still looked like that boy from sophomore year. He had long black hair with a pierced eyebrow. He was tall, but he didn’t have much muscle. Last time I saw him, he was a guitar player in a garage band. The boy had high hopes of becoming famous. Looking at him now in black trousers and a polo shirt, I could tell he’d given up on the music.

He gave me a smile and jotted something down on a piece of white printer paper. For safe measure, he folded it in half and passed it.

I gave him a look before giving my attention to the note. I unfolded it.

Didn’t know you were staying in-state. What happened to traveling abroad?

A smile stole my lips. He remembered me telling him when I went to college I wanted to go to England, Italy, and/or France. I wanted to study all over the globe.

I grabbed my pen and wrote back.

Family issues. Life gets in the way of your dreams. What are you doing back?

When he read my reply, a frown hung in the corner of his mouth.

The girl I knew wouldn’t even let a hurricane stop her. I’m here on a tennis scholarship. Turns out the team here is badass.

It was silly to have a long conversation with someone via notes. I deserved a break somewhere where I could cough without being silenced.

You wanna get out of here and get some food? I need a study break.

He nodded, giving me a cocky smile. I stood up, sliding my pen, laptop, and papers into my backpack. After zipping it up, I looked around the table, making sure I didn’t forget anything. Angelo closed the distance between us, pushing in the chair I was using. He looked my body up and down, as if rating me on some kind of scale.

I bristled at his glare. “Take a picture,” I murmured, lacing my comment with a joke to get him to stop eyeing me. Now that I’m with Jason, the way other boys look at me has become somewhat daunting.

He simply grinned and followed me to the elevator without saying a word.

I pushed a strand of hair over my shoulder and put my backpack on. We left the third floor as quietly as we could. The elevator ride down was awkward as he stared down at his cell phone. I was able to breathe again once we left the building and headed to the Student Union.

Outside, the sun blinded me. Being in a dim room for long periods of time was killer on the eyes. “What’s your major?” I asked, trying to stick to friendly conversation.

He stretched his arms over his head, letting out a moan. “I’m here studying law. What about you?”

“Psychology.”

“You always did want to know how everyone ticked. Makes sense. I think you’d be a good shrink.”

I wrinkled my nose and said, “I prefer the term therapist, but thank you.”

Angelo opened the glass door to the building for me. “Want some tacos? I’m craving tacos for some reason.”

“Sure. I’ll take anything, haven’t eaten in hours,” I replied, sliding the tips of my fingers into the back pockets of my jeans.

Angelo’s eyes raked across my body again, taking me in. “You look like you haven’t eaten in weeks. Girl, you’re skinny.”

I hugged myself, easing the pit of discomfort building inside my stomach. “Gee, thanks. I happen to be slender, is all.”

“Okay,” he muttered. The corner of his mouth curled up and his brown eyes never left me. It felt like he was coming up with a plan, making the pit inside me grow in size.

What was his deal? Something felt off about Angelo, but it was hard to place what it was.

It’s all in my head. I don’t like seeing past boys, even ones I only made out with. As far as I’m concerned, Jason is the first man I’ve been intimate with. All the other boys were nothing but toys.

My stomach twisted in disagreement. My gut thought there was something fishy about Angelo.

We stood in line in a bubble of silence, waiting to order. Angelo was behind me, looking down at his phone again. There weren’t too many students around this part of the building since Taco Shell wasn’t with all the other restaurants; it was in the back, next to a bank.

A ditzy sorority chick with purple dyed hair took forever to order. She kept going back and forth between a burrito and a taco, as if it was the red or blue wire on a bomb. The cashier was a black dude and kept a fake smile on his face as the girl murmured about carbs.

Finally she chose the taco and paid for her damn lunch.

“God, I never thought we’d order,” I said, watching the girl take a cup from the cashier.

Angelo looked up and replied, “Girls never know what they want.”

My face screwed into confusion.
What does he mean?

“Next,” the cashier said.

I walked up to the counter. “I’d like two supreme tacos and a medium drink.”

He nodded, punching it into the register. I paid and took my cup. Thankfully the girl was fast with the drink machine. I got myself some Dr. Pepper and grabbed a table near the railing that divided Taco Shell from the bank.

Angelo stayed by the pick-up window and grabbed both our orders. He strolled over, dropping my bag of food in front of me before sitting down across the table.

“Thanks,” I said, digging into the bag.

“No problem,” he replied, pulling out his pizza and three tacos.

My eyebrows shot up. “Where does all that food go?” I asked, staring at his slim physique.

He shrugged. “I burn it off.”

“Until it catches up to you.”

He flicked a piece of lettuce at me. “Who are you, my mom? Get off my back, woman!” he joked.

I laughed. “Just thought you needed some tough love.”

“God, I’ve missed you and your humor.” He took a huge bite out of his taco, chewing like a cow.

“There’s one thing I haven’t missed about you.”

He looked a question at me.

“You’re a slob. I didn’t miss that.” I smiled, handing him a napkin.

“You love it when I’m dirty.” He gave me a wink.

My body shook. It was gross to even think about. “No way!”

I never thought it would be fun to hang out with someone from my high school, let alone a boy I used to make out with. Maybe people weren’t as bad as I made them out to be.

“So…you single?” he asked, mid-chew.

I ripped my napkin. My hand shook with a nervous energy. That happened before I had to give a speech in front of a class, but never one-on-one. I balled the napkin up and took a sip of my soda. “I’m in a relationship right now.”

He opened his pizza and picked up a slice. “Aw, nothing serious, though. That was always your style.”

His glare made my skin feel sticky, as if my body was coated in honey.

How does he know about my style? We lost touch over the years.

I straightened the paper my taco came on. “People change.”

A sinister grin took his lips, making his eyes seem darker. “Oh? I don’t see a ring on your finger. Plus I hear you get wild during summer break.”

I shifted in my chair, feeling warmth rise up my neck. “That’s a nasty rumor. Who told you?” My heart fought against my ribcage, wishing to run away and not witness what was unfolding.

He gave me an evil once-over, as if picturing me naked. “Word travels fast. Men like that in a woman. Wild is fun, though we like a bit of a chase too.”

Before I knew it, his hand was on my knee, going up my thigh.

I moved my leg away. “Didn’t you hear me? I have a boyfriend.”

“For how long? A day, a week? Babe, let me rock you. I never had the chance when we were goin’ out.”

I stood up fast, making my chair hit the floor. A few people turned their heads, watching the show. “Fuck off. I should’ve known you haven’t changed! All men are the same.” I grabbed my backpack and stormed away, abandoning my food.

“Babe, you don’t know what you’re missing! Don’t come back when that douchebag doesn’t fulfill all your needs!” he shouted at my back.

All eyes turned to me. My face burned, and I balled my hands into fists. I turned around, giving Angelo the bird before shoving the metal door open.

I squinted through the sunlight while passing the lion statue belonging to the business school. Anger ran deep within me. I wanted to punch his lights out and burn him alive. He should thank me for not fucking up his face.

Turned out I was wrong. People didn’t change. Men were all the same. When they weren’t thinking about food, they were thinking with their dicks.

Except Jason.

He’d never use me like that. All I wanted to do was curl up in his arms and bitch about how low people could be. I needed him to hold me and tell me everything would be okay.