Breaking Kate: The Acceptance Series (39 page)

“No, you were just okay. Sorry, but you’re a dude and my brother; it just doesn’t have the same effect. Your voice doesn’t make me want to have my wicked way with you.” Now it’s April’s turn to hit him over the head.

“Shut up, Connor, he was amazing and so were the two of you. Thank you both for doing that; you have no idea what it means to me. That is a memory that will be forever etched in my mind. I will treasure it always. It seriously does make me want to have my wicked way with Jake, too.” April giggles as she pulls him down to her for a long, loving kiss. Rick and Beverly make their way over to us and give me and Jess hugs.

“Girls, you were
amazing
! Linda and Bryan filled us in about your karaoke night, but we thought they were exaggerating.” Beverly pulls Mike in from the crowd and gushes to him, “Don’t you think they were amazing, Mikey?”

Oh god, I almost forgot he’s like her adopted son; my heart falls a little deeper into its hole.

“Yeah, Bev, they were amazing; they sing like angels, but they always have.”

Everyone exchanges confused glances, but
it’s April that asks, “You know each other? I thought tonight was the first time you were going to meet?”

I answer carefully, “Yes, we’ve known each other for years, but after high school we fell out of touch. Our parents are actually engaged now. We never put two and two together because Mike is Michael in our house and my family refers to me as Katherine.”

April squeals excitedly, “That’s awesome! Our families are all just coming together! We’re all going to be the best of friends. Let’s take some group pictures to celebrate.” The guys groan and convince her to take a thirty-minute dance break before pictures.

“Come on, beautiful, dance with me. I want you in my arms.” The smile on his face and the look in his eyes is one hundred percent panty-melting; there’s no way I can refuse him.
Everything Has Changed
by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran is playing, but I barely hear the music; I just want to focus on being in his arms.

“Kate, I’m so sorry. I know tonight isn’t how we’ve imagined it.” I cut him off by placing my fingers on his lips. I remove my fingers and kiss him gently.

“Daniel, I can’t. I’m in a zone and I can’t talk about this tonight or I will break—tomorrow will be fine, but
please
not tonight
.
” He nods his head and pulls me closer to him, holding me tightly. We dance the next few songs, holding onto each other. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone my entire life. I feel it in abundance in this moment; it’s a surreal feeling.

April eventually gets all of us for pictures, and once Linda catches wind, she wants some other shots she didn’t get earlier. Unfortunately, that leaves Mike and me watching. I walk to the bar and get a glass of water; I need to be thinking with a clear head. Daniel’s eyes haven’t left me all night, and I know he’s watching me to be sure I’m okay. I flash him a smile to let him know everything is fine. It’s a fake smile, though. Things are far from fine and he knows it.

“Katherine, will you do me the honor of dancing with me, please?”

I know I must look like a deer caught in the headlights because the
last
thing I was expecting was for him to ask me to dance. I nod my head because it would look very strange if I declined him. I feel Daniel’s eyes focused on us as he leads me to the dance floor.

As soon as we start to dance, the song changes to Lady –
Antebellum’s
Wanted You More
which has always reminded me of him.

“Katherine.”

“Michael, we should probably get used to calling each other our preferred names.”

“Fine, Kate I don’t want to make tonight hard for you. I really just wanted to know if you got my letter.”
His letter?

“When did you send me a letter?” He looks relieved that I haven’t read it.

“I brought it to your house on Wednesday and left it on the door.” The only thing I have is the letter from the homeowner’s association.
Now
it makes sense; it wasn’t from them. Michael would have used my full name and the HOA would have mailed a notice.

“I’m
sorry, I haven’t had a chance to read it yet. I thought it was from someone else; it’s in my purse in the guesthouse.” The song is ending and Daniel’s walking toward us.

“Please read it when you have a chance, Kate. I’d really like a chance to talk. I miss you so much it’s killing me.” My anger flares. How
dare
he miss me?
He’s
the one that left; he doesn’t get to miss me!

Daniel eases in smoothly, separating us. “Is everything okay with you two?” We both nod and Mike walks away.
I have to see that letter. I need to know what’s in it.

Everything important has been done. Although it’s still relatively early, and I really want to spend some more time with Callie and Ben, I think I need to go lie down for a bit.

“Daniel, do you think we can just go to the guesthouse? I’ve got a headache, and apparently I have a letter from Mike waiting for me.” Recognition flashes across his face, followed by a sad, knowing look.

“Sure, sweetheart, let’s go figure
all of this out.” Daniel holds my hand on the walk back. Once we get inside, he pulls me into the most passionate kiss we’ve ever shared. My knees are weak, my heart in being torn to shreds, and in this moment I wish I had never met Michael Matthews.

“Kate, I love you, sweetheart, and I’m not letting you go without a fight.”

God, the look on his face is heartbreaking. He thinks I want Michael back but I don’t; nothing could be further from the truth. I try and hold back but a single tear escapes and falls down my cheek, my love for him is all consuming now more than ever.

“Listen to me, no matter what happens, no matter what is written in that letter, you need to know that I LOVE YOU. I don’t want Michael back; he’s not for me, he’s not who I want my life with, not anymore. I have to read this letter, and I want you with me, but I need to read it first, okay?” Daniel takes off his tie and unbuttons the top two buttons of his tux. Under any other circumstances that would be incredibly sexy. Who the hell am I kidding? It’s still really hot, but right now is
not
the right time to act on
those
feelings. I pull the letter out of my bag and sit down at the table to open and read it.

Katherine,

I know it’s been a long time since we have spoken, and I am sure you hate me more than you ever loved me. I’m so terribly sorry for how I acted all those years ago. I was brokenhearted, confused, and in unimaginable pain—all of which I took out on you. There has not been a day that has gone by
that I haven’t thought of you and wondered how you are doing—wondered if today was better than yesterday for you because it wasn’t for me, not without you in it.  I know I don’t have any right to reach out to you after all of this time, and I understand if you don’t want to finish this letter, but I hope with all my heart and soul that you find it in yourself to continue reading.

Where to start? I guess that would be with my anger. When my dad died, I lost control. I didn’t realize that such an amount of rage and fury could exist within me. After hearing my mom’s explanation, I was in shock. I knew she had to be wrong about you, maybe not about your dad, but about you. I came to you that night for comfort. There was no one else I wanted to be with, but all night I stewed in my grief, anger, and thoughts of deception. When I woke up, I saw you and just snapped. I let everything get to me and took it all out on you.

You have to know the things I said to you were out of a place of anger and I have never been sorrier for anything as I am for the way I treated you. Katherine, I have never in my life met anyone as pure-hearted as you. Never have I known anyone capable of unconditional love who never expects anything in return. I had to distance myself from everything. I didn’t talk to anyone for months, not even my mom, not after the funeral. The day that Jessica came by to see me, I had just finished packing up my things. I was a broken man. I had to leave my home, where all my memories of my family and you were, just to try and move past the dark place I was living in. Unfortunately, her timing could not have been worse. I was looking for someone to lash out at and she was there. After Jessica left, I threw my phone away and replaced it with a new one and a new number. I didn’t want anything to remind me of my past life. I left everything behind, Katherine; I have not spoken to anyone from back home or to my family, not since the funeral.

I met new friends and they are like family to me. I learned the construction business from one of the most respected and well-known companies in the industry. I have moved up faster than anyone in company history. I love it—the work is therapeutic and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. I never told you this, but I never wanted to go to college. I only wanted to go so that I could be with you and take care of you. I would have done anything for you and still would. I thought the day I lost my dad was the worst day of my life, but I was so wrong, baby. My darkest, loneliest, nightmare filled days have been the ones I have spent without you. I have never loved anyone other than you. I have never made love to anyone but you. My heart, my soul, every single piece of me belongs to you. Without you, I just don’t make sense, my life doesn’t make sense,
this isn’t how we were supposed to end up. We were supposed to have our Happily Ever After.

Now the hard part.
I haven’t adjusted well since that day I left you; I have become a person I don’t even know. I have spent a lot of time drinking and even more time trying to forget you. I’m not proud of what I have done. Actually, I am rather embarrassed by it, but I can’t take it back. I have spent three years sleeping with random women, using them for sex—rough sex, out of control crazy sex. God, Katherine, half of them I didn’t even know their names. Never once was it love, it was never someone I had feelings for. All I was trying to do was purge you from my system and all it did was make me want you, miss you, ache for you. None of them were you, none of them could ever compare to you.

I know this isn’t fair. I’m sure this is nothing that you want to even hear, but you have to know. I need you to know because there is no moving forward until I can be sure you know my past. So much time has passed and I’m a completely different person. I can only imagine how much you might have changed, how my actions could have driven the way you think and respond to men and to love. I can’t apologize enough for any and all of the hurt I have caused you. Katherine, you have always been all I
have ever cared about. From the first moment I saw you in second grade, you have forever since held my heart. I know you may be involved with someone else. For all I know, you could be married by now. That thought chills my soul, knowing that I could have lost my chance and it’s all my fault for running away from you, from us.

I am trying to come terms with the boy I used to be and the man I have become. I’ve wasted too much time running away from everything that ever mattered. I had a come to Jesus moment recently that has really brought me clarity. I need to see you, we need to talk. I’m sure it’s obvious that I want to try with you again. I know it won’t be easy, but nothing worth having ever is. If you have moved on, I will completely respect that. I don’t want to interfere with your happiness.

I miss you, Katherine, more than you can imagine. I miss your love, your laugh, your beautiful face when you wake up in the morning, your touch, but most of all I miss us. I wanted to reach out to you first before talking to my mom, but she got my number somehow and keeps leaving me messages. I wonder if you have spoken to her? Were you two able to push past the delusions and mend fences? I guess that is neither here nor there, I just feel like a stranger stepping back into my life. I hope you will respond to this letter. I will be happy to meet you somewhere for a drink, dinner, or just somewhere we can talk. I am enclosing my business card and wrote my cell number on it. You can text me or call me anytime. I really hope I hear from you soon.

All my love,

Michael

Holy Fuck.
I am so completely and utterly screwed. I want to keep this letter to myself, but I know that I can’t. Daniel looks devastated, and I can’t stand seeing that look on his face; it breaks my heart. I hand the letter to him with a guilty feeling that I’m betraying Michael by letting Daniel read it. No matter what, this concerns all of us and we have to deal with it.

“Kate, I don’t have to read it if you want to keep this private; this is between you two.”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want any secrets between us; we all have to deal with this situation together.”

Once Daniel finishes reading the letter, he hangs his head and puts it in his hands. I scramble into his lap and hug him like my life depends on it. I let the tears flow freely, and so does he. After a bit of time passes, we both wipe each other’s tears away.

“What are you thinking, Kate? I need to know; this is killing me.” I cup his cheeks in my hands and softly kiss his lips.

“It’s killing me, too, but I meant what I said earlier—I LOVE YOU. I need some time to think about how I want to handle this and the only way I can do that is to go home…alone.”