By Force of Instinct (14 page)

elizabeth was the first person—the only person—whom he had ever felt could meet him on equal grounds and accept him for who he was, and her refusal of his proposal only ended up confirming this for him.

Having had his attention drawn to this gap in his life and recognizing the value a steady woman could provide for Georgiana, he had duly attended balls and soirees, making efforts to meet appropriate young ladies.

He had mingled, chatted, danced and played cards with one woman after another. Most could not even begin to catch his interest; a few seemed intelligent enough, but constantly submitted their views to him for his approval. one was even playful, though not particularly clever. But none of them could capture his heart as elizabeth had done so easily, and finally he had given up.

In fact, he had given up on more than the ladies of the
ton
, he had lost 83

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any interest in the entire society. After his evening at the Gardiners’, he had received several invitations to similar gatherings, first by Mr. Monkhouse, and then as his interest became more generally known, others of that circle as well as the few well-born intellectuals in London began to include him as well. He went at first out of curiosity, then made the discovery that he far preferred to be valued for his contribution to the discussion than for his wealth or lands. It gave him something he had lacked for years, at least since he had left university and perhaps even longer, a sense of who Fitzwilliam Darcy was as separate from the Master of Pemberley. And he recognized that this was part of what he valued in elizabeth as well—that she would never give him deference for his social standing; he had to earn his place with her.

That thought led him full circle to where he had begun—how
had
he earned her favour? They had parted on terms that were hardly cordial, yet now she was inviting his advances—what could have changed? And, even more importantly, could it change again if he made a misstep?

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Chapter 5

the following day Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, with their four children, appeared at Longbourn. They were to stay there only one night, and set off the next morning. The children, two girls of six and eight years old, and two younger boys, were to be left under the care of their cousins; although Jane was the general favourite, whose steady sense and sweetness of temper exactly adapted her for attending to them in every way, her impending nuptials forbade her from being in primary care of them.

If her thoughts were more at netherfield than Longbourn, it did not affect elizabeth’s ability to enjoy playing with her young cousins. It gave her pleasure to see their delight in the country air as they ran about, urging her to join in their games. she relearned the skill of her younger days at graces at least sufficiently to provide a challenge to the eldest girl, then turned the sticks over to the younger of them, watching them play until the elder Master Gardiner, already autocratic at the advanced age of four, demanded a game of hide and seek in the shrubbery behind the house. elizabeth volunteered to take the first stint at seeking, and had closed her eyes and begun to count when she heard a deep voice murmur from behind her,

“Good afternoon, elizabeth.”

she felt a light kiss on her neck which tingled throughout her body. It was as if his presence had awoken her; suddenly her every sense was more active and alert. “you are quite bold today, Mr. Darcy,” she responded, colouring becomingly.

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“not so bold as I should like to be,” he replied daringly, “but I suspect that your cousins have sharp eyes.” He moved to stand immediately behind her, so close that their bodies touched lightly.

How could his mere touch affect me so?
she wondered, exhilarated by the sensations running through her. she opened her eyes and glanced over her shoulder at him with a smile. “I had not expected the pleasure of your company today, sir.”

He succeeded at looking both embarrassed and self-satisfied at the same moment. “I should not have come, I know, to interrupt such a family gathering, but I fear that I could not stay away. I manufactured the excuse of a message for Bingley which I could deliver on my way to town.”

A shiver went through her as she felt his breath against her cheek, and, looking even more smug than before, he placed a hand on her waist.

elizabeth raised an eyebrow to cover any further evidence of her susceptibility to his advances. “sir, I believe that I have a task before me to which I must attend,” she said playfully.

He gave her a half-smile as she walked about the garden, passing directly before the hiding place of a giggling child three times before coming to discover him to his delight. The others were found with alacrity, and another round begun. “cousin Lizzy,
you
must hide now,” said the eldest in a tone of patience appropriate for dealing with the vagaries of adults.

“Very well.” turning to Darcy, elizabeth said with a mischievous glint in her eyes, “come, sir, were you not attending? We must hide!”

His eyes widened slightly. “I must as well?” He was not accustomed to the games of children; this was a foreign country to him.

“I insist, sir!” she exclaimed. taking him boldly by the hand, she led him with an infectious smile to a recessed nook behind a line of hedge.

Darcy, now quite able to perceive the advantages of this game, gathered her into his arms and began to taste the delights of her lips like a man starved for drink in the desert. Already stirred by his previous caresses, elizabeth was ready to find her pleasure in his kisses, and slid her arms around his neck. Her playfulness, which had always attracted his desire, had only made him want her more, and he became increasingly insistent, asking and receiving a response which could only arouse him further. she was breathless by the time he released her lips, only to continue his caresses along the lines of her neck and shoulder.

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elizabeth found it difficult to credit how agreeable she was finding this activity which she knew would bring a blush of shame to her cheeks all too soon. she reassured herself by considering that Mr. Darcy was clearly far from troubled by her behaviour, and in fact seemed quite prepared to take advantage of it to the fullest. she gasped at the exhilarating sensation as he delicately trailed his lips down her neck, his hands at her back encouraging her to arch against him. How had she failed to notice his magnetism all these months?

“How long can we expect before they find us?” Darcy growled against her ear. His fingers drifted to explore the curve of her breast, creating a delirious melting sensation inside her.

elizabeth’s breath caught as exquisite feelings of pleasure rushed through her at his intimate touch. The experience was intoxicating, but she retained enough sense of self to reluctantly realize that she might have unleashed more than she could manage. “not long, I fear,” she said, hoping that her voice sounded steadier than she felt with his hand caressing her ever more intimately. The depth of reaction he seemed able to elicit from her with such ease, as well as the behaviour that reaction caused her to permit, was beginning to alarm her—she was beginning to understand all too well how women could be susceptible to seduction.

Darcy discovered he had entered into a dilemma—he desperately wanted to keep touching elizabeth and to feel her hands upon him, but it was obvious that she was becoming uncomfortable with his attentions—
though
she clearly enjoys them!
he thought exuberantly. He decided he had best slow his demands before he was told to stop, and reluctantly drew her head onto his shoulder. “My loveliest elizabeth,” he whispered.

she heard the sound of laughing voices coming in their direction, but the happiness she felt as he held her close to him was such that it was some moments before she could bring herself to pull away. Fortunately she was still in time to avoid being caught in a compromising position by the children, and she gave Darcy a laughing look which went some way toward reassuring him that he had not unduly disturbed her with his advances.

“I suppose that I should pay my respects to your aunt and uncle,” Darcy said to her as they emerged from behind the hedge, reluctant to leave her company. “Will you go with me?”

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she agreed, although somewhat anxious about the proposition of exposing him to her massed family. she could have no complaints at his response to them, though; he was perfectly civil even to Mrs. Philips, who could not keep herself from several tactless comments. elizabeth’s astonishment was extreme; and continually was she repeating,
Why is he so altered? From what
can it proceed? It cannot be for me, it cannot be for my sake that his manners
are thus softened. My reproofs at Hunsford could not work such a change as
this.
Darcy further greeted Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner with every evidence of genuine pleasure, and elizabeth was startled during the course of their conversation to discover that he had apparently been in company with them on some occasion since his visit to Gracechurch street. she was exceedingly curious about this revelation, but no explanation seemed forthcoming, and she saw nothing to justify an inquiry on her part. Darcy’s final departure, with a look that caressed her as much as his hands had done earlier, left her blushing, and her aunt and uncle with an idea in their minds as to a certain gentleman’s apparent admiration of their niece.

It is not the function of this work to give a description of Derbyshire, nor of any of the remarkable places through which their route thither lay; oxford, Blenheim, Warwick, Kenelworth, Birmingham, &c. are sufficiently known. Their travelling provided a time of reflection for elizabeth, especially as they came to the little town of Lambton, the scene of Mrs.

Gardiner’s former residence. she could not help recalling that she was but a few miles from the place which she anticipated calling home, and she eagerly sought out each change in the landscape as a signpost to her future.

In Lambton she considered that she would likely see the town many times in the future, and it was only with the greatest of efforts that she kept from confiding her hopes to her aunt. Her hesitation came not only from a sense of propriety that she should not discuss the matter until her father’s consent was obtained, but also from the slightest of fears that she had difficulty even admitting to herself, which sprung from her realization that during their meetings at Longbourn, he had expressed admiration and desire, but not a word of love or marriage. she had faith in his sense of honour, and did not truly believe that he would toy with her, but the thought, once having entered her head, was not to be shaken. It was a thought, however, exactly calculated to make her understand her own wishes.

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she delighted in slyly inquiring of the townspeople she met as to the character of the master of Pemberley. They had nothing to accuse him of but pride; pride he probably had, and if not, it would certainly be imputed by the inhabitants of a small market-town, where the family did not visit.

It was acknowledged, however, that he was a liberal man, and did much good among the poor.

one morning Mrs. Gardiner, whose curiosity regarding the relationship between Mr. Darcy and her niece had not been satisfied, decided to test the waters by raising the subject of that gentleman herself. “It is a great pity, Lizzy,” she said, “that we may not visit Pemberley. should not you like to see a place of which we have heard so much? If it were merely a fine house richly furnished, I should not care about it myself; but the grounds are delightful. They have some of the finest woods in the country. Were we not acquainted with Mr. Darcy, we could see it as we have seen the other great houses. But perhaps you, as a friend of Miss Darcy, might someday be invited there.”

“My acquaintance with her is really quite trifling,” said elizabeth carefully. “But all reports that I have heard do indeed suggest that Pemberley is lovely.” she longed to ask her aunt regarding her further contact with Mr.

Darcy, but felt the danger of appearing to take too great an interest in his concerns. Fortunately, this temptation abated as the maid entered with the post, bearing two letters for elizabeth.

elizabeth had been a good deal disappointed in not finding a letter from Jane on their first arrival at Lambton; and this disappointment had been renewed on each of the mornings that had now been spent there; but on the third, her repining was over, and her sister justified, by the receipt of two letters from her at once, on one of which was marked that it had been missent elsewhere. elizabeth was not surprised at it, as Jane had written the direction remarkably ill.

They had just been preparing to walk as the letters came in; and her uncle and aunt, leaving her to enjoy them in quiet, set off by themselves.

The one missent must be first attended to; it had been written five days ago.

The beginning contained an account of all their little parties and engagements, with such news as the country afforded; but the latter half, which was dated a day later, and written in evident agitation, gave more important intelligence. elizabeth read it with increasing shock, then, without 89

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allowing herself time for consideration, and scarcely knowing what she felt, elizabeth instantly seized the other, and opened it with the utmost impatience. It had been written a day later than the conclusion of the first, and, together with it, completed the recitation of the shocking intelligence that Lydia had eloped with none other than Mr. Wickham.

“oh! where, where is my uncle?” cried elizabeth, darting from her seat as she finished the letter, in eagerness to follow him to acquaint him with the news without losing a moment of the time so precious. she hurried out of the room and through the streets toward the church, just short of which she discovered Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner.

she was wild to be at home—to hear, to see, to be upon the spot, to share with Jane in the cares that must now fall wholly upon her, in a family so deranged; a father absent, a mother incapable of exertion and requiring constant attendance; and though almost persuaded that nothing could be done for Lydia, her uncle’s interference seemed of the utmost importance, and until she discovered him just short of the church, the misery of her impatience was severe.