By Force of Instinct (13 page)

resolved not to be passive, she made an enquiry after his sister.

“Georgiana is quite well, thank you,” he responded civilly. “she greatly enjoyed your company in Kent, Miss Bennet, and regretted the interruption of the acquaintance.”

“As did I,” said elizabeth gravely. “Pray give her my best regards, when next you see her.” she could not look at him without remembering the intimacy of his kiss, and colour rose in her cheeks at the thought.

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“Thank you, Miss Bennet; I shall do so,” he replied, then lapsed into silence again.

elizabeth was now left in an agony of uncertainty. she knew not what to make of his behaviour, and she feared her desire to see partiality on his part might lead her to suppose more than actually existed. she bit her lip, unaware of the effect of that small action on the gentleman opposite her. If only she could give him some indication of her changed position—but that would violate all the rules of propriety, which dictated that the approach must always come from the gentleman.
He proposed to me, kissed me, told
me that he wanted to give me everything he had—what sort of expression do I
think is required to feel certain of his interest?
she demanded of herself.
If he
can do that, surely it is not forbidden to smile at him!

Feeling al the anxiety of her position, she looked up again and waited until she had caught his eye. Her heart pounding at her audacity, she smiled at him in what she hoped to be an affectionate manner. she could see his indrawn breath from across the room, and boldly held his gaze as a new warmth lit his eyes. It was too much; she had to look away before she was caught in his look, but her eyes were drawn back to him as though by magnetism. A slight smile touched his mouth, and a shiver went through her.
How can it feel so
much like he is kis ing me when all he is doing is looking at me?

“Lizzy!” Jane’s voice shattered her reverie. she looked away, startled.

“Forgive me, Jane; I was woolgathering,” she said apologetically.

“so it would seem,” said Jane with a smile. “Mr. Bingley and I are going to take a turn around the garden.”

elizabeth longed to join them—anything to break the building tension, but she could hardly leave her mother alone with Mr. Darcy, and the idea of asking him to come with this between them frankly frightened her. she smiled apologetically at Jane and bade her enjoy the sunshine.

“Well, Mr. Darcy,” said Mrs. Bennet sharply as soon as the engaged couple had left the room, “they certainly do make a lovely pair, do they not?”

Her voice dared him to disagree.

“Indeed, Mrs. Bennet,” he said very civilly. “I have rarely seen Bingley so happy. They are very well matched.”

elizabeth, a bit surprised by his calm response to her mother’s barb, joined in. “It is a comfort to us all that she will be no further than netherfield, as we will miss Jane sorely.”

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Darcy gave her a questioning glance, but said nothing, and Mrs. Bennet, after several minutes of silence in the company of her least favourite daughter and a man she had always despised, excused herself on the pretext of needing to speak to the cook.

elizabeth could not credit that her mother had left her alone with Mr.

Darcy.
At least I have the assurance that it is not with any matchmaking intent
on her part!
she thought with amused anxiety. This was even more worrisome than a turn around the garden. she did not know what to say; she was afraid to even look at him. Blindly she reached for a new embroidery thread, but in the clumsiness of trepidation she instead knocked the small basket of threads to the floor.

He will indeed be impressed to find you turned into a quivering idiot the
moment you are left alone!
she scolded herself. Her colour high, she bent to collect the threads, but Darcy was there before her, kneeling to gather them neatly into the basket. A frisson went through her at his nearness.

“My thanks, Mr. Darcy,” she said as he handed it to her. For a moment as she took it her hand covered his, and the touch was a burning sensation which seemed to draw her inexorably closer to him even as it increased her apprehension. Almost involuntarily, she looked up to meet his eyes, which were gazing at her with a dark intensity. she knew that her face was unable to hide her feelings or her desire for his touch, and the increasing heat of his gaze only added to her sensibility.

He stroked her cheek lightly with his thumb, igniting a fire within her.

“elizabeth,” he whispered, “do not look at me so unless you mean it; I do not think I could bear it if you changed your mind.” He drew his finger lightly across her lips and down her neck before bringing his hand to rest at the nape, the softness of her curls caressing his fingers.

she struggled to find the words to tell him that her feelings were not so inconstant as that, but she seemed to have been stricken dumb by the power of his touch, and instead somehow found herself raising her lips towards his in an invitation which he accepted without hesitation. she was flooded by sensation as his lips touched hers, first gently and then with an increasing urgency as all the tightly contained need of the last three months rose to the surface. The basket dropped to the floor unheeded as he gathered her into his arms.

she fit against him even more perfectly than he had imagined, and as 79

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her arms went around his neck, his only rational thought was that his life would never be fuller than it was at this moment. A fierce desire rose in him in powerful waves, and he struggled to hold himself back lest he frighten her. tearing his lips from hers, he covered her face with kisses.

reaching her ear, he murmured fervently, “Dearest, dearest elizabeth, I have waited so long for this!”

elizabeth, feeling as if she too had been yearning for this moment for an eternity, gave in to the urge to press herself even closer against him. The exquisite sensation of his body against hers created a need she could never have imagined; and, as his mouth trailed a line of fire beneath her ear and down her neck, she felt as if she were melting into him. she could not be close enough to him, she thought, an inexplicable ache beginning to grow deep inside her. How had she ever denied that this was what she needed and wanted?

Her response excited him almost beyond the boundaries of his control.

He recaptured her mouth, drinking deeply of the intoxicating taste and feel of her, knowing that he could never get enough of her, when the sound of approaching footsteps somehow penetrated his desire-fogged mind.

He pulled away sharply and strode rapidly to the window, turning his back to the door to give himself an extra moment to regain his composure.

The passion racing through him was difficult enough to quell, but there was no suppressing the exultant feeling of success he felt at the discovery that elizabeth—well, he was not exactly certain whether elizabeth’s behaviour constituted an acknowledgment of acceptance, of caring, or of love, but any of these would be quite acceptable to him.

elizabeth felt suddenly bereft when he released her, unable to understand the reason for his behaviour until Mary entered the room a moment later.

she was flustered both by what had just taken place and by her sister’s appearance, as if she would be able to ascertain immediately what had taken place between them. to cover her discomposure, she leaned down to pick up the basket and made a show of looking through it for the right thread.

Mary greeted them both curtly before sitting down with her book. It was evident from her attitude that she had been sent by Mrs. Bennet to serve as a chaperone for elizabeth, and also that she felt there could be no couple in all england less in need of chaperonage than the one before her. elizabeth hid a smile at the thought of the shock that her family would receive when 80

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they learned the truth of her feelings for Mr. Darcy. she looked up through her lashes at him as he stood looking out the window as he had so often during the course of their acquaintance, but on this occasion he seemed to feel her gaze upon him and turned to her, a new warmth lighting his eyes.

she coloured as he regarded her, guessing on what his thoughts turned.

Her own feelings were in such disorder as to render her temporarily incapable of coherent speech. That he should still be in love with her after all her cruel and thoughtless words, her refusal, and all that had passed between them! It was not just gratitude she felt, but the relief of knowing her own growing affection for him to be reciprocated, and that it was not too late for them to begin again. And that he should arouse such feelings of abandon in her—had she not already been blushing fiercely, she should have begun again at the embarrassment of acknowledging her wanton behaviour, and the pleasure he had apparently taken in it. It was clear from his affect that he regretted not a moment of it.

Darcy recovered himself sooner than she, and crossed to sit beside her.

“Miss Bennet, I understand that you will be undertaking some travel soon,”

he said, his tones caressing her.

“yes, my aunt and uncle are kind enough to be taking me on a tour of Derbyshire,” she replied, her eyes playful as she announced their destination.

He smiled, more of a real smile than she had ever seen from him before.

“I hope you will be pleased by Derbyshire. It has many beauties.”

“It has much to recommend it, sir; I have no doubt that I shall like it quite well,” she said demurely, enjoying the game of double meanings.

“I understand you will be travelling to Lambton? That is quite near Pemberley.”

“so I understand, sir.”

“I regret that I will not be there to receive you, but perhaps we will have another opportunity for that some day.” His eyes spoke a further message.

“I should enjoy that very much, Mr. Darcy,” she replied, meeting his gaze with her own. His smile grew slightly warmer, and seemed to communicate that were they alone, he would be doing something far more intimate than just smiling at her.

“you honour me, Miss Bennet.”

Mary glanced up from her book suspiciously, having observed that the 81

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conversation was far more civil than she would expect between Mr. Darcy and Lizzy, but as nothing seemed amiss, she returned to her reading.

not wishing to raise further suspicions, elizabeth took care to make her voice more neutral. “My aunt and uncle will arrive here tomorrow, and then we depart early the following morning.” she looked to see his reaction to this intelligence.

“so I understand. I believe you will be much missed here.”
Very much
missed
, he thought, still unable to credit the unexpected change in her sentiments. When he had decided to come to netherfield earlier than his initial plan, he had been giving in against his better judgment to his helpless longing to be in her presence. He thanked heaven for what he had perceived as his weakness in being unable to stay away from her. He experienced a sudden powerful need to hold her again, and had to force himself not to steal her away contrary to all propriety. or perhaps he could even speak to her father before she left—but no, he wanted to make his addresses to her properly this time, to make up for the previous disaster.

It would have to wait until he had a suitable opportunity to speak to her privately, if he could manage to keep his hands off her lovely body long enough to say his piece.

she wondered at the flash of humour in his eyes, but the reappearance of Bingley and Jane forestalled any opportunity to explore it.

They had no further opportunity for private conversation that day; even though Darcy was invited to dinner, he was almost as far from her as the table could divide them. Darcy’s gaze when he looked at her spoke promises, though, and kept feelings of deprivation away. It was not until the carriage had been called for the netherfield gentlemen that they had the occasion to speak to one another again, although even that was under the eyes of Mrs. Bennet.

“I enjoyed our conversation this afternoon very much, Miss Bennet. I hope we will have the opportunity to continue it on your return,” said Darcy, his voice full of meaning.

“Thank you, sir,” she replied with a curtsey. He debated the wisdom of kissing her hand, but regretfully decided that it would not be appropriate with her family around her. He limited himself to a correct bow, but with a look in his eyes that promised much more.

elizabeth looked after him wistfully, thinking how long the oft-antic-82

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ipated coming weeks would seem now. What a shock it would be for her family when she returned and Mr. Darcy revealed his intentions! even Jane had no suspicion of her feelings, she was sure. Anticipating missing him already, she knew rather than felt herself to be happy, but it was such a relief from her many weeks of wondering whether there was, in fact, a future in which they could provide an example of connubial bliss that her spirits felt quite light.

Darcy’s spirits were jubilant as he rode away from Longbourn. He did not understand what had happened to cause the change in elizabeth, but the mere fact of having won her affection was all he needed. to think that he had almost not come to Longbourn at all! His original itinerary had been planned to arrive at netherfield after elizabeth’s departure, and to leave prior to her return, thus avoiding scenes painful to them both. But as the time grew near, his desire to see her became overwhelming, even if only to hear her voice and experience her liveliness. He had no hopes of anything further; he had given those up that night watching her laugh with colonel Fitzwilliam after she had fled from him. He had known, though, that she would never stop haunting his dreams and that he would never find a woman who could stimulate and challenge him the way elizabeth could. God knows he had tried; he had never realized before meeting her how deeply alone he had felt all his life. He had a cadre of loyal friends, but many of them, like Bingley, depended more on him than the other way around, and those with whom he shared his feelings were very few.