Captive (19 page)

“More,” she said. I wanted to roll my eyes at her. I was a counselor. Helping people get feelings out was what I did for a living. I didn’t need an ugly homemade jar to get in touch with my own feelings. But I complied anyway, just to placate her.

I’m afraid of becoming bitter because I can’t have babies like other women can.

I dropped it in and kept writing.

I’m afraid I won’t love an adopted baby as much as I would my own.

I’m afraid to fall asleep because I might wake up and be losing the baby.

I’m afraid I’m not as strong as I thought I was.

I’m afraid to even think about the baby inside me.

I stuffed the last one in and wiped the corner of my eye. Harmony’s gaze met mine.

“Done?” she asked. I nodded, taken aback by the well of emotion that had risen inside me. She put the lid back on the jar and tightened it.

“When I leave here, I’m taking these with me,” she said softly, stuffing the jar into her bag. “They won’t disappear, but they’ll be far away from now on. Admitting your fears to yourself is the first step in cleansing them from your body. And it’s the hardest part. You’ve taken on the hardest part. I’m proud of you, Katherine.”

I smiled. My instinct was to make a crack about her having low expectations, but I forced myself to stay silent. Because surprisingly, I was feeling kind of proud, too.

Fatigue hit like a punch when I stepped off the elevator and smelled fresh flowers in the small lobby outside our apartment. Kate always kept roses out here, and the scent told me I was finally home.

After a long day that ended with a late-night plane flight, I was sure as hell glad to be here. I’d met my agent in New York so we could go over my next contract and finalize an endorsement deal for a line of athletic gear. The next five years would be very lucrative for me and Kate, as long as I stayed healthy.

When I walked in and closed the door behind me, I couldn’t see a thing, but I smelled paint. Kate had drawn the blackout shades. Hopefully they were down in our bedroom, too, because it was 2 a.m., and I needed to sleep past sunrise.

I planned to find something to eat and then go straight to bed. I dropped my suitcase to the floor and slipped my stiff dress shoes off. I’d almost made it to the kitchen when my foot hit something hard. Pain shot through my big toe.

“Fuck,” I mumbled, reaching down in the darkness. There was something there, though this had always been a wide open area in the apartment. I stepped slowly and felt my way to a light switch in the kitchen.

My muscles all tightened at the same moment. I was in the wrong fucking apartment. I’d gotten off on the wrong goddamned floor and I was in someone else’s kitchen right now. Some guy with a gun would probably run out of the bedroom and shoot my ass any second.

I turned to the door, hoping to creep over to it, and squinted with confusion when I saw our kitchen table. And there was our wedding photo in its usual spot on the wall.

But the fucking place looked like the sun had exploded in it while I was gone. Every wall was bright yellow. I stroked my jaw and walked back into the living room. Where the fuck was my TV? Its spot on the wall was now filled with a giant aquarium. I walked over and looked at the brightly colored fish that swam around lazily, like they’d been here forever.

I’d told Kate she could redecorate anytime she wanted, but this wasn’t what I’d expected. And she hadn’t even said she was doing it. I knew pregnant women could be moody, but … shit, not like this.

I went into the bedroom to see if maybe she was awake so we could talk. But she was tucked under the covers, curled on her side and hugging a pillow against her. I wanted to forget the food and just get in bed with her, but I was starving.

I headed back into the kitchen, loosening my tie and pulling it off on the way. When I opened the fridge to find the roast beef, thin-sliced cheddar and mayo Kate always made sure I had for sandwiches, I did a double take. There was nothing in the refrigerator but lemons, avocadoes, oranges, tomatoes, carrots, yogurt, milk and a pitcher of water. It was all arranged in neat rows, Mimi-style. But she knew what I liked as well as Kate did, so where was my roast beef?

It was so late and I was so tired that I ate some nasty unsweetened yogurt and carrots and went to bed. Hopefully my wife would have a rational explanation for all this in the morning.

I swiped at the nightstand, trying to stop the buzzing of the alarm on my phone. It was eight already, and I had to get up and go to practice. When I pushed the alarm off and reached out for Kate in the darkness of the bedroom, her side of the bed was empty. I slid out of bed and pulled on some sweats since Mimi was probably here.

As soon as I stepped into the hallway, the piss colored walls reminded me of the night before.

“Kate?” I called, hoping she was still home. When I made it to the living room, there she was, sitting on the floor, her back straight and her palms on her thighs. I only glanced at her before the woman across from her grabbed my attention.

Her hair was a wild mess of gray and black curls, and she wore some shiny blue dress thing that tied at the waist. Her saggy boobs weren’t being held up by a bra. Had Kate let a homeless lady in our apartment? Surely, she wouldn’t … but then again, she’d done some other unexpected shit in the two days I’d been gone.

“Babe?” I stepped into the room next to her. I was throwing this homeless lady out before I left for practice. No way was I leaving her here with Kate.

“Ryke!” Kate pushed herself up from the floor and lunged for me. I pulled her close and took in the smell and feel of her that I’d missed on the road. But I kept an eye on the bag lady.

“What happened to the apartment?” I asked. Kate pulled back and smiled at me.

“Harmony did it.” She said it like I was supposed to know who that was.

“Harmony?”

The crazy looking lady was off the floor now, and she held a hand out.

“Harmony Moonstone.”

I shook her hand and nodded before turning back to Kate.

“We need to talk, baby. Can we go in the bedroom?”

“We just started yoga,” she said. “Have Mimi make you some breakfast and you can eat in here and we can talk.”

Harmony raised a finger of caution. “No disruptions during our relaxation sessions.”

“Oh. Sorry,” Kate said to me. “Can we talk when you get home from practice?”

My stomach rumbled loudly, reminding me of the shitty excuse for dinner I’d eaten before bed. I took Kate’s hand and led her to the other side of the room.

“What the fuck is going on?” I whispered angrily. “You can’t just let people in here! What’s with all the plants?”

“Harmony said we needed to make some changes,” Kate said, her eyes wide with innocence. The last of my patience was gone.

“Ryke!” she whispered, arching her brows. “I’m doing what you want. You’re the one who hired her!”

My eyes bulged. The lady was a con artist who’d swindled her way into our home. The idea that she’d been alone with my wife, and could’ve hurt her, made my head swim with thoughts of violence.

“I did not,” I said. Now Kate’s eyes bulged.

“But you said you were hiring a midwife! And then she … and I thought—”

I narrowed my eyes as her words sank in. “Wait, a midwife?
She’s
the midwife?” When I glanced at Harmony, she smiled. “Oh, shit.”

I walked over and shook her hand again.

“I guess I didn’t realize you hadn’t met,” Kate said, joining us.

“No, we just talked on the phone,” I said. “So you’re the one Jean recommends so highly?”

“I worked with Jean during her pregnancy with Victoria,” Harmony said, studying me. I scrubbed a hand down my face, getting my bearings.

“Sorry,” I said. “I’m just protective of my wife, and I didn’t—”

“No apology needed. May I?” She reached for my hand and I let her take it. I looked at Kate out of the corner of my eye as Harmony leaned down and studied my palm. Her hums of disdain and approval sparked my curiosity.

“Are you reading my palm?” I asked. “Are we gonna win our next game?”

A smile broke out on her lips and she looked up at me. “I can’t tell you that. But I see you’re very passionate and devoted.”

I shook my head and shrugged. “You know I got my wife pregnant and you know I want her to have the best care possible. So calling me passionate and devoted isn’t exactly insightful.”

The smile faded from her pale face. “You lost someone very dear to you as a child. And she was a child, too. I’m very sorry.”

The mention of Hannah brought on the usual wave of sadness. “My sister. But it’s not hard to find that out. Our foundation supports pediatric cancer research in her memory.”

Harmony’s smile came back. “Skeptical. I like that. You want your wife to be the dreamer while you’re the one who makes them all come true.”

“I try,” I said, looking at Kate. Her brown eyes were bright when she grinned at me.

“You’re a very good man,” Harmony said, bringing my attention back to her. “But you must let Kate fight this battle for herself.”

I wanted to ask what battle she meant, but the prickle of a chill danced across my skin. Awareness. I didn’t know if it was my own awareness or hers, but I felt it. I wanted to ask her if Kate could fight her way through this pregnancy and have a healthy baby, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want Kate to see my worry, or my hope. If she did, she’d feel guilty if something went wrong again.

“I have to shower and get to practice,” I said. “But, uh, where’s my TV?”

Harmony waved a hand as she and Kate sank back down to their spots on the floor. “The water and air elements are good for your wife now, and we needed that spot for water. I had it moved into the guest room.”

I bit back a comment and crouched down next to Kate to kiss her. She looked so fresh and pretty with her hair in a ponytail. I didn’t pray regularly, but I couldn’t help sending a hope skyward that she wouldn’t have her heart broken again. If miracles were possible, I’d do anything to score one for her.

I only advanced about 15 feet before the traffic light turned red and my car was idle once again. The only downside to living in downtown Chicago was the traffic. Normally it didn’t bother me, but today I was desperate to get home. I surfed through radio stations and thought about the reports I needed to write.

Going into the office on Saturday morning had seemed like a good idea, but it hadn’t been. I was just as alone there as I was at home. Ryke was on the road and this was Harmony’s first day off since she started working for us. When she arrived every morning, we followed a routine that included yoga, reading, outdoor walks, meditation and baking. I’d been skeptical when she told me homemade bread was on our agenda one morning, but quirky was her trademark, so I’d gone with it.

There was always something to focus on when Harmony was around. It freed my mind from the nonstop worry that was pressing on me like a lead weight this morning. I was getting close to ten weeks pregnant. The time when I’d lost the last baby. It was agonizing; the waiting and wondering if it was about to happen again.