Captive (25 page)

“That would be …” I cleared my throat. “We would both love that.”

“I want to sometimes. But then it makes me think of … you know.”

I nodded, again wishing Kate was awake to help me with this conversation. “You can call us whatever you want. When bad stuff happens to us, it takes a long time to … get better, you know? It never really goes away, but it doesn’t feel as bad as time goes on.”

“Yeah.” She yawned deeply. “That’s what Kate said. She said sometimes your heart can have bruises, and it takes a while for them to feel better.”

“She’s pretty smart, isn’t she?”

Melody smiled and her eyes slid shut. “And nice. And beautiful.”

She’d be out in a second. I’d managed to calm my scared kid back to sleep. Kate would’ve laughed at my satisfied sense of accomplishment.

There were only a few seconds left in the hockey game I was watching Ryke and his team play on TV. And since they were down 4-2, there was no hope for a win. I turned the sound down and curled up on the couch on my side, laying a palm over my belly.

I was 38 weeks pregnant. 13 days from my due date. My appointment earlier today was still fresh in my mind, Dr. Polanski’s words ringing in my ears.

“Everything looks good, Kate. Anytime you go into labor, the baby will be okay.”

As long as there were no complications during the delivery. But still, his words had brought me some relief. The baby was okay. I came home and ordered the crib Melody and I picked out a couple weeks ago, and also a car seat and other essentials.

I’d refused the baby shower Mom and my friend Lexi wanted to throw me. We were unprepared for this baby, because I couldn’t stand the thought of having a nursery ready and then not having a baby to bring home to it if something went wrong. And in a weird way, I worried I’d bond with the stuff. Fold the teensy clothes and arrange them. Smell the powdery baby lotion. So it was best to not even have them in the apartment.

We’d closed on our new house last week, but Ryke wouldn’t consider moving until after we had the baby. He said I wasn’t allowed to even think about packing or anything else that might stress me out.

But stress was my middle name these days. I closed my eyes and willed the baby to move. Anything. I’d take absolutely anything right now. I hadn’t felt a kick since before the game started.

A knock on the door made me rise awkwardly and shuffle across the room. My back hurt all the time these days when I wasn’t laying down, and I rubbed my fingers into a sore spot.

I opened the door and my mom stepped in, worry lining her face. “Did you drink the orange juice?” she asked, setting her purse on the floor.

“Yeah, 30 minutes ago. And still nothing.”

“Come lay back down,” she said. “Try to relax.”

I lumbered back to the couch, and the dormant horror of losing my other two babies struck me across the face like an ice cold wind. I burst into tears, grabbing the edge of the couch to stabilize myself.

Mom had me in her arms within a couple seconds. At least as much of me as she could embrace with my bowling ball-sized bulge between us.

“It’s okay, Katie. You’re okay. Relax.”

“But it’s never been this long! And my book said the baby should move at least once every hour. Should I call Harmony? Or just go to the hospital?”

Mom pulled back and laid her hands on my shoulders. “The bigger the baby gets, the harder it is to spin around in there. There’s not as much room as there was before. You have to relax.”

My phone buzzed on the coffee table and relief washed through me when I saw it was Ryke.

“Hey,” I said, barely getting the word past the lump in my throat.

“What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t felt the baby move in four hours. Nothing at all.”

“I’ll call the doctor and have him come over right now.”

“Ryke, it’s ten o’clock at night. And he won’t have the stuff to check me.” I choked back a sob. “I can’t believe this is happening again. It’s cruel, to get so close to the end and then—”

“I’m coming home,” Ryke said. I heard him tell the cab driver to change course and take him to the airport.

“Don’t do that,” I said. “I don’t know anything for sure. I’m going to the hospital and I’ll call you when I know something.”

“I can’t fucking believe I’m in goddamned Minnesota right now,” he said angrily. “I’m so sorry. I need to be there with you.”

“I can do this on my own.” I moved the phone aside so I could slip my coat on. “Mom, will you stay with Mel?”

Her eyes bulged. “Let me call Dale to come over so I can drive you.”

Ryke was practically yelling the same thing into the phone. “You’re not driving yourself! Christ, woman! Your mom will take you!”

“I’m going
right now
. I’ll call Harmony to meet me there. I’m not sitting here any longer. I have to do something right now. I’ll call you both when I know more. Ryke, I love you. Mom, I love you, too.”

Ryke interjected. “I’ll call the front desk. They keep a car on standby and they’ll drive you.”

“Okay. That’s fine.”

“I love you, Kate,” he said, his voice strained with emotion. “No matter what. Always.”

Mom folded her arms across her chest and nodded. “Drive safely.”

I hung up the phone and walked out the door, a fog of emotional overload settling over me. I had to walk to the elevator, ride it downstairs, get to the front desk, and ride to the hospital. Those things would require me to keep it together.

I dialed Harmony as soon as I stepped off the elevator.

“Kate? Everything okay?” she answered.

“Can you meet me at the emergency room?”

“Of course. Are you having labor pain?”

“No.” I fought to keep my voice level, to make her think I wasn’t a basket case. “I haven’t felt the baby move for four hours.”

There was a pause before she spoke. “I’m on my way.”

I wanted to be calm and focused, but there was no hope. I cried the entire ride to the hospital, grateful the driver never said a word. This deep anxiety and fear was something I needed to be by myself with right now.

There was only one person in front of me in the ER, but I still could have jumped out of my skin with impatience. Harmony glided up next to me while I was waiting.

“I don’t want to talk,” I cautioned. “I’m sorry. I just don’t. I want you here, but please don’t say anything.”

She nodded. The man in front of me stepped aside and I rushed up to the desk.

“Name and nature of emergency?” the woman behind the glass asked.

“Kate Ryker. I’m an OB patient. I’ve already checked in and done all the paperwork. I just need to go up to OB, please.”

“Are you in labor?”

“No.”

“Is this an emergency?”

“Yes.”

“You’ll need to see someone in the ER for evaluation if it’s not a delivery-related issue. So you will need to fill out this intake form—”

I was starting to feel shaky with fear. “Look, I’m sorry if I seem crazy, I really am. But I’m on the edge right now. I’m pregnant, I’ve lost two pregnancies already and I haven’t felt this baby move in four hours.”

The woman’s face softened when tears started rolling down my face.

“Okay. I know it’s hard, but intake through the ER is different.”

I sighed deeply, deciding it was time to do what I had to do. “My husband is Jason Ryker. We’re big donors to your hospital’s foundation. I’ll write you a check for whatever amount you want to make sure you guys get paid, and I want to be seen in OB
right now.
”

“I’ll call OB, Mrs. Ryker.”

Harmony’s hand moved up and down my back in a rhythm. I let myself cry. After all these months of holding back, I finally just let it all go.

A nurse in blue scrubs rolled a wheelchair up to the desk and helped me into it, not reacting to my sobbing until we were rolling toward the elevator.

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “We’ll take care of you. You’re okay.”

Her soothing words helped me get ahold of myself a little. I took the tissue Harmony held out and wiped my runny nose. My hand was on my stomach, though I didn’t remember thinking about putting it there.

The elevator rose in silence, and when the doors opened and the wail of a baby greeted us, I couldn’t hold back my tears.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, laying a hand on my belly. “I love you. I’m so sorry I’ve ignored you.”

“Here we are,” the nurse said, rolling me into a room at the end of the hall. “Hi, Sara.”

A nurse in pink scrubs with a dark ponytail and a warm smile greeted us.

“Hi, guys. Let’s get you into this bed, Kate. When was the last time you felt baby move?”

“Um … about four-and-a-half hours ago.”

She pushed my shirt up, exposing my belly, and wrapped a stretchy strap around it. “Any frantic movement or other changes in activity from the baby?”

“No.”

“Any cramping or bleeding?”

“No.”

Harmony came around to the side of the bed the nurse wasn’t on and took my hand.

“Are you Kate’s mom?” Sara asked.

“No, her midwife.”

“Ah.” Sara pushed some buttons on a screen and adjusted the stretchy strap. A steady whooshing sound made fresh tears pour down my cheeks.

“That’s it,” Sara said. “Baby’s heartbeat sounds good, Kate. It’s okay.”

“Thank God. Thank God.” I could hardly speak through my tears. “I’ve lost two, and I was so scared it was happening again.”

“Deep breaths. You’re okay.”

“I need to call my husband. And my mom.”

“Your husband already called here, actually. He told me to have you call him as soon as you arrived and he asked us to keep you here for now. He’s on his way here.”

“On his way? But everything’s okay, right?”

“Why don’t you go ahead and call him? I’ll give you a few minutes.”

Harmony followed Sara to the door.

“Thank you, Harmony,” I said. “I’m sorry for calling you over nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing. I’m glad I could be here with you.”

She walked out and Ryke picked up his phone on the first ring.

“Kate?”

“Everything’s okay. They checked the baby and the heart’s beating and everything’s okay.”

He breathed out a deep sigh. “Thank God. Are you okay?”

“Yes. I feel weak with relief. You don’t need to fly home early.”

“I’m already in the air. I’m in the Naughtons’ plane. I’ll be there in a couple hours. Try to rest, okay?”

“I will. I have to call my mom first.”

“See you soon, baby.”

“Okay.”

My mom was equally relieved when I reached her, and she offered to stay with Melody for as long as I needed. When we hung up, I sank back against the pillows and closed my eyes, the rhythmic whooshing of the baby’s heart lulling me into relaxation.

“Just a little longer,” I said softly, rubbing my rounded belly. “Hold on just a little bit longer.”

Melody’s eyes were looking heavy, but she was trying to hold on.

“How does the baby get out of Kate?” she asked.

“Well … uh. That’s not really … my area of expertise. Kate should be the one to talk to you about that.”

“Will it hurt?”

“Maybe. But if it does, it won’t hurt for very long. You shouldn’t worry about her.”

She nodded and I tucked her bedspread around her neck the way she liked and kissed her forehead.

“I can’t wait to hold the baby,” she murmured.

“Goodnight, Mel,” I said, tiptoeing out of the room. When I got to the living room, Carla, the private nurse I hired to take care of Kate until the delivery, was sitting on the couch, holding out a glass of wine.

“Come on, you’ve earned it,” she said, patting the couch cushion next to her. I took the glass but leaned against the end of the couch instead of sitting down.

“How’s Kate?” I asked.

“She’s good. Probably asleep by now. But I’m not tired, so do you want to watch a movie or something?”

Carla was in her late 20’s, with long dark brown hair and a lean, athletic body. I could tell by her tone she wanted more than a movie. Years of hitting on women and being hit on by them before I was married had honed my instincts. Harmony knew Carla, and Kate liked her, so I didn’t want to rock the boat by offending her.