Captured Miracle (14 page)

***

I hadn’t eaten a thing all day. It was late. The sky was beginning to darken, but I didn’t want to go back out into the house. For some reason unknown to me, I missed Calix. I wanted him to return home. I was determined not to venture outside the bedroom until he returned. I was ashamed of the things I’d said in the heat of the moment, not only to Calix, but to Gabriella and Neil as well.

Looking back in my minds eye, I saw myself acting like a petulant child and I wanted a do-over.

Banging sounded on the door, startling me from my thoughts. Hope that Calix was back flared in my chest, before I realized how ridiculous that was of me. Calix would never knock on his own bedroom door. That meant he wasn’t back yet.

I had no desire to talk to anyone, so I snuggled deeper into the duvet I’d carried from Calix’s bed onto the teardrop swing. It was fast becoming my favorite place to sit. Closing my eyes, I prayed for sleep.

“I found her.” A deep voice spoke with relief. “She’s on the balcony in the swing.” There was silence and then he spoke again. “Sleeping.”

I watched knowingly as Neil passed the phone to me. “I’ll sit over there, but I can’t leave you alone with the phone.”

I nodded before pressing the phone to my ear. “Hello,”

“Nova,” Calix’s breathed my name on a strangled breath. “Neil told me you made a threat against your life.” I didn’t reply and he continued tensely. “Do I have to worry about you?”

“If you know anything about me, Calix, you know I would never do something like that.”

“Desperate people sometimes do things they wouldn’t normally do.” I wished I could see him. He sounded so tortured. I wondered what shaded of blue his eyes were. They seemed to lighten and darken with his moods. His eyes were so brilliant.

Answering, I said. “I’m not that desperate.”

I listened to him sigh into the phone and something inside of me ached. Why did I miss him? How could I possibly miss my captor?

“When will you be back?” I asked hesitantly. I couldn’t make myself say the word ‘home’. That was just too painful a thought - that this is my home now.

“I’m going to have to stay here for a few days.” He sounded angry. “I suppose you’re relieved. You get a few days without me.”

At the pain in his voice, my heart ached. I wanted to tell him he was wrong. I wanted to tell him I needed him here with me - because I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid to be here without him. As unwelcome as he should be in my mind, he was present none-the-less. He’d forced his way in and now I wasn’t entirely certain that I wanted him out. How could I possibly want to banish someone whose pain I felt just as intense as my own from my mind? I couldn’t. And how long until I felt him in other places beside my mind? How long would it take before Calix infected my heart?

Instead, I said. “Yes. Space will be nice.”

A bitter laugh sounded and his tone was accusing. “Neil told me you haven’t eaten a thing all day.”

“And?”

“You have to eat, Nova.” Calix admonished. “You can’t starve yourself.”

“I’m not hungry.” Even as I said the words, my stomach growled in protest.

“Nova, eat.”

“No.” I hissed my reply. “You’re not here to make me.”

“Do you want me there to make you, Nova?” He asked and I thought his voice almost sounded husky.

And how I did want him here to make me. What was
wrong
with me? I was losing my freaking mind. I had to be losing my mind. “No. I don’t want you here.”

“Then eat.” He growled.

I didn’t reply and he continued. “I have to go, love. I’ll call you in the morning.”

Tears were streaming uncontrollably down my face at the thought of spending this night in his bed - without him. How had I become so unbelievably dependent on him in so little time? Swallowing my tears, I cursed my irrationality. “Fine.”

“Give me back to Neil, love.” Calix ordered gently and I held the phone out. As soon as Neil caught sight of the phone, he was walking toward me.

Placing it to his ear, he spoke. “Sir,”

And then I was alone again.

Chapter 13

I woke to the feel of hands shaking my feet and startled awake. Neil was bent over the swing, shaking my foot. “You slept out here?”

I nodded. “Yeah,” feeling groggy, I rubbed my eyes as I moved into a sitting position. I had worn my pink pajamas all day and all night. I was in serious need of a shower and a fresh change of clothes.

“Are you hungry?” He asked.

I frowned at the thought of eating in the dining room, but I really was hungry. “I am.”

“Good,” he looked relieved. “I brought you your breakfast.”

“Oh,” I wiggled to the edge of the swing, abandoning the blanket.

Neil grinned at my sudden enthusiasm. “Calix told me you like blueberries with milk and brown sugar.”

My heart clenched as though a giant fist had squeezed it. It wasn’t endearing that Calix knew what I liked - because of the way he had acquired the knowledge. But the way he
used
that knowledge certainly was endearing. “I do.”

He smiled. “It’s on the table there,” he pointed. “I wouldn’t have woken you so early, but Calix told me to be with you for when he called. I wouldn’t have come in the room either, but you weren’t answering when I knocked.”

I offered him a smile. “I didn’t hear you.” Sitting at the table, my mouth watered at the sight of the blueberries. “Thank you for bringing these.”

Neil nodded, sitting down in the remaining seat at the table. He bobbed his knee nervously, “No problem.”

I chewed a mouthful of the berries. “Do you know when Calix will return?”

I watched his lip twitch at the question. Was he going to smile? At my question? “Do you miss him?”

My eyed opened wide. “Pardon me?”

Neil shrugged. “It would make sense. He’s the only one here you’ve really spent any time with.”

“Oh,” well, in that light I supposed it made sense that I would miss Calix. As ashamed as I was of the growing feeling, I couldn’t deny to myself that it was there. I did miss Calix. I missed him because he was the only one I had really spent any time with - much of it arguing or kissing. Maybe I was experiencing the dreaded Stockholm syndrome?

Shaking the thought from my mind, I chewed another mouthful of blueberries. I hadn’t been with Calix long enough to begin feeling the effects of such a syndrome. Had I? Oh, it didn’t matter. If that
was
what was happening, maybe it would be for the better. I would have a much more enjoyable life believing that I wanted to be with him, even if it wasn’t necessarily the truth. It’s not like I can just get up and leave the man. I’m trapped here regardless of my feelings toward Calix. Living the rest of my days in loathing toward the man I would lie my head next to each night just seemed like a waste of a life when there was a way for me to feel some semblance of happiness.

Was that what I felt with Calix? Was I happy?

Thankfully my analysis was interrupted by the ringing of Neil’s phone. He watched me through light brown eyes as he dug through his pocket for the phone. Glancing at the screen, he answered. “Sir.” I watched him nod sharply as though he were standing in Calix’s presence rather than speaking with him on the phone. “Yes, she is, Sir. Blueberries as you requested.” He paused again and I wondered what Calix was saying in reply. “She slept outside in the swing, Sir.” Another pause. “Yes, I had no choice but to enter the room to wake her. I’m sorry, Sir, but she could not hear my knocking.” There was another pause and I wondered if Calix was being mean. If he was, I would have to scold him the next time I saw him. Neil had been nothing but nice and gentlemanly to me. “Yes, Sir,”

Neil took the phone away from his ear to hand it to me. He stood up and pointed to the chaise. “I know it’s not a lot of privacy, but I’ll be over there.”

I nodded. “Thank you, Neil.”

Curtly, he returned my nod before walking away. Putting the phone to my ear, I spoke. “Good morning.”

“Are you and Neil enjoying yourselves?” Calix asked gruffly. Was he mad? Jealous?

“Um, I suppose.” I replied unsurely.

“Glad to hear it.” Calix grunted. “I should be home tomorrow.”

My heart ached at the length of time to pass between this moment and tomorrow when he returned. “Late tomorrow or early?”

He chuckled, but the sound was strained. “Why? You want to know how much more time you have away from me?”

I shook my head, thankful he couldn’t see me rolling my eyes. However, he heard the sigh that accompanied my irritation. “I’m tired of being alone, Calix, and I wanted to know when I could expect you to return.” I continued. “I’m tired of the attitude you’re giving to me, so if you have nothing else to say, I’ll hand you back to Neil.”

From across the balcony, Neil’s eyes widened at the tone I’d used with Calix. The man almost looked - frightened. For me?

And then I remembered that Calix had killed. I remembered that he was a dangerous man with testy patience. But then I remembered the way I felt in his presence. No matter how I had tested him, no matter the domineering light that shone in his eyes, I had never once been physically hurt by Calix. Despite all he had taken from me and threatened me with, I felt implicitly safe with him.

“I’m sorry, Nova.” Calix whispered. I was certain - absolutely positive - that the man did not utter those words often. It wasn’t an elaborate apology, but it took a lot for him to speak them.

My heart fluttered and my stomach muscles tightened in feeling. “It’s okay.”

Calix sighed in relief. “What are you wearing?”

Glancing down in surprise of his question, I answered. “My pajamas.”

“The pink ones?”

“Yes.”

I thought there was a smile in his voice. “What are you planning on doing today?”

“I’m not too sure.” I replied. “I’d like to go down to the lake.”

“What do you plan to wear?” Calix asked and I sensed this was a loaded question - though I don’t know how.

“I’m not sure,” I answered slowly. “Why?”

“Please, Nova, nothing too revealing.”

I was offended. “I never really wear revealing clothing.”

“You don’t realize you wear revealing clothes, Nova.” Calix sighed. “Please, for my sanity, don’t wear a little dress and no bra.”

I blushed fire red. “What does it matter what I wear?”

Calix growled low into the phone and the sound sent shivers traveling over my body. “I don’t like the thought of Neil being with you when I can’t. You’re a beautiful woman. For the last two years, I’ve watched every man with eyes look his fill and now you’re mine and you’re with Neil.” He paused. “I don’t want him appreciating what is mine.”

“You left me with him.” I pointed out, unable to say anything more. My heart was still pounding in response to his other words.

“I had little choice.” Calix replied tightly. “If I didn’t want to return home as badly as I do, I would have already fired my obviously incompetent lead hand.”

“Oh,” I replied. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted him here so bad, but I wasn’t quite ready to tell him that. And it wouldn’t change anything anyway. He still wouldn’t be home until tomorrow.

“I have to go, love.” Calix said. “I’ll call you again this evening. Pass me back to Neil.”

“Goodbye.”

I handed the phone to Neil, waiting as he crossed the balcony quickly. Pressing the phone to his ear, I looked down to my blueberries. No longer hungry, I stood and walked into the bedroom. Without looking back at Neil who was watching me carefully, I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.

***

I’d spent nearly my entire day down by the lake. Neil had persuaded me to eat both lunch and dinner. Thankfully, Gabriella was gone to town for a girl’s day so she hadn’t been there with us. I found that there was, in fact, a cook. His name was George and he was a cheery old gentleman. He also was adept at ignoring the fact that I wasn’t here voluntarily.

It was now late into the afternoon. I had a feeling it was almost 8:00 p.m. but I wasn’t ready to go back inside. The day had been warm, but the evening was cool. I’d grabbed a gray and white patterned sweater with large buttons to throw over the loose fitting white shirt I wore. My legs were still bare, as I hadn’t changed from the black dress shorts I’d dressed in. But I had followed Calix’s request to wear something more conservative than a dress with no bra. And although I wasn’t wearing sweats, I was wearing a bra. Compromise.

And he couldn’t see me anyway, so I really could have worn anything. The fact that I’d dressed as he’d asked me to made me wonder what was wrong with my head. Why was I obliging to his commands? Was it really for my family? Or was it more because I wanted to?

Shifting where I sat on the dock, I pulled my knees up into my chest and tried to ignore the cold that was seeping through my skin into my bones. I didn’t want to spend another night alone in Calix’s bedroom. It felt odd and wrong. I felt alone. I would rather spend the night out here than have to go back inside, but I knew that if I stayed out, Neil would too. Surely he was tired by now. Surely, he didn’t want to spend even another minute out here.

Neil didn’t sit with me on the dock overlooking the shimmering water. Instead, he sat in a lawn chair a few yards away. He never left me alone. Not for five minutes. How the man did it, I would never know.

As I pondered spending another half hour out here, I heard footsteps on the dock. That was odd - Neil had yet to come out onto the dock. Glancing over my shoulder, I felt my heart begin a deranged pitter-patter.

Calix was walking toward me with an expression of pure hunger. His steps were sure and long and his eyes were trained on me. Slowly, I rose to my feet.

“Calix,” I breathed his name, trying to bury the excitement budding in my belly at the sight of him. “I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”

He didn’t smile as he came to a halt before me. I noticed he didn’t take me in his arms as I had been hoping he would do. He also didn’t lean down to kiss me. I wondered why?

If anyone would have told me that I would long, desperately, for my captors touch I would have laughed in their face. But that was exactly what I felt in this moment. Longing. I longed for Calix to touch me as he’d promised he would. Was he still upset with me for my parting words to him?