Cartography for Beginners (18 page)

He went to Jamie, since he seemed to have finished with Deborah and Ben was nowhere in sight -- and Jamie was far safer than Leo again, who joined Dune and Micah as if everything was perfectly normal. "Where did Ben get to?"

"He wanted to look at the sculpture garden -- or cool down a bit. He's not been happy about this trip. I wish he'd get over it."

"I'm sure he will, eventually." One of Stuart's assistants brought Jamie a cup of espresso and quietly asked if Stuart would like one as well, which Stuart would. Stuart said when the assistant left, "You'd be surprised how little a threat I am to him."

"I wouldn't," Jamie said dryly and tasted his coffee. "Ah, hot." He blew across the surface. "Deborah's lovely, by the way. I rather miss Colin."

"Colin works at a museum now, in Restoration."

"Ah," Jamie said, "his true love."

"Married now, too," Stuart said, his gaze on Leo as he joked with the assistant who'd gone to him to ask if he wanted a drink, too. "They have two little girls. He and his wife are coming to opening night, so you can meet her then."

"Brilliant."

"Yes." He tore his gaze away from Leo. "So you discussed the arrangements with Deborah? Are you happy with them?"

"I am ecstatic," said Jamie. "You know, when I left I swore I'd never take another penny from you, or anything else, for that matter. But here we are, in partnership."

"I hope it means our relationship has matured."

"And it only took nine years." Jamie smiled at him wryly over the coffee cup, pristine white in his paint-stained fingers. "I have sketches for the mural back at the house, if you want to see them."

"I trust your judgment," Stuart said. Across the gallery, Leo had slung an arm over Micah's shoulders.

"Brilliant. I won't be able to start it right away, though. There's something I need to do first."

"What is it? I can have one of my people take care of it."

"No, thanks. This is something I have to do myself." He paused to drink his coffee. "I'm going to Manchester. I need to see my parents."

Stuart's gaze snapped to him at once. "I know. Leo told me. I don't think you should do it."

Jamie lowered the little cup. There was the Jamie he remembered, in the stubbornly raised chin and mulish mouth. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to see you hurt that way again. They threw you out, Jamie. They told you to leave and never come back."

"I remember. I was there."

"And I don't believe their attitude has changed." He closed his mouth a moment, wondering if he should tell Jamie this after all these years -- but now was the best time. "Soon after you and I met, I went to them and tried to speak to them on your behalf, and they wouldn't hear a word."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wanted to spare you the pain."

"I don't want to be spared the pain," Jamie said. "I want to see them, even if they don't want to see me. I thought I'd go over the weekend and start the mural Monday morning. Is that enough time before opening night?"

"I'm sure it will be. If you're going to insist on it, don't go alone."

"Leo thinks I should bring Ben, and I'm starting to agree with him. They should meet him. They should know I'm getting everything I ever wanted."

"Are you?" Stuart said softly, and Jamie put on that wry smile again.

"Yes, I am, thank you." He spread out his arms as if to take hold of the entire gallery. "Would you give me that beautiful space and spend so much promoting me if you didn't want me to be a success?"

"You are a success."

"I'm a success in California," said Jamie. "In the rest of the world, more people know Ben's name than mine. Which is fine -- Ben deserves the reputation he's getting. But the idea of London knowing my name -- I have to admit, it's kind of brilliant."

"And then Paris," Stuart said. "And then the world."

"The art world, anyway," Jamie said. "I'm not looking to be Jeff Koontz or Andy Warhol."

"You'd make some amazing art films."

Jamie laughed. "Maybe someday. For now I'm fine with more traditional media. Lovely, empty walls, begging for me to fill them up."

"I've never painted over the murals you made in the house in France. You should come see them."

"I saw the pictures Micah took last summer."

"Still," said Stuart. "You should come see them. You'll be in France anyway."

"I'll bring that up with Ben."

Stuart looked at Leo again. Their eyes met across the gallery, and Leo smiled, small but sweet. "My son's wedding will take place while we're there."

Jamie's tone was incredulous. "When did you start talking to your kids again?"

"Recently," Stuart said. "Just letters so far, not much actual talk. If he even sends me an invitation I'm not sure I should go. After all this time, I can't imagine seeing my children again, or Joelle. I don't know what I'd say to them."

"Wouldn't your son -- what's his name?"

"Jean-Claude."

"Would Jean-Claude have written to you if he didn't want to see you, even on a subconscious level?"

"I don't know," Stuart admitted. "I don't know what kind of man he is."

"I think you should go," Jamie said. "If I go to Manchester to see my parents, you have to go to your son's wedding. Deal?"

"No deal," Stuart said. "I'm not going to promise to do anything I think is a bad idea. We should get back to the others." He wanted Leo. He wanted Leo's arm around his shoulders as comfortably as it went around Micah's, and he wanted Leo's lips against his ear, telling stories and making observations.

Jamie caught hold of his hand and held it fast. "Whatever you're up to with Leo, stop it."

Stuart looked down at Jamie's hand, and then back up at his face. "I'm not up to anything."

"I don't believe you." Jamie stepped closer and said, his voice urgent and low, "I know what you look like when you see something you want. I've seen it on your face a hundred times, doesn't matter if it's a piece of art or a bottle of wine or a beautiful boy, it's the same look. And it's how you're looking at Leo now -- and I'm telling you, stop it."

"Leo's a big boy," Stuart said. "He can make his own decisions."

"Not in this case," Jamie said. "I know you. I know how you sweep people off their feet -- God, you did it to me, and I know it first-hand." He gripped Stuart's hand tighter. "Right now he needs someone to wake him up, but in the end he needs someone who's going to love him forever. Can you do that, Stuart? Are you capable of that?"

"This is ridiculous," Stuart began.

"I knew it," Jamie said and released his hand. "I know the kind of love you're capable of, and I know how devastating it is to be left by you. Don't you dare do that to Leo. Don't you dare."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Stuart said and crossed the gallery to rejoin Leo, who welcomed him by sliding an arm around his shoulder. As Stuart had hoped, Leo launched into the story behind the painting in front of them -- something about Ben's brother Gabriel, a bottle of soap bubbles and a fountain -- and Stuart stood close, wanting Leo so much it shook him to his core, and knew what Jamie said was true.

I'm sorry, Leo,
he thought, and hoped he could end it before the damage became worse.

***

The restaurant where Jamie had worked when he first arrived in London was a Tube ride away from the gallery. Stuart offered to drive but there wasn't enough room for all of them in his blue Bentley, and Jamie thought they ought to get used to the Tube system anyway, so only Leo rode over with him.

"You don't want to learn the Tube?" Stuart flashed a smile at Leo.

"Not today," Leo said. The Bentley was a luxurious thing, leather upholstery and oak trim and an engine that purred to life like a contented lion when Stuart started the ignition. The weather was fine enough that Stuart put the top down, and while their progress was slow through the London streets, Leo still felt like they were flying through them. "Besides," he added as he rested his fingertips on Stuart's knee, "this way we can probably neck before the boys get to the restaurant."

Stuart huffed. "Leo--"

"I'd suggest a quickie but this is a convertible and I doubt even you could get us out of trouble if we were caught."

"We're not going to neck anymore," Stuart said and Leo looked at him, surprised. "You came here with a plan and it's time to follow it. A perfect night, in fact. Maybe the place will bring you luck."

"This again?" said Leo. "Honestly, if you guys want to get me laid so badly, why not buy me a rent boy?" He was joking, of course, but Stuart didn't smile back. "Come on, Stuart. Let's meet the boys at the Tube station and forget this nonsense."

"It's not nonsense. It's what's best for you. I'm no good for you, Leo."

"Everybody keeps saying so," Leo said, "yet I've been remarkably happy with how things are going so far."

"It ends tonight," said Stuart. "It ends now. You have a broken heart that needs mending and I'm only getting in the way."

"What happened to 'who better than a friend'?"

"Do you think it can be that simple?" Stuart responded, and Leo looked away, not sure of his answer. "If it were anyone else, maybe, but not with you." Leo removed his hand from Stuart's knee, and huffed when Stuart said, "Don't be offended."

"I'm not offended." He wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm not a child, either."

"And I'm not Adam," Stuart said quietly, and Leo looked at him again. "That's what you want at the end of the day, isn't it? Someone to take his place?"

Leo frowned at Stuart and held himself more tightly.

"You want what you had. You want cozy and homebound and sweet, with rosy grandchildren and enormous meals for everyone you know. I don't want any of that, and I don't want to be the next man to make you unhappy." He said, sounding as if he were barely holding back tears, "I don't want you to be another one of my regrets."

"So you'd rather regret not having me when you could have me, on the chance you might regret it someday?" He scowled out the window. "Now I am offended."

"It's for the best."

"That's why you kicked me out of your bed, isn't it?" Leo said, and Stuart sighed. "Whatever I make you feel, you can't handle it."

"Don't be nonsensical."

"I don't fucking believe this," Leo said, and his voice felt raw. "One fucking night in fucking London and you're already telling me we're through. Unbelievable."

"There's Jamie's plan to find you a lover," Stuart said.

"I don't want a holiday romance!" Leo exclaimed. "I want you."

Stuart exhaled hard through his nose and steered the Bentley into a parking lot. "We're here. It's down the street a bit."

"Are you really doing this?" said Leo. "What spooked you?"

"Nothing," Stuart said. "I came to my senses." Leo got out of the car and slammed the door shut, and Stuart said, "You know I'm right. I'm only doing this because I care about you."

"Tell me where to find the fucking Tube station," Leo said. "I need to be around people who actually do care about me, not people who only say they do."

Stuart pointed and Leo turned on his heels and went out to the sidewalk, furious and heartsick. Rejection he could cope with, but this was cowardly, running away as soon as things got intense. He never would have pegged Stuart for a coward.

He found the stairway to the Underground easily, and met the boys halfway down. Dune said at once, "Dad? What's happened?"

"Nothing," Leo said, putting an arm around him. "I thought I'd come meet you while Stuart gets our table. Let's go eat."

Dune put an arm around him too and squeezed him close for a moment, and Leo leaned his head on Dune's shoulder the entire walk back to the restaurant.

Chapter Eleven

"This was my first commission," said Jamie as he ran his fingertips over the black paint. It was not like his more recent work -- none of the lush, joyous, bouncy figures that he usually used in murals, or the full figures of his more traditional work. Still, Leo could see the germ of Jamie's style in this piece. The perspective was skewed and the proportions weren't perfect, but it was still a joyous piece -- a portrait of the café itself, with figures and furniture in silhouette, black on red. It was unmistakably the work of a young artist with great potential. No wonder Stuart had noticed Jamie.

"I love it," said Micah, his eyes wide and worshipful. "I wanted to see this when I was here last year but I wasn't sure which café it was in."

"I should fix it up," Jamie mused. "Paint over the wobbly bits, give it more shape…"

"Leave it," said Stuart. "It's a piece of history." A man came out of the kitchen to join them, looking at first as if he was going to tell them to stop touching the mural, but then he and Stuart embraced and Stuart introduced him to everyone as Clive, the owner of the café. Clive hugged Jamie as well and called him "my boy," and sat down to join them at their table while they waited to order.

Leo looked around at the café as he listened to the conversation, Clive telling stories about Jamie's early days as a waiter, Jamie laughing and correcting him, "No, no, it was Patricia. Patricia would tell you things not even your mum would tell you. You're thinking of Vera."

Leo was laughing with the rest of them and looking around, when he caught the eye of someone across the café. A young man, with startling green eyes and short blonde hair, smartly dressed in a summer-weight suit, a newspaper ignored on the table in front of him. Their eyes held, and then the young man rose from his table. Leo picked up his glass, glad their drinks had come, had a sip and whispered to Micah, "I think I'm about to get chatted up. What do I do?"

"Smile," Micah whispered and winked at Leo, and Leo took a longer swallow.

Then young man said, "Jamie?" incredulously and Jamie said, "Oh, my God, Rupert!" and got up from his chair. They hugged each other, slapping each other on the back and both talking at once. Leo looked down at his glass, feeling ridiculous. Of course the young man wasn't coming for him. What had he been thinking?

"Everyone, this is Rupert," Jamie said, his arm still around his friend. "This is Rupert from Manchester, my old friend Rupert. My best friend growing up. What are you doing here? Can we have another chair? Rupert, join us." He pointed around the table and rattled off their names, finishing with, "This is Leo, Dune's father," with his hand on Leo's shoulder.