Cartography for Beginners (19 page)

"Leo," said Rupert quietly, and their eyes met again until one of the waiters brought over Rupert's food and another brought a chair. Everyone had to budge over to make room for him, and he ended up squeezed between Micah and Leo. "I'm working at the BBC now. Sound engineering. More of a surprise to see you, Jamie -- you dropped off the face of the Earth, nobody knew where you were or what had happened to you, and then suddenly you're in magazines."

"I was fine," Jamie said, having a drink. "I was here and then I was in California."

"We know that now," Rupert said, affectionate and impatient at once. "Your mum called my mum when she saw that first article. She was crying, Jamie. She thought you were dead. Have you gone to see them yet?"

"Not yet," Jamie said quietly.

"What?" Ben said. "'Not yet'?"

Jamie looked at him. "I'm going to Manchester this weekend. I want to see my parents."

"And you weren't going to tell me about this?"

"I've only this moment made up my mind."

The rest of the table fell silent. Micah said, "Do you want us to come with you?"

"No," Jamie said. "I need to do this alone. I don't want a crutch."

Ben said, "What about moral support?" and Jamie smiled at him.

"Maybe for that." He took Ben's hand and wove their fingers together.

Rupert smiled, his gaze on their hands, and said to Leo, "What's your story?"

Leo pointed at Dune. "I'm that one's father."

"And that's the whole of your story?"

"That's the short version." Rupert still looked at him expectantly, so Leo said, "I work in radio."

"I can believe it, with that voice."

Leo smiled and leaned aside to let the waiter put down his plate. "Thank you. I'm not on the air much anymore. I'm the program director -- I decide what we play."

"That must be marvelous. You get to hear the music before everyone else."

"Sometimes," Leo admitted. "Sometimes it all starts sounding the same. But then sometimes something comes along, something fresh and alive, the words of the lyrics are put together in a wholly original way, or they use instruments they have no earthly reason to use, and somehow it's all perfect. It's music, not organized sound." He paused, embarrassed that the table had fallen silent again, and noticed that Stuart was smiling at him. He murmured, "I love my job," as he took another sip of his drink.

Rupert said softly, "How long are you in London?"

"We're here until next Sunday. Jamie will be here until the end of the month."

"But
you'll
be here for a good long time," Rupert said.

Leo murmured, "Yes."

***

Once they all had parted ways, Rupert to his job and Leo and the boys to spend the afternoon exploring the city, Stuart went to the gallery. He stood for a while in Jamie's hall, looking at the blank wall where Jamie would paint the mural, his fingers steepled against his mouth.

It was the right thing to do, he knew, to keep things from going further with Leo. He cared for Leo, he wanted to keep their friendship -- visiting San Francisco had become the highlight of his year -- and preventing further complications was the best way to go about it.

He'd been telling himself that the scheme to introduce Leo to some disposable lovers was the right thing to do, too, but now that Leo had actually met one, why did he feel so... disappointed?

"Mr. Huntsman," said Deborah as she appeared at his elbow, "there's a Ms. Mercier here to see you. I put her in your office."

"Thank you," Stuart said and told himself this Rupert fellow was welcome to let Leo unsettle him. Better someone else than Leo unnerve Stuart more. Stuart started for his office, and then said to Deborah, "Mercier? As in Etienne Mercier?"

"She didn't say. Should I have asked?"

"No, it's all right," Stuart said. "An old acquaintance." He went into his office.

The young woman perched on the visitor's chair was dark-haired and chicly dressed, with large dark eyes and a gamine mouth. "Mr. Huntsman, I am Tallis Mercier," she said, her French accent making the words sweet as if they were dipped in chocolate.

"Ms. Mercier," said Stuart and shook her hand. He leaned against his desk. "I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. Would you prefer French or English?"

"I can converse in English," she said. "You are acquainted with my father Etienne, the art dealer?"

"We've done some business over the years."

"He represents my fiancé's mother, Joelle Clement."

"Ah," said Stuart and went to his drinks cabinet. "Would you like anything?"

"No, thank you," she said, so Stuart poured himself a bourbon and had a sip. "You recognize the name, then."

"Of course I do. You must be the young lady Jean-Claude wrote me about."

"I am." Her tone was warm. "I saw the letter you wrote in response. Jean-Claude is not ready to meet you yet. He is not certain still he wishes you to attend our wedding. I wish it. I am attempting to convince him."

"I haven't seen him since he was six years old," Stuart said. "I'm not surprised he's hesitant."

"I will be blunt," said Tallis. "This estrangement from your family has gone on long enough. He and his sisters, they do not say, but I know it is there. There is emptiness in my Jean-Claude's eyes. He misses you. If you would come to our wedding, give us a toast and dance with me, it could start to repair this hurt."

"Their mother doesn't want me to disturb them." Stuart downed the last of his drink. "If you know Joelle, you must know how headstrong she is."

"Your children are adults now. They can disobey their mother."

Stuart swirled his drink, watching the light play off the liquid.

Tallis said, "I am here in London for a week, doing some business for my father and shopping for the wedding. My sisters are with me, my soon-to-be sisters. They want to see you. That is why they have come. I thought I should meet you first and be a mediator, but they are eager to see you." She paused again, and when Stuart still didn't speak she said, "Amelie has a son. Gabriel."

Stuart looked up at her. "A son? She's still a baby herself."

"She is my age," said Tallis. "Gabriel is two years old, and tall and sturdy and very sweet. We all adore him. She did not bring him to London but if you come to the wedding he will be there, of course."

"I'm a grandfather," Stuart murmured and finished off his drink, his hands trembling.

Tallis smiled and got up from the chair, went to him and laid a hand on the crook of his arm. "I have made reservations for four tonight at eight o'clock, in the restaurant of our hotel. We are staying at St. Ermin's. Come. Talk to your girls. Let us mend things, Mr. Huntsman."

Stuart said, putting his hand over hers, "I don't know if I can. It's been so long. There's a great deal to our history that I'm sure you know nothing about."

"I know enough," Tallis said. "Jean-Claude has told me much about you. He is angry, yes. He is still hurting. But even if he will say nothing of it, he needs you. And I need to make him happy."

"You think having me back in his life would make him happy?"

"I think it would make him less sad. Come to dinner with us tonight," she urged gently, squeezing his elbow.

"I have guests staying with me. I can't leave them."

"Bring them. I will increase the reservation."

Stuart chuckled wryly, thinking that Ben gloating over Stuart's failures would ruin his appetite. "I can't make any promises."

She withdrew her hand, disappointment clear on her sweet face. "Very well. But we will be there tonight, eight o'clock, and if you choose to join us there will be a seat for you." She stood up on her toes and kissed his cheek. "I am glad to meet you, Papa," she said and let herself out of his office.

Stuart stood there, clutching his glass, until Deborah came to the office. "Mr. Huntsman? Is everything all right?"

"I," Stuart said slowly, "am having a very strange day."

He could see her trying not to smile. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Only if you can travel in time," Stuart said and poured himself another drink.

When he got home hours later, still undecided about that evening's plans, he found a cozy scene: Micah and Dune dozing together on the sofa with the telly on, Jamie drawing, and Ben preparing supper in the kitchen with Glenys. Stuart surveyed them for a few minutes, then said, "Where's Leo?"

"Garden," said Jamie. "Having a snooze, I think."

"We're planning on a night in," said Ben. "Is that all right?"

"Of course," Stuart said. "My home is yours. I've been asked out but I can always cancel."

Micah roused enough to say, "By who?"

"Whom," Stuart said and went to sofa to tousle Micah's hair. It made him feel better. "By whom. By my future daughter-in-law."

In the kitchen, Ben stopped chopping. Jamie looked up from his sketchpad and even Dune opened his eyes. "So you're doing it," Jamie said.

"I think I am," Stuart said. He went out to the garden. Leo was in one of the lounge chairs, iPod on his chest and ear buds in his ears. His eyes were closed and his breathing slow, which made Stuart smile. Of course Leo could sleep in a strange garden at sunset. He was at home anywhere.

Stuart pulled a chair close to Leo's and watched the sunset, content to be silent. He started only a little when Leo said, "The boys are planning a quiet night in. I think they're still a bit jetlagged."

"Yet you are twenty years older and have recovered just fine."

"Mostly fine." Leo took out his ear buds and turned off the iPod. "I'm tired, but it's hard to tell if that's jetlag or age."

Stuart chuckled. They were quiet a few minutes more, watching the boats and the setting sun. He said, "About earlier--"

"Don't worry about it," said Leo. "I get where you're coming from."

"You do?"

"You want more for me than you feel capable of giving." Leo shrugged. "All right. We all have our limits when it comes to other people."

"Oh," said Stuart, "good." They were quiet for a while more, and then Stuart said, "My future daughter-in-law is in London with my daughters. They want to have dinner with me tonight."

Leo looked at him. "That's great! Isn't it?"

"I don't know. She says Jean-Claude isn't ready to see me. I can't imagine what the girls think of me." He passed his hand over his face. "I can't even picture them as adults. All I can see are those two little babies, sleeping in the same cot."

"But they want to see you," Leo said. "That's good. That's wonderful. They want you in their lives."

"But should I be?" Stuart said. "I'm not like you. I'm not a good father. I never was. They didn't even like me when they were tiny -- they wanted their mummy."

"Children are like that," Leo said. "They want the most familiar face when they're upset. Even Dune was like that for the first few months, and then he got more accepting of me as he got to know me better." He leaned over to take Stuart's hand, and Stuart let it stay there, comforted by the warm clutch of his fingers. "They're adults now. They're making an effort. The least you can do is to meet them halfway." He waited, stroking the inside of Stuart's wrist with his thumb, and then said, "Tell me more about their mother."

"She was a painter," Stuart said. "Eighteen, when we met. She was starting art school. I was getting started as a dealer, but hungry and eager, and I had connections through my parents. I introduced her to the right people, people who could advance her career, got her into the right classes where she could improve where she needed it most. She started selling and I was so proud. I loved her talent. I thought I loved her, too.

"Then Jean-Claude was born and Joelle didn't want to paint for months. What could I do with an artist who wouldn't paint?"

"She probably had post-partum depression," Leo said.

"Yes, I can see that now," said Stuart. "I didn't know what it was then. I don't know if anyone did. She finally started painting again, and then Amelie came, and then Nicole followed a year later. Joelle was a mess, I was having an identity crisis, we had three babies now -- we broke under the pressure. Shattered completely."

Leo was still stroking his hand. Stuart supposed that was the only reason he was still speaking -- no judgment from Leo, one of the best people Stuart knew, when most people would be drawing away from him by now.

"I did one thing right," Stuart said. "I recommended her to another dealer called Etienne Mercier, and he's been representing her ever since. It's his daughter that Jean-Claude is marrying."

"They have a good relationship, then, Etienne and Joelle."

"He's been taking good care of her. She sells regularly at respectable prices, mostly in Europe, somewhat in the States and somewhat more in Canada. She's better without me."

"You would have made each other miserable if you'd stayed."

Stuart nodded. "I think so, too. We would have torn each other to pieces. Damaged the children beyond hope. Instead they seem to have grown up fine -- happy, even, I think. And they want to give me another chance."

"What time is your dinner?"

"Eight." He rubbed his eyes and then looked at his watch. "I should leave soon, if I'm going. Their hotel is in Westminster."

"Go," said Leo. "Go. You'll regret it if you don't. The boys will be fine staying in and I'll take the Tube to meet Rupert. Jamie can give me directions."

Stuart rubbed his thumb across Leo's fingers. "I suppose we'll discuss our evenings when you get back tomorrow."

Leo laughed. "I think I'll be back by ten, but thank you for the vote of confidence." He studied Stuart. "I'm just doing what everyone keeps telling me I need to do."

"I think it is, too."

"Do you?" said Leo, gazing straight at him. Stuart looked out at the river. Leo sighed and rose from the chair. "I guess I should get ready, since I'm actually doing this. At least change my shirt." He caressed the side of Stuart's face. Stuart leaned into the touch and closed his eyes, and only opened them again when he heard the garden door close.

***

After Stuart showered and put out fresh clothes, there was a light rap on his door as he was preparing to shave. "Come."