Catch My Fall (13 page)

“Yep, I started working here right when it opened the year I turned sixteen. Trace works here, too.”

“What do you do?  Trainer? Or front desk like Colin?”

“Trace and I both do a mix of personal training and self-defense classes.  I teach two nights a week and he does two as well.”

“Really? That’s awesome! I think that’s a great job, Tristan.  You’re doing something good for the community.  You’re a really good guy.”

The look on his face said he was uncomfortable with the subject, particularly with the fact that I had complimented him on it. 
I wasn’t sure what that was about but I didn’t want to upset him so I let it go.

“How come Darby doesn’t work out here?” I asked.

He full-body laughed at that.  “Because Darbs doesn’t work out indoors, ever.  She would rather put hot pokers in her eyes.  When she works out, she runs outside.  Her only other form of exercise is kicking our asses.  I’ve missed having her around and it’s driving Trace fucking crazy.”

“Hopefully it will all work itself out.”

“Fuck, I hope so.  My brother’s a mess.  Anyway, enough about that ‘cause it’s depressing me.”

We continued walking around the track and talking about other stuff for two more laps before we both broke into a run.  I’m a fast runner but he’s obviously faster, and I kn
ew that he was slowing himself down so as not to leave me in the dust. 

Put another check in the ‘Tristan’s a really good guy’ column, because most guys I know would’ve run ahead.  Maybe the fact that he’s so different is why I feel so comfortable with him and why I like him as much as I do.

After working out we both showered and changed before leaving the gym.  We stopped at the front desk to say goodbye to Colin and then we went and flushed all of our hard work at the gym down the drain by going to IHOP and eating two of the biggest pancake stacks that I’d ever seen in my life.  I got plain-Jane regular pancakes and Tristan got blueberry, banana and chocolate chip.  Sounds disgusting, I know, but they were actually really good. 

We spent the rest of the day at his house working on the puzzle and listening to songs from his iPod. I like his taste in music because it’s a little bit country, a little bit rock n’ roll.  Trace came home around mid-afternoon in the clothes he’d been wearing the night before and I blushed to the roots of my hair when I noticed there was lipstick on the hem of his shirt.  I c
ould just imagine how that got there, and immediately I felt really bad for poor Darby.  To fall for someone who can’t keep it in his pants would be humiliatingly painful. It was hard not to think about it happening to me because Tristan and Trace are identical.  It could just as easily be lipstick on the hem of Tristan’s shirt—and it probably has been many, many times. 

Worrying my lip with my teeth as I watched Tristan and Trace talk, I thought about how I might feel if it turn
ed out that Tristan was as incapable of commitment as Trace.  Certainly losing her virginity to Trace wasn’t the fairytale that Darby deserves and I can’t help but wonder if I’m signing myself up for the same fate.

The walls in the house were closing in on me, and suddenly I really need
ed to be away from Tristan.  I’m barely strong enough to function from day to day; can I really deal with someone like Tristan Chamberlain?  Pulling my iPhone out of the pocket in my shorts, I texted Darby.

Me: Where are you and what are you doing?

Darby: I’m in our room reading some crappy book for English Lit.  What’s up?

Me: Can you come get me from Tristan’s house right now?  The key to my car is on top of my dresser.

Darby: Sure.  Is everything okay?

Me: Yeah, it’s fine.  I just need a breather ASAP.  Will explain when I see you.

Darby: Be there in fifteen.

Looking up from my phone I found Tristan watching me.  Forcing a smile
, I gestured to the phone before starting to explain the fact that I was leaving. “That was Darby.  I forgot we made dinner plans for tonight.  She’s coming to pick me up now.”

Trace cursed under his breath and hauled ass from the room
—probably to get rid of the lipstick-stained shirt.  Knowing that he was hiding the evidence of the night he’d obviously had only served to make me more anxious.  Was this how things had been with my mother and father?  She was young and in love with him once, and God knows that turned out to be a huge mistake.  She’s since had to put up with eighteen and a half years of his toxic bullshit, and I know damn well that was no picnic.  I’ve sworn to myself for as long as I can remember that I won’t make that same mistake.

Cocking his head to the side, Tristan stared at me for a few seconds before crossing the room to stand in front of me.  “What’s happening here, Mia?  You’re upset about something.  What did I do?”

I laughed uneasily in an attempt to dissuade him from thinking that.  “No, no, nothing like that.  I just feel bad that I forgot I have something to do with Darby.  I hate forgetting things, but other than that, everything is fine.”

God, why did I agree to try with him?  I basically gave him a blank check to do as much damage to me as he want
ed to.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!  Had history taught me nothing?

He took my hands in his as he shook his head.  “No, that’s not it.  You’re running.  Why?”

I pulled away from his hands and shook my head at him as I turned to find my purse.  “I’m not running, exactly, I just need time to think. This…us…whatever it is…might not be such a great idea.”

He look
ed crestfallen, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that was because he’s so used to girls falling at his feet.  Am I just the first girl that hasn’t fallen in line?

“I
must have done something to upset you.  Just tell me what it is and I’ll fix it…I’ll change it.”

Looking at him, I shook my head.  “The problem might be that I would even need you to change at all.  We have two different ways of living life, Tristan.  You live free and wild, leaving a trail of dropped panties behind you and I’m a virgin with emotional problems.  My self-confidence can’t take another hit and now I think that telling you I would try was the wrong thing to do. I’m cutting this off before I wind up seeing you wearing yesterday’s clothes with some girl’s lipstick at the bottom of the shirt.  I thought I could do this, but I don’t think I can.”

“You’re a virgin?”

“Is that all that you got from what I just said?  Unbelievable.  That right there is an example of why this isn’t going to work out.”

“Wait,” he pleaded.  “Just wait.”

Turning on his heel, he ran into his bedroom.  He returned a minute later with a journal in his hands that he frantically paged through until he found what he wanted.  I saw that his hands were shaking as he handed it to me.  Pointing down to the page, he told me to read it.  I recognized his handwriting straight away, and my knees almost buckled when I read the words on the page.

Mia Reeves.  My Mimi.  The first real light I’ve ever found in my dark world

Since the minute I saw her, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her

She’s different where everyone else is the same

And for the first time in my life

I want to try for more

I want to BE more

Can I be more?

I don’t know if I deserve to be happy, but I want to try

Is it okay to try?

I’ve never been so fucking scared of anything in my life

I’ve spent years touching many so that no
ONE
could touch me

She’s changed that.  I don’t know how, but she’s changed that

Now I don’t want the many

I just want one

Tonight I kissed her and I knew for sure

That the first time she looked at me in class

When I thought

“There’s my girl”

I was right

The truth sits like an elephant on my chest

That this girl could crush me if she finds me lacking

But I’m going to try

Is it okay to try?
 

I don’t know what secrets Tristan ke
pt inside of him, but what I knew from reading this was that he was as scared as I was.  He was scared, but he was also amazing.  Clutching the book in my hand, I fell into his arms and hugged him tightly.

I stood on my tiptoes and
whispered into his ear, “It’s okay to try.  I’m going to try, too.  I got scared.  I’m sorry.  I saw the lipstick on Trace’s shirt and I lost it.  I was a coward and I’m sorry.”

“We’ll go slow, I promise.  I won’t push.  You tell me when you need reassurance and I’m going to be here to give it to you.  I’m not coming home with some other girl’s lipstick on my shirt, Mia.  It’s you and me, trying.”

The sound of my car horn honking startled me, and I smiled sheepishly at him.  “I’m sorry I ruined a good day by making Darby come and get me, but now that she’s here, I have to leave.  Is that okay?”

Setting his forehead against mine, he nodded.  “I understand why you got upset and it’s fine.  From now on, if something upsets you, talk to me.”
Nodding my head I answered him firmly.  “I will, I promise.”

Tucking his finger under my chin, he tilted it up just a bit before settling his lips over mine.  I jumped when I heard Trace stomping
past us muttering something about Darby not coming in, but before I could say a word he had slammed out of the house to go talk to her.

Pulling apart, Tristan and I looked at each other and shook our heads in unison.  “Doesn’t he realize that if he wants to be with her, he has to fight for her?  He can’t be out having strange bitches giving him blow jobs and leaving lipstick on his shirts and expect her to sit around with her thumb up her ass.  I like Trace, but she deserves better than being a second choice.”

He ran his hands over his face in frustration and shook his head.  “Look, I know he’s acting like a fucking idiot but trust me when I tell you, Darby is
never
the second choice.  He’s going to lose his fucking marbles when he finds out that she has a boyfriend. I was really hoping to keep it from him long enough that maybe she would just dump the guy.  We need to get out there and break this up before the shit hits the fan.”

He took my hand in his as we walked out the front door, squeezing it gently as we walked toward my car to find Trace begging Darby to get out of the car and talk to him.

“NO! You had your fucking chance,” she yelled.  “Let’s be honest here Trace; you had hundreds of chances and you always failed me.  I deserve better than that and I’m moving on.  I’ll always care about you, but we’re done for good.  I have a boyfriend now and he wouldn’t want me going into the house with you to talk.”

His head reared back as if she’
d struck him.  “What fucking boyfriend?”

“His name is Brandon Reynolds and I met him at a Gamma party a few weeks ago.  We’ve been spending time together and last night he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes.”

“YOU MET HIM AT A FUCKING FRAT PARTY! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?  ARE YOU PURPOSELY TRYING TO FUCK WITH MY HEAD?”

I was
stunned that Trace was completely losing his shit over this.  While I had assumed he would be upset, I had no idea that he would freak out. 

“I’m not trying to do anything because I’m done trying.  Don’t you get it?  I deserve to be a guy’s number one choice, not a mere runner up in the sexual Olympics that you have going on every night.  Brandon chose me, and you never even tried.  My loyalty is to my boyfriend and you don’t get a say in my life anymore. If I want to party at every frat on this goddamn campus, that’s what I’m going to do. 
It’s. None. Of. Your. Business!”

Tristan was suddenly clutching my hand so tightly that it was almost painful, and I wondered if his anxiety stemmed from some kind of empathetic twin thing.

“Please don’t do this, Darby.  PLEASE.  I’ll beg if you want me to.  I’m sorry!”

She stared at him in silence for a minute and I wondered what she was thinking.  Finally she broke the silence by asking, “Tell me how many girls you’ve fucked since the night you saw me run out of the pool hall like my heart was in danger of exploding.”

Even from where I was standing, I could see the color leeching from his face.

“None of that matters, Darby.  You know they don’t mean a damn thing.”

“I didn’t ask for excuses.  I asked for a number.  How many?”

“I’m not answering that,” he said desperately.  “It doesn’t matter.”

She stared him down, saying nothing for a few moments.  “You promised me you would never, ever lie to me.  You said that if I asked, you would tell me.  I’ve put up with this shit for years like a bitch, waiting and praying that you would love me enough to change.  I never asked, never tried to put you on the spot.  Now, I’m asking you.  How. Fucking. Many?”

Hanging his head he gave an answer that I couldn’t quite hear.

“Louder.  You know I can’t hear you.”

“FOUR! Goddammit, there were four.  They didn’t mean anything!”