Catch My Fall (16 page)

I texted Tristan as soon as Darby left because I was hoping that he’d come over to hang out.

Me: Hey

Tristan: Hi babe.  How’s girls’ night going?  Better than guys’ night, I hope.  It’s boring as hell over here. 

Me: Girls’ night was a bust, too.  Darby went to Brandon’s.

Tristan: How about we do a Mimi and Stan night then?  I’ve got candy and popcorn with our name on it.

Me: Sounds awesome, but I am carless ‘cause I let Darby take mine.

Tristan: Then I’ll pick you up.  You wanna spend the night here? 

My heart sped up to a trillion beats per second but my answer was a definite yes.  For the last week I haven’t woken up even once freaking out from the nightmare.  I still have it, but it isn’t as bad.  That’s huge progress for me and because of that, I felt good about saying yes.  Besides, if I freaked out and had the nightmare, I would talk to him about it.  I’m going to have to eventually anyway.  Before I could tell him my answer was yes, he texted me back.

Tristan:
I just mean sleep, babe.  Still going slow.  No pressure.

Me: I know… I got really excited, not scared.  Promise.  And yes, I’d like to spend the night.  Let’s get IHOP breakfast in the morning, my treat.

Tristan: That sounds perfect Mimi.  You’re a sugary angel.  I’ll be there in fifteen ASAP.  XO

Me: Can’t wait. XOX

Tristan: Oh, it’s like that? XOXXXXXO

Me: Dork!

Tristan: Yep, I’m your dork.  Be there soon. XOXXXXXXXO!

After I tossed my phone down on my bed I spent the next five minutes throwing an overnight bag together.  I was on a cloud of happiness so I’m not sure how I managed to pack without my feet ever touching the ground, I’m just glad that I did. 

I stared into my pajama drawer for far too long in the misplaced hope that suddenly some really cute pajamas would appear, but they never did.  Letting out a huff of frustration, I chose my least offensive pajamas: yellow flannel shorts with little purple rubber duckies and a matching sleep shirt.  The ensemble wouldn’t be winning me any awards for sexy girlfriend, but it’s all that I had to work with considering that my other options were shorts with puppies, cats or teddy bears.  After making a mental note to self to get some sleepwear that wasn’t so cutesy I went into the bathroom and packed a shower bag for the morning.  I had just zipped everything up when I heard knocking at the door.  Rushing to answer it, I smiled when I found Tristan in my doorway.

Every single time I see him, I feel the charge.  I swear there’s electricity around him and I love it.  Throwing my arms around him I tilted my head back and met his lips as he leaned in to kiss me.  I used to wonder what people actually got from French kissing and why they enjoyed it so much, but now I know.  I love the taste of Tristan on my tongue; love the feeling of our breath mingling.  Kissing him is everything and I could do it for hours.  We were so into the kiss that neither one of us moved to go into the room, instead standing in the doorway as we kissed… and kissed… and kissed.  We pulled apart only when I heard a bitchy voice saying, “Oh that’s nasty.  Poor Mia’s so silly that she’s just standing here letting the garbage put his tongue down her throat.  You’re going to get herpes, honey.”

I groaned with annoyance that Tiffany was such a bitch she was trying to break us apart by talking crap, and Tristan went tense all over as he pulled away and turned around, probably ready to rip her head off.  Grabbing his arm I tugged him back and stepped forward to take care of her myself.

“Gee Tiffany,
are you jealous much?   Listen
honey
, if you want to tell every one of the guys you’ve had sex with since you got to school that you’ve got herpes and could have given it to them, you should probably just put out an announcement on the school website instead of trying to tell each person individually.  We all know that could take weeks.”

Turning on my heel I pushed Tristan gently back so that he walked into my room, and I followed suit before closing the door behind me with a quiet click.  I wanted to slam it in her gaping, stupid face, but I didn’t give her the satisfaction.

He yanked me to him as soon as the door closed, hugging me tightly against his chest.  “I’m so sorry that just happened, babe.  If I could turn back time…”

Reaching up I covered his mouth with my hand.  “You can’t and it’s really no big deal.  You’re with me now, you weren’t then, and other than thinking that Tiffany looks like a complete psycho bitch, I’m not fazed by it at all.  She certainly isn’t going to keep me from a night of movies, snacks and you.  Let’s grab my bag and get on the road.  I’m hungry for some million calorie popcorn.”

After we got to his house we cuddled together on the couch to watch
Paranormal Activity
while eating an entire bowl of his popcorn concoction.  We tried to talk Trace into watching with us, but he wasn’t interested so he went to his room, probably to sit on his bed and watch ESPN.  I really hoped that Darby was coming to some kind of decision that would stop the insanity. 

When the movie was finished, Tristan asked if I wanted to watch something else and I said no.  Even though I didn’t know how to say the words, I wanted to be in his big bed with him. I knew that we were not ready for sex ye
t
—
or, I wasn’t ready for sex ye
t
—
but I was definitely ready for more.  I wanted to touch him and I wanted him to touch me.  Sometimes when we’re making out I run my hands up under his shirt and it always makes me desperate to touch more of his skin but he always pulls back and reminds me that we have to go slow.  It’s the very fact that he’s able to keep his head about him in those situations that makes me eager to explore with him.  He’s very aware that I’m a virgin and he’s adamant about not doing anything that I’ll regret. 

I went back into the bedroom to change into my pajamas while he headed off to the bathroom to change into his and I smiled to myself about how much progress I’ve really made since moving to Amarillo.  I’m in the bedroom of the guy I’m dating and I’m getting dressed for be
d
—
and it feels totally natural.  I’m sure it helps that I’ve spent a lot of time in Tristan’s room over the last several weeks because it’s our default make-out room now that Trace is constantly on the couch.  Tristan’s room is comfortable and I’ve come to like it even though it’s very sparse.  Like the rest of the house, Trace’s room included, the furniture is new and everything is super-clean, but it’s got absolutely no decoration.  The walls are a dark rich brown, not unlike the color of the chocolate eyes that have me under their spell, and the furniture is big and dark. The only real source of light color in the room is his comforter, which is basically a giant fluffy white cloud.  The room looks and feels like him and I find it very comforting.

I smiled when he knocked on the door and I called out for him to come him.  This, right here, is why he’s amazing.  He knew to check and make sure that I was dressed and ready for him to come in and I love that.  I feel so safe with him and so good about my decision to ‘try’.  Honestly, it doesn’t even feel like I’m trying at all because being with him is effortless.  I was scared as hell getting into this, but none of my fears have amounted to anything. 

He entered the room with a smile that made my pulse race and my breath catch.  Seeing those lips smiling for me makes me go all liquid inside.  I took his attire in with a chuckle as I realized that he’d gone overboard to keep me from being uncomfortable.

“Stan,” I giggled, “I’m fairly certain that you don’t sleep in gray sweatpants and a t-shirt every night.”

He actually blushed a little bit at my words and I have to marvel at the fact that this one-time Malore was now so devoted to me that he’s willing to spend a night roasting to death in sweatpants just to be able to hold me in his arms.

“No, I don’t, but I’m not going to sleep how I normally sleep in that bed tonight, Mimi.”

My throat went a little dry and I swallowed past the burst of heat that swept through my body at the idea that he might sleep naked. 

My voice came out huskier than usual as I asked, “How do you normally sleep?”

Running his hands through his hair he muttered, “Boxers.”

“Then wear the boxers.  We need to be real, Stan.  This is probably the first night of many and I don’t want you to cloak yourself like an Amish lady when I’m here.”

“We’ll compromise.  I’ll take the shirt off and leave the sweatpants on.”

I couldn’t believe how stubborn he was being over something so silly.  I was telling him to wear what he normally wears and he didn’t seem to want to do it.  Darby’s earlier words were right there to haunt me, reminding me that Tristan was used to a very different type of relationship than the one that he has with me.  Did I come off as being so virginal and uptight that he couldn’t really enjoy himself with me?  If that was true, then I’ve been fooling myself about moving on from what Brady and Chad did. 

Words started tumbling out of my mouth almost against my will.  “What is it about me that says we can’t have a normal relationship?  Do you not want to take these next steps? Am I wrong in thinking that we’re something that we’re really not? You treat me like spun glass and while I definitely appreciate it, I feel like we’ve grown past that.  Have I turned into a best friend that you make out with? It’s been weeks and you never try to do anything with me other than kiss.  If you don’t feel about me the way I feel about you, you really need to just
say
so.”

He whipped his shirt off so fast that it was a blur.  Like a shot he was across the room to me, taking my trembling hand in his and setting it down over his racing heart.  With his free hand he lifted my chin so I was looking into his eyes.  “Fuck, Mia, that’s not it at all. I want everything and then some but most of all, I want
you
.  When I’m with you I feel like anything and everything is possible.  Where once I saw only dark, you’ve brought the light.  But I’m afraid I’ll push you too far, too fast and I’ll lose you and I know that I can’t handle that.  Since the day I was born, I’ve tainted everything in my life.  My biggest fear is that I’ll do something wrong and you’ll walk away leaving me with only the memories of this.  I know that makes me sound like a pussy but I don’t care because I want you to know, to fucking understand, that I need you.  I need
you
, Mimi.  All of this is just my way of showing you that I respect you and I won’t push you for what you’re not ready to give.”

Sliding my hand up his chest and over his throat, I grabbed his chin and pulled him closer.  “I need you too, Stan.  You aren’t fucking anything up
unless you hide yourself from me
.  Nothing that you’re doing is tainting me, not at all.  You’re healing me, every single day, every single kiss, every single word; you’re healing me.  You’re giving me a gift that you don’t even understand you’re giving.  Don’t ever say that you taint things again, because you don’
t
—
you make them better. I want our relationship to be the real deal and that means that you can’t be afraid to be yourself around me.  We’re getting into that bed and you’re wearing boxers just like you normally would.”

“Holy
shit, Mia.  Don’t ever say you don’t know that you kick my ass because you definitely
do
.”  Wrapping his arms around me, he spun me in a circle a few times before walking across the room and dropping me on the bed, smiling at me as I laughed like a dork.

He turned his back on me, turning every light off except the one dim light next to his bed before he pulled his sweatpants off.  I swear to God, my mouth actually watered looking at his rearview.  Even with his boxers on, I was seeing more of Tristan’s naked body than I ever had and he was
hot
.  So hot that I barely held myself back from giving a whistle of appreciation, but I tucked the desire away in my head to share later with Darby and Macy. It was pretty damn funny that I just wanted to whistle at the guy I was dating. I smiled at him as he came back to me, and he chuckled when he saw that I hadn’t moved. 

“You didn’t get under the covers.”

“Ahh…I forgot.”

“You forgot?”

“Yep.  You took off the pants and I was sitting here trying not to whistle at you.  It appears that I have a dash of construction worker in me, sorry.”

He laughed at me as he held out his hands, pulling me up and off the bed when I laced my fingers with his.  “You would be the most beautiful construction worker of all time.  I’d pay money to stand and watch you use a hammer all day.”

Shoving at his chest, I laughed.  “Yeah, only you’d be paying to watch me hammer stuff that wasn’t supposed to be hammered.  I’ve got no tool skills.”

“Baby, it’s good to know that there are some things you don’t do well.  Compared to you, I’m a train wreck.”

“No, you’re not.  You’re wonderful and you’re changing my whole life.”

He kissed me then, a gentle kiss that said a hundred different things, each and every one of them music to my ears.  When he stopped, he smiled into my eyes.  After dropping another brief kiss on my lips he turned around and pulled the comforter back.  When he turned me back toward the bed he took the opportunity to lightly smack my bottom as I climbed in, which made me laugh.  As he got onto the bed, I could see that he was trying to decide what to do, so I made the decision for him, maneuvering my way awkwardly onto his lap and wrapping my arms around his shoulders before leaning in for a kiss.