Chulito (26 page)

Carlos stepped toward him, staring into his eyes. “Do you give a shit about me?”

“I do. I love you, Carlos.”

The anger that had flared up between them simmered. Carlos looked away as tears blurred his vision. “I’m going to the Village now, are you coming?”

Chulito didn’t answer. He wanted to hold Carlos. “Don’t cry, Carlos. I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

Carlos left the avocado on the dresser and went upstairs.

Chulito stared at the aguacate and tried to figure out what to do with it. If he walked out with the plate, then his mother would know that he had run into Carlos and she might figure out that Carlos must have been in Chulito’s room.

Chulito stepped outside with the plate of cool, green avocado. To his annoyance, Carlos stepped out right behind him; he had changed the loose shirt he had on and put on a tight black tank top.

“I’m going downtown, ma.”

Maria got up and placed a hand on her son’s shoulder. “You’re not gonna wait for the fireworks?”

“Yo, Chu-li-to.” Papo called from the corner.

Carlos looked over. “I need a change of scenery.”

“Are you sure you’re O.K., papa?”

Chulito set the avocado down on the table and waved to his friends to hold up.

“I’m fine, ma. I’ll be better once I’m downtown.”

Carlos looked at Chulito’s expressionless face which masked his anger. Chulito sat next to his mother.

Carlos began to send a text while talking to his mother. “I won’t be back late, I gotta be up early for work. But I’m texting Andrew who’s hanging out with some friends from school at a rooftop barbecue near the FDR to let him know that I can come after all. I was gonna meet up with them later in the Vil, but the rooftop barbecue sounds like fun and it would be my first time seeing the fireworks up close. So, why not, right?”

“Be careful.” Maria kissed his cheek.

“Have fun,” Carmen added. “Chulito, are you hungry?”

Chulito shrugged his shoulders. “I might as well.”

Carmen handed him a plate and told him to go get some meat.

“I thought you were going to serve me.”

“You can’t serve yourself? I’m playing cards. ¿Mira este?” Carmen said to Maria.

Carlos’ phone buzzed and he checked the text message.

“Yo, Chulito,” Davey called. “You’re missing this.”

Looney Tunes was making attempts at break dancing while Chino the DJ supplied the beat box.

“Hol’ up,” Chulito yelled back.

“You better hurry up, Chulito,” Carlos said sarcastically. “You’re gonna miss all the fun.” Then Carlos crossed the street and headed toward the train station.

Chulito saw Carmen and Maria exchange a puzzled glance and realized that he’d been staring blankly at the antics on the corner while holding an empty plate.

From Garrison Avenue, they could all see the Macy’s Annual Fireworks display way in the distance. Chulito knew that when it ended kids would run around with sparklers and the teenagers would set off all kinds of illegal fireworks from the streets and the rooftops.

Their kiss in his room and Carlos’ tear-filled eyes played over in Chulito’s mind. He started to call Carlos about a dozen times. He wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t give Carlos what he was asking for. The hours since Carlos left dragged on and Chulito felt trapped. He was tired of the same jokes on the corner and he couldn’t just hide out in his room.

As the fireworks in the distance ended and the ones in his neighborhood heated up, he flipped open his phone and called Carlos.

He answered in mid-laugh. “Hey, Chulito.”

“Did you see the fireworks?”

“Yeah! Amazing. We’re about to head over to the pier. Why are you whispering? Are you outside?”

“Yeah, on Garrison.” Chulito answered.

“Then why don’t you go hide in your room and call me from there.” Carlos sounded tipsy.

Chulito walked away from the crowd and went toward the Bruckner Expressway. “Yo, Carlos, wassup wit’ your attitude.”

“My attitude?”

Chulito was still whispering even though he was a block away from Garrison and across from the elevated Bruckner Expressway. “Yes, and what did you mean by you can’t keep this up and it’s not working?”

“Exactly that, Chulito. I don’t want this down low, keep it on the QT relationship. And stop fucking whispering. I can hardly hear you.”

Chulito crossed under the expressway and spoke in full voice. “Sorry. I wanna see you.”

“I thought I could handle it. But it hurt me a lot when you pushed me away today.”

Chulito knew where this conversation was heading and wanted to change the course. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you so hard.”

“I don’t mean physically.”

“I’m sorry, Carlos. I freaked when I heard my mom come into the house.”

“I know you did. I wish you were in a different place because right this minute I want you here with me.”

“I’ll meet you at the pier, right now.”

“Hold it.”

“What?”

“If you come, you gotta be ready to hold my hand or let me hug you or even kiss you without freaking out that someone is gonna see you. And if Damian or Lee or anybody you know does show up, you are not going to push me away.”

Chulito paced the wide median under the Bruckner Expressway. “Carlos, I’m not ready for that, please.”

“Then don’t come. Stay in the Bronx.”

Chulito stopped pacing. “What? You breaking it off?”

“I don’t want to go back into a closet to be with you, Chulito.”

The words stung him. “Carlos, don’t do this.”

Carlos hung up.

A lump the size of a fist formed in Chulito’s throat. He could hear the cheers from his neighborhood rising up into the night like a crowd at a Yankees game. Chulito wanted to run, but he didn’t know to where. He hailed a cab to the Village.

“You gotta take care of yourself.” Kenny wiped a tear from Carlos’ cheek.

“I love him.” Carlos sat on the cool dry grass at the pier, brought his knees to his chest and rested his chin on his right knee. “It hurt so much when he pushed me today. It was like a wake-up call. I know he needs time, but it’s already been about a month and a half, I just don’t think that I have the time to give him.” As Kenny and the twins comforted Carlos, Kevin came over with Andrew and Alex.

“You O.K., Carlos?” Alex asked.

Kenny blurted out. “He broke up with Chulito.”

“Damn, Kenny, just put my business all out there.”

Kenny mouthed “sorry” to Carlos then kissed Kevin.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said sympathetically. “For real. You were having a good time at the party but I noticed that you got real quiet all of a sudden.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Andrew put his arm around Carlos and pulled him close.

“Me too,” Carlos said through tears, then sobbed on Andrew’s chest.

Alex took Carlos’ hand. “You’re gonna be alright?”

Carlos pulled his hand away and nodded.

“Do you want to go for a ride?” Andrew asked.

“We could head out to City Island for some ice cream,” Alex offered.

Carlos nodded.

“Any room for some additional pier queens in your chariot, Sir Andrew?” Kenny asked.

“Yes, but I’m not coming back into the city. So if you’re cool with being left at a subway in the Bronx, you’re welcome to come along.”

“I’m staying at Kevin’s in Brooklyn tonight, so that won’t work for me.”

Alex, Carlos and Andrew took off in the white Range Rover up the West Side Highway toward the Bronx.

Chulito arrived at the pier, handing the cab driver a $50 bill and asking him to wait.

He saw Pito and Sebastian leaving the pier. “Yo wassup, you seen Carlos?”

“We saw him earlier with Kenny by the water.”

Chulito ran over to the water and saw Kenny, who told him that Carlos left with Alex and Andrew to City Island.

Chulito ran back to the cab and headed up to the Bronx. When he was alone in the cab, he covered his face with his bandanna and cried. He wanted to see Carlos, hold him. Beg him for more time. Maybe they could move far away from the neighborhood and start a life together. Chulito knew he was changing. Lately, he didn’t care so much about the fellas. He hardly spent time with them. And he’d decided to get out of the game with Kamikaze. He’d never felt happier than when he was with Carlos. He’d never felt love like when they were together. Then anger overtook him. How could Carlos just break things off like that? Maybe he didn’t love him. Chulito slammed his fist on his knee repeatedly, then a howl grew inside and shot out of him, which startled the cab driver. He quickly assured him “I’m cool, I’m cool,” but Chulito was far from cool. He felt his heart coming apart cell by cell, and the tears wouldn’t stop pouring out.

When the cab pulled up to the block, all the tables and grills were gone, but the fellas were still on the corner.

“Hey, Chulito, where you disappear to?” Davey called out from down the block.

Chulito stood at the entrance to his building away from the corner. “Business guys, but I’m dead, yo. I’ll see you guys mañana.”

“Kamikaze was looking for you. He’s up the block at Gil’s,” Davey said.

Chulito checked his cell phone but he hadn’t missed a call from Kamikaze. “When you see him, tell him to call me.”

“Yo, Chulito. You O.K.?” Davey asked walking toward Chulito.

“Just tired.” Chulito leaned against the entrance to his building. He was glad he lived on the first floor because he had just enough energy to get to his door.

Papo held out a bottle of Hennessey. “Come have one little palo before you turn in.”

“C’mon, we missed you. Just when all the fireworks were shooting you bounced,” said Davey.

Chulito took a deep breath and walked over to the corner, where the streetlight lit his red and swollen eyes.

“Oh, shit, bro. What’s up?” Davey asked.

“I’m tired. I gotta get some sleep.”

“Yo,” Papo said, “if it’s none of our business just say so, but you don’t just look tired, you look hurt, bro.”

“I’ll be alright. I just got some bad news is all, nothing too serious.”

“Family?” Chin-Chin asked.

“Nah, it’s just, whatever.”

“Love?” Chin-Chin said. “Oh, shit, it’s love, right?”

Chulito responded by not responding.

Davey and Chin-Chin high-fived each other.

“It’s that girl you cancelled with a week or two ago, right?” Davey said. “You were all moody after you cancelled to hang out with us.”

“Did you two have a fight?” Chin-Chin asked.

“Nah, sort of.”

“Sort of?” Davey asked. “What happened? You look like you been crying.”

The fellas laughed.

Kamikaze came out of Gil’s Liquor Store and walked toward them.

“She dumped you?” Davey asked.

Chulito nodded.

A chorus of “Ay, benditos” rose up from the fellas as Kamikaze reached them.

“Wassup, knuckleheads?” Kamikaze asked then saw Chulito’s face. “What happened to you?”

“That chick that Chulito has been seeing on the low just dumped him,” Davey said.

“So that’s what’s up? It makes sense why I only get to see you when we’re working.”

“I guess you gonna be seeing a lot more of Chulito.” Davey laughed.

“Have some respect,” Kamikaze said. “Can’t you see that my boy’s heart is broken?” Kamikaze slipped his arm around Chulito’s neck, pulled him close and kissed his temple.

“Ah, don’t baby him,” Papo said, taking a swig of Hennessey. “Know what I say? Fuck her. There’s plenty more.”

“This is love, Papo,” Kamikaze said. “Look at his face. A dude only cries like that when he gets bit. You ain’t never been bit, Papo?”

“Of course.”

“Then have a little heart, bro. Our little brother here fell in love, gave his heart away, and it got tossed in the trash. Right, Chulito?”

Chuito nodded. “Something like that.”

“What I want to know is why it was such a secret,” Kamikaze said. “I thought you and me were tight.”

“Yeah, Chulito,” Davey said. “Was she a dog?”

Chulito shook his head. “Nah, she’s beautiful. It just had to be that way.” Chulito thought for a second. “She was a church girl with a strict father and nobody could know about us. Anyway, I want to go to bed.” Chulito tried to pull away from Kamikaze’s embrace, but he held him tightly.

“A church girl?” Davey said.

“The worse kind.” Papo shook his head. “They make you jump through hoops for a little taste, and then if they give anything up, you owe them your fucking life. Sorry, bro. If you didn’t keep it such a secret, we could have warned you and saved you all the heartache.”

“She lives in the neighborhood?” Chin-Chin asked.

“No, in Manhattan.” Chulito tried again to squirm away from Kamikaze.