Clash (17 page)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Payton

“Payton, watch me, don’t look away, you have to watch!” Cooper yelled from the driveway as he rode his bike fast before popping a wheelie.

He wouldn’t let me out of his sight today. Every time I tried to visit with Dylan and Maggie, he would yell for me to come back. Dylan and Maggie were on the porch swing, talking. She looked even more tired today than she had last night. The dark circles under her eyes appeared even darker too. Something just didn’t seem right with her.

Whatever Dylan and Maggie were discussing, it seemed to be super intense.

“Payton, you missed it again,” Cooper complained, catching my attention once more.

“Sorry, buddy,” I apologized. “Do you think we can take a break? Maybe grab something to drink.” I honestly just wanted to get closer so I could figure out what Maggie and Dylan were talking about.

I backed up, hoping to hear even just bits and pieces of their conversation.

“I think that needs to come from you, Maggie. I can’t talk to her about this,” Dylan said. I looked back over my shoulder, but neither of them were looking at me. “You owe her, Maggie. It has to come from you.” Dylan stood and walked off the front porch toward me and Cooper.

I pretended to be completely engrossed in Cooper, who was still trying to ride a wheelie.

I felt Dylan step up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me back into him securely. “Baby, tell me that no matter what, I’ll never lose you.” He squeezed me tighter, placing a kiss into my hair.

“Dylan, what’s wrong?” I turned my head to look up into his eyes. He brought his mouth to mine so sweetly, leaving behind a gentle kiss.

I suddenly grew worried; his mood had changed drastically. What could have possibly caused such a shift?

I was about to ask him what was going on again, but he reached out to Cooper, rustling his hair. “Hey, buddy, what do you say we go get us a burger? You can tell me about some of those heroic adventures you’ve been on in those games of yours.”

I wasn’t given a chance to speak. He turned to me, gently kissing me one last time. “You stay here and hang out with Maggie for a bit. She needs to talk to you without interruption.”

The look on his face was so serious. I actually felt nauseated thinking about being alone with Maggie. We have talked, but usually regarding Cooper; he was like our buffer. Without him or Dylan here I would be forced to listen to more about the past, and I was just ready to leave all that behind me.

I watched in silence as Cooper climbed up into Dylan’s truck. I stood in the same place as they backed down the driveway and waved as they drove away. I was now alone with Maggie without any escape.

I turned slowly to face the porch where she still sat on the swing. She seemed so frail beneath the canopy. I found myself just staring at her, wondering what could be troubling her.

I walked to the porch and started to take a seat beside her when she said, “Why don’t we go inside? I’d like to show you something.”

I nodded in agreement and followed her inside. When she didn’t stop in the living room, I followed her as she walked down the hallway to the bedroom and knelt down beside her bed.

I watched in silence as she slid a large box out. She never opened it; she sat on the bed and placed it on her lap.

Maggie motioned for me to sit next to her. I took a calming breath before joining her.

She lifted the lid from the box as I watched in confusion. Looking inside, I saw a pile of unopened cards and letters.

I looked into her eyes, questioning her. Maggie’s eyes filled with tears as she spoke. “I bought you a birthday card every year. I wrote you letters as if you were my diary. I ordered a yearbook every year from your school. I want you to take this box, and when you’re ready—I want you to read the letters and the cards. You’ll find, Payton, that you were never forgotten. I was so wrong for what I did to you, and I can never fix that. I can never take away the pain and trauma you endured. I’ll regret that every day until my last. I am so sorry, Payton, so very sorry.”

I continued to look between the box and Maggie. Her eyes held such pain and heartache. “I know you’re sorry, Maggie. I understand you felt it was the right thing to do at the time. We just need to move forward now, for Cooper. I can see this has you very upset. You seem so tired and worn out.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I can’t say I forgive you, but I’m trying. Please don’t continue to beat yourself up over this.” I looked back at the box she now placed on the bed between us.

“Payton, I need to talk to you about other things as well. I need you to hear me completely before you get angry or upset. I need you to listen very clearly.” She was confusing me, but I just nodded at her in agreement as she continued. “About a year after I had Cooper, I started to develop some pain and extreme fatigue. It seemed to worsen instead of get better, so I went into the doctor for some testing. After a long, continuous process, they were finally able to give me a diagnosis. I have Acute Myeloid Leukemia.”

I interrupted her immediately. “What? You have cancer?”

“I’ve undergone chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants, even platelet transfusions. They have worked and I have been in remission a number of times, but it never lasts long, and now I’ve relapsed again.” She took a deep breath to prepare herself for the remaining news. “Payton, my body has rejected the newest round of treatment. I’m afraid there isn’t much else the doctors can do for me.”

I looked at her with such horror. “What do you mean there isn’t anything they can do? Of course there is, you can’t just give up. You have Cooper to take care of. You can’t just walk away from him. You can’t do that to him.”

I was standing in front of her as tears came rushing down. I felt like I was drowning. I found it hard to breathe and I just wanted to run away, to just run from Maggie and not turn back, but I knew I couldn’t.

I hadn’t even remembered walking out of the bedroom, but now I stood in the living room staring out the front window. I was crying uncontrollably. I felt Maggie place her hand on my shoulder, and I turned into her, wrapping my arms around her tightly, careful of my cast. She sank to the floor with me as I held her. I couldn’t stop the tears. I was crying for her and for the fact she was going to miss watching Cooper grow up. He would know how it felt to grow up without a mother.

As I continued to cry it hit me. I was not only crying for them, but also for myself. It was a realization I would never truly get a chance to know Maggie. The short time I had with her I spent avoiding her and using Cooper as a shield.

It was at that moment I made a choice; I forgave Maggie for what happened and decided to move on. Not just for Cooper’s sake, but for myself and for Maggie too. I wasn’t sure how long I cried on her shoulder, but being this close to her felt like a comfort I so desperately needed. She slowly rubbed my back, and the affection only made me cry harder.

When I finally felt like I could talk, I rose my head just enough to take in a breath. “How long do we have?” I asked in a whisper.

“There is no definite answer, Payton. It could be a month or six. I do have a lot of things to cover before my death, though.” She slowly released me as she sat back so we were now looking at one another. “Payton, I have to ask you something.”

She paused, closing her eyes tightly as if she was deep in thought.

“Just ask me,” I told her.

“I want you to raise Cooper. I want you to finish school and move here to be with him. I have a life insurance policy that will pay the rent on this place for years to come, or you could even buy a place of your own. It will also leave enough for you to live on for a while. I am leaving everything to you and Cooper. I want him to be with you. He’ll need you.”

My throat burned with unshed tears and the thought of what was coming. This was all happening so fast. Could I be responsible enough to raise a ten-year-old? This was all so overwhelming. If I moved here to take care of Cooper, would Dylan come with me? Or would I be leaving him behind, along with his family, my best friend, everything I knew?

“Of course I’ll take care of him. But moving here, I just don’t know if I can do that.” She nodded her head at me and smiled. It appeared she expected me to say that. As we started to stand up from our position on the floor, we heard car doors slam. The boys were back. “Does Cooper know?” The front door flew open and Cooper ran in. I looked back to Maggie and she just shook her head no. She opened her arms just as my brother wrapped his arms around her waist. It was almost heartbreaking, and I fought back the tears that threatened to fall.

I turned to face Dylan, who was just coming in the door. He looked at me with a blank stare and I knew he was feeling the same thing—heartache.

Later that evening, once we finished dinner, Maggie and I did the dishes together. It was as if we had been doing that very thing together for years. It felt so natural in that moment. Dylan was wrangled into watching
Star Wars
with Cooper.

I knew once again my life had shifted. But this time not only did I have Dylan at my side, I had Cooper and Maggie too.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

My Dear Sweet Payton,

You are turning into a beautiful young lady. Your hair has gotten so long, and I see your green eyes are still breathtaking. I miss you baby girl. You are always in my thoughts and dreams. One day I will come to you and try to explain why things happened the way they did.

You are and will always be amazing. I love you with all my heart. Happy Birthday Beautiful!

Love, Mom

The lump in my throat was hard to swallow. I sat on the end of the hotel bed with the card in my hand, and I trembled. I sat the card down beside me, reaching for another envelope. One after another were wishes of happiness followed by apologies for abandonment.

Dylan walked in to find me crying and still holding one of the cards in my hands. He stopped mid-stride when he saw my face. He quickly sat the coffee he had gone out to get on the table and walked over to me, taking me into his arms. He held me while I cried, and didn’t say a word.

Feeling him lightly stroke my hair was soothing.

I tilted my head to look up into his eyes. “She’s been writing little letters and cards to me for years. So much time was wasted. Now I barely have any time left with her.” The tears continued to fall as he brushed them away with his thumb. “I’m ready to go see her.”

He smiled lightly at me and said, “Well then, let’s get going.” Taking my hand in his, he helped me off the bed, hugging me close once more before we left.

***

When we pulled into Maggie’s driveway, there was a vehicle I didn’t recognize. We walked onto the porch and an older gentleman came out.

He looked straight at me and smiled. “Well, look at you. You’re as beautiful as your mother and have the same gorgeous green eyes.”

Maggie walked out directly behind him and patted his shoulder. “I’d like you both to meet Dr. Moore. He is my physician. He checks in on me twice a week and we were just finishing our visit.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dylan said as he offered the doctor his hand.

“You too, son,” he replied as he shook Dylan’s hand. “You all enjoy your day.” He looked back over at Maggie and nodded. “And you take it easy and get some rest. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Once he left we all went inside. Dylan took Cooper to his room to play video games, leaving Maggie and me in the kitchen. I wanted to spend the time I had left with her enjoying her company. I knew today when I said goodbye it would be one of the hardest things I had ever done. Dylan and I would be leaving early in the morning to head back home. I was dreading the thought of leaving her, but I had to go back and finish school.

We all had dinner together and settled in the living room to watch some television. When Cooper grew tired he asked me if I would come and help him get settled, which felt strange. He had been glued to Dylan’s hip, and I expected him to demand Dylan instead. “Which one do you want, buddy?” I asked, looking through his selection of DVD’s.

“
Jurassic Park
,” he said as he pointed to the one on the end.

It took only about fifteen minutes into the movie for him to fall asleep.

I watched Cooper for a little while and imagined what it would be like to be responsible for him on a daily basis. I couldn’t believe how much I already loved him after such a short amount of time. His imagination was extreme, and I loved his amazing stories. He always used sound effects and hand motions, making it so interesting to watch him and listen. I felt a tear drop onto my hand and quickly wiped it away. I knew I had to take care of him. I was all he would have left after Maggie passed away.

I wandered back into the living room to find it empty. As I walked a little closer, I realized Maggie and Dylan were in the kitchen. I could hear them talking in hushed tones. I knew it was wrong of me to listen, but I couldn’t help it.

I was just outside the dining area in the hallway when I heard Maggie say something about marriage, and it stopped me immediately.

“I love Payton,” Dylan told her, “and when things slow down, we’ll plan a date. I imagine us together, with children and a home, I want all of it. I couldn’t imagine those things with anyone else. I want to give her everything she desires. She makes me unbelievably happy.”

I could hear the smile in Maggie’s response. “I can see the way you look at Payton. It makes my heart melt. I know with you in her life she is safe. That also means Cooper is safe. Keeping that in mind takes a tremendous amount of my heartache away.” Here they were, having a heart to heart about me and Cooper. I took in everything that Dylan said and my heart swelled. I couldn’t wrap my head around the amount of love I had for him.

I came around the corner and they both turned to face me. Maggie walked in my direction, taking me into her arms and hugging me tightly. She whispered to me, “That man over there is very lucky, and he loves you more than I thought was humanly possible. Hold on tight, baby girl, and let him love you.” She released me and walked from the room to look in on Cooper.

Dylan was leaning against the refrigerator, watching me. I looked over at him and waited for him to say something.

“You heard us, didn’t you?” he asked.

I nodded and he pushed off the refrigerator and started walking toward me. He placed his hands on my waist, pulling me into him. Sliding his hands around my waist, he brought them to rest on my lower back.

I was watching him closely as a million thoughts ran through my head. How could he possibly love me like he says? This adorable, sexy man loves me. I was in awe of him.

He leaned in and kissed me, so sweet and tenderly. I melted into his hold, kissing him back with everything I had. He pulled back, keeping his eyes closed, and I waited for his next move. “Payton, I meant every single word. I feel empty without you. Those days we were apart I felt lost and miserable. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I’m ready for you to be my wife, whenever you are.” He kissed me once more, leaving me breathless.

The time for goodbyes came quickly. Those goodbyes were full of tears and heartbreak. I made a promise to come back as soon as possible. When Maggie hugged Dylan, I became choked up once more. This was something I never imagined; a relationship with Maggie seemed so farfetched only a short time ago.

I was quiet the whole way back to the hotel. I had too many thoughts going through my mind. I hadn’t even realized we had reached our destination until Dylan touched my arm. “Hey, are you okay?” I just nodded my head.

I honestly wasn’t sure if I was or not. Everything felt unreal. I was having a hard time, and this had really taken a lot out of me. I never expected it to go this way. I thought I would spend some time with Cooper and then head back home with Dylan and get back to our life. I felt emotionally exhausted.

After my bath I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, just staring ahead in a daze when I heard a light knock on the door. “Hey, baby, are you sure you’re okay?” I opened the door and looked at the concern on Dylan’s face. “I’m a little worried about you.”

I felt so lucky at that moment; I couldn’t help but feel safe with him. Even after what we went through recently, I had never felt more secure about what he and I had together. “I think I would feel so much better if you just held me.”

He moved so quickly it made me giggle lightly as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. Complete, total security set in, and I realized how desperately I needed this closeness. We stood there in the center of the bathroom and held each other.

He moved out of the bathroom and led us toward the bed. I wanted to have him as close to me as possible; I wanted to feel his love and need for me.

We made love slowly before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

***

Morning came very quickly; almost too quickly. We hadn’t gone to bed as early as planned, but I didn’t mind. I allowed my mind to wander back to the memories of last night. I really couldn’t imagine it could get much better than that; Dylan was definitely very giving.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?”

I turned toward Dylan just as he was placing our bags in the trunk. Smiling, I answered honestly. “I was just thinking about last night. I was secretly wishing we were back in our room, still in bed.”

With a huge smile on his face he pulled me to him, kissing me gently. He rested his forehead to mine. “Damn. Me too. But it’ll be nice to get back to Illinois.

He kissed me deeply, standing in the middle of the parking lot. I was pressed up against the car and Dylan had his hands securely on my hips. We had a long trip ahead of us, but at that moment his embrace was the only place I wanted to be.