Clean Break (3 page)

‘
He will
,' I mouthed at Mum. Maxie had already totally ruined the red and the sky-blue in
my
set of felt pens. I couldn't help feeling envious of Maxie's beautiful set, so superior to my own.

‘My turn, my turn, my turn!' Vita shouted, tearing at her huge parcel. One weird long brown twisty thing poked through the paper as she scrabbled at it, then another.

‘What
is
it?' Vita shrieked.

Then she discovered a big pink nose.

‘Is it a clown?' Maxie asked fearfully.

Dad had taken us to the circus in the summer and Maxie had spent most of the evening under his seat, terrified of the clowns.

‘Try pressing that nose,' said Dad.

Vita poked at it, and it played a pretty tinkly tune.

‘That's “The Sugar Plum Fairy” from some ballet. We did it in music,' I said.

Vita tore the last of the paper away to reveal
the huge sweet head of a furry reindeer, with two twisty plush antlers sticking out at angles. She had big brown glass eyes, fantastic long eyelashes, and a smiley red-lined mouth with a soft pink tongue. She was wearing a pink ballet dress with a satin bodice and net skirt.

‘I love her, I love her!' Vita declared, hugging her passionately to her chest.

The reindeer had long floppy furry legs with pink satin ballet slippers, but she couldn't stand on them. I lifted the net skirt and saw a big hole.

‘Don't look up her bottom!' Vita snapped.

‘Um, Em's being rude,' said Maxie.

‘No, I'm not! I've just realized, she's a glove puppet!'

‘You got it, Emerald,' said Dad. ‘Here, Vita, let's get to know her. We'll see if she'll introduce herself.'

He pressed her pink nose again to stop the ballet music and stuck his hand up inside her.

‘Hello, Princess Vita,' he made the reindeer say, in a funny fruity female voice. ‘I'm Dancer. I was one of Santa's very own reindeers. Maybe you've heard of my fellow sleigh artistes, Dasher and Prancer and Vixen? Then there's the so-called superstar, Rudolph, the one with the constant cold.
Such
a show-off, especially since he got his own song. Of course
I
was always the leading runner, until I realized that all that sleigh-pulling wasn't such a
good idea. I have very sensitive hooves. Santa was devastated when I gave in my notice but we artistes have to consider our talent. I am now Princess Vita's dancing companion and trusty steed.'

Dad made Dancer bow low and then twirl on her floppety legs. Vita clapped her hands, bright red with excitement.

I felt envious again. Why couldn't
I
have had a puppet? Then Dad and I could have had endless games together. Vita and Maxie had such special big presents this year. Why did mine have to be so tiny? It was just like one extra stocking present.

‘Aren't you going to open your present, Emerald?' said Dad. He slipped Dancer over Vita's hand, showing her how to work her. Vita waved her wildly round and round. Maxie laughed and tried to catch Dancer. One of her antlers accidently poked him in the eye.

‘Hey, hey, watch out! Oh Maxie, for heaven's sake, it didn't really hurt,' said Mum, grabbing Vita's arm and pulling Maxie close for a cuddle. ‘Yes, Em, open your present. Whatever can it be?'

I undid the wrapping paper, feeling foolish with them all watching me. I got my mouth all puckered up, waiting to say
Thank you
and give grateful kisses. Then I opened a little black box and stared at what was inside. I was stunned. I couldn't say anything at all.

‘What is it, Em?'

‘Show us!'

‘Don't you like it?'

It was a little gold ring set with a deep green glowing jewel.

‘I
love
it,' I whispered. ‘It's an emerald!'

‘Not a real emerald, darling,' said Mum.

‘Yes it is,' said Dad. ‘I'm not fobbing off my daughter with anything less!'

My
daughter
! I loved that almost as much as my beautiful ring.

‘Don't be silly, Frankie,' Mum said. ‘
Real
emeralds cost hundreds and hundreds of pounds!'

‘No they don't. Not if you go to antique fairs and do someone a favour and find a little emerald for a special small girl,' said Dad.

He unhooked the ring from its little velvet cushion and put it on the ring finger of my right hand.

‘It fits perfectly!' I said.

‘Well, I had it made specially for you, Princess Emerald,' said Dad.

‘But however much have you spent on all of us?' Mum said, shaking her head as if she'd been swimming underwater.

‘Never you mind,' said Dad. ‘I wanted this to be a special Christmas, one the kids will remember for ever.'

‘But we owe so much already—'

‘Leave it, Julie,' Dad said sharply.

So Mum left it. We had a big Christmas cuddle, the five of us – six, counting Dancer – and then we heard Gran going downstairs to put the kettle on.

Vita insisted on having Dancer on her lap at breakfast time. Maxie held onto his felt tips too, balancing them across his bony knees. I stuck my hand out after every mouthful, admiring my ring.

‘Haven't we got the loveliest dad ever?' said Vita.

Gran sniffed. ‘What have you done now, Frankie, robbed a bank?' she said.

Dad laughed and put his arm round her. ‘Now, Ellen, no po-faces, it's Christmas. Come on, you old bat, you know you love me really.' He gave her a kiss. She pushed him away, shaking her head, but she couldn't help smiling. She actually burst out laughing when she opened
her
present from Dad. It was a pair of tight designer jeans.

‘For God's sake, Frankie, I'm a grandma!'

‘And you've got almost as lovely a figure as your daughter, so flaunt it, eh? You'll look great in the jeans, much better than those baggy old trousers. Try them on!'

‘Don't think you can get round
me
,' said Gran – but she changed into her new jeans after breakfast.

Dad was right. Gran had a really good figure, though we'd never noticed it before. From the waist
down she didn't look a bit like our gran. Dad gave her a wolf whistle and she told him not to be so daft – but she blushed.

‘I'm not going to wear them
out
of course,' she said. ‘Still, they're fine for the house.'

She had to go and change out of them again after Christmas dinner. We normally all eat separately. Vita and Maxie and I have our tea after school. Mum just has snacks while she's waiting to have a meal later with Dad. Gran heats up her own Lean Cuisines and eats them off a tray when
EastEnders
and
Coronation Street
are on television. But Christmas is different. We all eat together with a proper tablecloth and Gran's best white-and-gold china from the cabinet where she keeps her pink crinoline lady and the balloon-seller and the little mermaid with a green scaly tail and the little girl and boy in white china nightgowns.

We had crackers so we all wore paper hats and shouted out silly mottoes. Vita snorted with laughter while she was drinking her Ribena ‘wine' and it went right up her nose and then spattered the white embroidered cloth. Gran would have gone mad if Maxie or I had done it, but she just shook her head fondly at Vita and told her to calm down.

Vita made a fuss about her Christmas dinner
too. She wouldn't eat a single sprout or parsnip and only one forkful of turkey. She just wanted a plate of roast potatoes.

‘Well, why shouldn't the kid have exactly what she fancies on Christmas Day?' said Dad, scraping everything off her plate and then piling it high with potatoes.

Maxie started noisily demanding a plate of roast potatoes too. Mum and Gran sighed at Dad for starting something.

‘Still, at least our Em's eating her plateful,' said Mum.

‘Em always eats everything. It's a wonder she doesn't gollop the plate down too,' said Gran.

She'd started to nag me about calories and carbohydrates and all that stuff, though Mum always got mad at her and said she'd turn me anorexic.

‘As if!' said Gran unkindly.

I took no notice and munched my way through my turkey and chipolata sausages and roast potatoes and mashed potatoes and parsnips and every single sprout and then I had a slice of Christmas pudding with green jelly and red jelly and cream and then a mince pie and then a satsuma and
then
three chocolates out of the Christmas tin of Quality Street.

Gran slapped my hand away when I reached in
the tin for a fourth chocolate. ‘For God's sake, Em, you'll burst,' she said. ‘Your stomach must be made of elastic. You'll have to learn to stop shovelling your food up like that. I don't know how you
can
. I'm totally stuffed. I'm going to have to take my posh jeans off and have a little lie down.'

‘Quit nagging Princess Emerald. It's great that she's got a healthy appetite,' said Dad. ‘Right, ladies, us chaps will do the washing-up. You can all take a little nap. We'll do the donkey work in the kitchen, won't we, Maxie?'

Maxie took Dad seriously and started gathering Gran's best china with a bang and a clatter.

‘Hey, hey, careful, you'll chip those plates!' said Gran.

‘Yeah, Gran's got a point, little guy,' said Dad. ‘Tell you what, you start drawing me a lovely picture with your new felt pens. Then I can get on with the washing-up in peace.'

Maxie lay on the floor, carefully colouring, his eyes screwed up and his tongue sticking out because he was concentrating so fiercely. He was
much
more careful with the points of his own felt tips than he was with mine.

Vita annoyed him for a while, running her fingers over the felt pens in the tin, playing them as if they were an instrument, but her roast potatoes took a toll on her. She lay back on the sofa, Dancer on
her arm so she could use her velvety head like a cuddle blanket. Mum curled up in a corner of the sofa. She said she wanted to watch the Queen on television but her eyes started drooping and she was asleep in seconds.

I sat back, my hand stretched out in front of me, so I could admire my real emerald from every angle. I still couldn't believe how wonderful it was. Dad said he'd got it at a bargain price but I knew it still must have cost heaps. More than Mum's silver sandals or Gran's jeans or Vita's reindeer or Maxie's crayons.

It must mean that Dad loved me just as much as Vita and Maxie even though I wasn't really his daughter. I knew I loved him more than anyone. Far far far far far far far more than my own dad.

I hadn't seen him for years now. I didn't want to. We didn't want to have any more to do with him, Mum and me.

I decided to go and help Dad with the washing-up, even though he'd told us all he wanted the kitchen to himself. I crept across the living room into the hall. I waved at my ring in the mirror above the telephone table. It winked its brilliant green light back at me.

The kitchen door was shut. I could hear Dad muttering inside. I grinned. Was he singing to himself as he did the dishes? I opened the door
slowly and carefully, not making a sound. Dad had his back to me.

‘Oh darling, darling, darling,' he said.

I thought he was talking to me. Then I saw the hunch of his shoulders, his hand up against his ear. He was talking on his mobile.

‘Yeah, yeah! Oh Sarah, I'm missing you so much too,' he said. ‘Still, I can't get out of Christmas, it means so much to Julie and the kids. I'm trying to make it happy for them, though dear God it's such an effort now. Still, I'm planning on telling them soon. I can't stay much longer. I'm going crazy. I want to be with you so badly, babe. I'm leaving them, I swear I am.'

‘
Don't leave us, Dad!
'

He whipped round. I waited for him to tell me I'd got it all wrong. He wasn't really talking to some girlfriend. He was acting a part, playing some stupid joke. Dad could always talk his way out of anything. I wanted him to tell me any old story, even if I knew he was lying.

He didn't say anything. He just stood staring at me, biting his lip foolishly the way Maxie does when he's been caught out. The mobile phone buzzed as someone spoke to him.

‘Call you back,' Dad said and he switched the phone off. He held it warily, as if it was a hand grenade.

We stared at each other, standing freeze-framed. I wished I could rewind a minute so I could be back in the hall, happily waving my emerald ring around.

‘You're not really leaving us, are you, Dad?' I whispered.

‘I'm sorry, Em,' he said softly.

The room started spinning. I staggered to the sink and threw up all over the china in the washing-up bowl.

‘
IT'S ALL RIGHT, EM,
it's all right,' Dad said, holding me.

We both knew it could never be all right again. I retched and sobbed, unable to reply.

Gran came bursting into the kitchen, disturbed from her nap.