Clean Break (8 page)

‘It's inside, little pal. Just an ordinary flat,' said Dad, getting the door open and leading us inside.

The stairs were very dark and smelled of strange food.

‘I don't like it,' Maxie wailed.

‘I'm afraid you're just going to have to lump it,' Dad said gently.

‘This is
your
flat, Dad?' said Vita, stopping on the stairs.

‘Well, technically speaking, it's Sarah's,' said Dad.

Vita said nothing, but she reached out and slid her hand into mine. I squeezed it hard and she
squeezed back. Then Dad was knocking on the door, although he had the key in his hand.

‘Sarah, sweetheart! I've brought the kids back,' he called.

He unlocked the door and we stepped warily inside. There wasn't a hall. We were straight away in a living room, although there was a bed in one corner with someone huddled under the purple velvet quilt.

‘Sarah,' Dad said.

She stirred but didn't come out from under the quilt.

‘It's not bed time,' said Maxie.

‘Perhaps she's ill,' said Vita.

‘She's fine, kids. She's just sleeping,' said Dad. ‘Sarah, wake up. I've brought the kids to meet you.' He reached under the quilt and gave her a little shake.

‘Frankie?' she mumbled. Then she sat up straight. She wasn't wearing a nightie or pyjamas, just a little stripy vest. She was almost as small and skinny as Vita, with short black hair sticking straight up and dark eye make-up rings round her eyes. She had a bluebird tattooed on her bare shoulder and matching blue varnish on her tiny bitten nails.

She blinked at us, scratching her very short hair. Then she wrinkled her nose. ‘Oh dear, Frankie, did you puke?'

‘It's the kids. That's why we're here. Poor Em needs a bath.'

‘I wasn't the one who was sick,' I said.

‘But you
are
the one who needs a clean coat. Sarah, do you have anything you could lend Em?' Dad asked.

‘Oh God, Frankie, I don't know. I expect so. Look, you kids hurry up and have your bath because
I
want one too.' She smiled at Dad. ‘Make me a cup of coffee, eh?'

‘Sure, darling,' said Dad.

We stared at her, outraged. What was she doing, ordering our dad around? She didn't seem
that
much older than me.

‘Are you a girl or a lady?' Maxie asked.

‘Neither,' said Sarah, reaching for a packet of cigarettes and lighting up. She saw me staring. ‘What?' she said, sounding irritated.

I looked at Dad. He's always
hated
smoking. Mum told us she used to smoke twenty a day but she had to give them up when she met Dad. I remembered her chewing gum desperately for weeks.

‘Our dad doesn't like cigarettes,' said Vita.

‘Well, your dad doesn't have to smoke them. All the more for me, Em,' said Sarah.

‘I'm not
Em
!' said Vita, amazed. ‘I'm Vita!'

‘Whatever,' said Sarah.

She didn't seem to care. She was acting as if we
were three mangy mongrels making a mess in her flat. She couldn't be bothered working out which was which. She obviously just wanted us out again as soon as possible.

‘Off you go and have your bath then, Em,' said Dad. ‘Try not to use too much hot water, sweetheart, if Sarah wants a bath afterwards.'

I ran a
minute
bath, barely a couple of centimetres of hot water, peeled off my clothes and then clambered in. I felt like a big pink hippo trying to wallow in a small puddle. I washed as quickly as I could. I had to borrow a flannel. I hoped it was Dad's. It was weird seeing his toothbrush, his razor, his special black hairbrush on the windowsill. Sarah's eye make-up and black hair dye and funny cakes of soap with bits of petal stuck inside them were scattered all over the place. Her purple and black stripy tights dangled above me from a line across the bath. Her underwear hung there too, but I was trying hard not to look at the horrible wispy things.

I got out and inspected the towels dubiously. None of them looked very clean. The bathroom floor was all bitty too. It didn't look as if Sarah ever bothered to vacuum. I thought of Mum rushing around with her hoover every morning because she had to keep our part of the house pin-neat. Gran always expected everywhere to be spick and span.

I hastily rubbed myself dry and pulled on my own knickers and jeans and socks and shoes. I couldn't put my Miss Kitty nightie back on because it was all sicky round the neck. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go back into the main room half dressed.

Vita tapped on the door. ‘Em, let me in.'

She was holding a black jumper and a denim jacket. ‘They're
hers
,' she said. ‘She says she needs them back again.'

‘What does she think I'm going to do, keep them?' I hissed. ‘I
hate
having to wear her horrid clothes.'

I pulled on the black jumper. Sarah was a grown-up and I was still a child but the jumper was skin-tight on me. I knew it showed off all my plump bits. I covered it up quickly with the denim jacket. Even that was way on the skimpy side.

I felt my eyes filling with tears. I blinked quickly, hoping Vita wouldn't see me being such a baby.

Vita did see, but she surprised me. She reached up on tiptoe and put her arms round me. ‘It's all right, you look OK, Em,' she whispered.

I plucked at the tight jumper. ‘How can she be so little when she's grown up? Vita, do you think she's pretty? Prettier than Mum?'

Vita shook her head so hard her neck clicked. ‘No, I think she's
horrible
.'

‘Ssh!'

‘I don't care if she hears. What is Dad
doing
with her?'

I didn't have a clue. I went back into the main room, standing there self-consciously.

‘Wow! You look fantastic, Em,' said Dad. Then he looked past me, at Sarah. ‘OK, babe, your bath time now. Then we'll all go out and get a bite to eat, right?'

It wasn't right. It was horribly wrong. Vita could barely wait until Sarah was in the bathroom.

‘We want it to be just
us
, Dad, you, me, Maxie and Em.'

‘Oh, come on, sweetie,' Dad said.

‘This is
our
day, Dad, specially for us,' said Vita.

‘Can't it be for all of us?' said Dad, tickling Vita under the chin to try to make her smile.

Vita glared back at Dad, her pointy chin stuck in the air. ‘No, it can't!' she said. She clenched her fists and gave him a pretend punch.

‘No, it can't!' Maxie copied, hitting out at Dad too. He didn't know how to pretend and hit Dad hard.

‘Hey, hey!' Dad's voice went suddenly cold and cross.

Vita and Maxie stared at him, shocked. Dad didn't ever get cross.

‘Now stop behaving like silly babies, the pair of you. I've been longing for you to meet Sarah and this is the perfect opportunity. She's very special to me.'

‘She can't be
that
special, Dad. You've only been with her since Christmas,' I said.

‘I've known Sarah for six months, Em,' Dad said quietly.

‘You've known Mum years and years and years,' I said.

Dad sighed. ‘I thought you'd understand, Em. Now come on, all of you, let's lighten up. Stop pouting at me, Vita. Maxie, don't you dare cry. I know you're all going to love Sarah when you get to know her.'

We didn't get to love Sarah. We loathed her.

We didn't get to go to McDonald's. We went to this posh Italian restaurant. Dad insisted on ordering a plate of spaghetti each for Vita and Maxie though I knew they wouldn't eat it all. Sarah didn't eat much of hers either, though she messed around with it a great deal, twirling bits round and round her fork and sucking up strands like a little kid. Dad laughed at her, but when I copied he told me to stop messing around and eat properly.

‘Look, you've spilled spaghetti sauce all down Sarah's black sweater!' said Dad. ‘Em? I'm talking to you.'

I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't dare take my eyes off my plate in case I burst out crying. Dad didn't seem to understand how much he'd
upset me. He went back to chatting with Sarah. She snuggled right up to him and whispered in his ear. They were like two hateful kids at school ganging up on us.

I stared at my spaghetti until it blurred into wriggling orange worms. I twisted my emerald ring round and round my finger under the table. I wanted to twist it right off and drop it on the dirty floor. I decided I couldn't stand Dad any more.

We went for a walk in a park afterwards. It was cold and drizzling and I shivered in Sarah's skimpy jacket.

‘Oh poor Princess Emerald, you've been fated to be frozen all day,' said Dad, and he wrapped his arms round me.

I held myself stiffly but he wouldn't give up. ‘Let's thaw you out, my lovely,' he said, cuddling me close. Then he put his hands under my arms and whirled me round and round. Dad's slim and I'm shamefully big but he treated me like I was as light as a feather.

Then he held my hand and started telling me about Princess Emerald in Glacier Land. It seemed so real it truly felt as if we were wrapped in rich furs, gliding over shiny white ice, with polar bears lumbering past, seals barking and waving their flippers, and penguins sliding comically on their tummies down the icy slopes into the black sea. My
heart melted in this freezing fantasy land and in two minutes I loved Dad so much I was willing to forgive him anything.

I even tried to be polite to Sarah. She didn't try to be polite to any of us. She walked along hunched up, her arms wrapped tight round her chest. Maxie tried to run after some ducks and tripped and fell headlong. Sarah didn't unwrap her arms even then. She simply stood still, waiting for someone else to pick him up and comfort him.

Dad mopped him up and then gave him a piggyback. Vita stalked along by herself, muttering to Dancer.

I tried to walk in step with Sarah.

‘So where did you meet my dad?' I asked.

‘Oh, around,' said Sarah, infuriatingly vague.

‘Do you work at the Palace?'

‘No, no.'

‘So what work do you do?'

‘I'm an actress.'

‘So what have you been in?'

‘This and that.'

I nodded. Dad usually said that too. It meant nothing very much at all recently.

‘Vita wants to be an actress,' I said.

Vita heard and gave a little twirl.

‘Yes, she would,' said Sarah. ‘Do you want to be an actress too?'

I wondered if she was mocking me. ‘I don't know what I want to be,' I said.

‘Well, what are you good at?' said Sarah.

I thought hard. I started to panic. I wasn't really good at anything. I could make up stories but that didn't really count. My stories weren't anywhere near as good as Dad's, anyway. I liked colouring in my books but I was rubbish at drawing my own people. I liked dancing when I was all by myself but I'd never been taught. I'd have died if I'd had to wear one of those skimpy little leotards.

‘I'm not good at anything,' I said, sighing.

‘Yes, you are. Em's good at looking after us,' said Vita, glancing over her shoulder.

Sarah didn't look impressed. ‘Do you
like
looking after people?' she said.

I thought about it. I wasn't really that good at it. I wished I could
really
look after everyone. I'd give Vita a starring part in a TV programme. I'd stop Maxie being so scared of everything and make all the little kids who teased him want him as their best friend. I'd make Dad a Hollywood movie star, though he'd fly back home to us in his own personal jet every weekend. I'd give Mum her own hairdressing salon and she could develop her own range of Julie haircare products.

‘Hello?' said Sarah rudely, waving her hand in front of my face.

‘Goodbye!' I said.

I dodged past her, caught hold of Vita's hand, and we ran together. Maxie left Dad and clutched my other hand. We all three ran like crazy people, yelling at the tops of our voices.

We ran and ran and ran, along the gravel path and round the pond and right up the hill. I thought Dad would get scared and come rushing after us. I waited for him to start shouting our names.

There were no thudding footsteps, no calls.

When we were almost at the top of the hill Maxie stumbled and fell over again. He lay there, panting. Vita stopped too, clutching her side, her face scarlet. I turned round, the blood drumming so hard in my head there was a red mist in front of my eyes. I blinked. I saw Dad far away below us, a little doll's house father. He had his arms round Sarah. He was kissing her. It wasn't the sort of kiss he gave Mum. It was a real filmstar kiss.

‘Yuck!' said Vita.

‘Yuck yuck yuck,' said Maxie, sitting up. Then he saw what we were looking at. His bottom lip stuck out. ‘Why is Dad kissing that lady?' he said.

I swallowed. ‘Because he likes her.'

‘Well, we
don't
,' said Vita. ‘And now we don't like Dad either. We want to go home.'

‘We want to go home,' Maxie echoed.

I wanted to go home too. I hated this cold bleak stupid park.

We walked back down the hill holding hands. They were
still
kissing when we got right down to the bottom.

‘He looks like he's eating her, yuck yuck
yuck
,' said Vita. ‘Let's creep up on them and give them a big push right into the duckpond.'

We all laughed in a weird high-pitched way.

‘Let's do it now,' Vita urged.

I didn't know if she was serious or not. I didn't care. I was suddenly overwhelmed by this image of Dad and Sarah shrieking and splashing. I saw Sarah dripping with green slime, ugly and ridiculous.

‘We'll run at them,' I whispered.

But at that moment Dad spotted us. They broke apart. Sarah laughed at our faces. Dad smiled anxiously.