Clean Break (5 page)

‘My million-dollar mum,' I said.

‘Oh, Em, you're the sweetest, weirdest kid,' said Mum, her face crumpling.

‘Don't cry again, you'll mess up all your makeup!'

‘OK, OK, I'm not crying,' said Mum, blinking like crazy.

We walked downstairs hand in hand. Gran came out into the hall holding a tea towel.

‘God, you're going to beg him to stay, aren't you?' she said. ‘You'll never learn, Julie. After the way he's treated you! He needs strangling.' She twisted the tea towel violently, as if it was Dad's neck.

Mum took no notice. She took a deep breath. She held it for a long moment, her chest high, her lips clamped together. Then she breathed out and walked into the living room. Dad looked anxious as she swayed towards him in her silver sandals. Vita sat up straight, Dancer hanging limply from her arm. Maxie jammed his thumb in his mouth and hunched up very small, as if he was trying to make himself invisible.

‘Hello, darlings,' Mum said, brightly and bravely. She stretched and yawned, acting like she'd just woken up. ‘Mm, I had a lovely nap. Shall we see what's on telly now?'

She wasn't really kidding anyone, not even Maxie, but we all acted like we hadn't heard any of the shouting and sobbing.

Dad gently pushed Vita along the sofa and patted
the cushion. ‘Come and sit down, babe,' he said gently.

Mum sat beside him. Vita, Maxie and I arranged ourselves round them. Gran sat sniffing and sighing in her chair opposite. We watched all the Christmas specials on the television and whenever there was a funny bit we all laughed a little too hilariously. Maxie snorted so much that he gave himself hiccups.

‘You're getting over-tired, young man. Time you were in bed,' said Gran.

‘No no no!' Maxie squealed.

‘Yes yes yes!' said Dad. ‘Hey, Maxie, Dancer wants to tell you about her reindeer house back in Lapland. You'll never guess what sort of bed she has.'

Maxie let Dad carry him upstairs. Vita started clamouring, so Dad carried her on his other arm. I watched, wishing I could whittle myself down to pocket size so I could cling to Dad like a little monkey too. I clumped along behind them instead.

Dad invented an entire Lapland saga, telling us about the baby reindeer nurseries with their green mossy cots with swan's-down quilts, and then describing reindeer school, where they had lessons in dancing, trotting, galloping, and special flying instruction for advanced and extra-talented reindeer.

Maxie fell asleep first. Dad tucked him under his own blankets and ruffled his dark tufty hair. Vita allowed herself to be tucked up too, but was clearly willing herself to stay awake, her forehead furrowed with the effort of keeping her eyes wide open. But eventually she gave a little sigh, clasped Dancer to her chest, and fell asleep too.

Dad wriggled his hand free of the glove puppet and patted Vita gently on her bony shoulder. She'd refused to put on her own Barbie pyjamas and was wearing one of Mum's little black nightie tops. We'd argued over which one of us would wear it when Mum broke one of the straps and donated it to our dressing-up box. I won, but when I tried it on Vita laughed cruelly and said I looked like one of the hippos in her Disney video. I shoved her hard in the chest and said she was just jealous, but I let her commandeer the little black nightie after that. Vita looked wonderful in it, like a little midnight fairy.

‘My girlie,' Dad whispered, and he kissed her high forehead.

The room seemed very quiet. Dad smiled at me, not quite meeting my eyes.

‘Into bed, Princess Emerald,' he said.

‘Dad?'

‘Now come on, darling, it's way past your bed time.'

‘Dad, promise you'll stay?'

Dad screwed up his face for a moment. Then he stood up, seized my hand and kissed my ring. ‘Your wish is my command, Princess Emerald,' he said. ‘Now stop looking so worried and hip-hop into bed.'

Dad started a hip-hop little song about Princess Em and her magic ring, bling bling. I sang along too. I even danced round the bed, but when Dad tried to tuck the duvet under my chin I flung my arms round his neck.

‘Hey, hey, you're throttling me!' Dad joked.

‘Dad, you do promise, don't you?'

‘Play another tune, Princess,' said Dad. ‘I said that your wish is my command, don't you remember?'

‘You didn't actually
say
you promised. Say it, Dad.
Please
say it.'

‘OK, OK. I promise.'

‘You promise you'll stay for ever?'

‘I promise I'll stay for ever,' he said. ‘Now give me a kiss night-night. You never know, you might just transform me from a loathsome toad into a handsome prince.'

‘You're a handsome prince already, silly,' I said, kissing him.

I was wrong. He was a total toad.

I woke early, my heart beating fast. I slid out of
bed and crept across the carpet, not wanting to wake Vita or Maxie. I padded down the hall. I listened outside Mum and Dad's door. I heard muffled sobs. I ran into the bedroom. Mum was sitting on the edge of the bed, rocking backwards and forwards, her hands tugging her hair.

Dad had broken his promise. He'd gone already.

DAD LEFT ME
a note. I can't quite remember what it said. Something about not wanting to upset me. He'd drawn a little toad where he signed his name. He'd even taken the trouble to colour it with Maxie's new felt tips.

I didn't want the others to see it. I smoothed it out carefully and tucked it underneath my jumper, next to my heart. The paper tickled a little but I didn't mind.

When I was helping Gran mash the potatoes for our cold turkey lunch she suddenly cocked her head on one side.

‘What's that crackling, Em?' she asked.

‘Nothing,' I said quickly, mashing harder.

‘You've got something stuffed down your jumper! For heaven's sake, you're not padding your vest
with tissues and pretending you've got breasts, are you?'

‘No!' I said, folding my arms across my chest and blushing violently.

‘Don't be so
daft
, Em,' said Gran, her fingers scrabbling under my jumper.

‘Don't! Get off me!' I said.

I couldn't stop her. She felt the letter. It tore right across as she dragged it free.

‘My letter! Now look what you've done,' I shouted. ‘You've torn it.'

Gran was holding the letter at arm's length, as if it was dripping with something disgusting. ‘I'm glad I've torn it!' She said. ‘I'm going to tear it into tiny shreds.' She tore and tore, little particles of paper flying everywhere.

I couldn't grab it back in time. I watched, weeping.

‘You can stop that silly noise too. We've had enough weeping and wailing going on, enough tears to sink the
Titanic
. If you ask me I think you should be shedding tears of joy to be rid of that two-timing conniving Mr Smoothie. I never liked him right from the day your mother brought him home. I said as much too, but she didn't listen to me. She never does. No one in this house ever listens to what I say.'

I put my hands over my ears to show her I wasn't
listening either. I certainly wasn't going to help her mash the potatoes. It didn't matter anyway. None of us ate much lunch. Even Vita turned up her nose at potatoes. She didn't eat anything at all. Maxie just had pudding. Mum drank a whole bottle of wine but had nothing to eat.

I said I wasn't hungry either and went without. Then halfway through the long long afternoon I crept into the kitchen and started pulling little shreds off the turkey. Once I'd started I couldn't stop. I tore at the turkey, tearing off great strips, so hungry I wanted to gnaw at it like a dog.

I heard footsteps and leaped back, guiltily wiping my greasy hands on my skirt, waiting for Gran to give me another lecture on my greediness. It wasn't Gran, thank goodness, it was Vita. She had Dancer on her hand, the brown fur reaching all the way up her bony little arm almost to her armpit.

‘Hi, you,' I said, tearing off another piece of turkey.

Vita's eyes widened. ‘Gran will go bananas if she sees you doing that!'

‘I don't care. I hate Gran,' I said fiercely.

Vita blinked. Then she wiped her nose with one of Dancer's antlers. ‘I hate her too,' she said.

‘No you don't,' I said. ‘You like her heaps. You're her favourite. She's always giving you treats and letting you get away with stuff, you know she is.'

‘She's horrid though. She says Dad's gone away
with another lady and he's not ever coming back. She's telling lies, isn't she, Em?'

‘What did Mum say?'

‘She just cried more and said she didn't know. She told me to go away because she's got an awful headache. Maxie says he's got a headache too. He's mad, he's gone to bed and it's only the afternoon. It's gone all weird and horrid and upside down. Gran told me to play a game but I want to play games with
Dad
.' Tears started dribbling down Vita's cheeks. ‘Em,
is
he coming back?'

‘Of course he is. In a bit. He wouldn't go away for good without telling us. He's
got
to come back to see us. Even
my
dad came back to see me when I was little before Mum told him to get lost.'

‘I can't remember your dad,' said Vita.

‘I can't remember him either,' I said. It wasn't quite true. I still had nightmares about him. I shivered, and stuffed more turkey in my mouth.

Vita looked at me. ‘Our dad won't go scary like yours, will he?' she asked.

‘No, of course not, Vita. Dad couldn't
ever
be scary, you know that.'

‘And he will come back?' Vita said, Dancer drooping down her arm.

I wiped my hands properly and then commandeered Dancer, fitting her over my fist.

‘Hello, Princess Vita,' I made her say, copying
Dad's voice for her, all funny and fruity. ‘Now listen here, my dear, no one knows your dad better than I do. I say he's absolutely definitely coming back.'

‘Now? Today?'

‘Maybe not today.'

‘Tomorrow?'

‘Mm, perhaps. Oooh, just look at that scrumptious plate of turkey! I'm feeling very peckish, Princess Vita. Hint hint!'

Vita laughed and pretended to feed her, but she wouldn't be distracted. ‘Dad will come back
soon
, won't he?'

‘Yes, yes, my dear, Dad won't let us down. He'll come back as soon as he can. Tell you what, let's use a little turkey magic.' I made Dancer circle the turkey plate, prancing round and round, while I pulled more meat off with my free hand.

‘I don't want to eat any turkey,' said Vita.

‘No, no, I'm just looking for— Aha!' I scrabbled away at the turkey, tugging at a little twig of bone. I wriggled it free and then gave it to Dancer. She held it out triumphantly.

‘What have I found, Princess Vita?' said Dancer.

‘A bone?' said Vita doubtfully.

‘A
wish
bone! You take one end, hooking your little finger round it, OK? Princess Emerald will take hold of the other end. Then when I say so,
you both pull, and the Princess who gets the longest piece of bone has a magic wish.'

‘That's not fair!' wailed Vita, poking Dancer as if she was a real person. ‘Em's bigger and stronger than me so she'll get the turkey wish.'

‘What will she wish for, Princess Poke-and-Prod?' said Dancer.

Vita thought about it. ‘Ah!' she said. ‘But I still wish
I
could do the wishing.'

‘That's one wish wasted already,' said Dancer. ‘Now quit prodding me, missy, or I'll stick my antlers up your nose.'

Vita started giggling.

‘Come on, Vita, pull the wishbone,' I said, thrusting it at her.

She pulled. I pulled. I twisted the wishbone a little, applying more pressure. I knew we were going to wish identical wishes but I was just like Vita.
I
wanted to make the wish.

The wishbone shattered. Vita was left holding a tiny stump. I had almost the whole V-shaped bone in my hand.

‘Ooh!' said Vita. ‘Go on, then, Em. Wish. Wish it
hard
.'

I hung onto the wishbone, and shut my eyes. I wished for Dad to come back. I wished it so fiercely I felt my head would burst. I wished and wished and wished.

‘Em, you've gone purple,' said Vita.

I opened my eyes and breathed out, exhausted.

‘Will it come true?' said Vita, glancing at the door, expecting Dad to bound in right that minute.

‘It
will
come true, but maybe not for a little while,' I said.

Vita sighed. She looked at Dancer. ‘Can't
you
make it come true, as quick as quick?' she said.

I found I was looking at Dancer too, even though my own hand was up inside her. She nodded her head. She shook her head. Nod, shake, nod, shake.