Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1) (7 page)

Great. They were coming over. I shrugged, not really able to say no. Lizzie and Ella hollered and waved at them to join us.

“Hang on. So, that’s
the
Nathan and
the
Martin?” Ella whispered as they made their way over.

Lizzie giggled as my face glowed so hot I could probably fry an egg on my cheek.

“Indeed. Melissa thinks there’s no men out there for her, yet, we’re just about to meet two that have an interest in her in one way or another.”

I kicked Lizzie under the table as the boys grabbed a seat and sat down.

“Hello, girls,” Charlie greeted, nodding at the others and ignoring me. “These are my friends, Martin and Nathan.”

As the ladies introduced themselves, I tried my hardest not to look at Nathan. My gaze connected to Martin. I smiled quickly before looking away. I fought desperately to stop myself from laughing, but I couldn’t help it. The situation was too funny.

“Why are you laughing?” Charlie asked.

I looked to my friends for help. Lizzie giggled to herself and Ella was completely composed. Like always.

“We have a bit of news, Charlie. We went to that audition today.”

Charlie finished his mouthful of beer and nodded quickly. “Oh yeah, how did that go?” He looked at me pointedly, his eyebrows raised.

“We got through!” Lizzie exclaimed.

Charlie’s chin almost hit the floor which made me laugh harder. I sat back in my seat and accidentally looked towards Nathan. He watched me closely, his eyes studying me as I laughed. When he saw me looking at him, he smiled slightly. I could hear his brain ticking. He had seen me naked. Not only accidentally, but intentionally, too.

“You are joking me?” Charlie thumped the table to express his disbelief.

Ella finally cracked a smile when she saw how shocked my brother was. Maybe they could see why I had been so resistant about going on the tour. People would find it unbelievable.

“That’s really great,” Charlie said, getting up from his chair and reaching over to hug me.

My laughter halted abruptly as my brother showed me affection. It was unusual for him to support me, let alone in something like this.

“So, what’s the next phase?” Martin asked.

I looked at him, but he was speaking to Ella. I was pleased that his interest in me had passed. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about my brother. I glanced at Nathan, wondering if he also eyed up my friends. He didn’t. He watched me.

“We’re on the tour.” Ella leant forward, getting closer to Martin. Did she find him interesting?

“Mum’s going to go mad.” Charlie downed the rest of his pint and stood to get another. He had always been a binge drinker. Even though he was in his mid-twenties, he wouldn’t change any time soon.

“I’m not sure I’m going to do it yet,” I said, handing him my glass so he knew that he had to get me a drink too.

Nathan sat forward suddenly. “You have to do it. Why wouldn’t you?”

The others fell silent before resuming their conversation. They had been chattering between themselves as Charlie took the list of drinks.

“We’re not amazing singers. Well, Lizzie’s good, but…”

Nathan’s broad shoulders went up as he rested his elbows on the table. “But they obviously liked you.”

He wouldn’t understand. I didn’t even understand.

“We would be the novelty act. You know, the ones that get laughed at the whole time.” I sat back in my seat as he scooted closer.

The scent of his aftershave hit me before I could move far enough away to avoid it. He raised his eyebrows when he noticed my movement. I closed my eyes briefly as I was taken back to the night when we ended up on my kitchen floor.

A pang in my chest reminded me of how I felt as I laid in the bath after.

“They don’t get laughed at. They just bring a bit of…spice…to the show. I think you’d be good at that,” Nathan whispered.

The others quietened down as they noticed how close we were.

Martin frowned as he got up to help Charlie.

“Don’t you think it’s a good idea?” Lizzie asked Nathan.

He glanced at her before he looked back at me. “Yes. Why not? It’s going to be a laugh, surely?”

Exactly. That’s exactly how I felt. Everyone would laugh. Did I really want that? I was a serious business person now. I wrote articles for a living. I wrote short stories for magazines. I helped others publish novels, too. Did I really want my work tainted by bad singing on a famous show that didn’t exactly promote my type of lifestyle?

“A laugh it may be, but it’s not who I am. I’ve never wanted to be a singer.”

I stood and gestured at Nathan to move out of the way. He sat back, raising his hands in surrender as I passed. “It’s a chance in a lifetime opportunity.”

Ignoring him, I made my way to the toilet. Disappearing around the corner towards the Ladies, I halted when a hand grabbed my arm from behind. I turned, expecting to see Nathan, but instead, Martin looked down at me.

“Martin. What’s up?” I tugged out of his grip as he grinned suddenly.

“I just wanted to say congratulations. I don’t think you should let your fears get the better of you. You never know what could happen if you went along with this.”

I bent my neck back as I looked up at him. His soft eyes were nowhere near as intense as the man I’d left at the table. Martin was softer than Nathan. Nowhere near as broad, but still well-toned.

“Maybe I will. I don’t know, yet. I haven’t decided. How about Ella, then?” My distraction attempt didn’t work. Martin reached out and cupped my cheek.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

Martin smiled sweetly before he pulled his hand away. He took a step back and cleared his throat. Nodding once, he turned and left me. What had come over him? Did he have some sort of weird crush on his best friend’s sister? Or, was he just trying to be nice?

“What’s taking you so long?” Lizzie asked as she came into the hallway and saw me standing there.

I threw my hands in the air as a groan escaped my mouth. What was going on with my life? The man I couldn’t resist was completely emotionally unavailable. And apparently my brother’s best friend had thing for me. Why couldn’t I attract a nice man that wanted me? One that was suitable.

“You’re being really odd today.” Lizzie dragged me into the toilets and pushed me towards the cubicle.

I let her lead me. Apparently I needed a nursemaid. Someone to talk some sense into me. Maybe I was in a constant dream. If that was the case, I needed to wake up very soon.

“When did Charlie get so… grown up?”

I flushed the chain and came out of the toilet, hoping that I had heard my friend wrong. Just…no. The thought of Charlie and Lizzie together wasn’t something I wanted to picture in my mind.

“I think I better go home,” I said, running my hands under the tap and shaking them dry.

Lizzie made a disappointed sound in her throat. She linked her arm in mine and led us back to the table. Nathan watched as we approached. Martin and Ella were deep in conversation about something I didn’t understand. Politics, or religion, or something. Charlie spoke to Nathan, but his friend wasn’t really paying any attention.

“I forgot my bag.” I spun out of Lizzie’s grip and made my way back to the toilet.

When I went inside, I paused in front of the mirror and looked closely at my reflection. Black eye-liner lined the top of my eyelids. The mascara made my lashes reach up to my eyebrows. My cheeks were red. A permanent new colour for my complexion.

The main door to the toilet opened. I didn’t look to see who it was as I ran my fingers through my wavy hair to try and make it look a little less fuzzy.

The footsteps were heavier than a woman’s. I paused and looked away from my reflection to the person who moved into the reflection behind me. The intense dark blue eyes met mine in the mirror before Nathan stepped closer. I swallowed as he pressed his body into my back, moved my hair away from my neck, and leant down to kiss my skin.

“What are you doing?” I whispered as my heartbeat increased rapidly.

Nathan didn’t say anything as he moved his lips up to my ear and nibbled. His arm came around my waist and pulled my butt tight against his crotch. My eyes fell shut, but as his lips left my neck, they flew open again.

“No! I’m not someone you can just pick up when you want.”

He let go of me abruptly as if I had burnt him. His eyebrows pulled low. Slowly retreating, he didn’t say anything.

“Are you going to leave?” I asked.

His feet stopped moving as he regarded me. His eyes narrowed as he watched me straighten my top.

I wanted him. He was gorgeous and everything any woman would want. But I needed more. He had no right to grab me whenever he felt like it. Not when he only wanted sex.

“Why don’t you ask me on a date? We can start with that.”

He shook his head slowly, going to turn away. I moved forward and grabbed his bicep, impressed by how my hand only managed to grip a small part of his muscle. Shaking myself, I tried not to smile as he looked down at me. So what if he was a muscly man? So what if he could pick me up and do me against the door? So what if he could…

Okay, I had to stop imagining what he could do to me.

“What’s so wrong with that? Do you only want one thing from me?”

Nathan sighed as he ran a hand over his face. “I like the chase. I like that you had me guessing when I left your flat. I’m not sure that a date would be…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

“I completely agree.” I pushed past him and stumbled through the door into the hallway. He didn’t follow me as I made my way back to the table. Saying goodbye to everyone, I left the pub.

He was a player. A young one at that. Why had I made such a fool of myself by suggesting a date? Nathan could have many dates with beautiful young women. It was time I found someone my own age, but first, I had to get my head around my new career as a singing novelty act.

Chapter Seven

Nathan

When Melissa stumbled out of the door, I resisted the urge to try and help. What was it about her that made me want to rescue her? She was a bit insane but in a good way. She hated the way she looked, which was a shame, because she was naturally stunning. I was so used to high maintenance type girls throwing themselves at me. It made a nice change to flirt with someone who didn’t plaster makeup on their face.

Why had I been so rude about having a date with her? What a stupid thing to do.

Going over to the mirror, I smoothed my cropped hair. Not that it could get messed up, it was too short.

Ever since I had seen her completely helpless and trapped in her bra, I had wanted to know her. Not in the way that she’d hoped. I couldn’t give her that.

The door banged open and a female patron came charging in. She stopped when she saw me leaning against the sink. I smiled. Her mouth dropped open as she stood, staring.

When I went to move past her, she reached out as if to touch my chest. Her bright red lips curved up into a grin as her painted nails almost made contact. I skipped around her and exited the room before she could say anything. What gave her the right to touch me? Just because I was a bloke, didn’t mean I wanted female attention all the time.

“There you are!” Charlie called as I joined them again. “Lizzie was just telling me about your night out with them a couple of weeks ago. You didn’t tell me you had met my sister.”

I threw a glance at the girls before shrugging my shoulders and sitting back down. “I didn’t realise she was your sister.”

It was the truth. It wasn’t until we had walked into the bar, and Charlie had mentioned that his sister was sitting at the table, that I’d realised. I wasn’t going to let him know that I’d had sex with his sister on her kitchen floor. It was good sex, too. Easy and pleasing.

I had followed Melissa into the toilet to try and get a repeat performance. It was unfortunate that she didn’t feel the same way. We would have made good friends. Friends with benefits, anyway.

“It was a good night,” Lizzie said, staring pointedly at me.

I nodded, knowing exactly what she talked about. I wasn’t naive enough to believe that women didn’t talk. No women in my life had ever kept secrets. Why would any new woman I met not talk about me to her friends?

“When do you start the tour?” Martin asked the girls.

Wiping the condensation off my pint glass, I downed the last mouthful. For some reason, the excitement I had felt when I walked in the door, had disappeared. Ella and Lizzie were nice girls, but I liked Melissa’s humour. She made me smile.

“Well, it depends if Melissa will do it. She really doesn’t want to. Maybe you could persuade her, Charlie,” Ella said.

Martin offered to get more drinks. I shook my head when he raised an eyebrow at me. There was no point in getting drunk when all I wanted to do was to go round to Melissa’s flat and repeat the same sexual act as a few weeks before. I couldn’t, though. She hated me enough as it was.

“I will certainly try. You know what she’s like. She’s a serious writer. I can see why she wouldn’t want to be associated with the show. But then, she was the one who signed you lot up for it.”

Ella and Lizzie nodded at the same time. It was funny to see two friends in lieu with one another against their other friend. Females could be fickle, but I understood why. Especially if Lizzie did enjoy singing. It was certainly an opportunity for them. An opportunity I personally would never give up.

“Have you thought about asking her what’s really wrong?” I butted in.

Charlie shrugged, dismissing my input. The girls looked at their hands where they rested on the table. The answer was obviously no.

“Maybe if you asked her why she has such a problem with it, you might be able to understand. If she’s a reputable writer, surely you should respect that she doesn’t want to put her career in jeopardy.” I stood up, ready to leave. They stared at me. I had said too much.

“Where are you going? You’re right. No need to get all defensive.” Charlie playfully punched my thigh, rubbing his knuckles when he pulled away. “God, man. You really are rock solid.”

Lizzie and Ella giggled as I smiled down at them. At least Charlie had broken the tension by taking the focus away from my outburst. The last thing I needed was for him to find out what had happened between me and his sister. He would never forgive me.

When we had met in college a few years before, we had instantly become drinking buddies. He had always told me how proper his mother was, so I had promised never to meet her. I hadn’t exactly been a good influence on Charlie when we were younger. I was older now, not worried about alcohol. Charlie still pestered me to go on drink binges with him occasionally.

“I’m heading off. Got an early morning.” My usual leaving banter worked with everyone. Not just the ladies.

They all waved goodbye as I left the pub, except Martin; he was at the bar, waiting for a drink. He pretended that he didn’t see me go, but he watched me out of the corner of his eye. Maybe he felt the tension between Melissa and myself. Maybe he would get defensive about how Charlie would feel if he knew. He hadn’t been back in the country for long and we had never been best buddies.

My legs defied my brain. They carried me towards Melissa’s flat. She probably wouldn’t even answer the door, but something made me keep going. The streets were dark. The lamps were few and far between, but cars lit the way as I made my way down Melissa’s road. It wasn’t too far from the pub. The town was quite small on the edge of the city.

The entryway was cold as I knocked on her door. I rubbed my hands together, unsure that she would open it. When she did, it was only a crack. Her dark brown eye looked at me through the gap.

“What are you doing here?” She huffed, not opening the door.

I shrugged, unable to answer her question. “I’m not quite sure. Can I come in?”

She didn’t reply. Instead, the door creaked open, and she stepped back.

Something moved in the depths of her eyes as I went to pass. Instead of moving further into the flat, I stayed next to her. I didn’t want love. Not from anyone.

“Well, are you going to come in?” She put her hands on her hips, the tips of her fingers digging into the flesh there. There was something about her curves that made me want to pick her up and throw her onto the bed. Not that I could see the bed from where I was. Not that I wanted to either. I didn’t want her to get the wrong impression.

“I’m not sure this is such good idea. I just wanted to apologise for being an idiot at the pub.” I clicked my knuckles as she watched me.

“Apology accepted. Now, if that’s all you wanted to say, I’m really tired. It’s been a long day.” She gestured with her hand for me to leave.

I didn’t know the woman. However, she was good at hot and cold. I could tell she wanted me. The subtle lick of her lips was a sure sign that she wanted me to take her. I wouldn’t, though. It wouldn’t be fair.

“Are you sure you want me to go?” I wouldn’t take her if she didn’t want me to. That wouldn’t be fair. On the other hand, it would be fair if she changed her mind and was happy just to have sex.

“Nathan, I don’t do games well. If you’re here for a shag, then, as flattered as I am, you need to leave. If you’re here for a cup of tea, put the bloody kettle on, and make me one. If you are here for anything else, I no longer care.”

She walked through the entryway and into her living room. The door stood open, offering my freedom. I was stuck. One foot wanted to move towards her, one foot went to move away. A cup of tea. I could do with a cup of tea.

Pushing the door closed, I went into the kitchen and switched the kettle on. A grin came to my face as I remembered the last time I was in that room. It was a shame we weren’t playing it out again.

“I’ll have two sugars,” Melissa shouted from the living room.

I never thought I would make a cup of tea for an older woman, instead of sleeping with her. My best friend’s sister. I would never live it down if he found out.

After stirring in the milk, I carried the mugs through the flat. Melissa lay on her sofa, her head cradled against the pillow on the arm.

“Surprised you bothered.” She pulled her legs up to allow me to sit.

I handed her the mug as she got comfortable. Why had I bothered?

“How are you feeling about the whole music thing?” I asked.

It was time to be serious, I could tell. As much as I wanted to rip her clothes off and sink deep inside her, I wouldn’t. I needed to be a gentleman. Making an effort with girls had never been my style. Maybe that was what it was. Melissa wasn’t a girl; she was a woman.

“I don’t really want to think about it. I did ask for some excitement in my life. I meant a fantastic writing career opportunity, or an amazing man who is ready for… Commitment…” She eyed me before looking back at the mute TV screen. “Relationship. You know, what most thirty year-olds want.”

“I wouldn’t know, I’m only twenty-five,” I replied, grinning when she kicked my thigh.

She sipped her tea, her hair falling forward. It was slightly wavy and dark brown, not unlike the colour of her eyes.

“I didn’t expect us to get through to the next round. I was mucking around when I signed us up. I was bloody drunk. And now, we’re going to be the laughing stock of Britain, and maybe even the world.”

I put my mug on a side table and leant forward. When she glanced at me, I pretended to play an invisible violin.

“Okay, okay. I get it. I just don’t know if it’s what I want,” she admitted.

Sitting back, I rested my ankle on my knee and took up my hot tea again.

“Do you ever wonder how you got to where you are in life? You think that by a certain age you’ll have things sorted. Yet, they don’t quite go to plan.” Her voice was small, almost inaudible.

“No. I’m just thankful I’m still alive.”  I wouldn’t go into details. She didn’t need to know my history. I didn’t want to know hers, either. It was all getting a bit too familiar.

“Why wouldn’t you be alive? Are you a bit of a daredevil?”

Melissa watched me. Her back was against the arm of the sofa and her knees were bent. Her toes were centimetres from my thigh. A part of me wanted her to stretch her legs out and rest them over me, but she didn’t. And I didn’t move.

“Some people have to try their hardest just to stay alive.” I took a gulp of my drink, cursing when the hot liquid burnt my tongue. Served me right for trying to ignore her probing.

“Have you struggled, Nathan?”

I barely heard her question. I would never answer it. “We’re not talking about me. I asked you about this singing thing. Will you do it?”

She sighed as she let her head fall back against the arm of the chair. “I don’t want to let my friends down. If it wasn’t for me, they wouldn’t even have this opportunity.” Her face screwed up as she heard what she’d said, her cheeks blushing red. “No, I didn’t mean it quite like that.”

“Yes, you did. You gave them an opportunity they would never have had otherwise. Don’t put yourself down for that.” I nudged her feet with my thigh.

“Okay. But I never dreamt that we would get through. I’m not sure what to do. I love my work and my name is attached to my work. If things go wrong, or our name gets dragged down, I could be ruined. Can you understand that?”

I leant my head against the back of the sofa, surprised at how comfortable I was as I sat speaking to my mate’s sister. It was easy. I didn’t have to think. I just knew what to say. It made a change.

“I understand that perfectly. We have to go after our dreams. We can’t let anyone get in our way. Maybe if you spoke to them… I don’t even know why I’m saying that. I have no idea what I’m talking about.” It was true. I wasn’t exactly the best friend a man could have. The whole time I had been sitting next to her, I had been fantasising about ripping the blanket off and crawling up her body. But I couldn’t do that.

“So… How long have you been single?”

The sudden change in topic made her sit up. Her thoughts would be racing, just the way I wanted. If I distracted her, she might stop questioning me.

“Quite a while,” she said, kicking the blanket so that it no longer covered her feet. She didn’t have any socks on. I reached down and ran a finger down the length of her big toe. Her eyes closed briefly and her breath deepened as I pushed my finger through her toes.

“I thought I made myself clear about this,” she muttered.

She was affected by me. Her cheeks glowed when I picked up her foot and put it in my lap. Massaging her heel, I glanced over.

“What? I’m just giving you a foot massage.” I was being naughty.

“Are you, now? Is this what they teach you in class or something?”

I stiffened, my hands going still. Her foot went rigid as she felt the change in me. Why was she so insistent on bringing up our age difference? I hadn’t been in school for years. Did she really see me as a boy instead of a man?

“See, we don’t want the same things. You might be wildly handsome, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to settle for sex.” Melissa tugged her foot out of my grasp. I let her go.