Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1) (16 page)

Grabbing my buttocks, he pulled me onto his face. He hadn’t touched me the whole time he had tasted, but he started to get carried away. Just how I liked it.

His tongue swirled around the small lump full of sensitive nerve endings. He moved away before his tongue pressed against my pussy opening, pulled up the length of me, and ended with a flick over my clit.

My legs shook so much, he had to hold me steady. He flicked his tongue around and around, up and over. The sensation started to build. Having nothing to hold on to, I grasped either side of his head. I crushed his ears to his skull, forgetting myself. It didn’t affect him, though, he just licked faster.

As the building sweet pressure started to increase, he ran a hand towards the crack of my buttock. His fingers lightly caressed down the inside, only just touching the skin there. It sent a searing shot of arousal into my pussy. His other hand slapped the soft padding of my arse as his tongue carried on its assault.

I gasped when his fingers travelled under me and pushed their way into my pussy from behind.

All it took was one hard squeeze on my hip, one thrust of his fingers inside me, and his tongue caressing my clitoris over and over and over, for the pleasure to spike. A gorgeous sensation travelled out from below, winging its way over my body as the wave crested, and I fell into orgasm.

My fingers dug into his head as I groaned and groaned. His own breathing was audible through the sounds I made. He liked getting me off.

“Wow,” I panted.

Nathan moved back. He put his hands over mine, linked our fingers, and pulled me away from his head. He didn’t stop there. Getting to his feet, he shook out his legs and raised my hands above my head.

“Are you sure you want this to end?” He smirked at me as he backed me up towards the wall.

“Everything happens in its own time.”

The frown on his forehead grew deeper as I pulled our arms down and released him. His eyebrows raised when I hooked my fingers in the belt loops on his jeans and turned him. It was my turn to take the lead.

I pushed him against the wall. Taking hold of his T-shirt, I pulled it over his head. For the first time, he let me.

“You want me naked?”

I ignored him as my gaze roamed over the hard muscles on his chest. Running a finger around his nipple, I smiled when his breath let out a low moan.

“Do you work out all the time?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Not all the time. I like my lazy days. But, I do like to keep in shape.”

Moving my hands lower, I traced the ridges of his six-pack. I had never been with a man who had such a firm body. They had always intimidated me.

“As you can tell, I never work out. It’s not my thing.” There was defensiveness in my voice.

Nathan put a finger over my mouth to stop me from speaking.

“I don’t care. I don’t want you for your perfectly toned body. I want you because you have a sexy squeezable body. Makes you womanly,” he whispered as his thumb traced my lips.

I dropped my gaze away from his eyes and watched my hands where they splayed over the muscles on his stomach. They slowly travelled down to the V at his hips. I traced the hard edge of the muscle from his side, down the front, towards the waist of his jeans.

“This is so sexy. Ordinary girls don’t go out with men that have these.”

Nathan’s deep chuckle made me reach forward and plant a kiss directly above his collarbone. He stopped laughing as his breath huffed out of his lungs.

The tips of my fingers flicked open the button of his jeans. He was about to get ready to move them away from his hips, but I stilled him. I was going to take my time to revel in his amazing body.

“If this is our last time, I’m going to make sure I touch every part of you.”

He hissed through his teeth as I cupped him, pressing his jeans into his cock.

“You’re such a contradiction. One minute you want me, the next you don’t, and then you tease me unlike any woman I’ve ever known. You have a naughty side. I want to see it.” His words were muttered into my ear. I ignored him.

He was right, I was a natural perv. No one had seen that part of me. Not fully.

It wasn’t that I wanted to do messed up sex acts, I just had a deep longing to be completely intimate with someone and experiment with what that could bring.

Stepping closer, I ran my hands back up his chest and around his neck. I pressed my breasts into him, forcing him against the wall.

“I do have a bit of a naughty side. I have no idea how naughty, but you know the deal…” I went on tiptoes and brought my mouth close to his. “…I only let those who want to get to know me see that part of me. No man has ever wanted to see that intensity. Including you.”

He shut me up by kissing me. I had expected as much. Grabbing my hair, he yanked it. My neck bent backwards as his head came down. He ran his lips over my collarbone, flicking gentle kisses across my skin.

“I think you’d scare me,” he whispered.

Using his free hand, he ran it up my side and caressed my tit. His tongue traced the length of my jaw before he let go of my hair and kissed me properly.

I tried to pull away to tease him, but he wouldn’t let me. He held my head in both hands, forcing me to allow him to kiss me. How had the power been switched so quickly? One minute he’d been in control, then I’d taken over, and somehow, he was back in control.

His hand swept down my body, caressing me in one long gentle stroke. He gently tugged the short hair on my pubic bone before burying his fingers inside me in one quick thrust. My pussy tightened around him, urging him to go deeper. I was ready for him.

The kiss deepened as his fingers went as far as they could. He moved them in a circle inside me, grazing against my inner walls. I struggled to breathe as I pulled air through my nose.

My eyes were closed, my brain was hazy, but somehow, Nathan managed to spin us so my back was against the wall. He had obviously decided that my statement was too much for him. He wasn’t going to let me have my way with him. By that point, I didn’t care. I needed him inside me.

“You’re so wet,” he whispered as he pulled away.

I grabbed him, afraid that he was going to leave me standing there. Instead, he undid his jeans and let them drop to the floor, along with his underwear. He bent to retrieve a condom and slowly pulled it over himself.

“I want you.”

My voice hitched when he grabbed the back of my thighs, under my buttocks, and lifted me. My arms wound around his neck automatically as he pressed my back against the wall and positioned himself right in front of me. I looked directly into his eyes. He stared at me intently, his gaze glassing over.

“You have me, right here,” he whispered.

Releasing one of my thighs, he somehow managed to hold me up with one hand. Taking hold of his cock, he guided it to my entrance.

“The last time,” I whispered as he thrust, managing to catch me before I fell. I gasped as the head of him plunged deep inside me.

“Yes.”

He didn’t say any more as he got his balance and started to move in and out of me. My back scrapped against the wall, but it only added to the friction. My fingers dug into the muscles of his back, my nails raking his skin. I held on as tight as I could as his hands supported me under my legs.

His thrusting hips made his pelvis rub against the sensitive part between my clitoris and pussy opening. My breath released from me as the pressure built in a way that I’d never felt before. He kept going, burying his face in my neck as a groan escaped me.

“You’ll miss this,” he managed to pant through his breath.

I could only nod. The feel of him inside me, rubbing against me, took me much higher than I had ever been. He moved his hand to pin my hip against the wall. The movement made him bury even deeper inside of me. He started to pound as his lips descended on mine. I inhaled as much air as possible. He took my breath away, like he always did.

Pulling back, I bit his bottom lip. “I know,” I eventually got out.

I opened my eyes. My heartbeat tripled and a bolt of desire shot down to my pussy as I saw that his eyes were open, too. We stared at each other as our bodies connected below. I moved in unison, meeting each of his thrusts as much as I could.

There was open vulnerability in Nathan’s eyes. It showed for a split second before something clamped down. He buried his head in my neck again, biting down on the skin, pumping with ferocity. His thrusts became faster and quicker, taking me up and up. My head fell back and my mouth opened as a cry escaped me.

The upward spiral of tingling that started at the point where his pelvis rubbed against the base of me, vibrated deep down into my core. When he bit into my shoulder again, the spiral reached its peak, and the gorgeous pulsing vibrations of erotic sensation made the walls of my pussy clench around him, over and over again.

His teeth left my shoulder as his mouth opened and a raw cry came out. His cock pulsed inside me as I clenched, massaging his orgasm from him. My mouth was stuck open as his final thrust sent his helmet as deep as it could go, hitting directly on my G spot. My whole body shuddered as my forehead dropped onto his shoulder.

When the orgasm subsided, I was surprised to find that Nathan shook against me. I stroked the back of his neck, too afraid to look at him.

“I’m going to miss that,” he whispered against my neck.

He moved back, letting his prick fall out of me. Releasing one leg, he gently lowered me until my feet hit the carpet. He avoided eye contact as he turned away and dealt with the condom.

My arms shook as I stood watching his back. The passion that had come over me was unlike anything. And he reflected the same feeling back. I was sure of it.

When he bent to pick up his jeans, I moved towards the chair. We dressed in silence, not daring to look each other. My top was still on which made it less intimate than it should have been.

“This is how it’s going to be?” I blurted.

He looked up from fastening his jeans. I gazed down at his hips to the muscly V that disappeared into the waistband. When his gaze met mine, I had to swallow back the tears that all of a sudden threatened to come to my eyes. Something in the way he looked at me made me want to cry. It was fierce, yet guarded.

“Let’s not ruin it. That was probably one of the best…”

“Fucks?” I couldn’t help it.

He blinked slowly as he looked away. Bending, he picked up his T-shirt and yanked it over his head. His movements were jerky, as if he wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. I dressed in silence, biting the inside of my lip in order not to blurt hateful things.

“I don’t want this to ruin our friendship,” he said suddenly.

He came over and put his arms around me. Cupping the back of my head, he pulled it to his chest. I sniffed his scent, regretting it the moment I did. He smelt so good.

“I’m not sure we had much of a friendship before we started this.” I wound my arms around him and squeezed tight. It was more reassurance for me than it was for him. “But I agree. I don’t want to be awkward, especially around my brother.”

The hug was warm, almost intimate. We had only met a month ago. He was already completely ingrained in me.

“Good.” He patted my back.

When I reached up and stroked his cheek, he pulled his head away. I had never known someone quite so averse to the touch of a woman. Other than during sex, of course.

“I know it’s only happened a few times, but I’m grateful for the time we’ve…” His sentence trailed off.

I shook my head. For some bizarre reason there was pain in the centre of my chest as we leant against each other. I needed it to end. I couldn’t be his sexual fix.

“Me too.” I went up on my tiptoes and left a soft kiss on his cheek.

When he went to open his mouth again, I put a finger on his lips to stop him. I didn’t want to be persuaded to be his friend with benefits. I didn’t want to be talked into one last time. Somehow, I cared far too much already.

I gave him my biggest smile, which made him grin back. My heart sped up as I stepped away and left him standing in the middle of the studio.

As the door was about to close, I glanced behind to see him tucking his hands into his pockets as he watched me leave.

Chapter Fourteen

Nathan

Melissa had blown me off. As I watched her back retreat out of the room, I resisted the temptation to call out to her. I could see it in her eyes and the way she looked at me. She longed for something that I couldn’t give her. I was lucky she hadn’t tried to delve deeper. To find out why I couldn’t have a relationship with her. She believed it was because I didn’t want one. Which was true. Yet, why was my heart actually beating with emotion?

Brushing a hand over the sharp spikes of hair on my head, I debated whether to ring Charlie. Then remembered I couldn’t. Charlie had been my ‘go to man’ when a woman got too close. Not that I often let women get that close.

The ring tone of my phone made me jump as it started to play. My best friend must’ve known I was thinking about him. His name popped up on the screen. Did I answer?

Could I speak to my best friend? Who happened to be the brother of the woman who had just walked out the room after we’d done naughty things?

He would never forgive me if he knew what had just happened between us. Not because he hated me or anything. Not because he didn’t think I was good enough. But because he knew what I was like. He knew how closed off I was. He had often been the shoulder that women cried on when I left them not long after they’d fallen for me. At twenty-five years old, I wasn’t proud of how many times I had done it.

“Hello, mate.”

There was no point ignoring him. He would only keep ringing, excited to know what was going on.

“How’s it going? Met any lovely ladies?” Charlie’s happy voice made me feel worse.

He was a friendly man, always looking out for others. Especially his sister.

“Many. Not that I’m interested,” I replied.

Charlie’s laugh told me that he didn’t believe me. Was I really that much of a player?

The answer was plain and simple. I preferred it when I had a regular friend with benefits. I didn’t like to flit around; it took too much effort.

“One day, mate, you’ll meet a woman who will blow your socks off. You won’t know what’s hit you. And I can’t wait until that day.”

I thought about Charlie’s words but quickly dismissed them. “You know that isn’t going to happen. It’s not possible.”

Glancing around at the studio equipment, I remembered why I was there. I had to get on with rehearsal. Sticking my head out of the door, I checked the hallway was clear before I made my way to the living area.

“Of course it’s possible. Don’t be so melodramatic. This is why you should be on the stage. You’re one of those artists that sing their misery all day and every day. You’d make a good drama queen,” Charlie said down the phone.

“Thanks, mate. I know a show of support when I see one.” Why had he rung me?

I hovered in the archway of the living area. A couple of the other contestants milled around. With shared bedrooms and nowhere to escape to, we couldn’t get any privacy in the house. I needed to be on my own to think.

My body still hummed from the after-effects of being with Melissa. Talking to Charlie was not helping.

“Sounds like the pressure’s getting to you.” Charlie was serious for once.

Clearing my throat, I went to the front door and yanked it open. I needed to clear my head.

“I’m fine. I’m about to rehearse so I really must get on.” I shut the phone down before he could answer.

I thought it was only women that could tune into what was wrong with you. Having my mate read into me was mildly irritating.

My feet sped me away from the house, leading me to a nearby park. I had noticed it when we had gone to the cafe the other day. There was only one day left until the performances. We would have to do an arena show in front of a live audience. I’d sung so much in the last week, I was surprised my voice still worked.

On the night of the arena tour, we would be judged by the audience in the crowd and at home. It was a new concept so the producers weren’t sure how smoothly everything would go.

Finding a bench, I plonked myself down on it. I should have felt elated after the orgasm that had just ripped through me. I should be relieved that Melissa had ended it before she got in deeper. Our situation could get ridiculously complicated. But that weird ache still rested in my chest.

I hardly knew the woman, why was I thinking about her? Why had she been on my mind constantly since the moment I had rescued her from a bra?

“Needed some air, too?” a voice interrupted my battling mind.

Lizzie approached, settling on the bench next to me. Melissa’s words came into my mind, and I wondered if she was mad. Lizzie was a nice girl, and very attractive, but there was no spark there.

In fact, I hadn’t been attracted to any woman since I had met Melissa. I would usually look at a woman and instantly know whether or not I wanted to bed her. If I did, I got to know them as a friend to see whether I would want to do it more than once. It was a pattern I wasn’t proud of.

“Yeah. I just need a bit of space.” Maybe she would take the hint.

Lizzie rested her hand on my thigh as she nodded her agreement. Without thinking, I kicked my leg up to dislodge it. Her mouth dropped open as she frowned up at me.

“I’m sorry. It’s just, I don’t feel that way…” I frowned at my unusual rejection. If a pretty girl like Lizzie came on to me, I rarely said no.

“Wait! Do you think I like you like that?” Her cheeks flared red as she moved back across the bench.

Shrugging, I ducked my head as my own cheeks heated. I hadn’t noticed if Lizzie had flirted with me before. It had only been Melissa’s insistence that we might be attracted to each other that made me question it.

“I know I can come across as flirty, but I know you’re involved with… Melissa.” She pulled a squinty face, obviously worried about my reaction to the news that Melissa had told her about us.

“Women always tell each other everything. I’ve known that for a while. I’m sorry for the mix-up. When Melissa told me that she thought you were attracted to me, and asked if I liked you, I was a bit-”

“What?” Lizzie stood, growling when she dropped her bag to the floor. “Melissa thinks I’m interested in you? And that you fancy me?”

Now it was my turn to cringe. I had properly just caused a rift between two good friends. I should have kept my mouth shut.

“What is it with her? It’s like she doesn’t believe that I would be attracted to her. Even though, as you know, I’ve shown her that I am. Why would she believe that you fancy me?” The words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them. It wasn’t like me to be so inquisitive, especially when it came to a woman.

“Melissa didn’t have the easiest of upbringings. I don’t know how much Charlie told you about her childhood, but it was very different to his. Maybe he doesn’t even know. Maybe you should ask.” Lizzie muttered the last part of the sentence as she lowered herself back to the bench. I frowned as she reached out and grabbed my shoulder. “But only if you actually care about her.”

“Charlie hardly ever spoke about Melissa. He always listened to me or we just got drunk. Men don’t open their hearts to each other. I heard good things about his mother and assumed he’d had a brilliant upbringing.” I conveniently ignored the bit about me caring for Melissa.

Lizzie looked into the distance, crossing her leg at the knee. “Melissa is an amazing girl. Woman, actually. She’s kind, talented, and a little bit weird. She’s never opened her heart to anyone, Nathan. And I’m not sure she ever will. If you care about her, at all, you’ll leave her alone. Not because of what I’ve told you…” She paused and looked straight at me. “…But because she deserves to be loved. If you can’t give her that, I’m not sure you’re the best person for her.”

I faced away as she tried to read my reaction. She was right to protect her friend. Melissa was an amazing woman. I had never stopped to think that there might be a reason she pushed me away. Other than the fact I made it clear that I didn’t want a relationship.

“You’re right. I promise to let her get on with her life.”

I wasn’t sure how easy it would be. For some reason, Melissa was in my thoughts more often than not. I could have any woman that tended to cross my path. That wasn’t me being big headed, it was genuine.

“She’s my best friend, other than Ella. I long for the day she meets a man who can sweep her off her feet without her forcing him to back away. She doesn’t see it. She thinks that there’s something wrong with her because men don’t want to have a relationship. When it’s actually her. She pushes them away before they have a chance to get near her. I’m surprised you managed to get so close. But then, she still hasn’t let you in. Your emotional unavailability has helped her to keep you at arm’s length. You believe it’s you that calls the shots, but you’re both as bad as each other.” Lizzie got to her feet and put her bag on her shoulder.

My gaze rested on my lap. I had to absorb Lizzie’s words before I could reply. I hadn’t seen it before. She was right, I did believe that I called the shots. I had persuaded her to sleep with me. Yet, if Melissa really wanted me to get close, she wouldn’t have had sex with me. She would have made sure I was worthy.

“You seem like a good man. I think Melissa will need some closure.”

I glanced up at her, squinting when the sun hit my eyes. “I think we’ve had that.”

Lizzie tilted her head to the side, waiting for an explanation I didn’t give.

“One day you’ll realise exactly what you’ve missed out on,” Lizzie said as she turned and walked away.

If Melissa was as messed up as I was, maybe it was best that we didn’t get involved. Everything had become complicated so quickly. We’d only had sex three times. We had only known each other a month. Yet… Something about her had got under my skin. What was her mystery?

The more I thought about it, the more I could see exactly what Lizzie meant. Melissa had pushed me away as much as I had kept her at a distance. Her refusal to let me tie her up in the studio was a telling sign. Something inside me knew that she would enjoy surrendering to me. Many people didn’t like to be tied up, but Melissa wasn’t one of them.

Lizzie had said that I would miss out by not being with Melissa. She was right. I would be the one that would miss an opportunity to be with a great woman.

Lizzie wasn’t taking her friend into consideration, though. Melissa wouldn’t be missing out on anything when it came to me.

Melissa knew that, which was why she insisted that we only had one last time together. I wasn’t worth it. I closed my eyes, bringing back the memory of fucking her against the wall. A pulse of electricity ran through my body, stiffening every part of me. It would take one hell of a woman to turn me on as much as my best friend’s sister had.