Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1) (19 page)

I tried to dismiss the romantic notion, but when the camera zoomed in on his face, it felt like he looked directly at me, too. His intense gaze was the exact same gaze that he had used on me many times. Did he look at others the same?

“He’s a natural. Maybe it’s not worth getting involved with him…” Ella’s sentence trailed off.

I looked at her, wondering about her change of heart.

“Why do you say that?” I couldn’t help but ask.

I tried to hide my true feelings, even when it came to my friends. They knew me too well, though. They could read me with just a look. Apparently, I wasn’t that good at hiding how I really felt.

“It looks like he might become famous. Do you really want to try and get with someone who’s going to be famous? Someone who’s going to have a lot of women after him?”

My stomach sank as Lizzie nudged Ella in the ribs. Ella grunted but straightened her frown when Lizzie glared at her.

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t listen to me. If Nathan wants to be with you, then you-”

“Why do you have it in your heads that Nathan wants to be with me? I’m telling you now, he’s let me know quite clearly, that he doesn’t. In fact, he let me know very recently.”

The others tore their gaze away from the screen as Nathan finished his first song. They stared at me, both blinking as the words sunk in.

“But, the way he looks at you,” Ella muttered.

Lizzie shook her head. “I spoke to him yesterday. He said the same to me, but I could see it in his eyes. I don’t want to get your hopes up. That’s not fair. But, I had to tell you what I saw.”

My heartbeat increased as the judges praised Nathan. They loved him. They adored him. Just like most people, including me. The confession to myself caused my skin to sweat. I adored him. When had that happened? How had that happened? How was it possible to feel so much for someone when you didn’t even really know them?

“It will unfold as it should. There’s no point in questioning it all the time. Just enjoy yourself. We’re probably not going to be here much longer,” Ella stated, pointing at the screen as Nathan picked up a guitar.

I had no idea that Nathan played the guitar. It made him even more attractive than he already was. The whole country would fall at his feet, but he had been at mine yesterday. I grinned as the memory sent a buzz of warmth through me.

“Go, Nathan!” the girl group behind me screamed.

Looking at them, I smiled when they winked at me. Had they noticed the tension between us, too?

“I need the toilet,” I said quickly, moving off the seat before the others could stop me.

I couldn’t watch the world adore Nathan anymore. Soon enough, he would find a glamorous girlfriend, and be out of my life forever. At least that way, I could get on with it.

The producers frowned at me as I went out of the room and down the corridor.

It was silent in the toilets as I stared into the mirror. The makeup plastered on my face made me feel like a drag queen. It brought out my features, but it was foreign to see myself so done up.

The music died down from the stage as Nathan finished. I couldn’t hear what the judges were saying, no doubt it would be great feedback. The applause was the loudest it had been all night. I wouldn’t be surprised if Nathan won the whole show. My reflection smiled at me. I was genuinely happy for him. He would get to live his dream if he won Singing Star.

It suddenly hit me that even though there had been ups and downs, I’d had an amazing experience. It wasn’t what I had planned, or what I wanted to do, but it was an experience nonetheless.

My smile spread as my gut feeling told me that I would be going home. I was ready for that. Another week being trapped in the house with Nathan and the other contestants didn’t appeal. The whole rock star lifestyle was not my idea of fun. Fame and fortune were for the young.

I left the toilet with a spring in my step. A new chapter awaited me. The end of my current world was there, in Ireland. The old Melissa was gone; the new Melissa was going to start acting her age.

As the door closed behind me, I collided with a rock solid body. I swore loudly as the force of the impact sent us sprawling to the floor. I hit my head on the ground, crying out as pain vibrated through my skull.

“Are you okay, Melissa?”

His scent filtered up my nose as I squeezed my eyes shut. My head pounded, but I was conscious. Conscious that I had just barrel rolled into Nathan and sent him flying. He was over 6-foot, and I had managed to send him to the floor.

“I told you I needed to lose a bit of weight,” I muttered.

He shifted. I hadn’t realised he was laying on top of me. The producer talked into his headset in the background.

“I heard your head hit the floor. Are you sure you’re okay?” Nathan sounded worried.

The pain started to subside. My handsome man… Not that he was mine…laying on top of me, made it a lot better.

“Just your smell makes the pain go away,” I whispered.

He chuckled, the movement pressing his chest against my boobs. I grinned and arched my back towards him. My eyes were still closed, unable to break the spell. If I opened them, reality would spoil the moment.

“Nathan, Melissa, we need to get you up. What are you doing?” the producer harassed us.

“It’s okay. If we just stay here, they might forget about us.” I was talking bollocks.

Nathan’s hand went into my hair and stroked the back of my head. If he kissed me, it would be the ending to a beautiful day. Not that it had been that beautiful. In fact, it had sucked. Sucked big arse.

“She needs an ambulance. Her head is bleeding.” Nathan climbed off me.

I felt a bit woozy, but my acting stupid was an excuse. Nathan probably wouldn’t let me get close to him again. It was nice that he cared enough to look after me.

Pulling myself into a sitting position, I blinked to clear my vision. The corridor spun around me so fast, I had to put my hands on the cool floor to steady myself. “Ouch.”

The producer had obviously requested help through the headset. A paramedic rushed through the entrance and straight over to us. Nathan crouched next to me as I was examined.

“How do you feel?” His deep voice filtered into my ear.

I shivered as I turned to look at him. The paramedic asked me to stay still as he inspected the cut on my scalp.

“Numb.” Tears sprang to my eyes as sadness crept over his face.

He took my hand and brought it to his lips, placing them gently on my knuckles. “I’m sorry.”

I went to shake my head, but stopped when I was berated by the man tending to me.

“No need to say sorry. You’re going to be famous now. You can have anyone you want,” I declared.

My eyes screwed closed when the paramedic poked the lump on my head.

“That hurts her,” Nathan said. “I’ve hurt you, too, haven’t I?”

I squeezed his fingers before letting go. He went to reach out again, but I clambered to my feet. The paramedic grabbed my arm before I could fall back down. Nathan took the other one.

“She has concussion. We’ll have to take her to the hospital. Just to be on the safe side.”

A groan escaped me at the news. I wanted to see what happened. It wasn’t fair to leave Ella and Lizzie to their fate. We would be voted off. And I wouldn’t be there to support them.

“I can’t. I need to be here for the results.” I looked at Nathan, knowing that he would understand.

Nathan lifted his hand to my face. My eyes widened at the blood on his fingers. They cupped my cheek, stroking softly.

He should be in the green room, revelling in his success. Not tending to my clumsiness.

“Your health is more important than the show. Your friends will understand. You need to go to the hospital.” Nathan tried to guide me to the wheelchair that another paramedic had brought in.

My feet planted firmly on the ground, refusing to move forward. “But this is the end of my youth. I’ve decided that when we get voted off, I can start all over again.”

The chuckle that left Nathan’s mouth made me want to reach up and nibble on his lip.

“Public humiliation is not going to make a difference. If you decide you want to start all over again, then you can. You can’t do that if you’re dead.”

I chuckled as he lowered me into the wheelchair. He leant down and kissed my forehead. Something crossed his eyes as our gaze clashed. Looking away, he nodded at the ambulance man.

“I’m going with her,” he said to the producer.

I grabbed his forearm before he could start to push me out of the corridor. “No. This is your dream, I can tell. You never told me how much you loved singing, but I can see it in your face. Just go and enjoy it. You don’t need to worry about me.”

He was torn. One foot faced in the direction of the green room, the other stayed by my side. It was his time. There was no way I was going to let him come to the hospital when all I had was concussion.

“Seriously, it’s not that bad. If it was worse, you had better come, but it’s not. Go and enjoy it. You know you’ll come first tonight. Please?”

He crouched next to me but didn’t reach forward. I smiled, trying to be brighter than I felt. My head pounded, and the cut throbbed, but I was okay. I would always be okay.

“You know that you decided yesterday would be the last time?” he said quietly.

The others had backed off, giving us some space to talk. I nodded, without looking away from him.

“Well, I’m not sure I can agree.”

My heart leapt into my throat as he licked his lips. Getting to his feet, he squeezed my shoulder and walked away.

Was that it? Was he seriously going to leave after making a statement like that? I changed my mind. Nathan couldn’t enjoy the limelight. He had to come back and tell me right now what he meant.

“Nathan!” I shouted.

He turned to look at me, grinning as my mouth opened and closed.

“What do you mean?”

Ignoring my question, he raised an eyebrow and waved at me. Spinning, he disappeared into the green room. Bloody man.

Chapter Sixteen

“What the bloody hell is going on?”

The door to the bar closed behind us. Lizzie and Ella grabbed my arms, wise enough to know that if they didn’t hold me steady, I would bolt straight back out the door.

Charlie swaggered over to us, a big grin on his face. “Hello, girls, congratulations. We thought we’d celebrate your victory.”

My brother was lucky that I didn’t raise my hand and poke his eyes out. Victory? What a piss take. Was he looking for a beating?

“Did you really have to throw a party?” Ella asked.

The people gathered were friends and family. They cheered as soon as we stepped forward, resigned to our fate. They had been persuaded, by Charlie, to celebrate our rather embarrassing exit from the show.

“You made me laugh so much, I almost peed myself. You deserve a party for that,” Charlie joked with her.

Lizzie punched his arm, glaring at him when he winked.

“Thanks, Charlie. Not only did we have the most embarrassing night of our lives, you’ve decided to expand upon it. Don’t ever expect me to be your friend.” Lizzie sneered.

The twinkle in her eye was the only thing that betrayed her pretend anger. Charlie put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her full on the mouth. She pushed him away and exclaimed, “You little sod!”

My brother skipped backwards, beckoning us to join the others. My mother sat with members of our family, not deigning to get up from her seat to greet me. When we got to the bar, Charlie placed one of his arms over my shoulder, and the other over Lizzie’s. He slowly turned us towards the wall. Where they had conveniently hung a huge projector screen.

“We thought we’d celebrate your… accomplishment… by re-watching it.”

I couldn’t resist it. My clenched fist drove straight into his ribs. He had given me clear access by putting his arm over my shoulder. He cringed, removing his arm and grasping his side. “No need for that.”

“One day, brother, one day,” I promised.

Ella wandered off to speak to her family as Lizzie and Charlie chatted between them. Waiting patiently to get my drink, I wondered if my mother would actually make the effort to speak to me. Wiping my sweaty palms on my jacket, I avoided eye contact with everyone.

Mother had explicitly expressed how ashamed she was as soon as I had returned home. It didn’t matter that I had suffered concussion, I was alive, wasn’t I? All that mattered was that her friends had watched her daughter embarrass herself. And her.

“Let’s watch the episode,” Charlie shouted.

Everyone fell silent as they turned towards the biggest projector screen I had seen in my life. Charlie and Lizzie moved forward, leaving me to stand by the bar on my own. I didn’t need to get closer to my humiliation. Smiling at Ella as she shook her head, I rolled my eyes and flicked my hair over my shoulder.

Sudden heat radiated from someone who moved to stand next to me.

“What a lovely way for your brother to help you get over your mishap,” a deep voice whispered in my ear.

A thrill went down my spine as the scent of his aftershave filtered up my nose. My gaze met his as the muttering of our gathered family and friends fell away into the background.

“What are you doing here?” I didn’t dare reach out.

I hadn’t heard from Nathan since I had seen him in the corridor. That had been four days ago. Every time I thought of him, my heart did a stupid skip. The kind that let you know that you were in trouble.

“I couldn’t miss this.”

I raised my eyebrows as he quickly shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean that. I meant, I couldn’t miss an opportunity to support you when everyone else wants to laugh at you.”

My gaze roamed over his face as he studied me in return. Laughter started in the background, announcing our wonderful performance on stage. I still didn’t turn to look. The man in front of me was much more consuming.

“What did you mean…?”

Nathan shook his head, shutting me up instantly. The tap on my shoulder made me freeze.

“Melissa, don’t you think it’s a bit rude that you’re ignoring everyone here?”

My mother.

Nathan smiled at her as I turned away from him and faced the woman that had never believed in me.

“I’m sorry, Mum, forgive me for not wanting to relive my embarrassment. Especially in front of everyone I love,” I muttered.

She grabbed my arm, squeezing the skin between her fingers. I frowned, but didn’t say anything, or move my arm. Nathan stepped forward, took her upper arm and guided her away, chatting to keep her occupied.

I leant against the bar, rubbing the sore spot on my arm. He carried on talking as he sat with her at the table. Had he just distracted my mother so she would stop hurting me?

My gaze travelled to the big projector screen as the nasty judge gave us criticism and the audience laughed. It was the end of our last performance, not long until we would be voted off.

“I’m not sure this is a memory I want to relive,” Lizzie said as she approached me.

Picking up my glass of wine, I took a big swig. I was in total agreement with her.

Ella wandered over, glancing over her shoulder when her family tried to get her back. She ignored them as we huddled together, watching our exit from the stage.

“You’ve got to admit, it was an adventure.” Ella patted my back.

I put my head to the side, wondering if she was mad.

“It was definitely one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had. Certainly in the house, anyway. At least we can say we had fun then,” Lizzie said.

They were right. Being on the show had certainly taken us out of our comfort zone. Pushed us to new levels we had never reached before. Learning to sing and rehearsing all week was not an easy task. But, I had learnt a lot. Especially since I didn’t have an amazing voice naturally.

The image on the projector cut to the scene where the votes were being counted. The camera kept swinging to Lizzie and Ella as we literally got no votes. The presenter’s face was all sympathy when he told the audience that I’d had an accident and had to be rushed to hospital. As if they would believe him.

“I don’t know why you’re embarrassed,” Lizzie said. “You weren’t even there.”

I bit my lip to stop my smile. The others had not taken my concussion as a good enough excuse.

“No. I don’t know anyone who falls over on purpose just to get out of being voted off. You did a good job there.” Ella winked.

We laughed together, I would never live it down. Ever since we had been back, the girls had blamed me for falling over on purpose. Part of me wondered if I had.

“I can’t believe you think I would do that. It was a complete accident,” I said.

The crowd booed when it was revealed on screen that we hadn’t even got one vote from the whole of the world. It was humiliating. Why hadn’t my family voted for me?

“Nathan would say anything for you. He’s crazy about you.” Lizzie nudged my ribs with her elbow.

Not again. Lizzie and Ella hadn’t stopped going on about how much Nathan cared about me. I hadn’t seen any evidence. He hadn’t contacted me once since we had been voted off the show. He was having too much fun celebrating his victory.

His face came on screen as he was voted the top act of the week. Ella and Lizzie had to make their way to the stage alongside Nathan to accept the trophy of condolence. The first act to be voted off Singing Star got a trophy in the shape of a face covered by hands.

“Which one of you got to keep the trophy?” Charlie shouted.

We looked between ourselves, trying our hardest not to burst out laughing. Some of the things we had done with the trophy could not be repeated. Dancing around my living room with it, snogging its pretend face to try and persuade it to take its hand away. And more drunken unmentionable memories of the trophy of shame.

“We’re going to have shared custody,” I shouted loud enough for everyone to hear.

They all laughed as Lizzie and Ella came on screen. When they were handed the trophy, the whole of the audience booed. Not because they didn’t like Lizzie and Ella, but because they didn’t like the style of the show. In fact, the whole trophy incident had come under scrutiny in newspapers in the following days.

“I see. You’re sharing him? A pretend man for the three single ladies.”

Charlie groaned as my uncle’s hand slapped him over the head. It was good to see one of my family members berating him.

“That’s exactly it. He’s our new boyfriend. We’re taken, everybody,” Lizzie said at the top of her voice.

“Finally!” her dad muttered.

As the laughter resonated around the room, my shoulders released. There was a good number of people around us that obviously cared. It made it less embarrassing. At least my face wasn’t as bright red as Ella and Lizzie’s on the projector as they rushed off the stage.

The camera turned to Nathan just as my eyes moved away from the screen and looked directly at him. He watched me, his gaze as intense as ever.

“You’ve got to admit. He’s bloody hot when he sings,” Ella said.

My gaze snapped to my friend. She wasn’t one to admire young men in such a forward fashion. She was usually much more subtle.

“He’s right there,” I said.

I pointed towards Nathan, not thinking. Lizzie grabbed my arm and pushed it down before anyone else noticed.

“You’re not very subtle, are you?” she said.

Watching Ella, I was surprised by how she stared at the projector screen. Nathan was mesmerising when he sang.

“She’s never been subtle,” Nathan said.

He stood behind us, somehow getting up from his seat and moving around without me noticing. We turned to look at him, Ella’s eyes becoming gooey. Great. Someone else to contend with.

“The first time I met her was when she streaked in the changing rooms.”

My mouth dropped open in mock outrage. I couldn’t believe he was bringing up the bra incident again. After everything. It was the last thing I needed to remember.

“Well… What can I say? I was practising my supermodel moves. The wardrobe malfunction may have hindered me slightly, but I will walk the runway again.”

Nathan’s smile made me go all fuzzy inside. The type of fuzzy that teenagers felt when they realised that someone looked at you as if they wanted to be with you. It felt odd. It felt foreign.

“I’d like to watch you walk the runway. I’m more than happy to help you with your bra change again,” Nathan muttered.

I quickly looked at Ella and Lizzie. They both bit their lips, trying not to laugh too hard.

“You lot are missing the best part,” Charlie shouted.

We turned towards my brother. He gestured towards the projector. The show had ended. Instead of a handsome Nathan, there was a big ugly arse picture of me, Lizzie, and Ella, drunk out of our faces. Ella’s tongue hung out of her mouth and her eyes were half closed. Lizzie was winking, her lips pulled back so far, all you could see were her gums. And me. My mouth was wide open. I had never regretted having silver fillings as a child until now.

“Get him!” Lizzie shouted.

We rushed forward, all three of us. Funnily enough, our family members cleared a nice easy path, directly to our brother. Charlie’s eyes widened as he saw the Beautiful Brunettes flying for him.

“Help!”

Everyone ignored my brother as he climbed over a chair and headed round the back of the bar. We ran after him, knocking tables and chairs out of the way. They laughed when we finally got hold of him. I managed to grab the back of his T-shirt. The others grabbed hold of his arms, dragging him to the floor. It was a big pile up, with Charlie underneath us.

“You’re so going to pay,” I said, tickling him on the ribs. He giggled like a girl.

When I climbed off him, I looked over to our mum. She was putting her coat on, obviously too embarrassed to stay. Not that it bothered me, it would be better if she left.

“And that’s how you get your brother back,” I announced to the crowd.

My mother tutted and shook her head as she put her bag over her shoulder. My uncle tried to persuade her to stay, but she shrugged him off and went over to her friend. I glanced down as Lizzie and Ella finished getting my brother back for our humiliation.

“Charlie, Mum’s leaving. You should say goodbye.”

He lay on the floor, pretending not to have heard what I’d said. With his head to the side, he looked straight up at me. His fringe was in his eyes, almost hiding the pain that flashed through them before it disappeared. Did my mum’s indifference to me cause him to hurt?

“I’m sorry, sis,” he muttered, pushing himself up to a sit.

He glanced at our mother as she tried to get his attention. She beckoned for him to go over, but he glared instead. It was the first time I had ever seen Charlie not pander to my mother’s needs. It made a nice change.

“Can I say something?” Ella spoke up.

Everyone turned to look at her as she waved her hands in the air. Ella wasn’t one to like attention. She usually shrunk to the background as Lizzie took over. It was nice to see her standing tall and proud.