Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1) (11 page)

“Charlie, it’s okay. Please don’t freak out.”

My brother held up his hand as he spun away and stormed out of the communal hallway. Nathan stared after him, not making a move.

“Go after him. Tell him that nothing’s going on between us. Tell him it was a one-off.”

He frowned at me before moving. His body jerked, torn between whether to go to him, or to stay with me. I was fine, but Charlie wouldn’t be.

“Just go,” I said, pushing his shoulder so he followed his friend.

Nathan glanced back once as he rushed out of the hallway. My brother wouldn’t have got far enough for Nathan not to catch up. Hopefully, he could persuade him that nothing was going on. Technically, Nathan didn’t want me for anything other than sex. So, nothing was going on. Not that Charlie would see it that way. I didn’t know who I was kidding. I wouldn’t see it that way either.

Letting the door slam shut, I stood still for a moment. The shame that flashed over Charlies face when he saw me standing almost naked next to his friend made me bite my tongue. Nathan seemed like a great guy, but he didn’t want me. No matter how much I laid in bed at night, fantasising about a life with him, he wouldn’t be the one I would settle down with.

I hadn’t admitted my true feelings to anyone. I quite liked him. I didn’t know him that well, but the attraction was strong. There was something between us. Sex, yes, but something else lay behind his intensity. I wasn’t sure what it was.

My feet slapped against the floor as I made my way to my bed and fell face forward. Nathan still didn’t have my phone number, so I wouldn’t know what happened. I cringed as the idea of Charlie telling my mother came into my mind. Surely he would save me the embarrassment?

There was no point in worrying about it, my body was too tired. My fuzzy brain was too addled to think much more. My poor brother had an image of his wobbly bellied sister having sex with one of his best friends. No wonder he was upset. The image didn’t exactly thrill me either.

I would make it up to him somehow. Maybe setting him up with Lizzie would distract him. Not that I really wanted him to get with my best friend. Surely there was a way I could say sorry so he would forgive me.

I tried to keep my eyes open, just in case Charlie decided to phone. It didn’t work for long; Nathan had ridden me so hard, it didn’t take long to fall into unconsciousness.

Chapter Nine

Nathan

“Mate, slow down,” I shouted as I ran to catch up to him.

His long legs strode without slowing. He ignored me completely as he went around the corner and waved to the girls, who waited at the bus stop. Why had Charlie come back to the flat?

I couldn’t have put on a very long performance if they’d only got as far as the bus stop.

“You really need to leave me alone right now,” Charlie spat over his shoulder.

The girls stood quickly, glancing between Charlie and me.

“What’s up?” Lizzie asked.

I grabbed Charlie’s shoulder, but he shrugged me off. “You need to tell him to leave me alone.”

He flicked his hair out of his eyes as he carried on walking straight past the girls. They stared at me, torn between the pair of us. I stopped walking, knowing that it would be useless to try and talk to Charlie.

“What happened?” Ella said.

I couldn’t help the small smile that came to my lips as Charlie threw his middle finger up without turning round to face me. His retreating back hunched over when he realised that he wasn’t being followed.

“He sort of caught me and Melissa…” I didn’t really want to tell them. It was none of their business. However, Melissa would properly say something so maybe it was best they comforted Charlie, instead of me.

“You better go and speak to him then,” Ella said, nudging me in the back.

She was right. Charlie was my friend.

My feet pounded the pavement as I ate the distance between us. His footsteps sped up as he heard me approach.

“That’s my sister, man,” he groaned.

I fell into step beside him, not attempting to deny it. There was no point. “I’m sorry. We never intended for you to find out.”

He swung towards me, holding his arms out to the side. “What the hell is going on between you?”

I looked to the ground, my face heating as he watched me intently. Charlie knew my background. He knew everything about me. Going on benders made me open up to him when I was completely drunk. He knew my past.

“Nothing.”

Charlie gritted his teeth. I could tell by the movement in his jaw. If I wasn’t careful, he would throw a punch.

“I’ve seen how you treat women. Don’t you dare treat my sister the same way. You need to leave her the fuck alone,” Charlie spat.

I nodded quickly, knowing that he was right. Melissa was a nice woman. She wasn’t anything like the girls I mucked around with. She wouldn’t handle it the same way as the others. She would be distraught if I kept using her for my own gain. It wasn’t fair.

“You’re right. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Charlie narrowed his eyes on me. “Was that the first time? I don’t see how you ended up together tonight. You’ve only met her once.”

I couldn’t look at my best friend. There was no way I could lie to him, but there was no way I could admit that I’d had sex with her before. He would probably physically kill me. I wasn’t ready to die.

“What can I say? I’m sorry.” It would be better to put the blame on me. If I was honest with myself, it was my doing. “I seduced her. She didn’t see me coming.”

Charlie nodded as he looked over to the girls. They hovered nearby. He gestured for them to come over, it was time we all got home.

“Don’t ever go near her again,” Charlie hissed.

He flicked his fringe out of his eyes and went to walk away.

“I won’t. I promise. I won’t ever go near her again.” I frowned when my chest squeezed.

He was right, of course. I was nothing but bad news for any woman. It was about time I stopped playing them. Melissa deserved someone who was good for her. Someone who could give her the family she craved. I didn’t know her that well, but everything I knew about her convinced me that I was no good. She needed a better man.

“Are we okay now?” Ella asked, linking her arm through Charlie’s.

Martin had disappeared. I was about to ask where he was when I remembered that he lived in the opposite direction. At least that had saved us a bit of embarrassment.

I debated whether to go back to tell Melissa that we had sorted things out. My hesitation was noticed. Charlie made eyes at me, questioning whether I would stay true to my word.

“Can you let her know that we’re okay?” I asked him as we started to walk towards our respectable homes.

“I will.” Lizzie dug her phone out of her bag and sent a text.

When we got down the street, Ella and Charlie left us to go in the opposite direction. Lizzie put her hand on my forearm and stopped me from walking. “What is it about her? You must feel something.”

I shook her off, ignoring her question as I carried on. It was bad enough that Melissa probed without her best friend trying to get into my head too.

“Don’t bug me about her, okay?”

Her heels clicked on the pavement beside me. It was the middle of the night, I should have been in bed, next to Melissa. Not that I would be. I hadn’t stayed around a woman’s house for a very long time. I was about to leave Melissa’s just as Charlie turned up anyway. That was my style.

“You need to leave her alone then. She quite likes you, you know that, don’t you?” Lizzie tugged on my arm, pulling my hand out of my pocket.

I had my phone grasped in my fingers, squeezing tight. Anything to try and help me keep my temper with the meddling woman. We weren’t fifteen anymore. It was no one’s business.

Lizzie snatched my phone from me. I took a deep breath and kept walking. If I tried to get it back, I might get a bit too forceful. Not because I was a violent thug, but because someone was trying to control me, yet again.

“I’ve saved Melissa’s number on your phone.”

That made me stop. She came and stood in front of me, holding out the phone. I didn’t want to take it. If I had Melissa’s number, I would be even more tempted to get in contact. Just to say sorry. Charlie would kill me.

“Why would you do that? You just heard that whole conversation.” I took the phone, forcibly shoving it into the pocket of my jeans. My orgasmic high had been well and truly ruined.

“Because I think it’s fair that you at least explain what just happened to her. It’s all well and good that I let her know things were all right, but she’s probably really worried.” Lizzie tucked her blonde hair behind her ear and looked up at me with her big blue eyes. She cared about her friend. I understood that.

“I’m not a great person,” I muttered.

Lizzie didn’t say anything. Instead, she linked her arm through mine. We walked in silence until we came to a house at the end of the street. Stopping, she faced me again.

“What happened to you to make you...” She paused as she studied me. “…so scared of love?”

My throat bobbed as I swallowed. Women were always probing. Always wanted to know what was going on inside a man.

“Nothing that you need to know about.” I went to turn away.

Lizzie grabbed my coat, forcing me to stop.

“You don’t get away with it that easily. There’s something more to you. I wonder if Melissa knows. Please consider texting her.” She let me go and went into her house.

I stood for a moment, pondering on what she’d said. No woman needed to know what had happened to me. No one needed to know what had happened. I was my own person now and there was no reason why I should let anyone get close. There was no point. It all ended badly anyway.

Chapter Ten

Charlie finally contacted me two days after he had caught me and Nathan together. He seemed to be okay. Seemed to have accepted what had happened. He had completely warned me off Nathan, though. Told me that Nathan was no good. Said that I was worth more.

He was right. I was. No matter how much I dreamt about the gorgeous young man, I was better off without him in my life.

“Have you packed?” Lizzie squealed as she opened the front door.

The day had finally arrived for us to make our way into central London. We were going to be briefed on the whole process of the tour. As far as I was aware, the first stop would be Dublin. I had never been to the city, but I was looking forward to it.

We would be flown to Ireland to do our first ever tour show. I didn’t quite understand how it would work. It wasn’t like we would put on an amazing arena performance, unlike the people who eventually won. We were amateurs. We only had a little time to practice, although the show wouldn’t be for a week. They would film us live, which petrified me. Why had I agreed to do it?

“Of course I’m bloody packed,” I moaned.

Lizzie waved away my aggressive tone. I bit my tongue as Ella came in the door and grabbed my suitcase. “Let’s go!”

I followed them out of the door, believing that I was ready for what lay ahead. Truthfully, I wasn’t ready at all. Three women were about to make complete tits of themselves, and I was one of them. Apparently, it would be fun.

“We need to make a promise,” Lizzie said as I clambered into the back seat. “Friends forever. Whatever happens on this show, cannot break us apart. What do you say?”

Ella held out her hand facedown. I placed my hand on top of hers. Lizzie put hers on top of mine. We did that stupid thing where we lifted our hands into the air, but we forgot to actually say anything. We fell over giggling at our poor attempt at rousing our spirits.

The others were more than excited. I was more than apprehensive.

“Will you lighten up?” Lizzie said.

The cab driver asked us where we were going and why we were so excited. Lizzie explained about Singing Star, getting a smile in the rear view mirror when he realised that we might become famous in the future.

“You can have our autograph now if you want. That way when we’re famous, you can sell it, and get a bit of money. But, if I hear that you’ve got a better car, instead of taking your wife on a lovely holiday, I will do something about it,” I said, watching him in the rear view mirror.

He chuckled as he watched me back. “I’m not married. How about you?”

The driver was far too old for me. At least forty. I frowned when I looked at Lizzie, realising in my head that forty wasn’t that much older than me. I was no longer a young girl. In fact, forty was quite a good age. At least a man would be more likely to settle down. They just looked…so much older.

“She’s not married, either. If you want a date with her, I promise she’ll go out with you if we get through the first round.” Ella reached forward and patted his shoulder.

I dug my nails into her thigh. How dare she offer me out as a reward? She was prostituting me. She was being my pimp.

“Sounds good to me. Make sure you get through, then,” he said, winking at me in the mirror.

Ella grinned as Lizzie giggled in the corner. She couldn’t stop laughing, especially when I looked at her and gave her a pleading expression. Which she completely ignored.

“She will get through. Don’t you worry,” Ella said.

Things were getting out of hand. It wasn’t like she even pimped me out for money. I nudged her in the side as she leant forward. She cringed but didn’t make a sound as the driver watched us.

“I can see that your friend isn’t very enthusiastic about that proposal. Don’t panic, I won’t make her go on a date with me. However, maybe
you
would like to go out with me?”

It was my turn to giggle as Ella’s face turned tomato red. I had never seen her look so embarrassed in her whole life. Served her right.

“Well…”

She was speechless. I laughed along with Lizzie, holding my stomach as he stared at her. Lizzie got the giggles so badly, she couldn’t actually stop. Which made me even worse. Her laugh was high-pitched and went straight through our heads.

“Please excuse them.” Ella tried to subtly hit us but failed as we dodged her. “No one would think that we’re in our thirties, would they?” Ella laughed uncomfortably as the taxi driver raised his eyebrows.

We soon quietened down when the studios came into view. The taxi driver carried on talking, but we ignored him as we looked at each other, not sure if we were ready for what was about to unfold.

It was a strange feeling. A part of me felt guilty for taking the spot of someone who wanted to sing for a living. I felt like some kind of fraud. It wasn’t like it had been any of our lifelong dreams to be famous singers. If I hadn’t put us down for an audition, someone who was passionate about singing could have had an amazing opportunity. I wrung my hands together as my stomach flip flopped. It was too late, I had to shake myself off and get on with it.

“We can do this,” Lizzie said, grasping our hands in hers.

Waving goodbye to the taxi man, we made our way inside. The building was corporate. Metal and glass welcomed us as we were shown to a room full of other contestants.

All of them were in different phases of excitement. Some were happy, jumping up and down. Some looked like they were going to puke at any minute. And others sat dazed, ready for the journey to begin. I was a mix between yelling in excitement or bending over a bucket and chucking my guts up.

“Okay, everyone, we didn’t let you know this before, but you have one last audition before you go on the tour. Today, we’ll be losing ten acts, so I hope you’ve been rehearsing,” a man called from the entrance of the room.

Lizzie groaned along with the others. Ella’s eyes were wide. Instead of panicking, I took their hands and dragged them to a corner of the room. We had been practising, but not as much as we probably should have. If they wanted a great performance, we would need to practice some more.

“What are we going to sing?” I asked.

It was all a little surreal. We had never been a group. I’d made up a stupid name on the night I’d applied for the auditions.

Something had changed, though. The negativity and self-doubt ebbed. All of a sudden there was a shift within me; this was more important to me than anything. It wasn’t just about helping my friends; it was about having a new adventure. About doing something that we never thought possible. All three of us loved to sing. Why shouldn’t we be on the show? Why did I keep telling myself that we didn’t deserve it, when clearly we enjoyed what we were doing?

“Our favourite, always.” Ella, being sensible, knew exactly what the best song would be.

She had sat down and worked out our whole playlist. When we had seen it, we didn’t need to disagree. Ella had done a perfect job.

“Come on then. Let’s rehearse.” I shook them when they watched a nearby group instead of focusing on me.

“What, here?” Lizzie asked, showing a rare flash of insecurity.

It was unusual for the blonde haired beauty to worry about singing in public. My palms started to sweat. We had to leave our fears behind, even if they were daunting.

“We’re going to have to sing in front of a lot more people than this. But, we’ve got to get through first.”

Lizzie visibly shook herself and stood in her classic singing pose. Her legs slightly apart, one hand in front of her, and her eyes fixed on the wall behind my head. She opened her mouth and let the words fly. I glanced at Ella, not quite ready for Lizzie’s outburst. We quickly fell in, only just able to catch up with our friend.

Others around us stared. We ignored them, concentrating fully on the song. They slowly started to realise that they also needed to practice, so gathered together to rehearse. The whole room filled with the sound of songs that didn’t mesh well.

After a few minutes, an announcement came over the tannoy to say that the auditions would start immediately.

“I can’t believe they’re doing this.” Ella dug around in her bag and pulled out the contract.

They had asked us to read through it and keep hold of it until the first stage. We had wondered why they hadn’t made us return it straight away. There was no point signing it until we were certain that we would be on the tour.

“It does say that they have the right to request additional auditions. I didn’t know that this was how they would do it, though,” Ella muttered, thumbing through the contract.

Lizzie held up her hands, palms out towards us. “It’s okay, girls. Ella, you’re an advocate for the universe. What’s your guidance for the day?”

I smiled at my friends, glad that I was having such an incredible experience with them. I would rather be there, singing my heart out with them, than anywhere else. I had finally got to that place.

“Well, as you know, the universe always brings you to the right place, at the right time. If we weren’t supposed to be here, we would still be at home. We wouldn’t have got through on the first audition. So, it’s the same with the next one. If we’re not supposed to go on tour, we won’t get through. It really is as simple as that.” Ella gestured with her hands the whole time she spoke. My giggle made her frown.

“I believe you, I believe you.” I put my hands up, mimicking her hand gestures.

She growled at me, flicked her hair, and looked away.

“First up, Beautiful Brunettes,” an assistant called across the room with a loud speaker.

I clenched my teeth as I realised that was us. Lizzie glared at me, reminding me how annoyed she was that I had decided to name us after the colour of mine and Ella’s hair. Even though Lizzie was the lead singer, two against one made it final.

Lizzie had repeatedly asked me if we could change the name, but I told her that since we were so raving drunk that night, it was obviously meant to be.

“Beautiful Brunettes… It’s so lame…” Lizzie tugged on my hand as I held back. My stomach flip flopped. If I wasn’t careful, I would puke. My belly squirmed and my palms were slick on Lizzie’s.

She loved me really. Even if I had left her out of the equation when it came to our group name.

“We can’t exactly change it to Beautiful Brunettes and the Blonde,” I muttered as we pushed through the other contestants. “Maybe you should have dyed your hair.”

My heart started to beat rapidly. I tried to take a deep breath to steady myself. I managed to squeeze past someone when Lizzie’s shoulder, accidentally on purpose, bashed into me. Falling sideways, I lost my footing. My body landed against a rock solid form.

“I’m so sorry,” I apologised as I flicked my hair out of my face and looked up into deep blue eyes. “Nathan!”

His cheeks flared red as a small smile crossed his lips. “Melissa,” he greeted in his deep husky voice.

“Melissa, we need to go.” Lizzie wrapped her fingers around my forearm and dragged me away. “Hi, Nathan.”

She actually paused to say hello before pushing me towards the exit. We had taken our time to get to the poor man that waited by the door.

I looked over my shoulder, but Nathan had disappeared into the crowd. What was he doing there? Had he auditioned and not told anyone?

“That was Nathan!” Lizzie looked at me with the sort of expression on her face that made me question why we were friends.

“Of course it was Nathan. I did see him.”

“Hi, we’re Beautiful Brunettes.” Ella introduced us to the man who tapped a pencil against his clipboard.

“Okay,” he said, eyeing Lizzie’s not so brunette hair.

Opening the door, he led us out of the room and down the corridor. The carpeted floor absorbed the sound of footfalls as we gazed around us. None of us could talk, too aware of what was coming next. I clenched my hands into fists, cringing when I had to wipe them on my top.

We passed a door marked Studio. And then another one. Were we heading into a studio?

“This is your room.” The man ushered us in. “There’s a producer in there. He’ll explain what he wants you to do.”

The door closed behind us as we shuffled into a small room. My gaze instantly went to the glass that separated one side of the studio from the other. A couple of microphones were in the professional booth. A young man sat at a desk that was covered in buttons and sliding levers.

“My name is Larry. I’m your producer for today. I just need a couple of things from you. Go into the booth, put the headphones on, and sing your soul out. We like to record the contestants first to see what they sound like. The prize is a recording contract, so we like to hear whose voices sound best on track.” Larry didn’t look at us the whole time he spoke. In fact, he hardly looked away from his recording deck.

I rolled my shoulders, refusing to get on my high horse. It was just a churning machine. We were just passing through. It was a much bigger picture to them. They had a lot of acts to see and they had to get rid of some of us.

“Go for it.” Larry pointed to the little door that led to the booth.

We looked at each other.