Confessions of a Backup Dancer (21 page)

FRIDAY JULY 22

THE GARDEN

NEW YORK CITY, 7:20
PM

I hate it when big moments in your life, like big ones, get overshadowed by something totally out of your control. it ruins it.

like today, I hailed my very first cab ever in my life. that's a pretty big deal! I stuck out my fist and this cab stopped. but I barely even noticed it because all of a sudden I was so freaked about getting back to the tour. something snapped in that diner and I got this rush of “I've got a job to do!” or something and I knew I had to get to the Garden asap.

(that's what everyone on the tour calls Madison Square Garden. weird huh. like instead of “we're playing in new york” they're all “we're playing at the garden.” I had no clue what they were all talking about until, like, yesterday.)

anyway, that was my first cab hailing. turned out I was only like two minutes from the garden.

it took me a while to find the right door because that place is huge. I must have tried like four doors. finally I figured it out. luckily I had my It's Darcy!! i.d. with me. one wave of that sucker and I was in.

as I rode the endless escalators up toward where the security guard told me the dancers' room was, I started
to get a little scared. I mean, last I saw darla, she was ready to go house on me and I haven't seen darcy all day and I probably missed sound check. not to mention, it's our biggest show of the tour. I started preparing myself for pretty much anything. have I been fired? did darla lock me out? will darcy totally scream at me? will the dancers freak out at me? will they sabotage me onstage?

will anyone be on my side?

I was prepared to grovel to keep my job. (where else could I make enough for Evan's tuition in just one summer?)

I was ready for my reentry into Darcy land to completely suck. But it didn't.

In fact, the next few hours were totally routine. almost disappointingly so. darla wasn't around anywhere, darcy barely spoke to me except for a “hey do you have any extra body gems” (then again she's always all business before a big show and doesn't want to chitchat, so it's impossible to tell if she's even pissed or anything). our stretching was just like always, although rashid did give me a wink. I tried to smile back but I chickened out. I was staying low.

I started to think that maybe it wasn't a lost cause. maybe I could keep those paychecks coming. after all, that's really why I'm here. isn't it?

but it was strange … I know everyone must have heard about what happened (I mean, I disappeared all day.
people notice things like that around here) but no one was acting differently. no one was even trying to avoid me. it was weirder than being ignored … it was like no one cared whether / was there or not as long as someone was there to dance. it was just like being out on the street earlier today, everyone was too busy thinking about the show to think about me.

it was very x-files. I felt invisible.

Makes sense in a way, I guess. after all, we have the biggest show of the year in like an hour. as long as everyone's here and ready to perform, who cares about what happened today? at least for now.

it's 7:40 now. Nice 'n Easy just finished “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board” and ripped off their wicca gowns (they're wearing rainbow-photoprint chaps now with zebra-print bikinis) for “Clue in, Dude.” we go on in 20 minutes.

Oh yeah, I just remembered. tito sent me that email that evan was coming over to his place to watch with him … And mom.

FRIDAY JULY 26

BACK AT THE RIHGA, 10:56
PM

(this time I'm paying my own way. who knew it was $300 a night? good thing we got paid last week and my atm card still works)

Outfit:
I left my It's Darcy!! tour jacket at the garden but I wish I still had it cause the AC is really strong in here and I'm freezing. full show makeup still on. track pants and microweave tee.

Mood:
they haven't invented a word for this mood.

To:
kaykay4real

From:
Tito_T

Date:
Friday July 26

Time:
9:05
PM

Subject:
Who rules?

You were FABULOUS! You were amazing! That solo shit you did was incredible! How come you didn't tell me you had a solo? Man, your hair is amazing!

Teetow

PS—Your mom came, but she was late and missed the show. She was really upset.

no surprise there. maybe she was on a date or something.

To:
Tito_T

From:
kaykay4real

Date:
Friday July 26

Time:
10:59
PM

Subject:
A list

this has been the most out-of-control day in my life. Today I

1. woke up hung over. (drank too much last night, carried Darcy home from her birthday party.)
   
2. got yelled at at 6:30
   AM
   by Darla, pissed that I had “allowed” her daughter to make a freakin' spectacle of herself last night (I will forward the appropriate gossip item shortly)
   
3. was called a ho by darla, in an exclusive interview (you'll see)
   
4. insulted darla to her face
   
5. left the tour without telling anyone and wandered the streets of nyc alone, vowing never to return
   
6. caved and went to do the show
   
7. was ignored at “the Garden” by everyone in the company
   
8. tempted fate
   
9. got a standing ovation
   
10. got fired
    
11. had to pay for my own room at this fuckin' hotel/motel and it's like 350 dollars a night but I have no idea where else to go
    

Is there some kind of planetary realignment thing going on? Will it be over soon? I can't take the stress.

Kelly Kel

ok I should back up a little. where did I leave off? oh yeah, Nice 'n Easy in their l-wanna-be-mariah-really-bad outfits were finishing up.

we sat in the wings until the our beats started, about three minutes later. that announcer guy came on … ('ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for a journey to a special place, to a world where a boy can be a boy and a girl can be a girl …”) and we found our spots for the “real” cue, when she goes, “It's Darcy,” which is when we basically have to bum rush her and start dancing our asses off.

maybe it was the tv cameras, or the extra pressure, or whatever, but … the energy was incredible.

everyone was on. everyone was hitting everything, darcy was hitting her notes, the crowd was really into it (I can tell now … back around St. Louis I couldn't figure out if they were into it or screaming because that's what they think they're supposed to do … but now I can tell when they're screaming because they're really into it). anyway we got through the first section with no hitches at all. I noticed that the sound was the most perfect we've had the whole tour. it was like absolutely everything came together.

we were seriously giving the best concert we'd given all
summer, and it was perfect timing considering we were on TV this time.

second set, perfect section. “Plucky” was the best we'd ever done it, by a lot. I even noticed darla, standing offstage, watching us with her mouth open like she couldn't believe we were capable of this level. it was the look of someone who all of a sudden realized that what she's created is now too big for her to control.

By the third section I was so psyched we were taping the show for pay-per-view. I knew tito was watching. I knew evan was watching. I knew mom was watching. THAT actually freaked me out for a second and I lost my concentration. but only for a beat.

but I couldn't think about that. there wasn't enough room in my brain. It was the middle of a perfect third set and we were truly KILLING IT in every sense. it was, excuse my French, the best motherfuckin' show ever.

until I let myself go THERE at the exact wrong time.

wait there's someone at my door. it better be that cheeseburger I just ordered.

FRIDAY JULY 26

THE RIHGA, 11:12
PM

ok it took me like 3 minutes to down that burger. still munching on fries now. they're big, that kind with the skin still on ‘em. I love that. really salty. yum. ketchup rules.

Anyway, back to the horror story.

so we're almost through the third section, up to where we do that reggae/dance hall version of “Cellular Love” (currently #3 with a bullet) and I am feeling it. and I start to feel myself going THERE. but for the first time, I feel like I can sort of keep a handle on it. like how rashid was telling me that first dress rehearsal in St. Louis about staying THERE without losing control. I was half floating, half focusing, and I knew I'd never danced better.

then, right after the first chorus (2 verses, 2 choruses, and a bridge to go), darcy's jeans rip. you know, those skintight asymmetrical 80s jeans with the zipper up the ankle … in white? anyway they didn't split straight up the back like Jessica Simpson that one time. they split at an angle. this asymmetrical seam that ran across her ass from upper left to lower right totally came apart. Diagonally. Picture it. her waistband and the upper section stayed put, but the bottom half sank. and there was the bottom half of her ass. it reminded me of the grilled cheese sandwich I'd had earlier. cut diagonally. only with a crack.

the thing is, I stayed THERE the whole time. like, I was watching this go on right in front of me, I was faced with darcy's ass (she says she was wearing a nude thong but … whatever), I watched her stop dancing and freeze for a second, but I stayed THERE. I kept dancing.

and through the next verse, so did darcy. I gotta say, the girl's a pro. the show must go on or whatever they used to say. doesn't really change the fact that she shook her naked asymmetrical ass (er, make that nude-thonged ass) not only in front of an entire stadium of tweens, but an entire nation gathered in front of their pay-per-view screens. movie stars were watching. other pop stars were watching. her boyfriend was watching. record execs were watching. evan was watching (and how psyched was he?), my mother was watching (oh god). president bush was probably watching. it had to be a truly memorable TV moment. like, you could picture hearing about it on MTV's year-end show and stuff.

but after the second verse, “Baby you know my daddy / Just tell me who's my daddy / Let's take it cellular!” she decided to bolt and change clothes. she patted me on the shoulder on her way off, kinda pushing me toward center stage. it all happened in the crystal-clear haze of being THERE … I knew what was happening but my body was so, like, tied to the music, like I was living inside it or something (oh god I'm starting to sound like Debbie Alien) that I didn't give anything too much thought. I just kept pumping. and when she nudged me toward the spotlight, I slowly popped over there.

For a split second I thought no, no, no. this is a bad idea. How many times have I been reminded that this is Darcy's show? How many times have I been reminded not to take center stage, EVER, even in rehearsals when darcy's nowhere to be found?