Confessions of a Backup Dancer (28 page)

I didn't have time to think about it. I just sang.

I thought getting THERE when I was dancing was something, but getting THERE when you're singing is way more intense. Like, way more. it was big. scary and big.

in fact I was really proud of myself. As soon as we started to sing it, the song didn't seem nearly as cheesy as when we first wrote it, for some reason. maybe because when we wrote it, I was being cynical. this time I just gave in and sang it and I felt it.

“Be with me, reality!”

it was much catchier, much prettier than I'd remembered it being. I got into it.

most of the audience was actually quiet for it—and they got quieter as we continued singing. (that NEVER happens at those Divas Alive shows! usually everyone in the audience is like chatting the whole time.) I blew a couple of notes but I played it pretty safe and it worked. I just concentrated on my harmonies, I let darcy take the lead, and we came together and it worked pretty well.

I knew even evan probably got into it. that is, if he made the show on time.

I imagined dad was listening too, hopefully proud of me for harmonizing on the spot.

darcy was happy, I could tell. I decided I really did like her, even if I didn't understand the first thing about her and even if I could never handle the insanity of being her “best friend” again. she's as brave as they come.

anyway, we sang it. we didn't get a standing ovation or anything … I mean, most of the people at those shows are like record execs and their assistants … but the applause we
did
get was for US, not just darcy. it felt real.

Real.

FRIDAY AUGUST 30

RIHGA, 11:59
PM

Outfit:
Darcy's own personal tour jacket. she left it on her chair when she left. like she needs it. I figure she can spare it and I don't know, I could use the souvenir. I wonder if there's money in it ha ha. maybe I could eBay it. ha ha just KIDDING! I would never.
Ever
. (wink)

Hair:
I am so tempted to shave it all off right now. it's like straw, I'm not kidding. they have tortured it this summer. I need tito bad. this could be his biggest job ever. he'll like mash a mango in it and infuse Egyptian nile river oil with French lavender or something and make me wear a do-rag for like a weekend or something and it'll look amazing again.

Mood:
tired. that kind of tired where you blink really slow and the air feels cooler in your lungs than usual.

I skipped the afterparty to wait for evan to show up backstage after the show. but true to form, he was nowhere to be seen. darcy ran off to meet jesse going, “how long are you in town? just tonight? well page me let's get together when I'm in cali, ok?” I was like, um, ok. is that it? I guess for her it doesn't feel like anything's over.

I wonder if she's right.

finally at like 11:30 the security people were like you have to leave now and I was like damn where's my bro. I kept checking for a page from him but none came. I
decided to just go back to the hotel because I knew he knew where the rihga was … when he asked where I was staying earlier he was like no WAY that's where Mike Tyson stays I was like really and he goes I think so and he goes I was reading about it online the other day. it's on 54th St. he is so misunderstood you know. I was like whatever anyway the point is he knows where the riga is.

at least I was hoping he does.

so I did my now routine taxicab hail and went back up to the rihga. there, in the lobby, was evan. with tito! tito came racing over to me and goes, “you KILLED it!” and I was like, shut up! omiGOD! what are you doing here and he goes, you KILLED it! and he wrapped his arms and legs around me like a little kid. I was just like, omigod how MUCH do I LOVE you? when did you GET here? and he goes, girl! what's up with this hair. we need a Cosmetics Plus, quick!

I looked over his shoulder and there was mom. no way! tito and evan must have convinced her to come.

she came up and gave me a hug and goes, “I saw the show tonight. I made sure I was on time. You were beautiful.” she didn't sob Lifetime Television style, but she had tears dripping off the end of her nose.

I wiped her nose with the sleeve of darcy's jacket. Thanks mom. I smiled, can we go home now?

she goes yeah, we got a lot to do.

TUCKER SHAW lives in New York City, where he crosses paths with celebrities every time he walks out the door. He also watches what some people think is “too much” TV. But Tucker has still managed to write several award-winning books, including the critically praised love story
Flavor of the Week
.