Confessions of a Backup Dancer (23 page)

turns out my chart says there's nothing special going on. guess this is just my life.

I was like what about money? what's it say about money?

he goes, Not so good. you better get off the couch and get back to work pretty soon.

I sank my head. how could I have blown such a sweet job.

the weirdest thing was, when we were watching tv, it
really didn't feel like all those people on TV were talking about ME. even though it was only a couple of days ago, I feel like it was a thousand years ago and it happened to someone else. only it didn't. it happened to me.

MONDAY JULY 29

TITO'S, 5:30
PM

Fortune:
Luck can strike twice. Good or bad.

I never thought it was over, that it was all over and I'd go back to my normal life. that is, until I checked my email at tito's:

To:
Kel_Kimball

From:
EileenW_hitpatrol

Date:
Monday July 29

Time:
5 :16
AM

Subject:
Another gig, $$$

I heard about everything. I'm not sure where you are right now, but I hope you get this. Here's the deal. I just got off the phone with Pashmina's people. Did you know that Shania, the girl you replaced in the Darcy show, ended up going to Pashmina's show? It was OK with her injury and all because they don't dance as hard over there. But anyway Shania's leaving the tour again, this time because she hooked up with Pashmina's manager, who Pashmina was supposedly dating or something; anyway, they're both totally fired. And you thought the drama was serious over at Darcy Live!! Anyway, there are still
five weeks left on the “Pashmina with Love” tour and she saw Darcy's pay-perview show and she heard about what happened afterward, and I told her how real you really are, and long story short she wants you to join her tour … so can you be in Chicago by Tuesday? Plenty of $$—more than you were getting I think plus the Pop-Tarts are opening how funny is that? I know the Pashmina doll doesn't sell as well as the Darcy one (ha ha) but please call me on my cell as soon as you can.

oh man, here we go again. I figure, what the hell?

I hope tito was right when he told me to go for it. i mean, i knew I would, i guess. but I was still like DUDE I need to get OUT of that craziness don't you think and he was like, “um, NO you dipshit it's what you've always wanted to do and besides it's only for the summer and you know I need you out there getting details.”

so I was like yeah but look what they're saying about me on tv! and he was like “are *they* paying evan's tuition? you're going.”

yeah, he was right. what the hell, right?

WEDNESDAY JULY 31

BACKSTAGE AT THE CHICAGO CENTER, 7:45
PM
(was just here a month ago with darcy. the security guard remembered me. ha ha.)

Outfit:
they're making me wear a grass green bodysuit with a diamond cut out of the middle so you see my belly button and what I like to call my under-cleavage. it's bejeweled all around the cut. I have glitter in my hair and jewels running down my part. I have so much makeup on I smell like a drag queen. Tito would be proud or horrified. I'm not sure which.
Fortune:
Trust your instinct.

Tito just sent me this gossip item online:

From the
New York Morning Star Herald-Tribune Post

Just asking …

… Which princess of pop, recently voted among the ten sexiest women in the world by a major British young men's magazine, is less than confident about her natural beauty? Seems this divette spends nearly 7 hours in the makeup chair before any photos are allowed! One editor on a recent cover shoot for a glossy teenybopper magazine complained, “By the time Miss Thing was happy with her makeup, the sun had set. We had to cancel the shoot.”

He sure knows how to make me feel better when I'm nervous.

we go on in a half hour in front of 20,000 people. again. I “learned” the whole show today, in one day, but i've never done it all the way through. and I haven't even met Pashmina yet.

WEDNESDAY JULY 31

CHICAGO HOTEL, 11:30
PM

Outfit:
cloud pjs and black tank

Mood:
relief

whew.

I just got back to the room. the show went all right. I stayed in the back and just followed everyone else. luckily it wasn't that much for me … the guys dance a lot more than the girls in this show, mostly with their shirts off, which could be hot but it isn't. most of us girls just writhe around and stuff. I would say it's about ¼ as much dancing as in Darcy's show … here we're pretty much just strippers who keep their clothes on. also Pashmina obviously does a lot of slow songs too so when you break it down there isn't all that much dancing to do.

anyway I didn't screw up too bad. I just decided I would pretend it was like a rehearsal and just get everything right. I barely even noticed the crowd or anything like that. hey, I'd already seen enough crowds before, right? funny that sometimes the crowd can be like RIGHT THERE in your face and other times it's like wallpaper in the background. tonight it was wallpaper.

anyway I was really trying not to fuck up, so I just paid attention to the other dancers and everything especially this one named Elena who's really good. I mean, she's
not that good but her moves are really exaggerated and easy to follow and stuff. I mean, she IS good, but you know what I mean. whatever.

so meanwhile, even though I've danced behind her and even writhed around her leg once, I still haven't really met Pashmina. well, sort of but not really. like after the whole entire show was over she came up to me with Bernie her big bodyguard dude and looked at me with this face packed FULL of makeup and gloss and glitter and shine and laminate and pencil and liner and lipstick and these lashes that actually made me want to stand back a couple of paces and she goes, “you're K.K. right? I've heard about you. I'm not sure your outfit was working right tonight. see if they can refit you?”

I was about to go “it's Kelly, actually” but Pashmina was already gone. so it's gonna be like that. guess this diva isn't looking for a best friend.

I wonder if she thinks I'm fat, like darla?

SlipKnotRules933111:
dude whatsup

KellyKe1SoCal321:
so much. you wouldn't believe it. how was boot camp? how's life without the twins

SlipKnotRules933111:
actually I kind of miss them there's not enough to hate around here at the moment. except just being here. Nature camp (not boot camp! Jeez!) was pretty cool. they kicked our asses but it was awesome being out there. we even saw a forest fire. I want to be a fire ranger now.

KellyKelSoCal321:
no WAY! that is so COOL!

SlipKnotRules933111:
have you seen that show More True Fire Ranger Disasters?

KellyKelSoCal321:
no. should I?

SlipKnotRules933111:
yes. it rules.

KellyKelSoCal321:
when is it on

SlipKnotRules933111:
I forget. say hi to darcy for me

KellyKelSoCal321:
I can't dude I don't work for her anymore. I'm in Chicago with Pashmina.

SlipKnotRules933111:
huh? Pashmina who? I think that show's on Wednesday now that I think about it but it might be Thursday

KellyKelSoCal321:
evan pay attention. I just found out we're playing in san diego in a couple of days.

SlipKnotRules933111:
you and darcy are coming to san diego?

KellyKelSoCal321:
no, Pashmina

SlipKnotRules933111:
huh?

KellyKelSoCal321:
forget it. good night evan.

yeah it's true. we're playing the Junior Miss Teen United States pageant or something in San Diego Sunday night. I have to tell tito! he can make sure evan and mom come to the show.

THURSDAY AUGUST 1

THE BUS, 11:30
PM

Outfit:
Pashmina with Love windbreaker, cutoff skate.shorts.

Fortune:
Steady as she goes.

To:
Tito_T

From:
kaykay4real

Date:
Thursday August 1

Time:
11:31
PM

Subject:
The Pashmina Scene

First of all Pashmina's bus is way nicer than Darcy's. she has a steam shower and a king-size bed and two tvs and two refrigerators. half the bus is her closet and dressing room. it's all animal prints and mirrors. mirrors everywhere actually. except I don't get to ride on it. only hector her, um, “boyfriend” gets to stay on that one, at least when Pashmina's not “hanging out” with another guy or something. or when hector is. last night we pulled over in the middle of the night so he could get off our bus and onto her bus. hector's kinda like Pashmina's fake boyfriend. except, um, how do I say this … hector's not really into any of the girls here. he's into the boys. at least I think so. I
mean, all the boys seem to be into each other. in fact, everyone seems to be into everyone else here and I can't figure out what's going on. plus everyone bolts right after the show to go out to gay bars. even the girls go to the gay bars. I guess it's because the music is better or something.

Second of all Pashmina's dancers aren't any nicer than darcy's. I think that whole thing about dancers all being best friends and everything is a big load. there are total cliques and everyone's competitive and harsh on each other and everything else. not to mention someone already stole my All-American rejects cd. or else I lost it. but I think someone stole it. third of all Pashmina isn't the nicest kid on the block. well it's not so much that. it's just that all she does is work I guess and doesn't hang that much. and when she does hang she just talks about herself. I feel bad for her she seems really really exhausted. and everyone thinks she's so skanky.