Crest (Ondine Quartet Book 3) (37 page)

Maybe I could sneak out early and join them.

I studied her. "So everything is going pretty well with the rest of the gang, huh?"

"Sure."

I waited for more. She didn't say anything.

Another hint. "You know, I went downstairs last night to workout."

No response. Subtlety never worked for me.

"I saw Cam go to your room."

She startled and a slight flush crept up her neck. "It's complicated."

"Always is. You guys back together?"

"No. Maybe." She exhaled. "I don't know."

That sentiment was going around a lot lately and I was definitely the last person qualified to comment.

A movement came from the edge of the woods. Ian aimlessly strolled through the trees, shoulders hunched and face unusually pale.

Two gardinels monitored him several yards away with unfriendly expressions.

I frowned. "He shouldn't be outside alone."

"Go," Chloe murmured. "I need to catch up with the others."

She left and I hurried over, eyes locking on to one of the gardinels.

He's with me
.

The selkie scowled.

Ian turned at my approach, diamond earring winking in the sun.

"Where's Aub?"

He waved his hand. "Adrian got her excited about a set of metal spikes that look like sharp knitting needles. She's trying to figure out how to attach it to her arm."

"Not your thing?"

"The stuff in there kind of made me queasy," he admitted.

Ian spent a lot of time taking care of abandoned and abused animals. What he saw and understood about human cruelty left him uncomfortable with its possible tools.

He settled on the ground, leaned against a tall spruce, and closed his eyes. Dark shadows of exhaustion hung under his eyes.

"Library and translation work going well?"

He nodded, eyes still closed. "A little tiring."

It wasn't the project. It was the stress of being here. Despite the support of Tristan and my grandmother, Ian was the only nix in unfriendly territory.

"Don't let the selkies bother you."

He let out a bark of laughter.

"What?"

"Do you remember when we met in Panama City?"

Ian had approached me at Crestmont High's cafeteria during freshman year. It was a few days after I'd punched Cindy Pasterno and the entire student body was convinced I was a psychopath.

He was the only one unafraid to approach me. I later found out he had his own reasons for doing so. He and his nix group were hoping to ally with Haverleau and the Governor's granddaughter.

But at the time, I had no idea he was an elemental and we started hanging out together.

I nudged him aside and leaned against the same tree. "You've been talking a lot about a time I'd rather forget."

"I'm not talking about Jason," he said gently. "I'm talking about Cindy."

Images flashed in quick succession. Bright red stain across waxed floor. Echoing laughter, the crunch of her face beneath my fist.

I took a deep breath. "What about her?"

"She was a mirror."

"A what?"

"When she looks at her reflection, she only sees herself."

I frowned. "Isn't that what a reflection is supposed to do?"

"Yeah, but not all reflections are the same." He noticed my blank look and sighed. "Water is always moving. Even still waters have tiny ripples of energy, just so minuscule the eye can't catch it."

 
He stretched his legs out.

"Water flow in rivers depends on gravity. Movement grows more rapid when the slope steepens. You also visibly notice movement when something, like a stone or raindrop, lands and causes a ripple, right?"

I nodded.

Ian picked up a leaf and twisted it in his hands. "And what happens to reflections in rougher waters?"

"They became distorted."

Monet's paintings were filled with them. Chaotic flurries of brushstrokes, light and energy diffusing through water's surface.

"See, to me that's where the interesting stuff is." His eyes darkened with concentration. "Because when your reflection gets so messed up and weird and you can no longer tell what you look like, you become curious about what's behind it. You want to see who you really are."

I thought of the rotted algae Nexa pulled out from the bowl of water. Of the myriad of memories Original Magic yanked out of me.

"And what if you don't like what you find?"

"If you knew everything and were a perfect being with no fears, doubts, or flaws, you'd be a god." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "You're pretty awesome with a blade, Kendra, but I don't think you're quite there yet."

I tossed a stick at him. "I just wish it'd come easier."
 

When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up. I thought if I was older, I'd have the same strength and secure knowledge as my mother.

Like Julian, I thought I'd be free.

But my mother was eighteen when she had me and went Rogue. Twenty-one when my father died.

Only a few years older than I was now and she'd already been on her own with a daughter to protect and train.

I was nowhere near the kind of cold, intensely rational and commanding person she'd been.

I wished I could press a button and suddenly become mature and in control.

The kind of person who could handle a working relationship with Tristan and not feel empty. Become Governor and lead elementals without the constant fear I'd screw it up because I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

But despite all my power, preparation, training, and magic, I couldn't help Ethan and Lucas. I couldn't wave my hands and stop death from happening or put an end to suffering.

There were still moments when I felt as helpless as I had back in that hallway with Cindy.

"It's never easy." He shrugged. "Maybe you try something new that makes you uncomfortable and scared. Hell, maybe you fail at it. Maybe you realize the world wasn't what you thought it was. And sometimes really bad shit happens."

"The slope steepens and water roughens," I murmured.

He nodded. "Your reflection changes and you find out who you are in the depths of the most difficult times."

My stomach tightened, remembering Lucas' broken expression this morning. "High price to pay."

"Better than being a mirror like Cindy. Everything still and unchanging, gazing forever at that shallow reflection of herself."

"You feel sorry for her?"

"Nah." Ian glanced at me. "One day life will throw a stone and that mirror's going to shatter. She'll realize self-obsession isn't the same as self-awareness."

In a lot of ways, I'd been just as lost as her. At fourteen, I'd known nothing about my family and none of the reasons for my mother's paranoia.

All I'd felt was a constant white-hot anger, a need to strike back at everyone and everything that made me feel powerless.

"I took it out on her," I admitted.

"Yeah, I know. She wasn't really the problem."

Something in his voice made me turn. "What is it?"

He paused before answering. "Remember that car Jason loved so much?"

Oh, yeah.

"At the end of the school year, I may've done something to the engine." Ian fidgeted slightly. "Something that permanently put a stop to his activities during those all-important summer nights after graduation."

I couldn't help smiling a little at the morose guilt in his tone. "Why, Ian MacAllister. I'm shocked."

He made a face. "I know it's nowhere near the level of your exploits, but I can be a badass, too. Sort of."

"Of course."

"Besides, he messed with my friend. I couldn't let him get away with that."

Chest squeezed a little. Regardless of why he'd first approached me, Ian sat with me when no one else did.

I cleared my throat and poked his arm. "Does Aub know her favorite geek has an appetite for petty vandalism?"

"You should see some of the sites I've gotten us into. My dangerous streak is her favorite turn on —"

 
"Too much information."

Warm laughter filled the air. "Sorry."

He didn't sound sorry at all.

Ian sounded happy.

He was with someone he loved, someone who understood and accepted him. They'd gone through absolute hell together and survived, scarred but stronger.

Envy spiked. Nixes had enough mortal blood that Aubrey wasn't in danger. Cam and Chloe also seemed to be in the process of working things out.

The remembered sensation of warm fingers around my wrist and the weight of his lips against my skin swept through me in a helpless rush.

Hands clenched. I had to fix that damn ache.

Sharp eyes saw more than I wanted. "Things with Prince Belicoux not going well?"

"That obvious?"

"No. But I've known you a while." He paused. "Julian hasn't returned yet?"

I shook my head. Frustration and regret weighed heavily on my shoulders and I scuffed the ground with my shoe.

I shouldn't have hit Julian.

In that moment, it'd been like Cindy all over again. After what happened with Aquidae, hearing him say he wanted to leave was the last straw.

A confusing mess of emotions had roared to life. Fury over what happened with Matt, Jesse, and Ethan. Pain from missing Marcella and Gabe so much.

And the realization that no matter what I did, my relationship with Julian had permanently changed into something I no longer understood.

I should've had more patience. But part of the anger stemmed from disappointment. Julian was so much better than some of the stuff he said or did.

"I don't think my friendship is good enough for him," I muttered.

Just this morning Cam had pointed out how much I sucked at relationships. Ian was the only person I'd ever hung out with before coming to Haverleau. And even we'd been separated by a wealth of secrets we kept from each other.

I was like a kid flailing around in the water. Lack of experience meant a cycle of screwing thing up with people then figuring out how to fix it.

"Oh, I don't know." A light breeze ruffled his hair, gently pushing a lock in front of his eye. "I consider myself pretty lucky to be your friend."

The day suddenly seemed brighter.

Sky opened above us in an infinite wash of perfect blue. Cotton clouds floated so close you could almost reach out and touch them.

"You're not so bad, MacAllister."

Another selkie walked by. He didn't bother to disguise his glare.

Ian sighed. "Do me a favor. If I don't make it out of this kingdom, make sure that's engraved on my tombstone."

"CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING else?"

"No, thank you." I'd inhaled enough salmon, potatoes, and asparagus to stretch my stomach to four times its size. "It was delicious."

The light bulb hanging over the living room cast a soft glow that extended to the dining table. Yahaira was in the process of finding a new chandelier to match her furnishings.

 
Composed of a suite of rooms in the west wing, her apartment was tastefully decorated with rich hand-woven rugs and elegant antiques. Tall windows along the north wall provided a stunning view of mountains and woods.

On the day of her incident, she'd been in the bathroom at the far end of the apartment. But the back door leading to the terrace had been open, providing easy entry.

She stood. "You should come over sometime and try my meatloaf."

"So I've heard. What's your secret?"

"Bear meat."

Hmm. "Maybe next time."

She didn't take offense. "Tea or coffee?"

"Coffee, please."

Worry crept up my spine as she headed into the kitchen. This was the first time an attack had been carried out by the traitor, not an Aquidae.

It meant he was growing bolder.

Yahaira placed a mug of coffee down on the worn table and settled across from me.

The memory of a cheery breakfast nook and bright lemon walls filled with carefully framed photos flickered through my mind.

Was anyone taking care of Gabe and Marcella's place?

I cradled my mug and swallowed the sudden lump in my throat.

"Once my
Sianne
grew up and left, gardinels have been my main visitors. It's nice to have a teenager over."

I savored the rich scent of coffee. "Even if I'm an ondine?"

She laughed. "Especially because you're an ondine. Thank goodness Prince Belicoux had the foresight and patience to put this conference together." She took a sip of coffee, gentle eyes watching me over the cup. "So tell me, dear. How do you find our kingdom? Is there anything I can help you with?"

Virtue trickled through my veins and Empath lightly reached out.

Threads of affection. Mild curiosity.

Time to ask the difficult questions.

"I'm working on finding the traitor behind the murders," I said as gently as I could. "Do you have any idea why you were targeted?"

"That's all I've thought about since it happened." Fear darkened her eyes. "But I can't find a reason. Nothing has struck me as unusual or out of the ordinary."

Besides age and race, no connecting thread tied the murdered victims together.

But Yahaira didn't match that small criteria, either. She wasn't killed, she wasn't an ondine, and she was considerably older than the others.

So why go after her in the first place?

Maybe it had something to do with her work for the kingdom. Attacking the selkie responsible for collecting treasure and art seemed a direct reference to the Manhattan cell.

"Have you had difficulties with anyone? Maybe with your curatorial work?"

She shook her head. Virtue sensed frustration and pain. "The thought of someone disliking me enough to do something like this..."

"This is not your fault." I hated hearing that tremor in her voice. "I'll find him."

She took a deep breath and gave a fragile smile."At this point, that's the only thing I'm sure of."

When I found this traitor, I'd make him pay.

Her gentle face settled back into mothering mode and she carried our dishes to the kitchen. The family photo hanging on the wall opposite me caught my eye.