Crown's Chance at Love (53 page)

Holly looks up at me almost in surprise and steps away from Mike. I bet she’s surprised. Had she been getting friendly with me, to find out if Mike and I had really been over? I had thought she was becoming my friend.

“Hey Sabrina,” she says and I notice that his back stiffens.

Shit, shit, shit what am I doing here?
Making a complete idiot of myself!

“Sorry to interrupt. I should have called you first Michael, to give you a heads up. I came to drop off the final lists that I needed the committee to sign off on for the Gala. I’ll just leave them on Robin’s desk. I’m sorry for umm… excuse me,” I say as I try to rush the hell out of there.

He hadn’t even turned to look at me. How could I have been so wrong on how he had felt? I was such an idiot. He hadn’t cared about me. I had just been a poor man’s Holly.

I toss the lists on Robin’s desk as I head towards the elevators. I press the buttons furiously, but the elevators feel like they will take an eternity to come up, so I decide to take the stairs down. My heart hurts even more now than when he had said all those awful things, because now I feel that the last little bit of hope is shattered.
How could I have held on to hope?

After living what I had lived through, how could I have held on to hope? He had told me where he had stood, why hadn’t I believed him? What about Holly? Was she going to give him a second chance? What about Robert? That was the part that made no sense; Robert and Holly were obviously completely and utterly in love with one another.
It’s none of your business Sabrina
, I think to myself. I stop and sit on a step after having rushed down three flights of stairs and cry as I try to catch my breath.

***

Mike

“Go after her you idiot!” Holly yells.

“No, she doesn’t want anything to do with me Holly. Didn’t you see, she couldn’t get out of here fast enough,” I say running my hand through my hair.

“She looked surprised, almost like she thought she walked in on something you idiot,” Holly says slapping my chest with her hand.

Suddenly I remember what I had said to her about how I was still in love with Holly. SHIT. I close my eyes as I remember we had been holding one another when she had walked in. FUCK!

“Shit! I told her I was still in love with you.”

“What!” she said her face pale and in shock. “Jesus Christ Mike, sometimes you can be such a bastard! Go after her!” she tells me, her blue eyes wide and flickering with anger.

“Yes. Thank you Holly… for talking to me…” I start to ramble. Fuck, I am not the type of guy who rambles.

“Thank me later… Go to her!” she exclaims smiling.

I rush out to the elevators just as the doors open but she isn’t there. She must have decided to take the stairs, so I take the elevator so that I can meet her at the lobby.

***

Sabrina

I wipe the tears from my face and take a deep breath; I can’t get to the house sad, the kids need me to get back to normal, to how I was before Mike. I don’t know what I was thinking when it had come to Mike. Introducing him to the kids so quickly. What kind of mother did that! How had I let him in so easily?
He didn’t love me and at this thought tears once more threaten.

I’m exhausted. I hadn’t been sleeping well the last two weeks, my mind plagued with thoughts of Mike. Every night when I closed my eyes, I remembered everything about us. The way we had bumped into one another, the baseball game we had all gone to, cooking dinners together, movie night with the kids, the time we spent alone at the beach house, the way my hand had felt in his. Everything.

Every night when I had finally let sleep claim my tired mind I saw his face and his eyes staring back at me. In my dreams I could feel the softness of his facial hair, the way his hands had felt all over my body, how his lips would kiss me hard and needy like he couldn’t get enough, and every night I would wake up reaching for him, except he wasn’t there, and he never would be.

Once the Gala was over and done with, there would no longer be any ties to Mike. It would all go back to how it was before him. If Edward’s Automotive wanted us to take care of any events, they would deal with Laney, she would understand. Sure life would be a little lonely, but it would be bearable. I had made it through losing my husband, and I would make it through this.

Perk Events had confirmed my flight information and itinerary. Maybe this opportunity was a sign?

Too tired and honestly not wearing the right type of shoes to walk down twenty some flights of stairs,  I decide to go to take the elevator down the rest of the way. The elevator is pretty full of people about to go out to lunch. I squeeze into the corner of the elevator and look down not wanting anyone to look at my puffy red eyes, because of course I had thrown my sunglasses to the bottom of my purse. Finally the elevator stops at the lobby and everyone starts to filter out of the elevator and I get out, stopping to dig into my huge bag to find my sunglasses.

“Can I help?” the familiar husky voice says and I close my eyes.
Be strong
I think to myself as I take a deep breath.

“Not really, my bag just swallows things up,” I say calmly, thankfully, as I look up at him. His crisp white dress shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and he has popped the top button of his shirt.
He has sexy forearms
the bad girl in me sighs.

His black dress slacks fit him perfectly.  His blue eyes look tired like he hasn’t been sleeping well, and his facial hair scruffier than his usual, almost like he hasn’t trimmed it in a while therefore showing a little more grey in it. Damn it to hell if he doesn’t look delicious. My body hurts to be near to him, and not feel him close. My fingers ache to play with his hair that needs a haircut, the slight bit more grey peeking through at his sideburns, making him look more distinguished and masculine.

Memories flood my mind of how we fit so perfectly together, what he was like when he made love to me so utterly sweet and gentle, and of the passion and intenseness we had shared. I remember how he had felt when he was deep inside of me, the way he would whisper things at my neck when we both went over the edge.

Then a sick thought crept in my mind. Had he been thinking of Holly when he had been with me? Had he wished it was her? I close my eyes in pain at the thought. I open them and his beautiful blue eyes look like they want to say a thousand words but something isn’t letting him. I almost want to laugh at how familiar this look is. How stupid I’ve been for thinking what he wanted to say would have been good.

“Here, let me,” he says as he grabs my bag and reaches in. Less than two seconds goes by and he hands me my oversized sunglasses. Funny, when we had first met he had helped me find my glasses, but that time they had been on top of my head.

“Thanks,” I whisper as I look down. My heart hurts to look at him. “How did you know that’s what I was looking for?” I ask without thinking.

“Because I know you,” he says and my heart stops.

He does know me. I don’t know how it happened, but in a little over six months he had gotten to know me better than anyone around me. I had let him in. But where did we go from here? Be friends? No, that wouldn’t work. It would hurt too much to love him the way that I him and know he was still pining away for the girl who had got away. Then the sad thought of how I hadn’t known him as well as I had thought makes my heart ache and head pound. No letting Laney and Kate takeover would be for the best, it was the right thing to do.

“Well thanks. I should get going. If you can have them e-mail me the confirmations for the Gala, that’d be great. Everything is pretty much in order for Saturday,” I say taking one last look at him and walking forward towards the exit. As I pass by him he grabs my hand, entwining his fingers through mine gently, almost reverently and I stop.

“I’m a bastard,” he whispers as he brings in his body closer to mine.

He smells so good, his scent reminding me of the showers we had taken together. I want desperately to lean into him, melt against him, but I can’t.  Not if I want to remain strong and walk away from him without him seeing me cry like an idiot, and keep some of my dignity intact. So I stand straight, almost cold towards him looking him straight in the eyes.

“No you aren’t. Your heart just didn’t feel what mine did. It happens. It’s okay. I’m okay,” I say calmly, surprising myself that I have kept so calm and collected, when on the inside I want to beg him to love me.

“Sabrina…” his voice is hoarse and full of pain.

***

Mike

“It’s fine. Really. Like you said, we never made any promises…” she says. Her eyes are trying to stay empty but I can see a flicker of something there.

“Please…” I start to say but she keeps cutting me off.

“It’s okay Mike, seriously. We had fun right?” she says her free hand going and caressing my cheek and I wish I would have shaved this morning so I could feel her hand directly on my skin; a sad smile washes over her pretty face. Why is she being so kind to me?

“Sabrina… I…” I start to say and her hand leaves my cheek, her back straightening, almost as if she has just noticed what she’s been doing.

“You have a plus one to the Gala, you know since it’s obvious we won’t be going together,” she says, surprisingly enough without malice or anger. “I’ll need a name for the calligrapher to make one more place setting card,” she explains.

“I won’t need it,” I say.

“Okay,” she says softly looking at her hand in mine.

“Are you going with anyone?” I ask, knowing that I should be saying everything my heart is desperate for her to know, but I don’t know how.

“Mike…”

“Are you?” my voice strains.

“Tony Garibaldi asked me to go with him. I told him I would think about it,” she says softly, honestly.

“Garibaldi, the movie producer?” I ask my body tensed as I remembered them together at Holly’s house.

Of course she didn’t know that I knew how they had met. I knew the guy. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was newly divorced with a daughter who obviously swam like a damn fish; his ex had taken a payoff in exchange so that Garibaldi could have the kid. Robert Montgomery was his business partner.

“How did you meet?” I ask gruffly, even though I know the answer.

“Holly. She had a get together. For some weird ass reason she thinks we are friends. She invited us over, and even weirder we went. He was there. He is Roberts’s business partner, which I am sure you know. His daughter, Sophie, and Chris got along great. They even had a play date last Saturday at the house. Anyhow their production company bought the last table, when I went to take him the tickets yesterday and he asked if I would be his date,” she says looking at me, her eyes guarded.

“Are you going with him?” I ask, my voice harsh almost angry. Not at her, but at my stupidity. Of course a guy like Garibaldi would ask her to be his date. She’s fucking perfect. The thought of Garibaldi’s hands on her made me see red.

“I don’t know,” she answers sincerely. “But at the end of the day, it’s not any of your business if I do or I don’t.”

“Damn it Sabrina. We need to talk… this thing..” I start to speak and her eyes look so sad. Suddenly she takes her hand away, leaving my hand free… alone and cold. I had done this and was lost as to how I could fix it. Is it fixable?

“We talked… “ she takes a deep breath almost as if she is trying to center herself. “Look you talked. You told me where you stood. I get it. Don’t worry Mike, you won’t see me after Saturday night. I won’t plan any of your company’s events. Laney is more than happy to take over the account in case for some odd reason your mother and the committee ever want us to be in charge of another. You were extremely clear as to how you stood with me and you honestly don’t have anything to worry about.” Taking a deep breath she pinches the bridge of her nose, her hands going to her side her eyes go to mine.

“I’m not one of those silly girls holding on to hope that you will change your mind. Your life will go on without… what did you call it? Baggage wasn’t it?” she said a little louder, her back a little straighter.

This isn’t my sweet Sabrina, this is the cold one, the one that would do anything to protect her kids and herself, building walls around her sixteen feet high. I had done this. Had I actually been enough of an asshole to call her and the kid’s baggage? Why had I messed everything up? Panic starts to creep into me. What if I can’t fix our situation?

“I’ll make sure that your life will go back to the way it was before me, I won’t exist to you… I’ll just be someone you knew once,” she says as her voice goes soft. The pain in her eyes flashes and disappears, breathing in deep she continues. “I should really go, traffic can be a real bitch. I’ll see you Saturday,” she says her stare cold and distant, and my stomach feels ill at the fact that I had killed that light in them. There is no longer a spark in them; they aren’t filled with mischief or life, her eyes are just blank and cold.

I stare at her as she walks out of my building into the parking lot until I can longer make her out anymore. What do I do and why do my feet suddenly feel like they are cemented to the god damn floor?