Damaged and the Outlaw (13 page)

Jeff’s
expression flickered between the desire to live and the hunger for my blood. If
his guys opened fire, it was just as likely a few of them would end up dead or
injured. The ones who lived would need to race out of town to avoid facing
Judd. As much as Jeff wanted to kill me, he wanted to live more.

Raven held her
gun on the bastards until they rode away. I wanted nothing more than to reward the
brave little chick with hours in bed, serving her every desire. Instead, I had
nearly gotten her killed.

“Are you okay?”
I asked, kissing her before I could even finish.

Raven attached
herself to me and I had the urge to run away with her. Forget all about the
Devils and Reapers. Just live a life hidden away with Raven. Even if I could
betray the Reapers after they put their asses on the line for me, I knew Raven
couldn’t ditch her sister.

“Thanks for
having my back,” I said, leading her to the jeep. “I need you to get in and
speed your ass to the Johanssons’. Keep your gun close and don’t stop for
anyone.”

“What about
you?”

“I have to chase
down those guys with Judd. You did text him, right?”

“Yeah, but
there’s only two of you.”

“Raven, those
fuckers came into Reapers’ territory and shit on it. We have to at least run
them out of town with the fear of death on their asses. Go home and I’ll see
you around.”

“See me around?”
she asked as I pushed her into the driver’s seat. “What does that mean?”

“It means I
almost got you killed. This shit between us was supposed to be fun. Nothing fun
about having you gang raped because I fucked up years ago. Now, go home.”

Raven’s expression
tore me apart. I knew she felt the way I did. We’d passed simple fun and were something
else now. I wanted a chance with Raven, but I wasn’t in a position to do
anything more than fun. Tonight, I’d nearly spilled her blood along with mine.
Pretend time was over.

I still couldn’t
believe it. Vaughn kissed me goodbye and walked away. I’d been willing to kill
to protect him. Die too, yet he forced me to leave him and he hadn’t even called.
I only knew what happened with the bikers when Bailey told me the next morning.

Vaughn and Judd
and a few other guys chased the motorcycle club. Apparently, the assholes drove
their Harleys as if their asses were on fire because they were out of Kentucky within two hours. Kirk put out word if they ever entered his territory again that
they were dead men. By morning, Judd and Vaughn were back in Ellsberg. By the
next morning, I realized Vaughn wasn’t calling me. By the third morning, after
I’d texted him and left messages he didn’t respond to, I accepted we were over.

With the help of
bags of mini-Snickers, bottles of Whiskey, and too much Nicorette, I handled
his rejection well. As a big girl, I knew men could turn off their feelings. We
were just fuck buddies and never would have been more. I could find another hot
guy to rub up against without commitment.
Problem solved.

Unfortunately, next
to Vaughn, every man in the world was a gross loser who made me vomit in my
mouth. Missing the sexy jerk, I also resented how he’d ruined other guys for
me.

With a new fuck
buddy out of the question, I decided to do a lot of girl bonding. Bailey was
game since she was back to feeling lonely and insecure.

“Maybe celibacy
isn’t working for you?” I suggested as we sat on her bed.

Bailey leaned
her head against my shoulder and stared at our freshly pedicured toes. Along
with Sawyer, we went out early for muffins and decided to get mani/pedis. My
hands were a mess from fighting, cracked and bruised. They looked vastly better
with my pretty pink nails.

“I’m missing the
hope of finding someone special more than I miss the fucking,” Bailey finally muttered.
“I don’t want a fuck buddy. I want a real boyfriend.”

“School will
start up and a new crop of guys will show up. You’ll find the best one and
he’ll fall for your hot body and great laugh. You two will be a match made in
heaven then I’ll secretly hate you because I’m jealous.”

Bailey grinned.
“I’m surprised more people aren’t jealous of me. I’m really hot.”

“True.”

“I wish I had
bigger boobs.”

As usual, I was
torn between being Bailey’s honest friend and her protective big sister.
Honesty won out.

“This is where I
should say big boobs don’t matter, but I actually like my girls. They made me
look curvier than I am.”

Bailey rolled on
her stomach and studied my boobs. It was weird, but I knew she was just
evaluating and didn’t plan to make a horny move.

“I kept hoping
my tits would kick in before I was finished with puberty. I’ve been in denial
about finishing for a while. It’s time to accept these are as good as I’m
getting.”

“You’re still
hot, Bailey. If I was a guy, I’d bang you sideways.”

Laughing, she
rested her head on the pillow. “You’d be a hot guy too. Too bad I’m so shallow.
If I could fuck an ugly guy, maybe I’d be in love already.”

“Maybe, but you
can’t force these things. The right guy, ugly or hot, is waiting for you. He’s
probably wondering why he can’t find his special chick and here you are lowering
your standards. It’ll happen.”

“You miss Vaughn,
don’t you?”

I nodded. “He
was really great in bed.”

“I bet. He has
big hands.”

Giggling, we
rested in bed without speaking for a long time. I was thinking about Vaughn
while hopefully Bailey wasn’t thinking about him. I would hate to have to punch
her.

“I think I
messed up,” Bailey whispered. “I think I was too much of a bitch and I scared
off all the good guys already. Now, I’m stuck with losers.”

“You’re not too
much of a bitch. You’re the right amount of bitch.”

“Now, but you
didn’t know me before. I was pretty bitchy. I think I’ve ruined my chance at
love.”

Frowning at her,
I sat up against the headboard. “You’re nineteen. You have a long time to find
your man and make him worship you.”

Bailey gave me a
weak smile. “I just don’t want to have messed up and ruined things.”

“Are we talking
about a particular guy?”

“No.”

I couldn’t tell
when Bailey was lying. Well, when she was mouthing off loudly I could tell. In
these quiet moments, she was harder to read.

“When I was a
kid,” I told her as she rested her head on my leg and I played with her hair,
“I wanted to be on a softball team. We had just moved to a new neighborhood and
there was a girl on our street that was into softball. I thought she was cool
and wanted to be like her. I asked my mom for a glove, ball, and bat for my
birthday. She used to do these stupid nod things like she was stoned or
something. She wasn’t, but she liked to have people think she was. People don’t
ask much from you if they think you’re dumb or stoned. Anyway, I asked and she
said yes.”

Wrapping a lock
of Bailey’s soft hair around my finger, I remembered how Vaughn played with my
hair as we dozed off in bed. When he said my hair smelled like peaches, he
would smile.
I missed his smile.

“Anyway, my mom
got me roller skates instead. When I asked why, she said she couldn’t find a
pink glove. She saw the cute skates and thought I’d like them more. Why would I
like it more? Because they’re pink? Because girls have to like pink?”

“I like pink.”

“Me too. It’s my
favorite color, but that’s not the damn point. It’s that my mom made
assumptions and never paid attention to who I was,” I said then glanced around
Bailey’s room. “Of course, I ended up getting into roller derby which is way
better than stupid softball.”

“You can’t knock
people down in softball.”

“No, you can’t,”
I said, smiling. “I guess, the point is sometimes fucked up shit can end up
working out. You just never know until the end of the story.”

Bailey sat up on
the bed next to me. “I’m thinking about taking business courses. I said I would
because Tucker said I was too dumb and I wanted to prove him wrong. Mostly, I
wanted to throw a fit because I don’t need a stupid person telling me I’m
stupid. Now, I think I might want a business degree. I could help Cooper by
running the legitimate stuff our family owns. Do you think I’m a natural born
leader?”

Sizing up
Bailey, I shook my head. “No, but you’re young and still figuring things out.
By the time you graduate with your fancy degree, you’ll know exactly who you
are and people will follow you.”

Bailey grinned,
looking so young in that moment. “I like when you tell me things like that.
Sometimes, when Lark or Tawny say nice things, I feel like they might be faking
it. More Lark than Tawny, but I think they want me to feel good about myself
even when I suck. They can tell me when to shut up when I’m being a bitch, but
when I’m a loser, they lie. You don’t.”

“That’s Lark’s
fault. She is usually standing next to me, so I can say mean shit and she’ll
fix it with her sweet smile. When I’m on my own, I tend to get in trouble.”

“Me too. I’m
better when Tawny’s around to keep me from telling people to suck my balls.”

“Guys laugh when
you say that, don’t they?”

Bailey nodded.

“I get that a
lot too. Men laugh at my mouth because they think I won’t take a shot at them.”

“I like shooting
things. Not animals, but some people are okay to shoot.”

Sawyer ran into
the room and dove onto the bed. “I can’t wait to get my gun, so I can shoot
losers.”

“You going to be
a cleaner when you grow up?” I asked as Sawyer rested between us.

“I’m going to be
a pilot. I told Uncle Cyrus I wanted to travel all over the world and he said I
should become a flight attendant.” Sawyer’s face twisted into a disgusted
frown. “Screw him. Pilots make more money, get to fly big planes, and have a
better uniform. I’m going to be a pilot.”

“You’ve got it
all figured out,” Bailey said, sounding a little depressed now.

“Sure. Life’s
not hard.”

“Just wait.”

“Don’t be a
whiner,” Sawyer muttered, frowning at her sister. “In five years, you’ll forget
you were a whiner. I’ll be a teenager and I’ll remember you were a whiner and
I’ll tell you and you’ll lie and say you weren’t. I should get the phone and
make a video as proof.”

“You shouldn’t
fight with each other,” I said, sliding off the bed. “You’re sisters and that’s
a magical thing. Lark and I are different, but we’re the only ones who had each
other’s backs. You are the youngest and you’re girls. You should be best
friends and fight for each other.”

As Sawyer and
Bailey considered teaming up against the world, I dug around in my purse for
another Nicorette. Missing Vaughn made the urge to smoke worse. I kept waiting
for the need to pass, but I still wanted a cigarette. I also wanted Vaughn. While
all of the need was making me cranky, I put it into neutral for a girls’ night
at Farah’s house.

Back in high
school, I never imagined Cooper would end up in suburbia. Not that his large
updated house was wussy. A guy definitely lived there. Despite the pretty front
porch and family pictures on the walls, the dark paint colors plus giant
leather couches and black furniture reeked of male taste.

With her dark
hair wrapped up into a braid, Farah sat on the couch with Lark’s head resting
on a pillow in her lap. My sister looked tiny curled up under a blanket. The
two pregger pals were miserable together. Since Tawny brought Lark a blanket,
the pixy hadn’t moved.

Bailey tiptoed
past the couch, tripped over a Rottweiler, and cursed loud enough to wake
Scarlet. Despite the noise, Lark remained perfectly still while Farah only
opened half an eye.

“It’s like
they’ve been hit with the plague,” Maddy said, making BLT sandwiches. “These
always made me feel better.”

“I thought
cravings were different from every chick,” Bailey asked, glaring at the dog as
if it was always his plan to trip her.

“All a girl can
do is to try different things until they find what helps them with their
nausea.”

“Because I’m
nice and care about people now, I’ll hold their hair while the preggos puke.
I’ll also consider cleaning up the mess. Can’t promise anything.”

“I’ll help you,”
Sawyer announced. “Helping Bailey is my new thing.”

Picking up the
crying baby, I walked with a slight bounce. I knew how to soothe babies from
when I’d babysat for a neighbor in high school. No doubt, she assumed I would
call my boyfriend and party. I even suspected she had one of those nanny cams
because when she returned from her night out, she was full of praise for my
amazing babysitting skills.

Scarlet watched
me with bright blue eyes. Her soft hair was a light blonde and I realized she
looked the way my baby with Vaughn might.

Crap.

Thinking about babies
was a bad sign, but I couldn’t stop myself. Holding this perfect little
creature, I returned to my childhood dream of being a mom. Unlike Lark, I
couldn’t admit I wanted to be a mother without people laughing or giving me the
look. People always assumed I’d suck as a mom and my kid would be taken away by
the state. They imagined my bratty kids freaking out at restaurants or hanging
out of the car while I screamed at traffic. No one saw me as mother material,
but I had it in me. If I had been in charge that day, Phoenix would be in high
school. Flirting with girls and being stupid, he’d have his whole life ahead of
him. Instead, a loser who looked the part of a good dad had been in charge. He
left Phoenix to die like I never would have.

I learned that
day my heart could break and never heal, yet I could keep living. I also
learned looks were deceiving. Good men might be evil and bitchy women could be
generous.

Like most
babies, Scarlet liked me. I had a way about me that calmed them. Who knew what
magic I possessed, but it was one of my few qualities. One day, I would hold
Lark’s babies and they would stare at me with the same warmth I saw in
Scarlet’s eyes. I just wished I could find a guy who looked at me like Aaron
looked at Lark. Not horny, but full of love. Real affection based on wanting me
happy, not on wanting a hot girlfriend.

Vaughn wasn’t
that guy. He couldn’t be that guy with all his baggage and walls up. At the
bowling alley, he lowered his guard and showed me the teddy bear underneath his
indifferent grizzly. The guy I saw wanted more from life.

Life wasn’t
playing by Vaughn’s terms.

While we didn’t
have a shot at forever, Vaughn and I would make one hell of a hot kid together.
I even wondered if maybe I should use him as a sperm donor. This idea, while
appealing, made me uneasy. Getting knocked up by a random guy at a bar was one
thing. Using a guy I cared about crossed a line I didn’t realize I had.

“I want a baby
one day,” Bailey said, having been silent for too long and needing attention.
“I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. I just want a baby that looks like my
hot husband. My man will be so great that everyone will be jealous.”