Damaged and the Outlaw (18 page)

“Back off,
asshole,” I told Scott.

“This isn’t
about you, Outlaw.”

“It’s Vaughn and
you need to fuck off. Raven’s shit is more about me than you.”

“I’m her
father.”

“You’re the guy
who came in her mom and had a swimmer get lucky. Let’s not put ribbons and bows
on what you are to her. Now, back off.”

Scott crossed
his arms and smirked. “You’re young, so you don’t get it. I’ve been around and
I don’t need my kid whoring in my territory. It’s a big town. Take it somewhere
else.”

Raven was focused
on her father when he said whoring, but her gaze quickly turned to me as I
pointed the gun at his head.

“Tell me why I
don’t kill you right here?” I asked Scott who pretended he wasn’t pissing
himself.

Around us, people
moved away. Those customers who weren’t club members were corralled from the
place. Scott knew this was between him and me and no one was interfering.

“You really going
to start trouble over a piece of tail?” Scott asked.

“Wrong answer,”
I said, smacking him with the gun. “The answer I’m looking for is that Raven is
none of your business. You will not speak to her. You will not look at her. You
will act like she’s a stranger. If you don’t stay away from her, I’ll kill
you.”

“And after
someone kills you?”

Years of lies
kept me from showing how much that question bothered me. My gaze held steady,
but Raven shrunk at his words.

“Raven is my
woman,” I said, deciding I couldn’t hide from the truth anymore. “If I die,
she’s the responsibility of the club. Men like Judd will protect her and I
don’t think he’ll lose a second’s sleep over dropping you in a shallow grave,
asshole.”

Scott realized
he was fucked. A guy in the club claiming a woman made her untouchable even to
her shitty dad. Even if it didn’t, Scott wasn’t an enforcer. He wasn’t a guy
Kirk needed around. His death would mean little. The mole Kirk had killed
months ago meant more in the scheme of things than Scott.

Without saying
another word, Scott walked away and the tension in the bar eased up. People
talked more freely and outsiders were allowed back inside. I watched Scott
leave then looked at Raven. Her expression was unreadable.

“I want to go
home.”

Raven bolted from
the bar and I wasn’t surprised. We were safe in our lies. Fuck buddies didn’t fall
apart when one of them was killed. If I was merely her lover, Raven could
replace me. If she loved me, my death meant a broken heart. I knew her fear,
but the words were out in the open and I refused to take them back

“Your woman?”
she cried when we got outside. “You clingy bitch!”

“Don’t act like
you don’t feel anything for me.”

“You’re a nice
guy I enjoy fucking. Now, you’ve ruined that.”

Holding her
still, I forced her to look at me. “I love you, Raven.”

“Fuck you.”

“You love me
too.”

“You wish, loser.”

“I know you’re
scared.”

“That you’ll
turn stalker now that I’ve dumped you.”

My ego insisted
I put Raven in her place. My heart knew how scared she was that we weren’t
playing anymore. Everything was real and all of her walls were coming up.
Suddenly, I was the enemy attacking her.

“I need you,” I
said, lowering my voice and softening my stance. “I haven’t needed anyone in a
long time, but I have no choice with you.”

“This isn’t
fair,” she said, hands in fists. “You’re a dead man and you expect me to make
your final days special.”

“You can say
whatever hurtful shit you want, but I know you love me too. We need to stop
playing games.”

Raven shook her
head and tried to find something nasty to say that would make me walk away from
her. Nothing was changing my mind. I saw on her face how she was stuck. More
than anything she was panicking.

“I’m not the
losers you’ve been with before. I understand you.”

“I’m going to fuck
someone else,” she said, walking away. “We can still be fuck buddies. We’ll
just screw other people and it’ll go back to the way it was. You’ll see how
stupid you’re being.”

Raven walked
around in a weird circle until realizing she had no way to get home. Turning to
me, she stared wide-eyed. I knew nothing I thought to say would fix the fear in
her expression.

“Do you want me
to take you to Lark’s house?” I whispered as she stared at the dark road.

When Raven
looked at me, her panic faded into something worse.
Despair.
I’d said
the right thing. She needed me to lash out and hurt her. The only escape from
her feelings was if I broke her heart. We both knew that wasn’t happening.

“I’m not your
woman,” she mumbled while walking to my Harley. “I’m the thing you’re holding
onto because you’re afraid to die.”

I wished to
steal away all of her fear and pain. “Say what you want. Convince yourself
we’re nothing to each other. When you go to bed tonight and it’s quiet and you
let yourself relax, you’ll think of how I love you and you’ll know it’s true.”

Raven hid her
face against my back and said nothing. Not as we drove to Lark’s house or when
she climbed off. Before she could disappear inside, I took her by the arm and
kissed her gently. Right then, Raven needed soft and I needed her to find her
way past the fear. I hoped my tenderness helped her get through what I
suspected would be a difficult night.

My heart hurt
and I felt like I might throw up. Entering the house, I ignored Aaron who
answered and rushed instead to Lark on the couch. My sister knew me better than
anyone. No, maybe not better than Vaughn. He understood me, but that only made the
pain worse.

Lark frowned at
me as I knelt next to the couch. I took her hands and stared panicked into her
bright green eyes.

“Don’t judge
me,” I whimpered like a baby, instead of her big sister.

“What…?”

Sobbing, I
clutched at her and Lark instantly wrapped her arms around me. I never felt as
low as I did right then. If Vaughn died, I would be nothing. I feared his death
more than anything.

Crying myself
out, I cuddled Lark who caressed my head.

“Why would I
judge you?” she finally asked.

“Crying is for
losers.”

“I cry.”

“How many times
do I have to tell you that tiny chicks get special rules?”

Lark smiled down
at me. “Did you have a fight with Vaughn?”

“I dumped him.”

“Why?”

“He said he loved
me.”

“Makes sense.”

Sitting up, I
took her hand in mine. “I saw my dad tonight and you know what he said?”

“Something
stupid?”

“He said he
didn’t want me around his club because everything I touched turned to shit.”

“Your dad’s an
idiot.”

“He has a point.”

“When I said the
same about Mom, you said I was wrong.”

Rolling my eyes,
I glanced at Aaron who was messing around in the kitchen so we could have a
little privacy.

“When I left,
you built something great. I feel like I jinx things and I can’t jinx Vaughn.
He’s too special.”

Tears welled up
in my eyes and Lark hugged me again. “It’ll be okay.”

“Vaughn walks
into a room and makes everything better. He shouldn’t die for doing something
good. I can’t let him die.”

“You’re not the
one putting him in danger.”

“I have this bad
feeling that something will happen to him if I say the words.”

“You’re not a
jinx,” she said, wiping my face. “You’re what he needs.”

“You don’t know
that.”

“Of course, I
do. I’m very wise.”

Despite my
panic, I laughed. “Like Yoda. Maybe the wisdom comes from your size.”

“Don’t make me
smack you when you’re already upset, Raven.”

Grinning, I felt
another wave of panic rush over me. “I keep seeing him dead. I need to save
him. Maybe I can pay someone to kill those fucks in Tucson.”

“With what?”

“I have some
money.”

“Even if you had
enough, who would you hire? The guys in the club won’t do anything without
Cooper’s okay.”

“He’s taking too
long to do anything,” I whimpered. “Cooper’s going to let them kill Vaughn. I
need to do something.”

“I don’t want to
interrupt,” Aaron said.

“Then don’t.”

Ignoring me,
Aaron continued, “I care about Vaughn too. He’s my friend and I want him to
live a long life with his balls rolling around in your purse. Mostly, I want to
mock him for claiming he would never fall for a chick. As much as I want him to
be okay, you need to give Coop some slack. The guy is twenty two, newly married
with a kid on the way, and he’s been the president of the club for a few
months. He wants to do the right thing and that’s not always easiest to know.
What’s best for you and Vaughn might not be what’s best for the club. Coop has
more than one life in his hands.”

Realizing Aaron
was irritated, maybe even angry, I thought to slug him. I didn’t want rational.
I wanted emotional. I wanted someone to save Vaughn even if other people
suffered. My heart only cared about one perfect man.

“I get it. I do,
but that’s all logical shit and I’m not feeling logical. I’m afraid and my fear
says I need to do whatever possible to save Vaughn.”

“I know, but you
don’t have the kind of money that would be necessary to get someone capable of
taking out a few members of a motorcycle club.”

“How hard would
it be really?” I asked. “Bailey said it would be like four guys that needed
killing.”

“You start spilling
blood and you can’t always decide when the blood stops flowing. Even if you
could hire someone to travel to Tucson and he was able to ambush four badass
killers, he would have the club on his ass forever. The Devils are linked to
drugs and gun running. You think they’ll just let your hit man walk away? You
think they won’t come after you and Vaughn for payback? It won’t be four guys.”

“So they can’t
be killed?”

“If Coop decides
to call in someone, it would need to be a pro and they don’t come cheap. If
it’s the Reapers taking out the Devils, the remaining club in Tucson will walk
away. The pros leave calling cards and there are few people who want to fuck
with a real assassin. Not worth the effort when they’re going to be fighting to
keep their territory. Killing you and your hired gun won’t mean as much.”

No matter what
Aaron said, I still wondered about finding someone to deal with the Devils. My
brother-in-law was Cooper’s guy and Cooper wanted to be the one to decide. In
reality, they didn’t want me interfering with their plans because I wasn’t in
the club. I was an outsider and needed to mind my own business. Normally, I
would, but Vaughn was my business and I would find a way to save him if
possible.

Lark babied me
for a while then I babied her then Aaron said she needed to go to bed so he
could baby her. I was stuck watching TV with the dogs until I dozed off
wondering how I could save Vaughn. If he was safe, I could say the words
without jinxing him.

I woke up to
Aaron talking to the dogs about Deputy Dipshit who was bugging someone down the
street about their car alarm. Lark shuffled out in her Barney slippers. I heard
them whispering about how I was sleeping. Before I could announce I was awake,
they returned to the bedroom and didn’t emerge for an hour.

Sitting on the
porch, I wondered if Vaughn was awake. He always woke up quickly like a
starter’s pistol went off in his system. I was groggy and a mess. He was lively
and usually ready for morning sex. Fortunately, he didn’t care if I
participated much when it was early.

I missed him and
the edginess made me chew half a pack of Nicorette. Giving up smoking had gone
well until this morning. Now, I wanted to smoke a few cartoons to take the edge
off.

Once Aaron left
for the shop, I headed inside where Lark sat on the couch with her feet up. We
didn’t say much while eating muffins and watching the
Today Show
. By the
time Bailey arrived, Lark looked ready for a nap. I was still dying for a
smoke, but Bailey had something else on her mind.

“I’m getting a
boob job,” Bailey announced. “I want to attract a better quality of guy.”

Lark and I
glanced at each other and fought the urge to roll our eyes. Standing up, I
walked to Bailey.

“You’re like a
little sister to me, so I’m going to tell you what I would tell Lark in this
situation.”

“I hope you plan
to say, ‘Go for it. I support you no matter what,’” Bailey said. “That’s what
I’m looking for here.”

“If you’re going
to have surgery to change your body just so you can get dates, I think you’re
an idiot. If you want to have a doctor cut into you because you haven’t found
the right guy even though you’re nineteen, I think you’re a super fucking
idiot.”

Bailey frowned.
“You guys are always telling me I need to change, so people will like me more.”

“I never said that,”
Lark mumbled, leaning back on the couch. “I like you the way you are.”

Bailey’s frown
darkened. “I saw a shrink and she said I’m insecure. She’s right because I
don’t like my boobs.”

“Shut up while I
finish,” I said, taking her by the shoulders. “If you want to get new boobs
because you want to feel prettier, I support you. If you want to bleed to
improve yourself for you, I support your decision. As long as you’re doing it
for you and not to land a guy, I support you. Guys come and go, but you’ll always
have you. Besides, new boobs will be a cosmetic change and you’re insecure on
the inside.”

“I’m hot, but my
boobs aren’t. They let me down when I wear sexy clothes.”

“Hey, I’m not
going to pretend like having nice tits isn’t great. I love my girls. Just
promise me you won’t go crazy with the size,” I said, walking into the kitchen.
“I knew a girl at the strip club who had huge boobs. She was very plastic
looking anyway which was sad because I think she was likely gorgeous without
the super tan and bleached hair. Anyway, her boobs looked painful like the skin
was stretched too much. Not sexy. Keep your boobs realistic for your body. Be
Bailey with nice boobs, not huge boobs with some girl attached to them.”

Bailey smiled.
“I grew up in a place with new girls coming to town every year. They were
always so pretty and I thought I’d be like them. I don’t know why my boobs
stayed so small.”

“I like small
boobs,” Lark announced, eyes still closed. “They fit the rest of me.”

“Can you imagine
big honkers on your body?” Bailey snorted. “How you would walk around with
them?”

“I couldn’t and
that’s why I’m happy with my little ones. Aaron likes them just fine.”

“Didn’t need
that visual,” Bailey said, winking at me. “Will you help me pick out my new
boobs?”

“Sure. I like
shopping.”

Lark laughed
then made a weird noise. “Heartburn.”

“What happens
when the hormones kick in and your boobs inflate?” I asked. “Pregger chicks get
bigger boobs and you’ll get bigger for two.”

Opening her eyes
a bit, Lark flipped me off. “I have enough problems not projectile vomiting on
you right now. Let’s not freak me out about giant boobs, okay?”

“Sorry,” I said
as Bailey and I laughed from a safe distance. “I’ll make it up to you by going
shopping. I see the list on the fridge and you can stay home and rest while I
do slave work.”

“I’ll do your
dishes,” Bailey said, eyeing the kitchen. “Clean up the counter too. Helping is
fun and not at all boring or beneath me.”

Lark grinned.
“I’m feeling really crappy though. Like I need you to do the laundry and sweep
the floors kind of crappy.”

Bailey and I
glanced at each other then back at little Lark reclined on the couch. She was
so fragile and I didn’t want to think of how miserable she would be once the
bump of hers exploded into a full fledged camel hump.

“Bailey will
start the laundry and I’ll finish it when I get back from the store.”

“Yeah, we’ll tag
team your to-do list into submission.”

My little sister
beamed at us from the couch and her happiness distracted from my worries over
Vaughn. Once I was in Aaron’s Honda on the way to the store, my mind returned
to the sexy bastard who owned my heart.

The grocery list
consisted of mainly odd pregnancy craving foods. Peppers, onions, limes, lemons
plus a few other basics like bread and beef. I picked up a bouquet of flowers
for Lark too and mint ice cream. I remembered her mentioning in passing how the
flavor might work with her peculiar cravings.

“Remind me not
to come to your house for dinner,” Dylan said, pushing his cart next to mine.

I sized up my tall,
muscular, and mohawk sporting stepbrother. “It’s for Lark, fuckwit.”

His dark eyes
amused, he sighed. “You’re as eloquent as ever, twatface.”

“Is it time to
kick your ass again?” I asked, cracking my knuckles.

Dylan scratched
at his stubbled jaw. “I’m not letting you win this time, dingus.”

“You know, Lark
says you don’t think of us as your sisters, but you sure act like a shithead
little brother.”

“I’m older.”

“Not mentally.”

Dylan grinned.
“How is Lark?”

“Fine.”

“How are you?
You look crankier than usual.”

“I’m fine. Do
you really care?”

“Sure, why not?
I’m nice now. Lark told me not to be an asshole like Larry and I just switched
off my asshole gene.”

“Never occurred
to you to turn it off before?” I asked, pushing my cart.

“No. Asshole has
always worked for me.”

“I didn’t thank
you for helping out Lark when Larry and his grease ball brother attacked her.
Thanks, turdmuncher.”

“You’re welcome,
skank. I’m glad you came back to town. Lark needs you. Baldy is no substitute.”

“I call him
Mister Clean and Yule Brenner.”

“I’ve referred
to him as Telly Savalas and Cooper knew who I meant. Didn’t even correct me.”

Laughing, I
smacked his arm. “I like this new less asshole version of you.”