Dancing On Air (21 page)

But that was just it: he hadn’t thought. The revelation jarred and scraped against his brain. He hadn’t thought of the sacrifice Lisette would have to live with if she became his mistress. He had been so intent on what he wanted and how he could provide a love haven for them both, he had lost sight of how his decisions would impact her. His haven would quite easily become her hell. His love would mark her as a pariah and all of her fears she voiced when they first met would come to fruition. And what if their union begot children, his children... How would his actions impact them? A picture of Lisette holding a baby materialized in his brain. As the enormity of his thoughtlessness hit him, he thought for a moment that he might be sick as the bile rose in his throat.

His mind’s eye replayed the instant he had broken her heart. He had seen it on her face and in her eyes. The twin flames of regret and guilt spiralled through him. He had just hurt the one thing he loved even more than Temperly. Keelhauling was too good for him.

He snatched up the bottle of champagne and took a swig. Hell and damnation, what an imbecile he was! His only hope was that she would forgive him and give him a second chance. Not that he deserved it.

In a fluid movement, Evander stood up and withdrew his billfold from the inside of his jacket. He took out several notes and threw them on the table before he strode out of the restaurant. The doorman quickly hailed the nearest hansom. Evander flipped him a coin in thanks as he got into the carriage.

‘Where to gov’nor?’

‘Beggar’s Mews,’ Evander said to the driver. ‘As quickly as you can.’

The driver raised a bushy eyebrow. ‘If you say so gov’, but I won’t be waiting around.’

Evander didn’t answer, as he was more preoccupied praying to God that Lisette would forgive him. The cab lurched forward and Evander swayed from side to side as the carriage bumped over the rain-wet cobblestones.

It was taking what seemed like forever to get to Lisette’s. Evander took out his gold pocket watch. By the light of the passing gaslights he was able to read the Roman numerals. It appeared that time itself was slowing and he wondered if it would be quicker if he just got out and ran. At least then he would be doing something. He replaced his watch and then fidgeted on the seat. Finally he saw Beggar’s Mews edge into view and, before the driver had a chance to bring the horses to a standstill, Evander was already halfway out the door. Without a word he jumped down and jogged towards Lisette’s building.

The rain fell gently and the smell of it sweetened the dank air. Evander opened the front door and stepped inside. He brushed the rain off his shoulders as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. The interior was dark and lit by one flickering gaslight. As he strode up the creaking wooden steps, he cast monstrous shadows on the dim, cracked walls. How anyone as beautiful as Lisette could live in such a depressing tenement always surprised him. But soon he would find a way to rescue her and it would not be by becoming his mistress. At the very top of the stairs he stopped and took a breath. The dim light barely reached this far up and he squinted as he stepped towards the peeling attic door.

‘Lisette, Lisette let me in. I did everything all wrong and I must apologise,’ Evander said through the door before he knocked. ‘Please Lisette, let me in.’ He waited with his ear against the door but could hear no movement from within. Again he knocked, this time louder and with a bit more force.

‘Lisette, it’s me, Evander. Let me in, I need to speak with you.’ The sound of heels clicking across a wooden floor emanated from behind the door. The key turned in the lock and the door cracked open. ‘Lisette, I was a fool... I... Oh, Madame Devoré... I’m sorry to disturb you.’

The door opened a little wider and Marie Devoré appeared in its threshold.

‘Lord Gainswith, the hour is late and Lisette has retired for the evening.’

‘Forgive me, Madame, but I must see her.’

‘I’m sorry, my lord but she does not wish to see you. Perhaps you can try again tomorrow...at a decent hour.’ She stood in his way like a turret wall and just as impregnable. ‘Or catch her before the performance tomorrow.’

‘It is important, I must beg her forgiveness,’ Evander said as he stepped closer, but Madame Devoré held up her hand.

‘
Non
monsieur, she will not come. I do not know what you said but Lisette is heartbroken and refuses to speak to you. Perhaps tomorrow. Try again tomorrow.’

The word ‘heartbroken’ stabbed at his heart. ‘Please Madame, I beg you.’

But Madame Devoré shook her head. ‘
Non
. I’m sorry monsieur.’

Evander realised that pursuing the matter was useless, so he stepped back and bowed. ‘Until tomorrow then, Madame Devoré. I bid you goodnight.’ He turned and tramped back to the stairs. He heard the door shut firmly behind him and felt a wave of frustration sweep through him. If he had just been able to say sorry, if she had just seen him for a moment, he knew that she would have forgiven him. He slapped the rickety banister as he hurried down the staircase.

Outside, the street appeared to be deserted, a fine rain fell and an icy wind had begun to blow through the dirty alleys. It was dismal and bleak and reflected the entire evening. The carriage driver had been true to his word and left, leaving Evander little choice but to walk back towards the theatre. Once back on a busy thoroughfare he should be able to find another hansom cab.

It was just as well he had to walk, Evander thought as he strode down the lane. He felt annoyed, frustrated and guilt-ridden. It was as if he had a ball of energy pulsating within him, growing and looking for an escape. Maybe the walk would clear his head and settle his emotions. He had been walking only a few minutes when two long shadows ahead solidified into figures.

‘Evening, gov’. What brings a fine gentleman like yourself down here?’ He was a small man with a wiry build and his features seemed pinched together. His long hair was partially hidden by a brown cap and he wore a thin blue scarf around his neck.

Evander nodded but said nothing as he neared the pair.

‘Here, Silas. The gent is above talkin’ to the likes of us.’

Evander glanced at Silas. He was twice the size of the first man and resembled a small mountain. ‘Not at all, gentlemen. It is that I have much upon my mind. I am in a hurry but I do wish you both a good evening.’

‘Here, Silas. A proper gent after all.’ The little man stepped forward and blocked Evander’s path. He gave Evander an exaggerated bow but as he straightened up there was a sneer on his face. ‘We will wish you a nice night as well, just as soon as you hand over your billfold.’

‘I think not.’

‘Now, I don’t want this to turn...unpleasant. Just hand over your money and Silas here won’t hurt you.’

‘I’m afraid that I must decline.’

‘Shall I hit him now, Robbie?’

Robbie stepped back and gave a shrug. ‘It looks that way, Silas. Pity, it could have been a simple transaction.’

‘A transaction? What exactly am I getting out of it?’ Evander asked with a smile on his face. Perhaps he would get the chance to work off all the pent-up frustration he was feeling after all.

‘Why, you get to walk away unharmed. Here, what are you smiling at? Are you simple in the head? If you don’t give me your money Silas will take it from you. Do you wish to reconsider now?’

‘Ah, I see, but my answer is still no.’

‘Suit yourself. Silas, get me his wallet.’

Silas lumbered forward and swung a punch, one that Evander easily avoided. Evander spun around and waited patiently for the other man to turn and face him again. ‘I think you may have to move a little faster than that.’

Silas frowned. ‘’Ere… Stop dancing about and face me like a man.’

‘You seem to forget, my dear Silas — this was none of my doing. Why on earth would I stand still so you can hit me?’

‘Oh come on, Silas, get on with it. We don’t have all night,’ Robbie said as he pulled out a silver pocket watch and checked the time.

Urged on by his companion’s words, Silas lunged forward. Once again Evander dodged the incoming blow. The momentum sent Silas staggering forward and, to add insult to injury, Evander booted his backside as he went past. Silas fell to his knees on the wet cobblestones. He let out a howl of frustration as he regained his footing.

Evander felt Robbie’s hands around his neck as he tried to secure him from behind.

‘Stop playing at it, Silas. Now hurry up and —’

But Robbie didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence. Evander reached up and pulled him headfirst over his shoulder. Robbie’s back hit the ground hard, leaving him stunned.

Silas ran forward but this time Evander didn’t sidestep him. He attacked with a series of blows to the other man’s midsection. Silas managed one punch in retaliation. It caught Evander just under his cheek. It stung like the very blazers but Evander put up his guard before attacking the waning Silas again.

‘I suppose in an odd way I should thank you both,’ Evander said before he delivered the final punch, which caught Silas beneath his chin. His head snapped back and he fell as heavy as a stone onto the ground. Evander stood for a moment over the unconscious bodies of his would-be attackers. He rubbed the sting from his fist and caught his breath.

Realising the tightness in his chest had eased Evander said, ‘I believe I feel somewhat better. Here, have a drink on me… I believe you both may need it.’ He reached into his pocket, took out a couple of coins and dropped them on Robbie’s chest. Then, without another glance, he walked down the alley.

Evander’s mind raced as he strode unseeing down the lanes and the roads. He relived his careless words and how Lisette had refused to see him, and paid little attention to where he was heading. To his surprise he found himself outside the Hearth Fire. He opened the door and a wave of heat swirled about him. It was nearly deserted. Evander sat down at the nearest table and took out his pocket watch. It was almost midnight on the worst day of his life.

Hans shuffled forward and placed a bottle of wine next to Evander.

‘What have you done?’

‘Made a fool of myself and hurt Lisette.’ Evander ran his hands through his hair.

‘And that?’ Hans pointed to Evander’s face. ‘I suppose Lisette gave you that?’

Evander wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. There was a smear of blood. ‘No, I had an altercation.’ He reached for the bottle and took a swig. The red wine was heavy and rich as it splashed down his throat.

‘Ah, I see.’ Hans sat down across the table. ‘Would you tell me what happened?’

‘I’m an ass. I didn’t think and in my haste to secure Lisette, I turned into the type of man I vowed I wasn’t. She wants nothing to do with me, and she is in her rights.’

‘But what did you do?’

‘I asked her to be my mistress. And unless I marry her she will not see me again.’

‘And you resent this?’

‘No, but it is impossible. My family would... I mean, my father would wipe his hands of me.’

Hans leaned over and took the bottle. He was silent for a moment before taking a sip. ‘So you are concerned about money and your father?’ he asked.

‘No, it’s just that I am expected to act a certain way, fall in line and do what they want me to. Just like my brother, I would be expected to make a good match with a girl of similar standing. Money has nothing to do with it.’

‘Do you love her?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then my little lord, you must ask yourself if you truly love Lisette. If, as you say, the answer is yes, then you must stand up and make a decision. Lisette needs a man not a boy, especially a boy who bends to his father’s whims. Be the man who will stand up and say “this is what I want. This is who I am.” Be the man I hope you are.’ Hans stood up and stepped away from the table. ‘Now, I will get you some food, while you think upon my words.’

But as Hans disappeared into the kitchen, Evander stood up and left the Hearth Fire.

He already knew what he had to do.

Lisette stirred as the pale light of dawn shone through her window. She had tossed and turned most of the night. Her throat hurt and her eyes were dry and irritated. She lay in her narrow bed and stared at the lightening sky. Evander had hurt her more than she wanted to admit. Her heart ached as she thought of the night before. She had been so certain that he loved her, so certain that their story would be so different from others in the theatre. But she was wrong. Evander had treated her like all men treated the girls in the theatre: flippantly. She had asked him not to leave her heartbroken but he had. She may not have given her body to him, but she had given her heart and now it was in shredded ribbons, bleeding upon the worn stage.

She closed her eyes and prayed that sleep would claim her again. If she slept, perhaps Evander would not invade her dreams, and she would have a little peace. She felt fragile and worn out and wondered how she would be able to dance tonight. She wondered if she could remember how to breathe.

Lisette was surrounded by a pale warm light. She was lying in Evander’s arms safe and comforted. She could feel the strong beat of his heart beneath her hand and she knew that she had found the place she truly belonged. A dark storm blew up on the horizon, it travelled swiftly towards the lovers and Lisette held on to Evander as they were lashed with wind and rain. Lightning cracked above her and the wind swirled about them, lifting them up into the air. She tried to hold onto Evander’s hand but the wind was too strong, it broke the lovers apart and carried Evander away. She screamed his name and reached out but she felt herself falling through the air towards the hard and barren ground.