Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1) (17 page)

Chapter 19

I spent the next few days dealing with an emotional Addy, who was now prone to random outbursts, most of which seemed to include me and a vampire, a werewolf, and a bed. She’d been pretty singular in her focus since I’d updated her with everything I knew about Jaeden and Lachlan and everyday took a gigantic effort and exercise in patience to get her off the subject of vampires and werewolves, and back to her duties. I also had her swear not to discuss it outside of my room where others would hear her or discuss the subject with any member of our resident wolf pack. The last thing I needed was the others freaking or doing something stupid like lashing out at Lachlan or his men.

It had been a trying time for both of us and I knew Addy had been missing her parents and she was far more affected by the bodies in her home than she was letting on. Then there was the discovery I made in my dad’s room that left me angry, frustrated, and confused. After finding the disturbing tapes and papers in my mother’s office, I broke into my father’s room this morning and found a concept map on his wall, the entire wall. He had my picture on top of his concept map, and then pictures of my mother, and some of the people she worked with. There were also pictures of my brother, my friends, and many others. All of them laced with red yarn that connected them together like a web of some sort. I’d been sitting in his room for hours just trying to make sense of it.

The question marks doodled with a sharpie above the pictures of some of the people we’d allowed inside the shelter bothered me. I’d listened to the tapes more, only to feel nauseated as they progressed. The truth was ugly, and hard to swallow. What was said in my mother’s own voice rocked my little sheltered world. She’d known about Rh Viridae, and knew it was going to be put into play.

She kept saying I needed to be ready, but ready for what? She spoke of Lycans—the pure bred werewolves—as well as the rogues. She had known other creatures existed, and that Newport would be the most likely gathering point if the two came to an all-out confrontation. She’d explained how it had been chosen as a stronghold because it was a tactical place and easily held if the need arose.

She barely mentioned my brother and hardly anything about my father. She was fixated on me, and that I become what was needed. I sounded more like a science project than a child she’d loved. I hated that it played with my head, and left a bone-deep coldness inside of me that no heat could warm.

I was numb, and my brain kept telling me it wasn’t true, but the tapes were real. I could hear us playing in the room next to her office, and Dad calling her name from the other room during the playback. She’d been planning this for a long time. The word Sentinel kept coming up, as if it was a badge of honor,
her
badge of honor to be exact. I couldn’t tell if it was some sort of club or cult she secretly belonged to.

My entire life had been a lie. She had admitted to taking Sentinel lovers with the best genetic markings to father her children. According to what my mother said in the recordings, neither Grayson nor I had belonged to her husband. The man we called Dad. He’d been nothing more than a cover for her secondary life. She had mentioned multiple encounters with one Sentinel that she described as exceptionally strong when she became pregnant with me and she had hoped to have him be part of the potential daddy-pool for Grayson; however her group had lost contact with him and another donor had been substituted. I was experiencing an emotional information overload. I’d hidden the tapes beneath the mattress in my father’s room, and left them there.

I was just heading to the media room to follow up on the supply group’s reports for the day when Grayson caught my eye. He would be devastated if he ever found out about the tapes and what they said.

“Emma, you look sad,” Grayson said as he approached me.

“I’m not sad,” I lied. I was devastated, but I was also pissed.

“Oh, I thought you were sad because Addy left us.”

“What?” I asked confused. She hadn’t left; last I’d seen her this morning, she’d been on a full-blown immortality kick. Which I’d told her was crap. Hadn’t she watched the same movies I had? Immortality came with a heavy price. Usually ending with death in some horrifying way. Common sense said it was just a bad idea.

There it was. Addy had more than likely left the safety of the shelter to try and talk one of the vamps into giving her immortality. They’d give her something all right, probably more than she bargained for, and probably take a little sip while they were at it. Freaking great! I mentally pulled up my big girl panties and smiled even though I didn’t feel like it. “Grayson, you know how Addy is. Sometimes she just needs a little space. We stopped by her house a few days ago. It probably reminded her of how she lost them.”

“She has us, and I’m not stupid, Emma; she likes some stupid boy. You girls are seriously weird.”

I blinked at Grayson and wondered when the hell he’d grown up. His hair needed a cut, and his eyes seemed sharper. He was no longer the child I’d been pretending he was. Somewhere between me trying to shelter him and keep him safe, he’d been growing up and I’d been missing it. I felt my heart as it clenched with the simple loss that could never be filled.

“When did you get so wise?” I asked with a sad smile.

“I told you I could help out, Emma. I’m not a child anymore.”

“I’m your sister,” I whispered as my mother’s words played through my mind. “It’s my job to protect you and keep you protected.”

“Smothered isn’t the same thing and you know it; that’s what I loved about Dad, he didn’t smother or shelter me. Besides, he’s dead. It’s my turn to protect you,” he snapped.

“Grayson,” I said as a single tear slid down my cheek. My heart shattered as my eyes filled up. He may have grown up, but he was still young and he certainly wasn’t strong enough for what I was dealing with. I barely could deal with it.

“It’s true, Emma. He left and he’s been gone too long. He wouldn’t leave us like this; he’d come back for us.”

“He left you with me, and he knows I’d give my life to protect you. He left us with training and weapons. Enough to keep us protected, and enough food to feed us for a while, not that it would feed the masses we’d brought in after he left. We don’t know that he’s dead. There were a lot of calls for help, and you know how he is. He wouldn’t leave anyone behind. Not if he could find a way to bring them.”

“Stop lying to me! I’m smart enough to listen to the whispers. He’s dead, Emma; dead and he’s never coming back!” he yelled before he turned and stormed away from me. I swallowed a sob as I watched his retreating back.

“He could still be alive,” Maggie said softly from behind me. I wasn’t sure how much she’d overheard, or why she chose now to speak, but her words seemed as hollow to me as mine must have had sounded to Grayson.

“No, Grayson is right. He would have contacted us. He would have moved mountains to let us know he was alive. He’s out there, dead. I just hope he was given a proper burial. He kept us alive, my father…” I paused as the voice from the recording played in my ear. He wasn’t my dad. The man who’d stood beside me and raised us to survive wasn’t my father. “…My father is dead.”

He may not have been my blood, but he was my father. He’d taught me to know the difference between a boy and a man. A boy could make a child, but it took a man to raise them. I shared DNA with some stranger—well two, if you counted my traitorous, murderous mother. She’d been a part of the virus, not directly, but she’d kept it secret when it shouldn’t have been.

I squared my shoulders and leveled Maggie with a steady gaze. “I’m going to find Addy, who seems to have run off. She had a little scare the other day, and I think it’s got her upset. Grayson said she left a little while ago, but I should be able to find her. Keep a watch on my brother?”

“You know I will, Emma. You don’t have to ask me,” she said with a comforting smile on her face.

“Thanks,” I said as I headed to my room to redress, and grab a bug-out bag. It was getting dark outside and I needed it in case I got stuck outside for the night. “Lock the shelter down by ten, if I haven’t returned by then, I’ll find a place to pass the night.”

“Be safe,” she said as she placed her hand gently on my shoulder.

“Always am,” I breathed as I pulled away and closed the door.

I undressed quickly, and redressed in black. I had on loose fitting fatigues, with the Kevlar vest a hoodie tunic T-shirt that had a skull on it. My mind was on those damn tapes, and how Grayson would react to them. I slipped on the lightweight boots and stood up to do a check of my weapons.

They needed to be cleaned, but with everything going on, I’d been neglecting them. I tied my hair in a tight bun and hid it beneath the hooded shirt, and reached for the mask. I’d been leaving it off when going out lately, but my gut told me to bring it along.

I pulled on the bug-out bag and left the shelter with a heavy heart, knowing I’d have to face Jaeden, and ask him to
not
make my best friend immortal. In the movies, vampires were always reluctant to sire humans, but these vampires were nothing like the ones in books and movies, so who knew what they would do? Just being around Jaeden and some of the guys, my imagination was a pretty fertile place to imagine all sorts of wild scenarios.

I left the shelter without looking back. After the scene with the people at Addy’s house, Lachlan and his men had come back to the shelter to grab equipment and then left to scout for any signs of new rogue packs in or around Newport. I wished he was here right now, because Addy seemed to have a thing for him, and might not have run to the vamps without speaking to him first. Jaeden hinted that the werewolves were immortal too, so she might have paid more attention to him than she ever would me.

The walk to the estate was tedious, and surprisingly silent. It wasn’t until I reached the border of the woods and stepped into the clearing that the night came alive. I watched as men and women danced, and played around the leaping flames from the torches that surrounded the estate and tent city that had sprung up around it.

Were they serious? A friggin’ party? Music pumped through several speakers while some of the people ground their bodies together, in perfect sync with the pulsating beat. I wondered how many of these people were vampires and how many were humans that they had collected and travelled with them. Jaeden mentioned a while ago that he had over three hundred and fifty men and I wasn’t sure that was still the case as there seemed to be a lot more people here than that. There was a beautiful blonde that was currently in front of Jaeden, scantily dressed with her hips swaying seductively. My heart clenched as I took in the way he watched her.

The pair had history, and even from where I stood, I could feel it. His eyes were hooded as he silently watched her. It took every ounce of willpower I had to tear my eyes from them to look for Addy. I mean I get it, he was a hot-blooded male, and she was Barbie on steroids. I was just me; nothing special, nothing compared to her blonde perfection.

I stepped from the bushes and felt them before I saw them. Sven smiled with a wicked grin as I pulled off my mask.

“Emma, did you come to donate for the party?” he asked good-naturedly as he moved in even closer. His bright blonde hair was left long tonight with some of it pulled into a small herringbone braids at the sides of his head.

“Hardly,” I said, “I seemed to have misplaced my best friend.”

“Mmm, the sweet blonde,” he said as he licked his lips suggesting that he knew her better than he should. “She’s very enchanting, that one is.”

“Where is she?” I demanded.

“Last I saw, she had Bjorn and Aydan in one of the tents,” he said, and turned to leave me standing at the edge of the woods.

I marched across the clearing, ignoring the looks I was getting for crashing the party. So help me, if she was offering sex for immortality, I was going to slap her. I made it about twenty feet before a large man stepped in front of me. He was about the same build as Jaeden, if a little taller, with shoulder length black hair and startling blue eyes. He was beautiful and yet the sharpness in his eyes told me he was so much more than just a pretty face.

“Mademoiselle,” he said as he caught my hand and kissed it. “Such beauty,” he said as a wicked smile spread across his face.

I turned to catch Jaeden watching us as the Barbie continued her bump and hump the pole routine. I turned back to the black haired man who I assumed was a vamp and smiled. “Thanks, but I’m only here to find my friend and leave.”

“Please, stay and drink with me,” he said with a sparkle in his eyes. I was sure he’d left hundreds of hearts broken in his wake. He had player written across his forehead.

“I’m flattered—”

“Raphael,” Jaeden’s voice said from behind me. I hadn’t even seen him move, but a quick glance to where the pumped up Barbie stood glaring directly at me proved he had. She took long angry strides in my direction, which made my heart increase its rate, and once again I backed close to Jaeden for protection without knowing it until I was pressed against him.

“I have something that belongs to you,” Jaeden whispered against my ear. “Come with me if you want it back,” he said. I didn’t wait; I turned and left Raphael and blondie watching us as we left them.

“You shouldn’t have come here, Emma,” Jaeden growled once we were out of earshot of the others, at least I hoped it was and wondered how far they could hear.

“Addy is here; you should have expected me.”

“I wasn’t aware that you knew she had slipped out, much less that you would think of looking here first.”

“Addy’s been on a tear about you guys for the past few days, so it was a good guess that she was probably here.”

“And you came to beg me not to change her into the monster I am?” He raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Pretty much,” I shrugged.

“What would you give me to keep her mortal?”

“Are you bartering with Addy’s life?” I snapped angrily.

“I’m not a good person, and I want you. I’m willing to play the bad guy as long as it ends with you at my mercy,” he murmured in my ear, his nose slightly grazing my neck.

I snorted. “So you want me in your bed helplessly chained, and Addy stays human?” The mental picture made heat form in my limbs which traveled directly to my pussy. Oh yeah, I was a slut around him.

“Yes. That’s exactly what I want.”

“So basically you want me, in exchange for my best friend?” I asked as he held me locked against his body uncaring of who was watching us now.

“If you actually think you can barter sex for my best friend, that makes you a monster. Not the fact that you’re a vampire.”