Deathless & Divided (The Chicago War #1) (31 page)

Lily turned on her heel, needing to get away from that vehicle and what it all meant. She didn’t make it very far. The grinder shut off just as she took her first few steps. She heard a muffled curse before the familiar voice became a hell of a lot clearer.

“Lily?”

No.

Why?

Everything inside screamed those two simple words. Nothing was right. Everything was so terribly wrong and foul.

Lily spun on her heel in the dewy grass. “Why?”

Damian dropped the welding mask to the cement floor of the building. “Lily—”

“Why is that here?” she interrupted, her voice barely breaking a whisper.

“It’s nothing, Lily.”

Lily scoffed, dark and hateful. “Right. It’s
nothing
. Tell me that’s not the vehicle used in the Trentini shooting. Tell me that!”

Damian didn’t look away as he said, “I can’t.”

“Because it is.”

“Yes,” he confirmed quietly.

Lily’s heart broke all over again. “
Why
?”

“Dino—”

No, Lily didn’t want to hear that, either. She turned toward the house and bolted as fast as she could away from Damian. The sound of the tool he’d been holding echoed with a bang as he dropped it to the cement floor.

“Lily!”

What had her brother done? That vehicle could only mean one thing. Dino had a hand in the shooting. He’d nearly killed her in the process. And Damian … he was helping to dispose of the evidence. Damian knew, too.

Oh, God.

Memories and things Lily had overlooked flew into her mind one after the other. Whispered conversations and offhanded remarks made by Dino or even Damian at times.

“This shit happens.”

“Right now we have to focus on keeping what is important safe, which I thought someone already understood that.”

“She was safe, man.”

“Someday, she might actually understand.”

“Which side are you on?”

“My side, of course.”

“Obviously someone is out to prove a point with someone else in the Outfit …”

“… sometimes it’s better to bide your time, little one. Not everything is black and white.”

There was so much. Too much. Lily, blind and dumb to her brother and his schemes, had passed over everything without so much as a question.

Then, there was Damian. That probably hurt her the very most. She’d spent a great deal of the last day in Damian’s bed. Her body could still feel the aftereffects of their lovemaking hours after it had ended. Damian touched her like he cared, like he wanted her. He’d made her believe that.

How much of it was nothing but lies?

Had that been a part of whatever plans Dino had, too?

Bile rose in the back of her throat the closer she came to the house. Fresh, hot tears streaked down her cheeks. Nothing had ever felt quite as hurtful before. Betrayal stung on her tongue, making her sicker than ever.

“Lily, just wait,” Damian said.

She’d almost made it to the steps but he caught her first. Damian’s hands, ones she let touch and learn her body, grabbed onto her wrists and spun her around fast to face him. The moment he released her, she swung at him with all her might. Her palm connected with his cheek, the crack reverberating across the nearly silent backyard. Damian tensed and snapped back from her like he was worried she might smack him again.

“You fucking asshole!” Lily shouted, letting the tears fall freely. “You lied to me!”

Damian licked the spot of blood from his bottom lip and rubbed at his jaw. “Fuck, you’ve got a mighty swing.”

Lily held back her scream of frustration. “You’re lucky it was just the one.”

“Don’t hit me again.”

“I beg your pardon? Where in the hell do you get off telling me anything after what I just saw you doing?”

Damian took a step forward, closer to Lily. She backed up one, needing the space. “Just like I said. Don’t hit me again. I’ve never hit you. I would never hit you. Don’t hit me.”

Lily’s sobs caught in her throat, choking her. “Where is my brother?”

“Gone. He got a call from Tommas an hour ago. Riley finally retaliated. The Rossi crew took a mighty hit. Terrance wanted the men to gather and discuss what they were going to do from here on out.”

She didn’t give a damn.

“You lied to me.”

Damian shook his head. “I have never lied.”

“Oh, really?” Lily pointed at the shell of a vehicle Damian had been working on. “What do you call that? All of the stuff that’s been happening, you’ve been doing that. You knew and didn’t tell me. My friend’s mother and your own cousin! You’re a sneaky, lying—”

Damian stepped forward, clamped a hand over Lily’s mouth, and grabbed her tight. “Hush. I did not do all of it. In fact, I did very fucking little. The only thing I did do was keep you safe while it was happening. Goddamn, Lily, stop it and listen to me.”

She struggled in his hold, mumbling curses and anything else she could think to spew at him. She didn’t want him touching her or near her. There was no excuse or reason worthy for what was happening around them. Nothing would ever justify useless blood spilling or the heartache of others.

“Listen to me,” Damian demanded.

“Fuck you,” Lily spat, finally getting her face away from his hand.

“Lily, please listen to me!”

Lily bit his palm. Damian shouted his pain, jerking back away from Lily. She took the chance to put more distance between them. From the top of her head all the way down to her toes, she trembled in her rage.

“I was there,” Lily hissed.

Damian nodded. “I know.”

“I was there, Damian! For the shooting, I watched those people … Was that part of the plan, too?”

“No one would look to Dino if you or Theo were at the locations when the scenes went down.”

Locations?

Locations
!

“More than one?” Lily asked, feeling like the air was being squeezed from her chest.

Damian’s cool demeanor didn’t change as a million and one emotions washed through Lily. His statement clearly implied more than one. The only other incident Lily had been involved with was the restaurant shooting when Mia died.

The vague conversation and passing looks shared between Damian and Dino when Lily arrived home after the shooting rammed into her mind with an almost painful quality. It taunted her.

How could you not know?

How did you not see?

“He didn’t,” Lily whispered.

“Yes,” Damian said quietly.

“My God! Eve’s mother—”

“Was a mistake,” Damian interjected quickly. “Dino aimed high, meaning to hit above the heads at the table just to get some shit stirring and questions being asked. He wanted a fuss kicked up and some suspicion inside the Outfit, nothing more. Mia must have been standing when he did the drive-by. Laurent, too. It makes sense considering Serena’s spiel. Maybe the argument continued after we left the table.”

Was that supposed to help Lily?

It didn’t!

“Riley focused in on the Poletti boy’s death and wouldn’t let that go,” Damian explained. “He took the shooting as retaliation on Terrance. It grew from there. Dino went with it. It was never supposed to get this big.”

“You texted him that day,” Lily said, remembering that fact.

Damian’s jaw tensed. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Exactly for the reason I already told you when you asked that day. To let him know we were leaving and I would be bringing you home.”

“So I could be there, but not actually
be
there, right?” Lily asked, hatred swelling up in her heart.

“Yes,” Damian said softly.

“I was your pawn. Dino’s, too. That’s all this ever was. And that night. You knew how heartbroken and hurt I was for Eve and over what happened, and I let you fuck me. You used the place I was in to get me into bed, you asshole.”

“Absolutely not,” Damian growled.

“Liar,” she said, waving a hand at him. “You’re just like Dino. You’re aiming for one place and you’re going to use everybody else’s backs to step on while you get there. Mine will not be one you break in the process, Damian Rossi.”

“Stop!” Damian shouted.

The word slammed Lily straight in the chest, threatening to send her emotions spilling over again. She couldn’t handle this.

“I did not know it was going to be this bad but yes, I knew Dino had plans,” Damian continued, not giving her the chance to breathe or think. “Certain people—he wanted them gone. I did that, yes. I helped, yes. But shit happened. Instead of only looking at the men inside the Outfit when the restaurant mess happened like Dino wanted, Riley focused outside. Nobody planned for that. Nobody thought of that. It just kept getting bigger.

“I owed your brother my life and he asked for that payment in the form of a marriage to you. He wanted your safety and your happiness to be my payment. That meant I needed to do anything—everything—I could to get you to that place.”

“I am not happy!” Lily cried. “I am heartbroken. I am …
disgusted
.”

Damian recoiled, pain flickering in his blue eyes. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. After everything, all the bullshit you’ve fed to me, I hate you.”

“It is not true. You can’t hate the things you love, Lily.”

Lily’s felt her entire body flinch inward, reacting to his words and the truth hidden inside them. It only made everything so much worse that she had somehow fallen in love with this dangerous, dark man. Because she hadn’t known anything about him at all. She’d taken the bits and pieces he gave for what they were, she trusted him in his actions and words … she thought he cared.

He clearly hadn’t cared about her. Not at all.

But her heart still swelled and pounded, wanting Damian. Lily hated that she couldn’t control that reaction because he didn’t deserve it from her. None of it.

“Too much,” Lily managed to force out. “This is too much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not. All you did was lie to me. You made me think you gave a damn; you made me believe you wanted me. The only thing you wanted was to use me.”

“That’s not true,” Damian said, anger heating his tone. “I agreed—”

“To marry me because of my brother! You never would have looked twice at me otherwise,” Lily said, practically screaming at him. “God, Damian, just admit it. For once, tell me the truth!”

“I have never lied to you. I omitted facts because you didn’t ask.”

“I never asked the right questions; that’s what you’re dancing around,” Lily said, scoffing. “All that means is you’re nothing more than a fucking liar, Damian. Is the marriage arrangement even real or was that another one of Dino’s distractions?”

The look on Damian’s face said it all.

The marriage was real.

Lily couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t stand there looking at the man who had done nothing but lie to her over and over; a man who had used her for his own gain and who she was still expected to marry.

“I hate you,” Lily said, needing to hurt Damian like he hurt her. “I hate you so much.”

“Lily—”

Lily spun on her heel before Damian could get another word in edgewise. She heard him move toward her as she bolted for the back steps again. Why he couldn’t just leave her alone, she didn’t know.

Damian caught her just a few steps later. His hand snagged her flimsy sleep shirt and pulled, making her slip on the wet grass. Lily stumbled at the surprise move, falling to the dew covered grass. Damian tried to catch her but ended up on the ground, too.

Angry, hurting, and more confused than ever, Lily rolled to her back and kicked at him. She struck out at him with her fists, shouting every hateful thing she could think to say and spit. All of the pain crushing her heart with a dreadful weight came out in a vomit of words and tears. 

“I hate you,” she repeated, tasting the saltiness of tears on her lips. “You used the things about me that hurt me, the things you knew would get to me—my parents, the Outfit—you used all of it to get closer to me. All the shit you said to me was nothing more than bullshit. I should have known better than to think you gave a damn. Men like you don’t know how to care about anything but yourself. You are a bastard! You made me think you wanted me. You’re a monster. I hate you!”

Stop,” Damian said, keeping her pinned under his body on the ground. “Please just stop, Lily.”

Lily struggled in Damian’s hold as his hands cupped her jaw firmly and didn’t let go. She refused to listen to whatever he had to say, so she kept fighting him the more he held her down. Her fingernails scored into his cheek, drawing blood. Damian flinched in response, wincing. He never once tried to strike her back. Instead, he continued holding onto her face before he forced her head back, making her stare at him. Her eyes filled with tears all over again, streaking down her cheeks for him to see.

“Let me go!” Lily cried.

“Not until you listen to me,” Damian muttered.

With his body on top of hers, barricading her to the wet and cold grass, Lily couldn’t get away. Her flats had fallen off and her shorts and shirt were soaked from rolling around on the ground. She was pretty sure her hair was a goddamn mess, too. She wished she could care.

Lily felt Damian’s thumbs sweep over her cheekbones as if to wipe away the tears. He couldn’t possibly take them away because the flood kept on coming. Every breath she took was accompanied by a sob that ached deep inside her chest.

“Do you like this, huh?” Lily asked, taunting him. “Do you like my tears, Damian? They’re all for you this time!”

Damian’s teeth bared. “You know I don’t.”

“I don’t know anything about you.”

“You know everything that’s important,” he replied quietly. “Anything I’ve said and all the things you know, those are important to me.”

“Lies,” Lily mumbled.

“Facts.”

“Asshole.”

“Maybe,” Damian agreed. “Maybe I am. I told you once that my motives were wrapped up entirely in you and that was the truth. The things that mattered to you, the people who might hurt you or the shit holding you back—I wanted to fix that for you. I never lied to you.”